10 films worth watching on TV this week

Traders   Sat   31/3   RTE2 @ 21.30

A dystopian tale about a game called Trading which involves people putting everything they have on the line in order to take part in the ultimate winner takes all game. A very different kind of Irish film here that won't be for everyone but its certainly an interesting watch. Fine cast too including Killian Scott, Barry Keoghan and Aoibhinn McGinnity. This Saturday night Irish film slot on RTE2 is deadly, loads of stuff on here that would rarely be shown otherwise.

Veteran   Sat   31/3   Film4 @ 23.10

Jo Tae-oh is a scumbag. A rich scumbag who is able to use his family's wealth and influence to buy his way out of what ever dodginess he gets involved in. But one detective has had enough of him. A very entertaining film and a cracking entry point for anyone interested in delving into Korean cinema. Starring Hwang Jung-min who is one of the most famous South Korean actors and who's filmography is well worth checking out if you can.

My Name Is Emily   Sun   1/4   TV3 @ 21.00

Emily has been living in a foster home since her father became ill and when he doesn't get in contact with her on her birthday she decides to take off and see what's up. Directed by Simon Fitzmaurice while he was succumbing to Motor Neurone disease, this is a lovely quirky and affecting Irish film with some great acting from Evanna Lynch and the brilliant Michael Smiley. 

(N.B. There's a documentary about Simon Fitzmaurice on TV3 directly after this thats really worth a watch too called It's Not Yet Dark.)

Selma   Sun   1/4   BBC2 @ 23.00

A look at 3 months in the life of Dr Martin Luther King as he took part in an effort to secure equal voting rights for African Americans in 1965. A tough, upsetting and in some places uplifting look at a period of American history that people do their best to ignore these days. Directed by Ava DuVernay and carried by a superlative performance from David Oyelowo as King this a history lesson that everyone should watch.

The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford   Sun   1/4   ITV4 @ 23.25

The well known and oft told story of the James gang but this time told from the perspective of Robert Ford, a young wannabe outlaw. This is a deep, complex and contemplative western with a pace that will be off putting to some but the acting, especially from Brad Pitt is immense. In fact the entire cast is excellent and the score from Nick Cave is one that you will download when the film is over. A beautiful film.

Dog Soldiers   Mon   2/4   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

A group of soldiers on routine training in the Scottish highlands find themselves under siege from a pack of beasts that should not exist. Neil Marshall's debut film is a joy. Hilarious, horrific, quotable, fun, disgusting and damn scary. A rare horror comedy that gets it's blend just right. All this and we get a wicked cast too. Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham and Darren Morfitt who's just hilarious as Spoon.

Song Of Granite   Mon   2/4   TG4 @ 21.30

A biography of an Irish sean nos singer by the name of Joe Heaney and his nomadic life that brought him from Galway to Glasgow and eventually America. His story though takes a background to beautiful black and white scenery and a soundtrack that will worm it's way into your head for days. It's a film that's nearly impossible to describe but one that should be experienced. A dreamlike watch from Irish director Pat Collins.

Kiki's Delivery Service   Tues   3/4   Film4 @ 12.50

Time for a bit of Studio Ghibli Animation. Something that makes every list complete. A young witch leaves home for a year and to earn a living, opens up a delivery service using her magic broom. Yeah it sounds silly but its a fantastically charming and layered little film that offers something to younger and older viewers. Hopefully film4 are showing the original Japanese language version which is far superior to the dubbed version.

Three Godfathers   Wed   4/4   TCM @ 12.50

3 cattle rustlers on the run across a desert come across a pregnant woman who dies in childbirth. They decide to do their best to bring her child to safety. This 1948 John Ford film is a western take on the tale of the 3 wise men and a very satisfying one at that. John Wayne as  Robert Marmaduke Sangster Hightower ( what a name ) gives his usual entertaining performance that suits this film perfectly. A heartwarming watch.

13 Assassins   Fri   5/4   Film4 @ 01.20

In 19th century Japan a ragtag group of Samurai come together to get some well deserved revenge on an evil feudal lord who has pissed off one too many people. Directed by Takashi Miike this is a thrilling film that eschews his usual perversity and replaces it with something resembling......well no it's still nasty but it's a far easier watch than most of his movies. A beautiful looking and well acted ballet of bloody carnage!

Ready Player One

Every now and then a film appears on the horizon and the internet goes mad about it. Sadly the vast majority of the time it's angry mad and not good joyous mad. When news was announced that Steven Spielberg was adapting Ready Player One as a film teeth started gnashing. I haven't read the book so I had no idea about the hate. But as the anger grew I wanted it to be a good film just to piss people off. The recent trailer for it didn't inspire me with confidence but fuck it, it's Spielberg. A chap who tends not to disappoint. Hmmmm...

