Beast

Moll is a 27 year old woman still living with her parents on the Channel island of Jersey. They treat her differently because of a mistake in her past and this treatment leads other's in the community to look differently on her too. A chance encounter with fellow outcast Pascal leads to her coming out of her shell and finally she feels strong enough to vent a lifetime's worth of frustration. However, her family and the people on the island don't look so kindly on Pascal or his newfound relationship with her because of other sinister goings on around the locale.

I really liked this. It's a dark and intense and bleak tale of young love that just brims with atmosphere and foreboding. It feels like a pared down ITV miniseries like Broadchurch or Shetlands and I mean that in a good way. This film gives us all the goodness of one of those shows without any of the extraneous padding. Writer/Director Michael Pearce populates the film with intriguing characters that feel real (everyone will recognise a wagon like Jess's mam) and takes the story in directions a lot different than you might have expected if you've seen the Terence Malick-esque trailer. I love it when you haven't a bulls notion of which way a story will proceed. It's refreshing. And refreshingly strange. In a year chock a block with blockbusters it's great to see smaller films like this still being made.

Pearce also finds a strange beauty in the island of Jersey too. It's not a place you see pop up in film or TV very often apart from repeats of feckin Bergerac and Pearce utilises it's unique charms to the max. The odd accents will definitely throw you off balance. It's England but its not. At times it looks like a menacing shadowy place and then minutes later it takes on the look of an idyllic getaway by the Aegean sea . One beautiful moment of the young couple embracing on a rocky outcrop makes them look like the only people on earth. 

Island life regardless of the surroundings is strange though. We see the effects insular communities have on the people within them especially young people who struggle to find outlets for their frustration. How they create oddly intense relationships and how small populations and the lack of romantic opportunities affect folk. We see how living butted up against each other creates an unhealthily close knit clique who will always react badly to anyone they see as an intruder. And Pascal's intentions towards Moll are definitely seen as that.

Jessie Buckley as Moll is immense and watching her change as the story unfolds is very affecting. From a tightly wound adult treated like a child to a primal screaming force of nature her transformation is a pretty stunning watch. Little things like speaking back or standing up for herself and even to the way she makes love to her fella. Details that all add up and pay off perfectly as the film comes to a close. Johnny Flynn as Pascal is an odd presence. Pascal has been away from the mainstream of life for too long and Flynn does well showing how it's damaged him. Hygiene is a thing of no importance and normal conversation is a struggle. A cringe making dinner scene with Moll's family will have you on the edge of your seat even though it's just words being thrown about. Dialogue can be as painful as any violence in the right hands.

This is dark. It won't be for everyone and a couple of jarring moments might leave some people unsatisfied but if you are looking for something a little bit unusual this should hit the spot for you. It's a different kind of love story.

Out now on dvd/blu-ray. 

I want to see a new film made about the Mary Celeste

The tale of the Mary Celeste is one of the most infamous and eerie ocean tales ever. It's a story ripe for retelling and amazingly there's only been one film ever made about it which was 83 years ago by Hammer productions. I'd love to see a new take on the story.

On the 5th of December 1872 the Mary Celeste was enroute to Genoa from New York City when she was found floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, just off the Azores.  The crew of the Canadian ship Dei Gratia spotted her stalled in the water and decided to board her only to find a very unsettling scene altogether. The ship was completely empty, not a sinner on board. There were very little signs of disturbance apart from one stain that may have been blood but no missing cargo, nothing to suggest the ship had come under attack or that the crew onboard had come to any harm. It was in a slightly disheveled state with some odd marks on the hull and a lifeboat was missing but other than that the whole situation was a perplexing one. Personal belongings lay in the rooms of their owners, important provisions sat in larders including barrels of oil and alcohol, things that would never have been left behind had the crew evacuated to another ship or had they been raided. The ship's log was found and the last entry and position had been 9 days before. But shipping experts of the time say there was no way an unmanned ship could have made it from there to were it was found. It just was not possible. To top it all off none of the reported crew onboard was ever seen again.

What happened?? Who the hell knows. And this makes it a story that bulges with cinematic possibility. There are so many directions a film about the Mary Celeste could take. Was another ship involved? Was it an inside job? Did everyone on board lose the plot due to alcohol fumes rising from the hold below decks which was an actual hypothesis. Did one person kill them all?? You could have a tension packed film inspired by Agatha Christie's 10 Little Indian's. People being picked off one by one by someone unknown, everyone suspicious of each other, the enemy within. It's a story that's been done before in films like The Thing and D-Tox and TV shows like The X-Files but the maritime setting could make it unique.

Other theories put forth over the years are freak nature events. Waterspouts, sea beasts, giant waves, seaquakes, a rogue iceberg that sent the crew running for the lifeboat. This could turn the story into a disaster movie. Everyone loves a disaster movie. Master And Commander meets Twister maybe? A 19th century take on The Posideon Adventure? One theory was the ship was attacked by a giant squid who plucked the crew members off the ship one by one. This one came about because the marks on the hull could feasibly have come from suckers on tentacles. Ridiculously far fetched but it could make for a good scary monster movie.

