The Snowman

Sometimes when a film is getting across the board bad reviews, my masochistic side emerges and I feel the need to see it in case it's not bad and people are just jumping on the hate bandwagon. In the case of The Snowman the trailer had me intrigued for a while so I went despite everywhere on the net telling me not too.

I should have listened. But sadly I am a fool. A silly fool. The best thing about my 2 hrs in the cinema for this was the trailer for The Last Jedi that was shown before it.

Someone is kidnapping women around Oslo and leaving their dismembered remains on display while playing snowy mind games with a troubled detective who finds himself working with a new partner who has her own agenda. Dun Dun DUNNNN. Sounds OK right? Ya, it's not.

The Snowman is a mess. A jarringly edited, disjointed mess. It's needlessly confusing and a large chunk of the film is taken up by a subplot that goes nowhere. I've read that editor extraordinaire Thelma Schoonmaker was brought on board late into production but even her skills can't save this. Whole chunks feel missing and the film is riddled with plot holes and narrative dead ends. This ain't a film she'll be putting on her CV. And it's a pity because it's a story that had potential. Not the murder mystery part, that's been done to death (sorry) but we could have gotten some bit of insight into Norwegian culture. Not many English language films are based there and it would have been nice to get a sense of the place. But nope, it snows and people smoke a lot. That's all I came away with. The film could have been set in Ireland TBH and nothing would have changed. Maybe change the title to The Rain Man but that's been done already. The opening scene is intriguing and unsettling but sadly it's all downhill from there. It's based on a book by Jo Nesbo (which I haven't read) but I still got the feeling there was far too much story here for one film. Too much is crammed in. Too many characters that only get lip service. Characters are cyphers, they don't feel real, like they are just there to move the story from A to B. They exist to pass information onto the lead. The lead character is called Harry Hole BTW. What more can you say about that. 

Cliche abounds. The lead is a troubled alcoholic haunted by his past and he's let his job ruin his personal life. His boss knows he's a loose cannon but turns the other cheek. The killer in the story kills and ritually displays his victims, a trope that was old hat in episodes of Criminal Minds 10 years ago. I often get the feeling some crime writers hate women. They seem to relish the process of dismantling them bodily. Even the identity of the killer is an eye roller. I'd be amazed if anyone is surprised by the revelation when it creakily rolls around.

"I should have made Shame 2 : Shame Harder."

Michael Fassbender in the lead is fine. I don't think he could put in a bad performance if he tried. He's one of the 2 good things about the film. Rebecca Ferguson as Katrine is wasted. It's a pity as she can be great but it seems like she was just cast to add a bit of Scandinavian authenticity to the cast. Her storyline is insulting. The supporting cast fares badly too. J.K. Simmons and Chloe Sevigny are utterly wasted, especially the latter who makes a bizarre and pointless double appearance. And why hire an actor of Simmon's skill just to land him in a role that mostly consists of leering and clinking champagne glasses. Charlotte Gainsbourg as Harry's ex Rakel plays her role like she's from space and isn't quite sure how to work the human body she's wearing and lastly there's Val Kilmer's part. Oh, this was weird. It took a few scenes before I even recognised him. I don't know if its plastic surgery or hard living but he looks like the lovechild of Brad Pitt and Pierce Brosnan now and for some strange reason his voice seems to have been dubbed over too. A very strange choice for a throwaway role. One last thing. The accents. No one even tries to sound Norwegian. Everyone sounds English or mid Atlantic and it takes you out of the film right away.

The upsides. There's not many. Actually as mentioned earlier there's two. Fassbender tries admirably in the lead and then there's the scenery. Director Tomas Alfredson has made a gorgeous looking film. That can't be denied. The snowy wastes of Norway look beautiful and in places otherworldly. It's just a pity the shots of them are in this film.

Don't waste your time or money.