10 films worth watching on TV this week

Children Of A Lesser God   Sat   30/6   TG4 @ 21.25

Sarah is a deaf woman who has decided to work at her old school rather than leave it. James is a new speech teacher at the school. There's chemistry there but past trauma gets in the way. A tender love story that is slightly dated in places but powerhouse acting from Marlee Matlin and William Hurt as the leads carries everything along. Deaf in real life actress Matlin won best actress at the Oscars for her role and thoroughly deserved it.

Green Room   Sat   30/6   Film4 @ 22.45

A young punk band's night descends into chaos when they unwittingly play a gig at a neo-nazi club and stumble upon the aftermath of a crime. The late and much missed Anton Yelchin headlines this blisteringly violent thriller from director Jeremy Saulnier. It's tough going but stick with it. Blackly funny, excruciatingly brutal and a frightening insight into a scary American subculture. Great backup from Patrick Stewart and Imogen Poots too.

Into The Woods   Sun   1/7   BBC2 @ 17.30

Do you like the Grimm brothers fairy tales ye all read as a child? Ever wondered what a modern twist on them would be like? If so this is a film for you. A baker is tasked by a witch with collecting famous fairytale items for her evil purposes. A dark and fun film sprinkled with music and fine performances from Meryl Streep, Anna Kendrick, Emily Blunt and if you can take him, James Corden.

The Last Starfighter   Mon   2/7   Syfy @ 21.00

A slice of gloriously entertaining 1980's cheese here, ropey special effects and all. Alex is an expert gamer and after he defeats a computer game he finds himself transported into space and on his way to the adventure of a lifetime. This is a super watch and yes it does wear it's influences very much on it's sleeve but you'll be enjoying yourself too much to care. Lance Guest as Alex is fun. 

Locke   Mon   2/7   TG4 @ 21.30

On the eve of a momentous job challenge a man receives a phone call that makes everything else pale into insignificance. Your enjoyment of this film will very much depend on whether you like Tom Hardy or not but there's no denying he is immense in this economical and nail biting thriller about a race against time. 

Fearless   Mon   2/7   TCM @ 23.05

Max has survived a plane crash without a scratch. He feels invincible and but can't get on with anyone in his life anymore. The only other person he can relate to is her, who also survived bit is wounded in other ways. Jeff Bridges is amazing in a film that delves into the effects of grief in a way few others ever have. Rosie Perez as Carla plays a beautiful part. A seriously underrated film that deserves to be seen.

Stalag 17   Tues   3/7   Film4 @ 11.00

American P.O.W.'s in a German war camp keep having their escape plans scuppered and one man finds himself being blamed for the leak. Yeah it sounds like an odd proposition for a comedy but director Billy Wilder somehow makes it work. A very entertaining film filled with darkish laughs and a top notch performance from William Holden as the accused man holds it all together perfectly.

The Evil Dead   Wed   4/7   The Horror Channel @ 23.00

5 teenagers go to a cabin in the woods and inadvertently unleash hell when they read from an ancient book. Sam Raimi's 1981 debut is a brutal, primal beast of a film. The special effects may make you laugh now but there's no mistaking Raimi's intent here, he wants to scare you and scare you he will. But you'll laugh too. Uproariously at times. Bruce Campbell is an excellent lead and creates a character that is enduring to this day. 

Drums Along The Mohawk   Thurs   5/7   Film4 @ 16.40

Gil and Lana are newlyweds and trying to build a life for themselves in the Mohawk Valley. However the revolutionary war is about to kick off and scupper their plan's. John Ford's 1939 war movie is a beaut. Full of romance, fantastic acting and full on war scenes whilst still managing to slot in a welcome thread of humour too. Henry Fonda and Claudette Colbert as the leads are perfect.

Peggy Sue Got Married   Fri   6/7   RTE1 @ 23.45

Peggy Sue is going through a bad patch in life and when she collapses at her high school reunion she finds herself with a once in a lifetime chance to re-do her entire existence. Peggy Turner is great as the lead in this charming, funny and bittersweet comedy about life's regrets and taking chances. An early part for Nicholas Cage too gives an inkling of how crazy his performances would become in later years.

Gotti

I made this face too during this film

John Travolta was the king of cinema in the late 70s. A double whammy of Saturday Night Fever and Grease made him famous. Bad career choices throughout the 80's followed and it wasn't until 1994 that Pulp Fiction brought him back to his earlier level of fame. He had a nice run until the turn of the century before bad choices made him crash and burn again. He was now more popular for his Scientology beliefs than his films. One or two good movies aside it's been a downhill trajectory since then. Now he's starring as famed mobster John Gotti in Gotti. A film stuck in development hell since 2010 that's just gotten a very quiet release on VOD platforms. This is not the film that will revitalise his career. It could be the one to end it though.