Other theories were even more outlandish. Alien abductions for one! Remember the end of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind when we saw people returning off the alien ship who had been missing for decades. This could be an origin story for some of those people. 19th century sailors in space. Haha imagine it. Another bonkers theory was one about the sailors somehow stumbling across the lost city of Atlantis. That's a ready made movie right there. 19th New York sailors in a mythical city. Who wouldn't want to watch that?

The possibilities with this are endless. It's too interesting of a story to let lie. It's a licence to go wild with the only story constraints being the writer's imagination and of course the few facts we have. I hope we see some story about it onscreen someday, be it horror, thriller, psychological drama, whatever.

One suggestion though. Jason Statham as the boat's captain. Then you're on a winner.

Frankie Faison - Another unsung hero of film and TV

How many people can boast they started their career doing Shakespeare onstage alongside the voice of Darth Vader? Not very many tbh. Frankie Faison can and it was a hell of a way to start a career that's just gotten better and better with age. He's an instantly recognisable and welcome presence in any film or TV show requiring a touch of authority or lately a sage father figure. 

He's been in both erotic feline thrillers from acclaimed directors and ropey soft porn titles. Fought off cannibalistic human underground dwellers and been murdered by New York city vigilantes. He's worked with both iterations of Hannibal Lecter and been the police commissioner of one of America's most drug wrecked cities. Been both a shifty foreman working on a creaky old mansion owned by Tom Hanks & Shelley Long and a scumbag gunned down by Edward Woodward. He's been ran down by a lorry possessed by a comet and a landlord to Prince Akeem of Zamunda. He's the man who investigated both Thomas Crown and the Wayan's brothers in whiteface. In 1988 and 1989 he turned up in two blistering cinematic looks at America's race problems and the following year he turned up in a sci-fi with Mick Jagger that's still one of the worst films of the 90's. Just a few highlights of a 4 decade long career career that's transitioned from stage to film/tv to Netflix with ease.  Check it out here

Greatest hits

The Wire. Ervin Burrell. A man with a very thankless job who'd rather play a quick 9 than deal with the G packs clogging up the streets of his city. Climbs the chain of command over 5 years before it all crashes spectacularly. A great performance.

Banshee. Sugar Bates. The owner of the most violent bar in the town of Banshee. Very handy with his fists.

Silence Of The Lambs/Hannibal/ Red Dragon - Nurse Barney. The only actor aside from Anthony Hopkins to appear in all 3 films and the only one to appear in Manhunter too, which was remade as Red Dragon. A fine claim to fame.

Luke Cage. Pop Hunter. The best barber north of 110th street and one of the most respected men in Harlem.

Previous heroes

Conchata Ferrell
Dick Miller
Veronica Cartwright
Edie McClurg
Barry Shabaka Henley           
Raymond Cruz                        
Reg E.Cathey                          
Elizabeth McGovern               
John Amos                              
Bruce Greenwood                  
Mary McDonnell                     
Gerald McSorley                       
John Rothman                        
Margo Martindale                   
Kurtwood Smith                     
Paula Malcolmson                 
Luis Guzman                          
David Morse                           
Linda Hunt                              
Keith David                             
Zeljko Ivanek
Fiona Shaw
Xander Berkeley
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
C.C.H Pounder
William Forsythe
Beth Grant
Sven-Ole Thorsen
Regina King
Ric Young
Mark Rolston
Illeana Douglas
Jeanette Goldstein
Al Leong
Allan Graf
Bill Nunn
Thomas Rosales Jr

11 films worth watching on TV this week

Monster's Ball   Sat   18/8   RTE2 @ 22.55

A bigoted white prison guard falls in love with a black waitress in the American south and an unknown past connection makes things even more twisted for them. A desperately grim film but a beautifully acted one about the horrors of racism, inherited hate and fatherhood. Stunning performances from Halle Berry, Billy Bob Thornton and the much missed Heath Ledger. 

Tears Of The Sun   Sat   18/8   Dave @ 21.00

When civil war in Nigeria threatens a medical outpost, a group of Navy seals are sent in to save the missionaries working there but find themselves the saviours of a much larger group. Antoine Fuqua's 2003 thriller is brutally violent and rather cliched in places but it's a sobering look at conflicts that are mostly ignored in the western world. Bruce Wills, Eamonn Walker, Cole Hauser and Monica Belluci all do well.

The Missouri Breaks   Sun   19/8   ITV4 @ 23.00

A dark, strange and blackly comic western starring Jack Nicholson as a rustler who steals both the livestock and the daughter of a rancher and Marlon Brando as the regulator hired to kill him. Violent, funny and surreal with a seriously satisfying and bizarre turn from Marlon Brando as a character you will love to hate. Nicholson as always rocks. harry Dean Stanton & Frederic Forrest in support are reliable as always.

World Trade Centre   Mon   20/8   TG4 @ 21.30

Two Port Authority policeman find themselves fighting for their lives on the morning of September the 11th 2001 when the Twin Towers collapse on them after a terrorist attack. A terrifyingly intimate portrayal of a day we'll all remember forever. Not for anyone of a claustrophobic disposition. Nicholas Cage and Michael Peña both do an excellent job of portraying everyday heroes.

