X-Men : Dark Phoenix

X-Men : Dark Phoenix is the twelfth film in the series. It's out today. Reviews have not been kind to say the least. Some have even called it the worst film of that lot. It's not, but it's not far off. IMO Apocalypse and Wolverine : Origins are far worse. It has a lot of flaws, there's no denying it. Supposedly this is the last X-Men film and based on this it's time to go. For a while anyway. Cos you know it's going to be back.

As a child Jean Grey's (Sophie Turner) psychic powers were unleashed and she lost her parents as a result. She was taken under the wing of Charles Xavier (James McEvoy) and at his school for gifted children she flourished. 19 years later Jean and her fellow X-Men (X-People?) find themselves on a mission in space where she takes the full brunt of what's assumed to be a solar flare. When she recovers it's realised the flare has changed her in very dangerous ways. Ways that could spell massive danger for the human race. DundunDUNNN!

Avengers : Endgame came out in April and blew away all the competition. It's the kind of comic book epic that makes everything else look inconsequential in comparison. Dark Phoenix has the misfortune to arrive in it's wake and it's impact is blunted in comparison. Well that's one of it's problems anyway. The Dark Phoenix storyline that this film is based on and it's impact on Jean Grey and her lycra clad buddies is one so famous that even non comic book fans have heard of it and as such you'd expect it to get reverential treatment. Or at least play out better than it did in X-Men : The Last Stand. Sadly it all really comes to nothing and it's emotional impact barely exists because this version of Jean has only been one screen once before (the godawful Apocalypse) meaning we don't really empathise with her at all.

Earlier this year Disney bought the company that own the rights to X-Men, 20th Century Fox. This means the X-Men are back under the Marvel umbrella (where it will no doubt be rebooted). To finish their run of X-Men movies 20th Century Fox pumped out one last film and in doing so rushed a storyline that needed to take it's time. It's annoying because had it been done right we could have had a franchise ending to rival Endgame. It's too late now. The damage is done. But that's not to say there's no bit of goodness along the way. A violently inventive battle onboard a speeding train strains the film's 12A certificate to it's very limits. We get to see Charles Xavier in a new light as the popularity of his creation starts to go to his head and a couple of genuinely affecting turns from Sophie Turner and Nicholas Hoult as Beast give proceedings a much needed heft. It's not enough though. By far.

Quicksilver, the MVP from Days Of Future Past and Apocalypse is sidelined almost instantly. Storm, as always is dreadful. A potentially interesting aside about sexism and the name of the team comes to nothing. The great Magneto gets nothing to do apart from a pointless tug of war and a throw out a few nifty battle moves. You can almost sense the waves of boredom pouring of a very wasted Michael Fassbender. Think back to the amazing X-Men : First Class and how good he was in it. Now look at what he gets to do here. A painful comparison. Jessica Chastain turns up in the role of an eyebrow-less baddy and once again shows up the biggest problem with modern day comic book movies - shit bad guys. She's as unthreatening as the milky bar kid in a grumpy mood. Throw in some exceedingly ropey and unfinished looking effects and a timeline that doesn't bear thinking about and you have a disappointing end to a once killer franchise.

This mess was directed by Simon Kinberg, a writer/producer involved with the X-Men saga since 2006. His first job in this franchise was taking on the Dark Phoenix storyline in X-Men : The Last Stand which at the time turned out to be a series low point. You'd think he'd see a chance to rewrite it all as something to grab with both hands and do right but somehow it's ended up even worse. How the fuck did that happen eh?

Shoddy, shoddy, shoddy.