John Gotti was a member of the Gambino crime family in New York from the 1970's onward. His willingness to get his hands dirty and take part in murders saw him rise through the ranks of La Cosa Nostra rapidly. As his stature grew so did his ego and his lust for power. But in the criminal word you cannot trust anyone. Even your closest confidantes.

This was........this was just bad. The opening scene of Gotti addressing us directly to camera sets the tone and it's all down hill from there. There could have been something here but Travolta just kills it. He's awful. You can't take him seriously at all. It's not even a hammy performance you could laugh at. And because he's in nearly every scene his presence pervades and infects the entire thing. He marches through the film spewing motherfuckers and cocksuckers like the worst type of mafia film stereotype. It's the kind of bad acting that could retroactively ruin a career. I'm not overreacting here. It has to be seen to be believed. He's far from the only bad thing. Spencer LoFranco as John Gotti Jr is dreadful. Like Fair City acting levels of dreadful. He wonders around like a brick with gelled hair and everytime he talked I wanted to die.

10 minutes into this I paused it to check online was it a pisstake. It feels like a spoof of mafia films. Every mafia cliche you can think of is present and correct. A little bit into the film there's a murder played out like the punchline of a joke and scored by what can only be described as comedic music. It's a bizarre choice and a distasteful one too seeing as these were real people being killed and this was the moment I started thinking "This can't be serious can it?". Sadly it is. It's worst sin aside from the acting is it's being dull. This is the story of the Teflon Don, a gangster who became one of New York's best loved celebs. One of those stranger than fiction stories America does so well. A story full of madness, backstabbing and brutality like this shouldn't be so boring should it? Somehow this manages it. In 1996 HBO made a TV movie called Gotti starring Armande Assante as Gotti. It was cheap looking and it's historical accuracy left a lot to be desired but it pisses all over this. That film made use of it's supporting cast too. Here with get Stacy Keach and Kelly Preston (Travolta's real life wife) as background colour.

TBH, the only thing this film has going for it is it portrays a relatively accurate version of events and doesn't resort to making things up like the earlier film did especially the part of the story concerning a tragic chapter of Gotti's family life. That's all it has going for it aside from some quite convincing old age make up in the sections of the film where we see Gotti looking back on his life. Horribly it also does for Gotti what the New York public did for him years ago. It makes him look like a good guy. A friendly family man. He may well have been but he was also a murdering scumbag who made life for some people hellish. Use of real life news footage makes him out to be some kind of folk hero. He wasn't. He was filth and this romanticising of his life is very troubling.

Kevin Connolly of Entourage fame directed this piece of shit. I've a feeling it won't be at the forefront of his CV. It's one to forget. As for Travolta I was never the biggest fan of his but he's done some undeniably great work over the years. Chili Palmer in Get Shorty, Sean Archer/Castor Troy in Face/Off, Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction, Joey in She's So Lovely, Jack Stanton in Primary Colors And of course Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever. He has the talent so why is he wasting his time on this muck? Baffling.

Don't watch this. I took the bullet for ye.

Why you should go to the cinema on a sunny day

It's going to be 30 degrees celsius today. Some people's idea of heaven. Other people's idea of hell. Everyone saying you should be outside soaking up the rays. But what do you do when your bog Irish skin starts burning within 5 minutes? Well simple, you go to the flicks. Here's some reasons why.

It's boiling out. You need to cool down fast. What's the best way to do that you say? Why a blue cinema slushie. The best drink ever. Just get the blue. Trust me. It's lethal. I've no idea what's in there but blue works. It's a perfect blend of e-numbers that combined with ice makes the best cold drink ever. Just don't think too much about what you are drinking. Plus blue. Reminds you of being cold. See. Smart.

The air con. Ahhhh blessed air conditioning. Us Irish aren't built for these temperatures and air con is only awesome. No greater feeling than hiding from those death rays in a dark cold room. Just like God intended. Yes nipples may be an issue but the room is dark so you'll be grand. With summers getting hotter Irish businesses are going to have to lash out for air con eventually. Far too few places have it. But the cinema does. Ahh lovely air con.

If you pick the right film you'll be able to avoid that ubiquitous feature of summer time. Fussy, overheated, red faced screaming kids. How can something so small be so loud. I just don't get it. Just make sure you pick a film that doesn't appeal to families and you are sorted. Peace and quiet. Bliss.