Maniac   Mon   20/8    The Horror Channel @ 22.45

Frank owns a mannequin shop. Frank's a strange guy. Frank gets even stranger when a young artist asks for his help and dark desires come bubbling to the surface. Elijah Wood stars in remake of the infamous 1980 original and turns in a genuinely creepy performance in this unsettling, surreal and at times nauseating look at the madness bubbling around inside the minds of men.

Wish You Were Here   Tues   21/8   Film4 @ 00.50 

A teenage girl in a 1950's seaside town scandalises her family when she decides to act in a manner not befitting the era. An atmospheric and evocative portrayal of rebellion against suffocating social mores with great acting from Emily Lloyd and Tom Bell and a whole host of familiar faces in secondary roles. One of those films that rarely shows up on TV anymore so it's worth catching.

A Hard Day's Night   Wed   22/8   BBC2 @ 12.20

A day in the life of The Beatles as they travel from Merseyside to London and all the crazy & wacky adventures that happen in between. A funny, surreal and unique watch that helped introduce John, Paul, Ringo and George and their very English sense of humour to the world. Far more entertaining than the usual concert films you see and a brilliant snapshot of a particularly famous time in pop culture history

The Martian   Thurs   23/8   RTE2 @ 21.30

When a Mars exploration mission goes sideways, a man is left to fend for himself until the brains at NASA can figure out a way to get him home. Matt Damon stars in this immensely entertaining and clever survival drama. The rest of the cast is second to none too with Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sean Bean, Donald Glover, Michael Pena and Jeff Daniels all put in a fine showing.

How Stella Got Her Groove Back   Thurs   23/8   Film4 @ 23.15

Stella Payne takes her work in San Francisco a bit too seriously and only realises this when she is talked into a luxury holiday in Jamaica. The always reliable Angela Bassett is super as the lead in this entertaining and funny slice of whimsy. Taye Diggs, Whoopi Goldberg and Regina King are good fun in support. You'll want to jump on a plane to Jamaica when this is over.

On The Waterfront   Fri   24/8   BBC2 @ midday

An ex boxer (who could have been a contender) turned dockworker has had enough of the corruption he sees all all around him and decides it's time to take a stand. A stunner of a film about doing what's right and correct. Marlon Brando, Rod Steiger, Eva Marie Saint, Karl Malden and Lee J. Cobb all give career best performances. An all time great American classic and one that lives up to its hype.

The Fury   Fri   24/8   Film4 @ 23.15

When his son is kidnapped by terrorists intent on exploiting his psychic powers, a former CIA agent goes all out to get him back. Brian De Palma's 1978 sci-fi/horror is a demented affair. A vicious but very entertaining watch that contains the best ever bad guy death scene. Even 40 years later it will still take your breath away. Kirk Douglas is in full on tough guy mode and gets good back up from Amy Irving and John Cassavetes.

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The Equalizer 2

Liam Neeson started it all in 2008. He turned up in Paris in search of his daughter who had been Taken, killed a pile of Albanians and saved the day. We all lapped it up. He became the go-to older action gentleman. Since then Kevin Costner and John Travolta have tried their hands at it in the fitfully fun 3 Days To Kill and the godawful I Am Wrath. Then Denzel Washington stepped up and starred in 2014's The Equalizer. A modern day reimagining of the classic Edward Woodward TV show. It was pretty damn entertaining and in places blisteringly violent. It wasn't entirely successful but it got the job done.

Robert McCall is an ex marine/spy living a quiet life in Boston. He divides his time between driving a cab, being a guardian angel to those in need and meting out violence to those who deserve punishment. Tragedy brushes his life during an investigation into the murder of a Defense department agent and Robert is once again compelled to brush off his murderous skills and take care of business.

I quite liked this but there's no denying there's a lot wrong with it. It's bizarrely paced for one and stuffed silly with subplots. It's ending is as cliched as you can get and it lacks the vicious crunchiness* of the first film. The lead character also feels so invincible at moments that it negates any bit of tension in the film as well. But all said and done it's Denzel Washington slicing and dicing bad guys and that's just something that will never get old. There's just something very enjoyable about seeing scumbags being chopped, harpooned, broken and even shredded with their own credit cards. These darkly entertaining moments help us forgive the shoddier aspects of the film.

*the version we're getting here has been snipped of a few moments of unpleasantness so the film could get a 15 cert here and in the UK

One thing is does better than the first film though is showing the smaller ways Robert helps people out. It was a core aspect of the original TV show that was largely forgotten in the first film. It's good to see not every problem has to have a violent solution and it humanises Robert when we see him directing a young neighbour away from a life of crime or helping an old man with his family issues. It does though lead to a weirdly lobsided tale when it pushes the vast majority of the violent action to end of the film. The finale just seems to arrive with a thud and out of the blue and it just feels jarring. Another interesting theme touched on is the notion that Robert is not too far removed from the bad guys he's butchering. A repeated line about names on paper shows that he's cut from the same cloth as his enemies but unlike them he's found a (somewhat) healthy way to channel his aggression. It adds a bit of depth that's usually missing in films of this ilk. 