Wade is a young man living in Columbus, Ohio in 2045. The future is bad. So bad that people are just ignoring how crappy life is by spending all their waking hours in a virtual world known as the Oasis. A place where you can be anything you want to be. Wade is known as Parzival in the Oasis and his only friends are there too. James Halliday, the creator of the Oasis has hidden 3 keys throughout this made up world and if you are willing to work hard enough to find them the Oasis will belong to you. Can you see where this is going?

Ready Player One is the kind of film that would give a glass of solpadeine a migraine(If you see it in 3D there's a chance you'll die). It's just nonstop. 140(!) minutes of madness that moves like a racehorse. Every frame filled to busting with Easter eggs and treats. As a bombastic CGI fuelled spectacle it succeeds completely. That's it though. Its a treat for the eyes but there's no food here for the soul. It is utterly devoid of heart which makes caring about anyone in the film a tough proposition.

One thing Spielberg has always been good at is making sure his films have a emotional core. That's very absent here. In his films you cared about the protagonists. Alan Grant, Brody, Celie, Oskar, Indiana, hell he even made us well up over a robot in A.I. But here there's nothing, no one to connect with. No one to go a shit about. Wade isn't unlikeable, no he's worse, he's bland. A bland know it all. I know a lot of the blame for this has to fall on the source material but it's just missing Spielberg's magic touch, that little extra that got him to where he is today. Tye Sheridan as Wade is a totally forgettable hero. Ben Mendehlson as Nolan Serrento is a forgettable baddie. The only 2 people with a bit of life to them are Olivia Cooke as Artemis and Mark Rylance as James Halliday. You won't care about them exactly but you won't be annoyed when they are onscreen.

It has its moments though. The soundtrack is great. A crazy race scene involving some very famous movie monsters, a lovingly crafted recreation of a famous movie hotel lobby and the appearances of two cinematic icons, one from one of the most underrated films of the 90's and one from a cause celebré horror film of the 80's which gives the film it's its biggest laugh. Fun moments all but fun moments inspired by other better films. That's a big problem when the best parts of your film wouldn't exist without other movies. Parts of it reminded me of walking through a shop like Forbidden Planet and pointing out things I recognised on the shelves. "Oh there's Chun-Li and Blanka!" "Wow, the pulse rifle from Aliens." It's a whole load of little bits that ultimately adds up to nothing at all.

This film is a love letter to pop culture and especially the joys of online gaming. While simultaneously telling us that spending too much time there is not really a good thing. If you don't know that world a LOT of this is going to go over your head. But if you grew up in the 1980's and aren't bothered by soulless blockbusters then you might scrap some bit of enjoyment out of this.

Damo And Ivor: The Movie

The Damo and Ivor movie is the latest in a looooong line of TV shows that have become films. It's also the latest in a looooong line of tv shows that should have stayed as TV shows. Some stories are best left as 25 minute chunks and this is one of them. But it's not without it's good points.

The titular duo are a pair of twin brothers who have been reunited after a lifetime spent apart. One grew up in posh part of South Dublin and the other in a rough area of North Dublin.They both now live with their Granny (Grano) on the North side. Their initial differences have been overcome and they've grown quite close. But Ivor (posh fella) is troubled. He wants to find his mam and his other long lost brother John Joe. One day he sees a clue to John Joe's whereabouts and decides to track him down and use this as a stepping stone to finding his mam. Damo has other ideas though.

Damo And Ivor is a very odd mish mash of a film. It's packed full of the kind of sex and drug jokes, wanking gags and crudity that defined teenage comedies like American Pie and Road Trip at the start of the century. As such it feels painfully dated, creaky and cringeworthy. A very slight story is padded out nonsensically for the first hour of the film and just when you feel the will to live starting to ebb from your body it somehow rallies in the last twenty minutes and becomes something genuinely affecting and heartfelt. It's bizarre. I'm not sure quite how it happens but I found myself rapidly moving from cringing at a jellyfish/urine joke that felt old in 1997 when Friends did it to nearly starting to cry in the space of 10 minutes. It's an impressive turnaround that almost saves the film. That first hour though. Oh it's bad. And it will put you off ham sandwiches forever.  

The TV show felt fresh and edgy. At 25 minutes or so a pop there was no time for padding and it moved like a bullet. It was fun and funny and it's darting between the different social classes added a nice commentary on 21st century Ireland. That to and fro is missing from the film and makes it feel instantly stale. Then you have supporting characters like Spuddy, Tracey and Sarah Jane who are crowbarred into the film and serving no purpose at all. I know it would have been odd to leave them out but at least they could have been given something to do rather than sitting in the background with a bag of cans. Ruth McCabe as Grano is fun as always and gives the film it's emotional core. Star Andy Quirke does good work and carries the film on his shoulders playing 3 parts all impressively different from one another. John Joe is a new creation for this film and is one that a lot of people will find problematic.