Another reason is being able to buy Ice cream that doesn't return to milk form 34 seconds after you buy it. You know the feeling. It's melting out. You buy a 99 (green syrup, natch) to beat the heat. You get a mound of soft delicious vanilla ice cream, it looks spectacular, you can't wait to horse into it, you walk out into the sun to chow down and before you know it, it's liquefying and pouring down your hand while you weep with frustration. This doesn't happen in the cinema. Air con you see. Sure it will cost you the price of a family dinner but you can enjoy it at your own leisure. Plus, and this is a big one, no seagulls targeting you from above. The bastards.

No topless muppets walking around. Another unwanted feature of Irish summer time. This one is always a plus. Chaps so pale they are see through showing off the guns and some godawful tattoos. Or worse, the gym bunnies rocking a tan so dark they look like a stained fence post. Air con and topless fools do not mix. Topless fools and leather seats really don't mix. If you want to avoid these clowns just head to the cinema.

Actually one of the best things about going to the cinema on a sunny day is the fact that there will be fuck all people there, you may even get a screening all to yourself. Your own private screening. No people talking, no one beside you eating popcorn with their mouth open, no glowing phone screens in your field of vision. A joy. Don't watch Hereditary by yourself though. It would be a poor end to the day if you soiled yourself.

Last but not least, you'll be in the cinema, watching a good movie hopefully. You'll be able to whisk yourself away for a couple of hours and you won't be outside burning to a crisp. The cinema will never give you second degree burns. That's always good.

Dick Miller. Another unsung hero of film & TV.

This guy. A familiar face from 100 different genre films. Dick Miller. You mightn't know his name but you'll recognise him and you'll smile when you do. Rarely in a film for longer than a scene or two before violently dying but he always makes his mark. Started in Hollywood in 1955 and slowly carved out a nice little niche for himself. 59 years later in 2014 he even had a documentary made about him. That Guy Dick Miller. It's a lovely tribute to a well loved actor.




He's been blown away by a Teutonic cyborg. Smoked weed with Carol Hathaway in a Chicago emergency room. Hounded by evil little beasts on not 1 but 2 occasions. He's been in forgotten Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese classics and the worst type of 1950's B-Movies. Been a muse to directors like Roger Corman  Robert Zemeckis, Fred Olen Ray and Joe Dante. Been chomped by piranhas and sentient venus fly traps. Taught a baby faced Tom Cruise to play football and been zapped by evil shopping centre robots. He's delivered militarized toy robots to kids and been part of the holodeck in Star Trek. He's been hunted by Crockett and Tubbs and shredded by Demon Knights. Westerns, horrors, sci-fi, mob movies, exploitation, sexploitation he's done it all. The supporting king of genre movie scene. Check out his 59 year long career here.

Greatest hits

The Terminator. The gunshop dude. "You can't do that!" Gets an iconic death in an iconic scene in an iconic movie.

Gremlins 1 & 2. Murray Futterman, the war veteran who thinks the gremlins are out to get him. The part most people will recognise him from. Mostly because he actually survived

Small Soldiers. His 12th collaboration with director Joe Dante sees him play Joe the delivery guy. A man who unwittingly reigns chaos on a small town. A criminally underrated film.

Previous heroes

Veronica Cartwright
Edie McClurg
Barry Shabaka Henley           
Raymond Cruz                        
Reg E.Cathey                          
Elizabeth McGovern               
John Amos                              
Bruce Greenwood                  
Mary McDonnell                     
Gerald McSorley                       
John Rothman                        
Margo Martindale                   
Kurtwood Smith                     
Paula Malcolmson                 
Luis Guzman                          
David Morse                           
Linda Hunt                              
Keith David                             
Zeljko Ivanek
Fiona Shaw
Xander Berkeley
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
C.C.H Pounder
William Forsythe
Beth Grant
Sven-Ole Thorsen
Regina King
Ric Young
Mark Rolston
Illeana Douglas
Jeanette Goldstein
Al Leong
Allan Graf
Bill Nunn
Thomas Rosales Jr

Dublin Oldschool

"YA SHOULD FEEL GUILT. YA SHOULD OWN IT! WEAR IT! WRAP YOURSELF UP IN THAT SHIT!" 

That sounds like a painful bit of dialogue doesn't it. Something you'd hear shouted across Albert Square in an episode of Eastenders. You'd be right to think that but in the hands of a committed performance it becomes a line so sharp it would nearly cut you and it feels right at home in Dublin Oldschool.

It's the start of a bank holiday weekend and there's a buzz in the air. Jason is a wannabe DJ in Dublin and is arranging a serious session for the days ahead. Just as things are about to kick off he runs into his estranged brother Danno who's heroin use has left him homeless and ragged. As if that wasn't enough to deal with he also encounters Gemma, a woman on her way out of his life. And to add insult to injury he's just lost his bleedin' phone too.