Denzel rocks it as he always does and is a lot more likable in this sequel. BTW this is the first sequel he's ever done. An unusual achievement in a 30+year career.  His Robert is a lot less mopey this time around and even finds time for a smile. You'll enjoy his rare laughs as much as you'll enjoy the sight of him snapping an abuser's hand into dust. Ashton Sanders who was so good as teen Chiron in Moonlight brings a nice humanity to the film as his neighbour Miles and Pedro Pascal and Melissa Leo as old co-workers of Robert add a touch of class to proceedings, Leo especially. I wish she'd been in it more. I wish she was in everything more tbh. 

If you like the first film you'll like this one too. It's a bit of crunchy nonsense that will entertain you for a couple of hours. 

The Festival

The Festival opens with a clumsy sex scene that climaxes (fnarr) with bodily fluids spraying across a room. The man donating these fluids is Joe Thomas, best known for his role of the silly but sincere Simon in The Inbetweeners. You'll feel a desperate sense of deja vu watching this scene. Is The Festival going to be The Inbetweeners in a field? Gladly not but it gets close at times.

Nick has been seeing Caitlin all through college. Graduation day is here and they break up in the most painfully public fashion possible. To shake him out of his fugue, his best friend and aspiring DJ Shane drags him to a music festival in the middle of the English countryside. Along the way they meet the wacky Australian festival veteran Amy and her and Shane try to cheer Nick up but a run in with old college friends threatens to derail the weekend before it has even started.

I didn't hold out high hopes for this and the opening 30 minutes and the intense cringe contained within had me fearing the worst. But slowly it builds into something entertaining courtesy of two very likable performances from Hammed Animashaun & Claudia O’Doherty as Shane and Amy, some pretty cool location filming done during the actual Leeds festival, a load of ecstasy and ketamine, a very funny cameo from Noel Fielding as a DJ with a certain health issue and a narcotic montage scored by a song that's desperately over exposed but still works. It's messy, silly and predictable but it's fun and it will make you laugh. Mostly.

When it works it really works. The chemistry between Shane and Amy is lovely, the moment one main character decides to cut loose with an 80's cartoon character, a Pulp Fiction homage that comes from nowhere, the ridiculously joyful climax, a drug mix up that results in a very lost weekend for one reveller, a running joke about a forgettable face, all proper belly laugh moments but sadly tempered by a need to wedge in both face clawingly cringy moments and crude sexual scenes designed to give the film notoriety. It's actually quite a sweet film and despite the bestiality (yup), flying semen and urination it has a few good points to make about getting on with your life and accepting yourself. Oh and kudos for a joke about blokes pretending to be feminist just to get the ride.

As a lead, Joe Thomas really needs to shake things up though. He can't keep playing the same wet blanket character forever. It was a joke that felt creaky when he starred in Fresh Meat and it's just decrepit now. Claudia O'Doherty does well in part that's underwritten but her sheer exuberance makes it work. Sadly Jermaine Clement who was prominent in the trailers is absolutely wasted, to the point where you wonder did he play a larger part in an earlier version of the film. Hammed Animashaun saves the day as Shaun though, an immensely likable bear of a chap. With him in the lead the film would have been joyous. His character is a fine example of how to make a comedy work. If you care about the people onscreen you'll laugh along with them even more. 

It's a grand watch. A nice way to fill 90 minutes. It's actually quite like a real festival in that you'll enjoy more if you see it with a big crowd. And that you have to put up with a bit of shit to get to the good stuff.  

Omagh. 20 years ago today.

I remember this day vividly. Me, my brother Diarmaid, Ma & Da were in Galway for the day. I had cash in my pocket from a pub job I had in college and I remember it was the first time I was ever in an Eddie Rockets diner. Afterwards we went out to Salthill and then further out to Silverstrand cos the day was too nice not to go to the beach. I burn easily so after a while I sat into the car for shade and turned on 2FM. The news was just about to start and the main news was that of a bomb after exploding in Omagh. I'd never even heard of Omagh but it was a Saturday afternoon so you knew the town would have been busy what ever size is was. The first reports mentioned no deaths, only injuries. That was a relief. It was heading towards evening so we decided to head back to Roscrea. On the way home we caught a later bulletin. The newsreader sounded despondent as she read out that the death toll was now thought to be 20 plus. Ma started to cry.

Our little country has seen way more than it's far share of death but this one just seemed so cruel and callous coming so soon after the Good Friday Agreement had started giving people in the North a glimpse at a future free of violence. Two 1 year old babies dead, a pregnant woman, children, teenagers, people in their 60's, young and old, Irish and foreign, Catholics and Protestants. 21 people gone in a flash. 8 more died of injuries in the following weeks. 29 people enjoying their day. The sun on their faces as they did their shopping, talked to friends, playing on the footpath, visiting from Spain, carefree, looking forward to the arrival of their twins, thinking about what to spend their money on, loving the summer. Dead.