One story strand will piss people off and feels like it was written to do exactly that. It's something you would have seen in a Carry On film in the 1970's if they had made a film over here. It's a recycling of stereotypes that just does not belong in a modern day film. It ends in a heartfelt way but still feels like the writers having their cake and eating it too. "It's alright to laugh because it all works out well in the end." No. That said it does provide the film with one of its few laugh out loud moments during a misunderstanding outside a hospital. Yes I'm well aware of the hypocrisy of that last sentence btw.

Damo And Ivor:The Movie is not the worst Irish film I've seen (Man About Dog, always) but it's far, far from the best. It's packed full of lazy dated comedy and feels insanely padded at times. But fans of the show will feel a genuine hit of emotion near the end and if this is the last we see of the brothers it's not such a bad way to finish.

Raymond Cruz. Another unsung hero of film and TV

This guy. Raymond Cruz. Born and raised in notorious East Los Angeles. Becoming an actor stopped him joining a gang and we all got lucky as a result. He's as believable playing a U.S. military sniper as he is playing a tweaked out New Mexico meth dealer as he is playing a straight laced cop. In the 90's he was a go to background actor for anything from A-list blockbusters to DTV fluff and he build himself a nice career on it. Always a dependable presence and never far from the screen. 

He's been a sous chef for Steven Seagal on the USS Missouri. He's also been killed by Steven Seagal. He's taken part in a hostile takeover of Alcatraz and been shot numerous times by Nicholas Cage for his troubles. He's dealt with Gremlins in Manhattan. He's been killed in one TV show and brought back as the same character in another TV show. He's faced Matlock, Andy Sipowicz, Jessica Fletcher, both Cagney AND Lacey and none other than Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker, Texas Ranger. He's been an army sniper that saved Harrison Ford and had his head smooshed by an Ellen Ripley/Xenomorph hybrid. Arnie beat him up on one occasion and he once had a scary bathtub scene with Ethan Hawk. He's had a very gooey time with Mulder and Scully too. He's been doing his thing for over 30 years now on our screens and getting very little credit for it. Check out his career here

Clockwise from top left, The X-Files, Clear And Present Danger, Training Day, The Rock

Greatest Hits

The X-Files. Eladio in the episode El Mundo Gira. Not the best episode of this show but a fine performance from him as a Mexican migrant worker carrying a strange disease.

Clear And Present Danger. Ding Chavez. The only survivor of a group of soldiers sent to Colombia to disrupt a massive drug operation. A hardy fucker. Good at sniping and better at hiding.

Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul. Crazy 8. One of the more colourful characters around Albuquerque, New Mexico. The kind of person who makes you tense up when he's onscreen. Brilliantly terrifying.

Major Crimes. Detective Julio Sanchez. A straight shooter and all round decent chap in 92 episodes and counting of this show.

Previous heroes

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Pacific Rim Uprising

I used to love monster films as a young lad. Those brilliantly awful ones like The Land That Time Forgot or The Valley Of The Gwangi. Or the dubbed Godzilla films you'd see on Channel 4, they were always fun. I mean, what's not to love about a 100m tall lizard fighting a huge moth in the middle of Tokyo. You can't go wrong. When the Guillermo Del Toro directed Pacific Rim was released in 2013 my inner child went ape, this was a film that was going to rock. Giant monsters known as Kaiju invade Earth all around the Pacific Rim and Earth fights back using huge robots known as Jaegers. How could it not be great? Turns out it was ok. For a film with that kind of ridiculous plotline it took itself fierce seriously and for some reason all the big action scenes took place at night making it all hard to see and to top it all off we had Charlie Hunnam in the lead role who is, to say the least a charisma vacuum (im convinced The Lost City Of Z was a once off). I didn't have high hopes for this sequel but to my surprise I enjoyed it.

The story begins with the Kaiju having been defeated for over a decade and Earth has semi rebuilt its Pacific cities. Jake Pentecost is an ex Jaegar fighter who now makes a living scavenging Jaegar machinery and Kaiju bodyparts. He's the son of the heroic Stacker Pentecost but wants to be as far from his father's legacy as possible. He unwillingly finds himself back in the military fold when he breaks the law and his former expertise comes in very useful when Earth finds itself under attack from an old enemy who has learned a new trick.