I really liked this film. It's a funny, upsetting, compelling and in places stunning story about not wanting to let go of your youth and about being afraid to grow up, something the vast majority of people can identify with. How drowning yourself in drink and drugs can help mask the suffering that come from just being alive. It's about how family ties can withstand enormous strain and how in the end, family really matters. It's a painfully genuine mix of pathos, piss and petrol with a load of house music and ketamine thrown in on top and even a quote from the Treasure Of The Sierra Madre in there for good measure.

Like the best Irish films it grabs you and shakes every type of emotion out of you. You'll laugh at zonked DJ's doing a bit of impromptu dry walling at 4am. You'll cry at an alleyway argument that goes from zero to 90 in seconds. You'll feel guilt when onscreen occurrences remind you of similar scenes in your own life and eventually you'll feel exhilarated when the music kicks in. Most crucially you'll care about the characters on screen. I dunno, maybe it it's because they speak in accents we hear everyday or walk around in places we recognise but I was pulling for these characters to clean themselves up, to be safe, to be happy, to survive until the end credits. Kudos to writers Dave Tynan and Emmett Kirwan here adapting their own play into film, they don't bring the story the way you expect it to go. Characters aren't given easy ways out, things aren't tied up neatly. Just like life.

Emmett Kirwan is excellent in the lead role of Jason. A man trying and failing to stay young, resorting to drug abuse to mask the pain that shows clear behind his eyes and overlooking his own hypocrisy when it comes to how he sees his brother Danno. Danno is played by Ian Lloyd Anderson. He has really committed to the part looking drawn and drained and absolutely convincing as a man looking to reconnect with humanity. Their scenes together just feel real. The way brothers can laugh together one moment and be vicious towards each other the next. Seána Kerslake who was so good in last year's A Date For Mad Mary rounds out the cast as Gemma, Jason's ex. You'll feel the pain in their scenes together, the sense of loss and what could have been being palpable. Seána's expressive face saying things words could never say. Three superb performances from three actors who deserve to hit it big.

This is out on Friday the 29th. Go see it if it hits a cinema near you. It's an excellently acted tale that will hit home for a lot of people. It gives us a look at a side of Irish life that isn't talked about much. It shows us the parts of Dublin we walk by with our eyes averted. It's a film that will make you feel and that's a rare thing these days.

10 films worth watching on TV this week

They Live   Sat   23/6   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Aliens have taken over society and only one man can see them. He's mad as hell and he ain't going to take it anymore. On the surface John Carpenter's action/sci-fi might seem loud and silly but it's actually an intelligent and frighteningly prescient story and the dangers of advertising and apathy. Roddy Piper and Keith David are great fun as the leads.

Whiplash   Sat   23/6   RTE2 @ 23.30

A driven jazz musician is pushed to his very limits by his obsessive teacher. An Oscar winning film that really lives up to the hype. This is an intense study of how hard people will work on what they love. Powerful performances from Miles Teller and especially JK Simmons really sell the film. This is a tough watch and one that will actually leave you tired but wowed as the credits roll.

Excision   Sun   24/6   Film4 @ 02.10

Grace is a strange young woman who just wants to please her mother and in her head a medical career will do just that. Oh this is a nasty film, one that will probably be a bit too much for most people but if you have a strong stomach there's a lot here to like. It's twisted, edgy and reminiscent of early Cronenberg with a superb lead performance from Annalynn McCord holding everything together.

Brothers    Mon   25/6   TG4 @ 21.30

Grace Cahill is in a bit of a pickle. Her husband Sam is missing in action in Afghanistan and presumed dead. Sam's wastrel brother Tommy becomes her rock until the day....... This 2009 film is dark stuff, a tale all about the pressures of loneliness and the effect that war can have on the psyche's of those fighting and those waiting. Natalie Portman, Tobey Maguire & Jake Gyllenhaal are all excellent.

Inside Man   Mon   25/6   ITV4 @ 22.05

When a so called perfect bank robbery goes sideways, a cop, the robber and a power broker have to negotiate a way out of the problem to save lives. Spike Lee's twisty, turny thriller is an immensely entertaining way to spend a couple of hours. Nothing is what it seems and if you haven't seen it before you won't have a clue how it will all end. Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster and Clive Owen all hit the spot.

Winchester 73   Tues   26/6   Film4 @ 17.10

The first and for me still the best of a series of westerns James Stewart made with director Anthony Mann. Stewart stars as a sharpshooter who's gun is robbed from him and passes through many people's hands during the course of the film. A lovely looking, exciting and well acted film with a final shootout that is still influencing films today. Watch out for a very young Rock Hudson as a native American.