And for what? Because of a shower of bastards who couldn't deal with the prospect of a peace agreement. The Real IRA. A splinter group of the Provisional IRA. Themselves a spin off of the original IRA. An army co-led by a certain Michael Collins who had taken part in negotiations for the original Anglo Irish Treaty back in December of 1921 (yes i know this is simplified). The irony of it all would be lost of those apes though. Hard men capable of planting a bomb on Market street knowing who'd be passing by. Hard men who then rang in a wrong location in their warning. Men who've never been found guilty of the murders they committed that day even when they've been named in a civil trial. I hope the horror of what they did that day rots them from the inside. I hope they lie screaming in their beds at night.

Now there's a prospect of a hard border returning. If it does, that same violence will return too. The recent parade riots in Derry and Belfast show that sectarian hatred is still seething up there. Old men from both sides spewing their hate onto a younger generation who didn't even exist before the Omagh bombing. Jesus I hope it doesn't happen. 

Fuck the Real IRA.

Fuck the people still spreading their hate.

Fuck the British Government for even thinking of letting this happen again and for causing it to happen in the first place.

Look at the names below.

Maura Monaghan (1)

Breda Devine (1)

Oran Doherty (8)

James Barker (12)

Seán McLaughlin (12)

Fernando Blasco Baselga (12)

Lorraine Wilson (15)

Alan Radford (16)

Samantha McFarland (17)

Brenda Logue (17)

Jolene Marlow (17)

Gareth Conway (18)

Deborah-Anne Cartwright (20)

Aidan Gallagher (21)

Julia Hughes (21)

Rocío Abad Ramos (23)

Bryan White (26)

Avril Monaghan (30)

Esther Gibson (36)

Philomena Skelton (39)

Geraldine Breslin (43)

Ann McCombe (48)

Brian McCrory (54)

Veda Short (56)

Elizabeth Rush (57)

Fred White (60)

Olive Hawkes (60)

Seán McGrath (61)

Mary Grimes (65)

If the North goes to shit again we'll be seeing a lot more names like those on lists of the death.

The Package. A Genuinely awful Netflix movie.

"It looks like you drank a glass of Ed Sheeran's pubes."

I've seen a lot of bad movies in my time. Z-list action movies starring Olivier Gruner, Billy Blanks and none other than Jalal Merhi aka Beirut's Steven Seagal. Jess Franco jungle horror movies where the monsters have cut in half ping pong balls for eyes. The ghastly Sex Lives Of The Potato Men and and of course last year's Baywatch but the other day I watched quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen. The Package. A Netflix original movie. The next time I hear someone say they've seen the worst film ever I'm going to make them watch this one.

Sean, Jeremy and Donnie are three friends heading off on a camping trip. Jeremy's sister Becky and her friend Sarah tag along after much whining from Jeremy who wants a "Bro's only trip". Beer is drank and weed is smoked and in a stunning display of stupidity, Jeremy cuts his penis off while messing around with a butterfly knife. The gang must band together to ensure it gets reattached to him within the 12 hr period it remains viable.

"Do you smell that? We don't sell blue cheese in the cafeteria. That's your hole."

That's it. That's the plot. Save the cock. It's just as awful as it sounds. Everyone loves a dick joke but an entire movie that's a dick joke? Good jesus no. It's mean spirited, lazy, disgusting, childish, homophobic, embarrassing and to top it off it's full of hateful people too. Had more time been spent on developing likable characters then maybe it might....might have had a chance but nope, 5 shitebags rule the roost and you'd happily watch each of them burn. Sean, the lead, is a nasty piece of work capable of elbowing nurses in the face, sabotaging relationships and threatening 11 year old children with bloodied severed appendages. Jeremy's best moments come when he is slowly bleeding to death. No, he doesn't say anything funny, it's just good to see him bleeding to death. Jeremy's sister Becky is the only person in the film that's believable as an actual human and even then she's an asshole too. She's played by Geraldine Viswanathan who starred in the genuinely funny and lovely Blockers earlier this year and hopefully this massive misstep wont put too big of a dent in her career. The others though, i'd gladly never see them pollute a screen again.

That look of realisation that you've murdered your budding career

"We're going deep into mother nature's puss, all the way past the ovaries "

I hated everything about this. It's rare when a film makes you feel this bad about yourself. There's a minute when you find yourself thinking "This can't be real, this film can't have been made. Who made this shit, where is he so I can slap him?" It was so astoundingly awful that I was glued to it. It's like passing a bad accident. You hate yourself for looking but you can't help it. Just look at that dialogue highlighted throughout. That very first sentence lets you know in the first 30 seconds of the movie what it's going to be like. It's like the writers went out of their way to warn us off. Did we listen though? Nope. Even the American Pie films, old reliables of the teen movie scene, in the 7th installment of the series managed to be better with its words than this putrid muck. A scene late in the movie involving a second castration and a joke being made of a mentally ill woman had me watching through my fingers praying for that sweet release of death. It did not come.

This film so bad that it I hope it affects Netflix's stock exchange performance. Their quality control of late is absolutely septic. In their rush to flood their site with their own product they've thrown all their standards out the window. Don't watch this. Or just keep it for a day when you hate yourself.