Pacific Rim Uprising is a stupid film. But happily it knows its a stupid film and it just goes with it and doesn't take itself seriously at all and because of this it's more fun than it's predecessor. Most of this is down to the new lead character Jake who's played by John Boyega. Boyega has great fun here and is a far better and more appealing lead than Hunnam. He's funny self effacing, grumpy and creates chemistry with everyone he shares the screen with just like he did in The Force Awakens. He gives us a character to care about in the midst of the carnage. Ahhhh the carnage, apart from some fun character moments it's all about the carnage and we get it in spades. A Sydney thrashing battle aside most of the films fun lies in the the final showdown. It's hilarious fun, chock full of money shots.....err...not those kind of money shots but loads of moments that will wake the kid inside you and have them bouncing around with glee. And one thing this film does right that the first film got wrong is to stage the majority of its action in glorious daylight. More no struggling to see what's going on. When a monster gets bounced off a skyscraper so hard the building falls over it's great to be able to see it without getting eye strain thank you very much.

As a sequel it checks off the usual checklist of things we'd expect to see in a follow up film. Both the good and the bad. It's bigger, louder and amazingly more bombastic than the first. But a bigger cast gives us a lot of unmemorable background characters especially the new Jaegar pilots who are pretty indistinguishable from one another by the films end. Scott Eastwood as senior soldier struggles unfortunately beside the charismatic Boyega. He might look like his Da but he doesn't have an ounce of his presence. The other main sequel addition is adding a kid to the mix. Cailee Spaeny as Amara Namani is far less annoying than most kid sidekicks and adds a tiny drop of heart to proceedings. Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day and Burn Gorman all return from the original film ensuring a nice connection between the stories.

Director Steven S. DeKnight is no Guillermo Del Toro though. The best thing about the original film was the futuristic world that it created and how it really delved into its inner workings like black market dealings, man machine mind melds and giant pregnant monsters. DeKnight stands on Del Toro's shoulders here and uses his work without really adding anything new to it all. The mechanics of the Jaegar's and the gooey bodily interest in the Kaiju so prevalent in the first film is nowhere to be seen here meaning this side of the story lacks any real kind of depth. It's a pity because it's a great mythology to build on.

At the end of the day this is a film about huge monsters fighting huge robots. If you think that's too stupid for you well then you really aren't going to like it but if you want to pass a couple of hours in a crash bang wallop way this should hit the spot.

11 films worth watching on TV this week

Everest   Sat   24/3   CH4 @ 21.00

In 1996 two expert mountain climbers led an ill advised expedition up Mount Everest while a massive storm front was bearing down on them. Things did not end well. Jason Clarke and Jake Gyllenhal lead a starry cast in a pretty damn good film that will both terrify you and piss you off. Rich stupid people and their death defying hobbies always makes for gripping viewing. 

The General   Sat   24/3   RTE2 @ 21.20

The real life story of Martin Cahill, a scumbag criminal who somehow attained mythical status in 1980's and 90's Dublin. John Boorman's film is far nicer to him than he deserves and a superb performance from Brendan Gleeson turns him into someone you'll end up enjoying despite yourself. Stellar support from Adrian Dunbar, Maria Doyle-Kennedy and Sean McGinley is the icing on the cake.

A Late Quartet   Sat   24/3   BBC2 @ 22.00

A classical music quartet is upset when a medical diagnosis is announced and repressed resentments bubble to the surface and threaten their future. Catherine Keener, Christopher Walken, Imogen Poots and the late and much missed Philip Seymour Hoffman headline this wonderfully acted tale of friendship and human weakness. Plus the music is as good as you'd expect.

Some Mother's Son   Sun   25/3   RTE2 @ 00.45

Kathleen and Annie were two women caught up in the Northern Ireland conflict when their sons took part in the 1981 hunger strike led by Bobby Sands. You mightn't agree with the political convictions of the characters but you'll be hard pressed not to be moved by this touching and in places hard to watch film. Super acting from Helen Mirren and Fionnula Flanagan as the mammies.

Bringing Up Baby   Sun   25/3   BBC2 @ 13.20

A paleontologist stressed out by his impending nuptials and his museum's urgent need for a donation finds his life getting complicated by a woman who sets her sights on him and her unusual pet. This high entertaining screwball comedy directed by the great Howard Hawks is 80 this years and still feels fresh as a daisy. Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant are perfect in the lead roles.

Prisoners   Sun   25/3   TV3 @ 21.00

When his daughter goes missing a father's frustration with police efforts leads him to take matters into his own hands. Hugh Jackman is absolutely ferocious in this dark and disturbing thriller and Jake Gyllenhall as a detective investigating the case isn't too shabby either. It's a tough film, claustrophobic and harrowing in places and one that won't be for everyone. If you can stick with it though you'll be rewarded.