Point Blank   Wed   27/6   TCM @ 23.10

Walker has been left for dead by a man he called a friend and now he's out for revenge and nobody or nothing is going to get in his way. John Boorman's 1967 crime thriller is an excellent watch and is one that has been highly influential to the crime genre in the five decades since it was made. Tense, darkly funny, brutal and fast moving. Lee Marvin is a cracking lead and gets fine back up from Angie Dickinson and John Vernon.

The Devil Rides Out   Fri   29/6   The Horror Channel @ 13.00

In 1929 a nobleman named Nicholas finds himself in the fight of his life as he strives to defend himself and his friends against a night of occult onslaught. Christopher Lee excels in the lead role in this genuinely unsettling and very atmospheric film adapted from the famous book by Dennis Wheatley. 1pm is a very odd time for this. Record it and keep it for a dark, windy night and scare yourself senseless.

Heaven's Gate   Fri   29/6   TG4 @ 21.05

The film that brought down an entire studio and epic western in every sense of the word. A slow burning but enthralling account of a real life war between cattle ranchers and poor farmers. Headlined by Kris Kristofferson & Christopher Walken and with some super support from Isabelle Hubert and John Hurt. It's a downbeat and brutal masterpiece who's pace will put a lot of people off but it's really worth sticking with.

Dredd   Fri   29/6   Film4 @ 23.10

A brilliant and bloody adaption of the cult British comic strip and one thats a million miles for the homogenous family goodness of the recent Marvel comic book films. Judge Dredd and his new rookie have to take down a gang who have taken over a huge block of flats. Chaos ensues. Karl Urban plays Dredd in a perfectly grumpy & deadpan fashion & Lena Headey is good value as his nemesis. Great gory fun. Don't watch if you are any way wimpy.

Film scenes that never get old - Menace II Society's opening moments.

What a way to start a film.

Two young men, Caine and O-Dog, walk into a Korean owned liquor store for a couple of 40 ounce beers. Straight away the store owner and his wife go on alert. This does not go unnoticed and then the wrong thing is said....

Warning - Violent and sweary.



Menace II Society was the debut film of Allen & Albert Hughes. It was massively controversial on it's release in 1993 and had censorship issues on both sides of the Atlantic. In the UK it was unfortunately caught up in the crackdown on film violence that followed the death of little Jamie Bulger and in the U.S. it had trouble even getting a release in the wake of the 1992 L.A riots. One of the defining images of the riots were showdowns between Korean shop owners and African American men who were rioting after the Rodney King courtcase.  This real life violence was still fresh in the mind of people when Menace II Society was released.  

This scene was a pretty definitive opening statement. It's not hard to see why it caused such a fuss. The film is saying that in America no one trusts young black men, not even other minorities. Caine is trying to be a good man but O-Dog is, to quote a line in the movie "America's nightmare, young, black and doesn't give a fuck." It's a tough scene to watch, even 25 years later but it still hooks you. If you sit through it you're going to sit through the rest of the story too.

This film was released in Bill Clinton era America. A time looked back on now as a golden age. It's obviously wasn't but the present day shitshow would give you rose tinted memories. Imagine how these same young men feel in America now with the place being about two steps from turning into a nazi state? The sense of alienation must be all encompassing. 

The world is about to go to hell in a handcart and America is leading the way.

Ocean's 8

Modern day trailers suck. They give everything away and there's rarely a surprise left in a film after you see them. Teaser trailers spoil the big money shots and full trailers tend to flat out kill any hint of a surprise. It's a nuisance. God only knows why studios feel the need to give away big plot points before anyone has seen a movie. It makes no sense. I'll be vague here but the trailer of Ocean's 8 is a prime example of this. When a certain character appears on screen you think to yourself "Hmmm, in the trailer that person....." and any sense of tension you feel will evaporate. GRRRR. Of course if you haven't seen the trailer you'll be grand. Anyway, enough of my moaning. 

Debbie Ocean has just been released from jail and it doesn't take her long to get back to her old tricks. Time behind bars has her jonesing for action and in no time at all she's back with her ex partners Lou, Tammy and Amita and sets about assembling a new team to create the ultimate New York City heist. Has jail time made her rusty or will her skills still be as sharp as ever?

This was very entertaining stuff. It's light, it's fun, it's charming, it has a brilliant cast who have super chemistry with each other and it's a nice antidote to the summer seasons slate of big horror films and blockbusters. Sadly it's quite unique too. Why sadly? Well just how often do we get to see an all woman ensemble like this in movies? It's far too rare an occurrence these days.(Yes I know Annihilation came out this year too but that rapidly climbed up it's own arse) Jesus, even seeing two women sitting down having a chat is rare lately. So rare that there's even a test for it. After macho men ensemble movies like The Expendables series and the Magnificent Seven remake etc it's refreshing to see a team sit down and work out a plan that's fuelled on cunning, brain power and preparation rather than who can shoot more. It feels oddly fresh.