The Meg

Sharks rock. They are amazing creatures. The pinnacle of apex predators. They've been ill served by movies over the years though. One great film (guess which one) aside most movies about them are bad. Deep Blue Sea and The Shallows are good fun but pretty much fluff. Open Water and 47 Metres Down are boring and bad. Bait 3-D, Indianapolis : Men Of Courage and The Reef are just plain bad. Then you have godawful pieces of shit like Sharknado and Megashark Vs Giant Octopus that just defy belief. It's baffling that such a sleek, fast, efficient and perfectly designed creature can be the star of films the exact opposite of that description. My hopes were not high when I heard The Meg series of books were being adapted into a film. But those hopes went higher when I heard Jason Statham was involved. Then I saw the trailer which boosted them through the roof. Does it meet expectations??? Eh....Sort of...... it's not Mega but it's not Meh either. 

Sorry. 

The researchers of a deep sea exploration centre called Mana One are trying to prove that rifts in the floor of the Pacific ocean go deeper than previously thought possible. While doing so their submersible craft is attacked by something massive and contact with them is lost. The only person who can save them is Jonas Taylor, a man with previous experience of both deep sea rescue and the dark things that lurk down there. During the rescue attempt a huge shark known as a Megaladon escapes into the open water and it's up to Jonas and his gang of scientists to stop it before it can reach civilians.

This was a frustrating watch. When it gets going it's good craic. Ridiculous stunts, massive beasts, people being dined upon left, right and centre, Statham in full on Statham mode and some hilarious nods to similar films but it just takes so long to build up a head of steam that you'll find yourself wondering are you watching yet another dud. Like the original Jaws film, the shark is kept in the shadows until about halfway through the story. There it was done for financial reasons and the fact that the model didn't work properly. Here it's done pointlessly because we've already had the surprise of its appearance ruined in numerous trailers and we are left with 45 minutes of people running around, arguing and sitting in submarines. This isn't what we paid to see!! We paid to see giant sharks attacking people. We do get some cheesy dialogue to keep us going though. "Man versus meg isn't a fight. It's a slaughter." & "Are you saying we opened up a super highway for giant killer sharks?" being two particularly cheddary treats.

Meg does of course attack eventually and that's when the film hits it's mark. It's like a button labelled "FUN" has been tapped and the madness builds and builds until it hits a crescendo of utter stupidity that will leave a smile a mile wide on your mush. One big set piece sees a beach on the Chinese mainland being attacked by the Meg. A young boy bugs his mother to be let into the water with his inflatable raft. It's Alex Kintner from Jaws all over again. He's toast. The camera then cuts to the ocean and we see thousands of kids all on inflatable rafts in the water. Then a dog with a very familiar name finds itself in trouble. It's here the film turns to the audience and full on winks at us and starts chucking out nods to the Jaws series fast. If you recognise them you'll have a good giggle. Even godawful part 4 gets a nod. It's this knowingness that saves the day. One thing this film does well too is its juggling of horror film tropes with regards to who lives and dies. I was surprised by some of the characters who make it to the end. When a big movie like this can surprise you it's always welcome. The excitement, winks and clever moments in the second half of the film make you wonder why the first half of the movie couldn't have been this good too.

In the second half of the film the story just about manages to find the line between being good fun and turning into Sharknado, and that's all down to Jason Statham. Tellingly the moment the film goes from dull to exciting is the first time he jumps into the water to face the Meg. His character Jonas feels like he's been slotted in from a different film and he plays it mostly straight but still being in on the joke whilst the other cast members like Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose and Cliff Curtis have a ball around him. His few scenes with Shuya Sophia Cai who plays Meiying, the kid on board, are lovely and show once again that Statham and kids go well together. Remember his John Woo aping moment with the baby in Fast & Furious 8. Brilliance!. Rainn Wilson plays the gobshite billionaire benefactor who financed the underwater research and may as well have a bullseye on his forehead. And Bai Ling puts in a good show as Suyin the oceanographer and is the only other character who's actually somewhat useful and thankfully she gets a couple of good moments and isn't just there to be saved. 

It's a good watch but it could have been much better. Had the filmmakers decided to go all out with the concept it might have been spectacular. The 12A/PG13 rating makes it all feel a bit tame too. One Spielbergian severed limb aside there's nothing in here that would trouble anyone. A good dose of blood and guts and maybe a shot of Statham calling the Shark a "Fackin slag" would have been welcome but when a film costs in the region of 150 million dollars studios tend to play it cool and keep everything family friendly. So it's ended up as a safe film that starts badly and ends well. Hopefully if it gets a sequel the madness will be amped up. 

Fin.

11 films on TV this week worth watching

Amy   Sat   11/8   More4 @ 21.00

A feature length documentary about the wild and at times sordid life of chanteuse Amy Winehouse and her tragic death in 2011 aged 27. The format is the usual talking heads one but a lash of home video clips and interviews with her family and friends turn this into a deeply personal and upsetting watch that will grip you even when you know how her story ends.

Money Monster   Sat   11/8   RTE1 @ 21.20

America comes to a standstill when the host and producer of a successful financial news show are taken hostage by a angry investor and the whole saga plays out live on air. Jodie Foster directs this thrilling and very topical look at the unspoken after effects of financial crashes. Julia Roberts and George Clooney do well but Jack O'Connell steals the show as a man at the edge of his tether.