Tyrannosaur   Tues   27/3   Film4 @ 23.40

A deeply troubled man forms a friendship with a kind woman who works in a local shop but her friendly exterior hides her own dark secrets. This is an excellent and brutally realistic watch but it's desperately harsh stuff that will disturb you no matter how tough you think you are. Olivia Colman and Peter Mullan are perfect in the lead roles and the usually hilarious Eddie Marsan plays the part of an utter bastard to a tee..

Crank   Wed   28/3   ITV4 @ 22.00

After he's poisoned by Chinese gangsters a man has to keep his heart rate up high to survive. This film is insane. And absolutely brilliant. Jason Statham plays Chev Chelios with gusto. Whether zapping himself with electric paddles, ODing on red bull, starting fights he can't win or having very very public sex, he'll do anything to stay alive. Hilarious stuff but stay away if you are squeamish or easily offended. This is not for the weak of heart.

The Raven   Thurs   29/3   CH4 @ 01.30

Baltimore. 1849. A deranged criminal is using the works of Edgar Allen Poe to inspire themselves to murder. To stop the killings a young detective must team up with Poe himself. This bloody horror drama is silly but great fun that looks fantastic and has a superb cast including John Cusack as Poe, Alice Eve, Luke Evans and the always reliable Brendan Gleeson. Very watchable fluff.

Black Narcissus   Thur   29/3   BBC2 @ 13.00

Deborah Kerr headlines this classic story of frustrated nuns in a Himalayan convent and the psychological effect their surroundings and a newcomer in their midst has on some of them. Sounds like a dodgy porn film but its an absolute masterpiece. A fantastic looking story that's sensual in places and terrifying in others. Technically astonishing for the time too and highly influential.

Dead Man's Shoes   Fri   30/3   Film4 @ 23.10

A man returns to his hometown to get revenge on the people who tormented his brother. Yes yes i know it sounds cliched as hell but this is just magnificent stuff. It's like if Emmerdale was crossed with a slasher film and then stained with a dollop of very black humour and some horribly realistic carnage. Paddy Considine is just immense in this tense, nauseating, gripping and funny (in places) film.

Proud Mary

Mary is an assassin working for a crime family in Boston. One piece of work sees her leaving a young boy orphaned and over the course of the next year a guilt ridden Mary tracks his progress. When she sees him becoming involved in organised crime as a runner she steps in to intervene and in doing so sets off a gang war.

It sounds like a cracking crime thriller doesn't it? Yeah....it's not. 

I saw the trailer for this months ago and then it vanished. I was intrigued because it looked like a fun action packed homage to the Blaxploitation films of the 70's and so was curious as to why we weren't hearing anything about it. Then online talk made it seem it the studio had brushed it under the carpet. This was disappointing. Then it got worse when people started mentioning reasons why. Reasons like the studio had lost faith in a film with a black female lead. In a year where Black Panther could make 1.2 billion dollars this was just not on. Then the film was finally, belatedly released and I realised one big reason why we weren't hearing anything about it.

Because it's just bad. It's really crappy.

It's dull as dishwater. Taraji P. Henson as Mary aside it's full of bad acting. Danny Glover as Benny in particular feels like he's reading his dialogue off a cue card held up beside the camera. It's so underwritten no one in the film even gets a second name. No one character has any chemistry with another which has the knock on effect of giving us viewers no reason to give a shit about anyone on screen. The action scenes are boring too. Well the few of them we get. Swathes of nameless, faceless henchmen being mowed down in the most perfunctory manner. 30 year old John Woo films would wee on the action scenes in this from a great height and post John Wick these kind of by the numbers action scenes just don't cut it anymore. This contains nothing we haven't seen done better in other films. It's 85 minutes long and still manages to feel sluggish and boring. How in the name of jaysus is that even possible? And on top of that choppy editing and jarring plotlines give off a feel like a lot of story has been chopped out to make a quicker moving story. Character motivations appear out of nowhere and we are left trying to connect the dots. And don't get me started on the dirgy soul sucking violin music that plays over most of the movie, the final nail in the film's coffin. 

It really annoyed me. It's a film I wanted to like and one I wanted to see do well. How often do we get to see action films with women leads? Rarely. How often do we get to see action films with black women leads? Very very rarely. In the last ten years I can think of Colombiana and before that Catwoman maybe and then .........Pam Grier thrillers in the 1970's? This feels like such a wasted opportunity. This above poster and the trailer give off a 70's vibe that never materialises apart from in the opening minute. It's all such a lifeless generic affair. It's the kind of story you'll struggle to remember an hour after you see it.

The always reliable Henson tries her best but can't spark any bit of fun into proceedings. It's a shame because she does look pretty convincing at the physical side of the role. One 5 minute scene played out to the sounds of the title song near the end works but it's too little too late and retroactively makes the rest of the film ever worse by comparison. Did no one involved in the film look at this scene and realise that maybe, just maybe the rest of the film could use a little of the fire shown here? 