One of the joys of a heist movie is watching a plan being plotted out and everything being manoeuvred into place. 3D printers, soup, blind spots and diva egos all come into play here. If you've seen the Ocean's 11 movies you know exactly what route the story will take. We meet the team, we see the prep work and we see the heist go down. This has none of the smugness of those films though, it doesn't coast along on star power and gives us a group of people you can actually give a damn about. The odd thing about heist films is the fact that they have us hoping that a team of criminals will do well. It's curious. In real life I despise thieves but in films like this I find myself cheering them on and hoping that their hare brained schemes work out. It's all down to an immensely likeable cast made up of reliable old hands and fun newer faces.

Sandra Bullock as Debbie is as entertaining as I've ever seen her onscreen. Usually she plays the straight woman in comedies so it's nice to see her cut loose here in the lead. Cate Blanchett as Lou is just cool as fuck. Sarah Paulson, Rihanna and Awkwafina all get to have fun and each get their own nice moment in the spotlight. Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway for me steal the film though. Both have a whale of a time and get the lion's share of the film's laughs. HBC as a stressed out Irish ( her accent veering dangerously towards Oirish) designer and Hathaway as a hyper realistic version of herself. I'd happily watch the two of them in their own movies. Sadly in a film with a big cast someone has to get the shitty end of the stick and here it's Mindy Kaling. She just doesn't get to do much at all and it's a pity because she's hilarious. Oh well, we can't have it all but we do get a nice moment later on when the old guard of film and television make an appearance that makes up for it in some way.

My earlier issue with the trailer aside this was a fun watch. I'd have liked a little more danger though. Some of the suspension of belief required during this will have you rolling your eyes and obstacles that get in our heroine's way are jumped over a little too easily but you know what, when a film is this enjoyable who cares. I'm already looking forward to the sequel.

Well worth a trip to the cinema.

A perfect pairing of sound & vision. On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

1969's On Your Majesty's Secret Service is far from my favourite Bond movie. New Bond actor George Lazenby is pretty awful and it's nearly an hour too long but it does contain one absolutely beautiful use of music

Over 24 films (I'm not counting the 1967 version of Casino Royale and Never Say Never Again) we've seen Bond woo dozens of women.  Yes woo is a euphemism. But this was the first time we saw him fall in love. This film was George Lazenby's run at Bond and the makers wanted to do something different with the character. And what could be more different for Bond than making him monogamous. 

They first meet when Bond stops her from taking her own life and continue to see each other as a business arrangement so Bond can get information from her father. But nature kicks in and the two fall into love in a whirlwind scene set to the music of Louis Armstrong. A scene so good that it's been copied dozens of times since.



"We have all, the time in the world
Time enough for life
To unfold
All the precious things
Love has in store"

If you've seen the film you'll know the cruel and horrible irony in those words and their use again at the end of the film.

Previous pairings.

The Untouchables
Airplane!
Dazed And Confused  
Kickboxer                                  
Grosse Point Blank
Mean Streets
Watership Down
Casablanca
Zodiac
Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission
Before Sunset
Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans

Supertroopers 2

The other day I watched and cringed as Rob Lowe, playing a very liberated mayor of a French Canadian town, playfully punched a flaccid penis like a boxer working a speed ball. It was one of those times where instead of laughing you just want the ground to open up and swallow you. Or just for the projector to break down. Or for the cinema to collapse. It was a lowe moment.....sorry.

The Vermont Supertroopers are no more. After "the Fred Savage incident" ( a running joke paid off in the closing credits that isn't worth hanging around for ) they lost their jobs and have become builders and handymen. However a curious discovery along the Vermont/Canada border leads to the U.S. annexing a section of Canada and the lads are offered their jobs back to help ease the Canadians of the area into the American way of life. Not everyone is happy about the situation though.

This wasn't good. The 2001 original wasn't the best either but at least it was filled with easy laughs and likeable characters who did their level best to wind each other up and entertain us. This absolutely unnecessary sequel is mean spirited, xenophobic, homophobic and worst of all for a comedy, flat out unfunny. The amusing opening scene aside you'll find yourself clock watching a lot during this. It's lazy stuff, full of jokes that go nowhere and scenes larking back to the original film which only serve to remind you that this isn't a patch on it. Nothing here matches the funny silliness of the meow scene from the first film and here we get a callback that actually cheapens the original joke.