Trash   Sun   12/8   RTE2 @ 01.20

3 young men in Rio De Janeiro who survive by scavenging in garbage make a life changing discovery in the trash and find themselves in a dangerous position. A funny, exciting and despite the situation, a feel good film that will engage your brain. One that makes superb use of it's favela locations too. The 3 leads (Rickson Tevez, Eduardo Luis & Gabriel Weinstein are local actors too and it's all adds to the authenticity. Well worth a look.

My Neighbour Totoro   Sun   12/8   Film4 @ 13.00

2 young girls, Satsuki and Mei, move to the countryside when their mother becomes ill and discover a wonderful and magical world in the forest beside their house. A slice of absolute joy from Studio Ghibli. The kind of movie that will plaster a smile across your face, a beautiful cartoon loaded with imagination and ideas. A perfect way to introduce young family members to the world of anime.

Dead Calm   Sun   12/8   TCM @ 23.05

Following an awful tragedy, a couple on a boating holiday at sea take in the survivor of a boat wreck. Of course things go sideways. A blistering thriller that never gets boring despite being mostly set onboard a small ship. Super acting and a lot of tension make this a nail biting watch. Nicole Kidman and Sam Neill are in fine form as the couple and Billy Zane makes for a memorable baddie.

Fruitvale Station   Mon   13/8   CH4 @ 00.15

The true story of a young man called Oscar Grant III and the last 24 hrs of his life in California's Bay Area before he fell foul of white America. Director Ryan Coogler and star Michael B. Jordan both do brilliant work in this microcosmic look at the daily pressures of life as an African American male. A scary and heart breaking tale. Octavia Spenser and Kevin Durand are excellent in support

Shrooms   Tues   14/8   The Horror Channel @ 23.10

A pack of eejits take a load of magic mushrooms and head off into the woods in a remote part of Ireland. The locals who live there are not one bit happy about all of this. Paddy Breathnach's 2007 horror film isn't remotely scary but there's some good gory fun to be had from the drug induced visuals and seeing silly tourists meet grisly demises. Sean McGinley and Don Wycherley are solid as always. 

Crank : High Voltage   Thurs   16/8   ITV4 @ 23.40

Chev Chelios is on the move again in this insane sequel to the 2006 hit. His heart has been stolen(?!!) and only regular jolts of electricity are keeping him alive. Can he stay going long enough to get revenge? This film is absolutely unhinged and definitely not for the faint hearted. Jason Statham has a ball in the lead role and Amy Smart & Dwight Yoakam in support just about manage to keep up with him.

Scott Of The Antarctic   Fri   17/8   BBC2 @ 12 midday

In 1912 Robert Falcon Scott led the Terra Nova expedition to Antarctica in the hopes of being the first people to reach the South Pole. Things.......did not go well. This Ealing production is a great watch. Filmed in beautiful early technicolor and with a haunting score, this a powerful and eerie imagining of a expedition where no one is really sure what exactly happened. John Mills as Scott is, as always, a fantastic lead.  

The Place Beyond The Pines   Fri   17/8   RTE2 @ 21.30

The existences of 4 men crash together in this small town tale of crime and corruption. Set over 15 years this is about the cyclical nature of life and how acts of violence have effects that take a long time to fade away. Top flight cast in this one with Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendez and especially Ray Liotta all on fine form. A long but very absorbing film that feels like a mini series condensed into movie form. But in a good way.

The Greasy Strangler   Fri   17/8   Film4 @ 22.55

Ok, I'm apologising in advance for recommending this one. A father and son fall for the same woman. At the same time an oily murderer is roaming the streets of their town. This very unique film is like nothing you've ever seen, it's disgusting but a streak of jet black humour running through it keeps it from being unwatchable. Michael St Michaels, Sky Elobar and Elizabeth De Razzo all give..erm... committed performances.

The Darkest Minds

Beautiful Creatures, City Of Ember, I Am Number 4, The 5th Wave, The Mortal Instruments : City of Bones, Eragon, The Seeker : The Dark Is Rising & Ender's Game. What do they all have in common? They are all films that have been made, released and failed financially in the last 10 years or so. All 8 are based on books and all are aimed towards a teenage audience. All 8 are also the first films in failed franchises created in the wake of the Harry Potter, Twilight and The Hunger Games series.Those 3 raked in the cash, becoming multi billion dollar properties. The others didn't. And now The Darkest Minds is yet another in a long line of failures.

The children of Earth are dying. A mysterious pandemic has wiped them out in their billions. After a few months 98% of those under 18 are gone and the remaining 2% have developed psychic powers that terrify the adults. The surviving kids are rounded up to be put into camps and are segregated depending on the strength of their powers. However one girl called Ruby escapes with the help of anti government rebels and goes on the run. On the way she meets and befriends others like her.