Don't bother going to this. It's a big disappointment.

A perfect pairing of sound & vision. Grosse Point Blank.

Martin Blank is back in the town he grew up in for his high school reunion. Martin is also an accomplished hitman who has pissed off a lot of people in his time. One of them decides to turn up during the reunion and havoc ensues. A scene that goes from nostalgic to action packed to vicious in the space of a minute. Watch it below.



It's a perfect combination of music and visuals. A brutally realistic scrap a million miles from the wrestles and slaps of a normal school fight all played out to the sounds of Mirror In The Bathroom by The Beat which seems to suit the onscreen action perfectly. Even better is the fact that we can clearly see John Cusack doing all his own stunts. And better still is the chap he's fighting is Benny Urquidez, an accomplished fighter and movie choreographer who trains him in martial arts in real life. Watch the rest of the scene here 

Remember the good old times when John Cusack made must see movies. I miss those days.

Previous parts

Mean Streets
Watership Down
Casablanca
Zodiac
Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission
Before Sunset
Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas
Last Of The Mohicans

Mary Magdalene

I went to see The Passion Of Christ when it came out in the cinema in 2004. It was a fine film, but horrifically violent and one I'm sure I'll never watch again but I'm glad I watched it. I made the mistake of mentioning it on twitter once. One of those horrible die hard atheists jumped on the tweet. "Are you religious" they asked? "Not in the slightest" I replied. "Why would you go and see it then" they asked. "I dunno, I don't believe in vampires either but that isn't going to stop me from watching a Christopher Lee film" I replied. He of course blocked me. I tell this story to stave off any silly questions of why I'd go to see this film.

Mary was a young Jewish woman who worked with her fisherman family in Judea in the year 33. When  she shuns her family's choice of a husband they assume she has the devil in her and in trying to cure her bring her into contact with a man who can allegedly perform miracles, Jesus Christ. This encounter changes the course of Mary's life. But not in the way we were taught.

Mary Magdalene is a fine film and one that's well acted by everyone involved. One big issue aside i liked it a lot more than expected. It takes a tale that's been told a thousand times and adds a modern touch to it. The Mary Magdalene portrayed in this film is light years from the Mary Magdalene we learned about in school and Rooney Mara brings her to life wonderfully. This is a woman that radiates warmth and humanity and empathy. She gives the film a warm beating heart and the rest of the pieces of the story fall into place around her. Director Garth Davis (Lion) has a fine eye for the visuals too. A striking scene of a woman sinking slowly into the depths of a lake. The fantastic recreation of Christ era Jerusalem and it's crowds deep in religious fervour and those stunning wide angle shots of the landscape that zoom in on the people within them.

The film's take on Jesus is slightly different to what we've seen before too. The perpetual suffering is present and correct but Joaquin Phoenix's take on him is as askew as you'd expect from him. A little bit cracked, a little bit unnerving. The kind of beardy chap you'd hate to see walking towards you on a bus. But as always he's good and creates a character who's totally believable as a person people would flock too.

It skips a lot of the story though and people not familiar may find some of it a touch confusing, especially the motivations of one major character. My other criticism is one that is perennial with this story. The white washing. It happens everytime a film version of this story is made and it seems like filmmakers never learn. Phoenix's Christ is just about passable as he is 90% beard but Mara's Mary is so pale she's nearly transparent. In some scenes she stands out like a sore thumb.

These annoyances aside director Garth Davis has made a fine film about women's place in religion and how much things haven't really changed for them in 2000 years. It's deep stuff, thoughtful and in places fierce emotional. Thankfully it eschews the horrors of The Passion Of The Christ too and leaves it's violence only barely hinted at. It's a humane film that will move you if you let it.

Tomb Raider

Video game to film adaptions generally suck. There's the truly bad ones like Super Mario Bros, Max Payne, Far Cry and Bloodrayne, shoddy ones with some good moments like Doom, Prince Of Persia, Hitman and Warcraft. And every now and then you get a genuinely solid adaption like Silent Hill which understands its source material and really works. This reboot of the Tomb Raider film series falls between the second and third category.

Lara Croft is a bike messenger in London. Her father went missing 7 years ago and she turned her back on her fancy life and set out to do her own thing. When her father's company contacts her to sign papers declaring him legally dead she receives a clue that sets her on a path towards answering the mystery of his disappearance.