Plotwise it's simple fluff that could be pissed through in the length of time of your average sitcom but it's padded out with nonsense to bring it up to a proper running time. A severely overstretched conversation about Danny DeVito will make you genuinely want to punch yourself in the face and a big set piece starring a Grizzly bear fizzles out to absolutely nothing. Speaking of the plot, it goes nowhere either and doesn't even get a proper ending. I really hope it isn't being left open for a sequel because it really really doesn't need one or deserve one. This sequel was crowdfunded by fans of the first film and going by this one they won't pay for another.

One thing this film has going for it is the fact that it brought back the vast majority of the cast from the first film. In real life these fellas work together in a comedy troupe called Broken Lizard and their real life chemistry translates well on screen. Jay Chandrasekhar and Kevin Hefferman are the stand outs amongst them and it's nice to see Brian Cox return as the captain and bring his trademark grumpiness back too. If they had better material to work with this could have been have better but nope, its all a wasted opportunity. At times you think the film is about to make fun of the current state of America but it chickens out everytime it has the chance, falling back instead on dick and fart jokes that were painful 30 years ago. As mentioned in the first paragraph, Rob Lowe (so brilliantly funny in Parks & Recreation) is the main man in the most graphic of these jokes and it just made me feel bad for him. 

Don't bother with this. It's painful and I say this as a fan of the original. It has no bit of flow to it at all. It's fan service that just doesn't work. 

Me Da

Da with the guitar, me with the bossy finger

I love my parents and I credit both my them for my love of film but seeing as it's fathers day I'll talk about me Da for a bit and some of our cinematic adventures.

A long long time ago he brought me on my first trip to the cinema. It was a converted malthouse in Birr. The film was Superman 3 and I was 4 or 5. I don't remember much of the experience apart from being terrified at the start when the young fella was injured in a cornfield and crying as a combine harvester bore down on him. Then Superman appeared and saved the day. Me and Da cheered and my love of the cinema was cemented.

Then there was the night a few years later when he came home with a mysterious VHS and told us it was a film about a space dragon that lived inside people. I just seen and fallen for the Never Ending Story and was mad for any kind of film that had dragons or similar beasties. I was 8 and loved all that stuff. We put the movie on and sat back to enjoy it. It was quite a different film to the movies I was used to but dragons!! Then the alien burst out of John Hurt's chest and traumatised me. The film was of course Alien. 8 yr old me was in shreds but please spare a thought for my 5 yr old brother. The poor little fucker.

Cliffhanger was a memorable experience too. I saw it with my Da in the old Savoy cinema in Limerick. My brother was too young to see it so him and my Ma had to make do with The Last Action Hero. Me and Da had to cross the street to another screen for Cliffhanger. It was not a nice screen. The film kicked off with Stallone scrambling across a wire to save a woman from death. We weren't exactly glued to the screen though instead concentrating on the scrambling beneath our chairs. It didn't take us long to realise there were rats everywhere. Legs were thrown up on the seats in front of us and we tried to enjoy the film. I still love it but anytime i watch it I remember the two of us trying to play it cool in the face of a rodent onslaught.

Reservoir Dogs was the following year. I've talked about it here. He brought me and my friends to see it and it was so cool of him. He did however nope out of the film during the ear scene and has still never gone back to it.

Seven was a fun one too. The two of us in Tullamore for the must see film of 1995. Back in that glorious pre-internet era of no spoilers. We were glued to it, nerve wracked, softly cursing at the horror on the screen and then that ending. We walked out of screen 1 shell shocked, got into the car and headed for home. About halfway he turned to me and said "What the fuck did you bring me to that for?" and we laughed the rest of the way home.

I've watched so many films with him over the years. Trips to see Heat, The Rock, Timecop. I've great memories of browsing Xtravision with him, the two of us looking for that perfect watch then crying laughing when he asked for Jimmy Magee instead of Jerry Maguire. Introducing him to Scream and watching him getting angrier and angrier every time a jump scare got him. Watching too many Bond films together too remember but I know his fave one is still Live And Let Die. Going to see the Star Wars special edition re-releases with him in the late 90's and introducing him to the saga he'd missed the first time around. Him introducing me to Chariots of Fire and me trying to pretend I loved it while I slowly died of boredom. The night we watched Natural Born Killers on TV3 until he stormed out of the room in disgust. Him bringing me to see Con Air the night before my first leaving cert exam to take my mind off things. The two of us absorbed by the likes of Unforgiven and Carlito's Way and Bad Boys 2. Watching silly comedies together to help him take his mind off the manky effects of chemotherapy (never underestimate how funny someone getting smacked in the balls is). The last film I saw with him was Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri a few months back and I know he liked it because he didn't fall asleep. He's slept through a lot of shit I've made him watch.