This had the seeds of an interesting film but the rush to turn it into a money making machine kills it in its tracks. Characters and storylines are barely introduced before vanishing just as fast, bucket loads of exposition is dropped on us, ideas fly left, right and centre, relationships are rushed, everything clashing together in a mad dash to create a universe instead of letting things breathe and grow organically. It's a dizzying watch and not in a good way. For example one well known face from a much loved TV show turns up and gets maybe 60 seconds screen time before she literally walks off into the woods. If you don't recognise her you wouldn't be blamed for thinking "What the hell is that all about?" but you know the writer's plan is for her to reappear in a surprise moment in the sequel (which won't be happening). It all has such a bang of money making cynicism off it that leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Which is annoying because as mentioned it's an interesting and very dark way to start a story. 98% of the world's kids gone in a flash. TV's The Leftover's only took 2% of the world's population and look how that turned out. In this the remaining 2% have dangerous psychic powers. This could have been a post apocalyptic teenage take on Scanners. But no, it's a humdrum road movie with predictable story beats and a soppy love story jammed in for good measure. It's jarringly choppy too with some moments seemingly coming from nowhere and huge questions going unanswered. You get the feeling a longer and maybe better film is out there somewhere but we'll probably never know now.

One area where it's a success is it's casting. The Fast & The Furious franchise aside this as as inclusive as ensemble films get. The lead (Ruby) is a young Black woman and her sidekicks Chubs, Zu and Liam are Black, Asian and White respectively. Amandla Stenberg as Ruby does well with the material given her but never gets to stretch herself. Harris Dickinson as Liam is very forgettable but Skylan Brooks and Miya Cech as Zu and Chubs add a small touch of fun to proceedings. Ruby was white in the books but changing her race for the film is an interesting choice and adds a racial dynamic to the earlier segments of the film especially with all the bad guys being white including Irish actor Patrick Gibson who isn't bad in his part. It's here the film is at it's best if you can call it that. Scenes of children caged and beaten bring to mind scarily similar real life scenes on the US/Mexican border and if you watch closely you can see a negative nod towards anti-vaxxers knocking around as well. It's a topical way to open the film but any good will created by it soon flitters away.

Don't bother with this unless you've read the books. You'll get nothing from it. If you want a bit of dystopian teenage melodrama revisit The Hunger Games instead. Even the worst installment of that is better than this.

Chappaquiddick

The Kennedy political dynasty is an abstract idea to people of my generation. The idea of a family with that much political clout is something I can't get into my head. The only thing comparable is the Royal family of the UK and that makes no sense to me either. People just should not have that much influence and power at their fingertips. Power. Power always corrupts.

July 1969. Martha's Vineyard. Senator Ted (Edward) Kennedy was a man who walked in the shadows of his brothers, John and Bobby, two men murdered in political office. Ted is about to start his run for the U.S. presidential office of 1972. Whilst Ted and his cousin Joe were on Chappaquiddick Island for a boat race a party was organised to bring back together the people who ran his brother Bobby's ill fated campaign, specifically the Boiler Room Girls, a group of women integral to the running of operations. One of them was Mary Joe Kopechne and on the night of July 18th she took an infamous car ride with Ted. What happened next changed the course of U.S. political history.

I liked this. It's a fascinating and disturbing look at the behind the scenes machinations of a political scandal and a timely one too. We see how a man's reputation will always, ALWAYS, be more important than the victims of a scandal. Look at the recent Belfast trials for example. And when the victim is a woman, forget about it, she just becomes a detail in the story. It's a look at what power can do to a person's psyche. The arrogance it creates, the egotistical effect it has and how it effects other people's perceptions. The Kennedy's were treated like gold in Martha's Vineyard and seeing elected officials dropping and lapping at their feet is cringeworthy. For all it's political griminess a few sly moments of black comedy appear here and there too. Seeing Ted and his gang of slimy bagmen's plans fail at every hurdle adds a nice and much needed tang of schadenfreude to proceedings.

Jason Clarke is excellent as Ted. He mightn't look exactly like him but he carries himself in that almost regal Kennedy way we've all seen on Reeling In The Years. He also affects that same New England accent he used so effectively as Tommy Caffee on TV's massively underrated Brotherhood. It's a great, layered performance from him, even when you think he's being sincere it only takes seconds to clock the machinery whirring behind his eyes. Everything is about self preservation. He carries the movie powerfully. Kate Mara as Mary Jo plays a smaller but vital part too. Her good heart radiating through and her hurt over the death of Bobby Kennedy plain to see. It's easy to see why she became a vital cog in the political machine. The usually annoying Ed Helms takes a rare serious role as Kennedy family fixer and relative Joe Gargan and does well and Bruce Dern in a small part radiates poison as the patriarch of the family Joseph P. Kennedy. History told us he was a nasty piece of work and here in a few small moments we clearly see how his venomous presence ruined his children.

Only one person really knew what happened that night and because of this the film plays out along the lines of Ted's testimony. It avoids sensationalism and the sleazier aspects of the story that the press of the day hinted at. We see exactly what he says he did following the events of the night. Some comments about this film have called it tame and afraid of conjecture but for me this simple and sober retreading of events shows him up for the coward he was. There's no need for extraneous story or fabrication. He hung himself with his own words.

This is a fine film and one well worth watching. It's just a pity it didn't make it to cinema's here.

Available on Region 1 DVD/Region A blu-ray now & streaming from Amazon.com