I enjoyed this. It's good silly fun that looks lovely. It never gets boring and once it finds it's stride it never slows down. Alicia Vikander makes an excellent Lara and her physicality makes her look genuinely convincing taking on a few hulking baddies. Unlike the previous Tomb Raider films she makes Lara Croft feel like a real person and not just a pneumonic one liner machine. She's warm and her memories of her father and how she deals with those give the film a human core. If you are a fan of the games you'll get a big kick out of  the 3 or 4 set-pieces that have been lifted directly from the 2013 reboot of the game too. One thing video game adaptions do wrong is straying too far from their source material and alienating the fans. This adds to the Croft saga but at the same time gives us plenty of familiar material that will make the geeks out there smile wide. You'll certainly get more out of this film if you've played the newer versions of the game too. One nod to fans comes right at the end of the film and will help satisfy those who feel something is missing.

Like the crappy Angelina Jolie take on the series this film is somewhat lacking in a rather important aspect the the game. Actual tomb raiding. One of the main joys of the games was wondering into a dark tomb and solving intricate puzzles to both survive and find treasure. It does happen in the film but only once and while pretty cool was just not enough. Also a lot of the time Lara is in a group or interacting with other characters whereas in the games you spend most of the time by yourself, exploring or taking on armies. The game was unique in that aspect, a young woman taking on baddies by herself and I wish we'd got to see more of that here. One complaint I've heard about this film is the earlier scenes slow the pace and feel wedged in. But in the context of the story they work. They show us what the main character is capable so later scenes of her in action feel right. It's a good way to curb the Mary Sue accusations that always seem to be thrown at action films with women in the lead.

A few complaints aside they got the feel right though. The stuff that works really works. Vikander as Lara is pitch perfect. The Island location. An escape from a collapsing tomb, jumps across yawning chasms with only her trusty pick axe to save her and one stealthy scene involving a bow and arrow that quickly turns violent evokes great memories of the game. This last one is a moment that will make the gamers in the audience whoop. Even though this is a 12 certificate film they've managed to carry the game's brutality across to the screen. Lara's first kill is a vicious moment that may shock some parents who've brought their kids. Walton Goggins as the big bad is a nasty piece of work too. Far less likable than in his TV roles but he does enough to make you want to see him suffer.

Go see this is you want to see an iconic video game heroine do her thing for 2 hrs. It's a solid start to cinema's newest franchise. It's far from perfect but it's still very entertaining.

Giving blood for the first time.

I gave blood for the first time the other day. Was walking home and saw the sign and said fuck it, now or never. I'm glad I did. The oncology department in UHL has been great to my father over the past few years and I felt like it was time to do my part to help out the health service. Every little helps and all that.

I hate needles so as you can imagine I was slightly jumpy at the thought of having one voluntarily stuck into me. Tattoos?? Hahaha. Not for this fella. The donation centre was in the Southcourt hotel which was 400 metres from my gaff so I knew I'd have no hassle getting home if I chickened out. The risks of that were damn high.

Intake started at 5pm so I said I'd get there at the start to beat the crowds. Ya, that didn't work out. There was 50 other people with the same idea so I popped into a chair for a long wait. I pulled out my phone to discover that, horror of horrors, I only had 23% left. Fuck sake. This was going to be fun. Happily an aul fella by the name of Tom sat down beside me and for the next 30 minutes happily fielded a barrage of questions from a nervous Tipperary man.

Finally I got to register. As a first time donor I had to give all my contact details and sign my life away. I was then given a form to fill out and a load of pencils that, well tbh, I fleeced those. The forms were slightly intimidating and I was surprised to see just how many barriers there are to giving blood in Ireland. Fella in love with a fella, no go. Ever lived in the UK between 1980-1996, no go. Like a touch of Colombian marching powder, get out. And so on and so forth. TBH there were so many restrictions it's a wonder they get any blood at all. Once the form was filled out I popped it in a box and waited.

And waited.

An hour later I was called by a nurse named Rachel into a cubicle where I had to confirm my name and date of birth. Then all the questions I'd ticked off were painstakingly gone through. I get the point in it all but Jesus you'd want to be patient. Finally she needed to do an iron test to see if I could donate. Sadly the fact that I'm a 39 year old man didn't stop me from smiling when she said Id feel a little prick on my finger. I'm still embarrassed about that. I needed an iron level of +13 to be able to donate and I passed that test with flying colours. I can't lie, at this stage I was sort of hoping I'd fail and get send home. That was not to be.

Back to the waiting area and I resigned myself to another hour of a wait. But here's where things started moving rapidly. Not 5 minutes later I was called. The fear kicked in. But in the end there was nothing to fear at all. The nurse taking my blood was a lovely Asian woman who's name I wouldn't have a chance of spelling and she explained the whole process to me. And best of all she had the needle in my arm before I could even squirm away from her. That was it. All I had to do then was lie there for the next 8 minutes occasionally making a fist to help the blood flow. When it was all over I just had to slowly rise to a sitting position and when there wasn't any dizziness I could go to the canteen for a drink and something sweet. Club orange and a purple shnack of course.