It's been an age since we went to the cinema. The Wind That Shakes The Barley I think. Or maybe Casino Royale. Far, far too long ago whichever it was. It's time to get that sorted out.

10 films worth watching on TV this week

Love, Rosie   Sat   16/6   TG4 @ 21.30

Rosie and Alex were destined to be be together forever, but bad decisions and distance conspire to keep them apart. At times mawkish and cheesy and predictable, this drama is saved by a couple of excellent performances from Lily Collins and Jaime Winstone, with funny turns from Lorcan Cranitch and Ger Ryan adding to proceedings too. Warm, very watchable stuff.

Stalingrad   Sat   16/6   RTE2 @ 23.30

The almost 7 month long battle of Stalingrad was a defining moment of WW2 and the film is the story of 5 Russian soldiers who played their part in it. A fantastic looking war film that looks at the effects of urban warfare on both an epic and intimate scale. It's slightly melodramatic in places but it's hard not to get swept up in the sheer madness of it all. Tough going in places so be warned.

Sorcerer   Sun   17/6   Film4 @ 01.05

The roads and jungles of South America are a dangerous place as a group of men hired to drive a highly unstable and explosive shipment are about to find out. William Friedkin's remake of 1953's Wages Of Fear is a masterpiece that has thankfully been rediscovered lately. A sickeningly tense and gripping thriller that will pin you to your chair. Roy Scheider in the lead role is on fire

Source Code   Sun   17/6   ITV4 @ 22.00

A man wakes up in someone elses body on a train and finds out he has eight minutes to find a bomber on board before disaster strikes. Duncan Jones' 2011 sci-fi thriller is, after an initially confusing opening, great craic. It's silly but if you go with it you'll have a good time watching a well written and well crafted film led by a fine performance from Jake Gyllenhal. Vera Farmiga, Jeffrey Wright & Michelle Monaghan all make their own mark too.

Lucy   Mon   18/6   Film4 @ 21.00

While muling a new and mysterious drug shipment inside her stomach, a woman undergoes a drastic transformation when it leaks into her blood stream. Luc Besson directs Scarlet Johansson in this mad film that has a final 10 minutes which has to be seen to be believed. You'll either love it or hate it but you definitely haven't seen anything like it before. Johansson is solid as always and Morgan Freeman & Min-Sik Choi are always fun.

Hamburger Hill   Mon   18/6   TG4 @ 21.30

American soldiers fight the ultimate battle of attrition in their attempts to take a strategic hill in the bloodiest era of the Vietnam war. This is one tough, grisly film that makes Platoon look like Bosco. It's a realistic look at the idiocy and pointlessness of war that lets us get to know it's wide eyed and baby faced soldiers before mincing them in front of our eyes. Courtney B. Vance, Don Cheadle and Dylan McDermott stand out in a large ensemble cast.

Quatermass And The Pit   Tues   19/6   The Horror Channel @ 22.55

No list is complete without a dash of Hammer Horror so here you go. During renovation work on the London underground a mysterious vehicle is discovered with ancient remains nearby. Scientist are mystified by the discovery and things start getting weirder. This nearly 60 year old film is still an unsettling watch. Buckets of atmosphere and a nice slow burn story reveal help. Andrew Keir & Hammer regular Barbara Shelley are great leads.

Momentum   Wed   20/6   Film4 @ 21.00

A thief is pulled back into the life for one last job. Predictably things do not go to plan and she finds herself running for her life. This got some pretty awful reviews on it's initial release but I found it a good laugh, a silly bit of entertainingly forgettable fluff. Olga Kurylenko is a grand lead and the always reliable James Purefoy has a whale of a time as the nasty bad guy on her trail.

Case 39   Thurs   21/6   CH4 @ 00.50

A social worker gets personally involved in a case of a young girl and quickly finds out things are rather different to what she expected. Renee Zellweger headlines this fine thriller/horror that relies on a creepy atmosphere for it's scares rather than cheap jump moments. An unusual film for Zellweger who built her career on lighter fare but she does well here and gets solid back up from Bradley Cooper and the brilliant Ian McShane.

Dr Strangelove...   Fri   22/6   TCM @ 15.45

A masterpiece of insanity and chaos. Brigadier General Ripper has lost the plot and declared war on Russia behind the back of president. Can the members of the government war room stop a full scale nuclear war? Stanley Kubrick's 1964 film is both fantastically bonkers and a terrifying look at the darkness in the hearts of men. The cast is sublime too. Peter Sellers, Sterling Hayden, George C. Scott & Slim Pickens are all on fire.