Something I'd been terrified about for years was something that really wasn't scary at all. The only hard part was the waiting and that part was unusually long because they were understaffed that night.

It's something that's well worth doing.

Just remember these three things.

Don't go if you are sick.

Drink and eat plenty beforehand.

Don't get up too quickly at the end.

You'll be delighted with yourself if you go. It feels good to do something good.

10 films worth watching on TV this week

Suite Francaise   Sat   17/3   BBC2 @ 21.00

France. 1940. A woman awaits news of a loved one who is missing in action but when German soldiers pour into the town the spectre of forbidden love raises its head. A slightly soap opera-ish storyline maybe but well made in an old fashioned style and buoyed by excellent acting from a fine cast led by the always reliable Michelle Williams and Matthias Schoenaerts.

I Went Down   Sat   17/3   RTE2 @ 21.15

Two criminals travel into the wilds of middle Ireland to carry out a kidnapping at the behest of a man who owns them both. Things dont work out exactly as planned. For my money this is one the the most best Irish comedies ever made. Brendan Gleeson is on fire as Bunny Kelly and Peter McDonald is good craic in his film debut. As always with Irish films the laughs come with a healthy dose of pathos and the two blend brilliantly.

Citadel   Sun   18/3   Film4 @ 00.40

A young father must face his worst fears to protect his family from a gang of vile little bastards. Dublin born director Ciaran Foy's 2012 horror is a unique stunner and one of those films that get under your skin and linger in your brain. It's nightmarish unnerving stuff and won't be for everyone though. Aneurin Bernard and James Cosmo as the leads do good work.

Catch Me If You Can   Sun   18/3   BBC2 @ 17.45

The story of Frank Abagnale, a teenager who conned his way around the world. Leonardo DiCaprio is fun in the lead role and Tom Hanks is solid as always as the FBI agent tasked with catching him. Throw in Christopher Walken in super form as Frank's Da as the icing on the cake  A sorely underrated film from Steven Spielberg right here. A very entertaining watch but with a dark cautionary edge.

Wish I Was Here   Mon   19/3   Film4 @ 23.15

When a couple make a decision to home school their kids, a man who has lost his way in life begins to learn about himself. Written, directed by and starring the always likable Zach Braff this is a nice, quiet enjoyable little film that makes a nice companion piece to his debut movie, the lovely Garden State. Lovelysoundtrack and cast in this too including Kate Hudson, Mandy Patinkin and a certain former Scrubs cast member.

The Prisoner Of Second Avenue   Tues   20/3   TCM @ 18.50 

A happily married well off couple in Manhattan find their lives turned upside down after a run of bad luck during a recession knocks them on their arses. But they aren't going out without a fight. From the pen of Neil Simon and starring Jack Lemmon & Anne Bancroft, both great, this sounds depressing but it's anything but. A darkly hilarious comedy drama that still resonates in this age of uncertainty.

Spy   Wed   21/3   RTE2 @ 21.00

Susan Cooper works a deskjob for the CIA. When a mission goes sideways she finally gets called into action and we get to see exactly what she's made of. I loved this. It's so much fun and genuine belly laughs aside it's a cracking action film too. Melissa McCarthy is always worth a watch and gets brilliant support from Jude Law, Rose Byrne and Alison Janney. Jason Statham though is priceless and we need to see him do more comedy soon.

Short Term 12   Thur   22/3   BBC1 @ 00.40

Grace is a supervisor at a care facility for troubled teenagers called Short Term 12. It's a tough job both physically and mentally and made harder when Grace's personal life becomes complicated. Brie Larson is fantastic in a sobering and genuinely moving story about the people helping those on the fringes of society that always get ignored. Upcoming star LaKeith Stanfield is superb as one of the teens in her charge.

The Relic   Thur   22/3  The Horror Channel @ 00.40

Something is causing havoc in the Chicago natural history museum and it's up to Dr Margo Green to figure out what it is. This could have been a schlocky disaster but in the hands of leading lady Penelope Anne Miller & veteran director Peter Hyams it's instead genuinely well made and very watchable. A nicely atmospheric movie and with some solid gory shocks that goes haywire in the best way near the end.

The 36th Chamber Of Shaolin   Fri   23/3   Film4 @ 01.20

After suffering a huge tragedy a young Chinese student enters a Shaolin chamber to learn the techniques he needs for revenge. These lessons aren't easy though. A very entertaining watch, fun, unique, inventive and chock full of imagination. Extremely influential too. 40 years later you'll still see homages to it regularly. Gordon Liu as the man with the plan is great, an immense physical presence.