July 22, 2019

Cinema before the internet.


1995. I was 16 and going with my father to the cinema in Tullamore to see Se7en. I'd heard it was fantastic but knew little else about it. Yer man from The Shawshank Redemption was in it and yer man with the hair from Legends Of The Fall was in it too. We sat down, the lights dropped, I was happy out when I recognised Nine Inch Nails playing the song over the opening credits.

Cut to 2 hrs later.

We stumbled out into the foyer, about 100 of us. I felt like I'd been kicked in the head and the balls. Jesus, that was amazing, horrific, crazy but amazing. Me Da was rattled, "Ronan, what the fuck did you just drag me to see?" I was buzzing.

Imagine Se7en these days. Not a hope would that ending remain unspoiled. I can just imagine the trailer for it and the taglines. "An amazing twist ending" "The ending will blow your mind" etc etc. And Kevin Spacey's sudden appearance 3/4's of the way into the film, well there isn't a hope that would have been a surprise. Some dope would have ruined it. So many people and reviews feel the need to tell us there's a surprise twist in a film. Just telling us that is a spoiler even if you don't divulge the details. Knowing there's a twist ruins it's effectiveness because we are sitting there waiting for it to happen.

Case in point. 2000. The early(ish) days of the internet. The Sixth Sense is out. Internet bulletin boards (remember those) are awash with buzz. Talks of a mega twist abound. We went to see it and from the start I couldn't enjoy it. I was sitting there wondering what it would be. And then maybe 20 minutes into the film during an oddly one sided dinner conversation I copped it. I was sickened. If i hadn't heard about the twist I'd have never copped it. I was jealous as the gasps and screams of realisation rattled around the auditorium.

If bulletin boards and film forums were bad, then twitter and facebook are many magnitudes worse. Imagine if twitter had been around for some of the classic twists of cinema.

Certain old films are spoiled below. See if you know them all?

"Rosebud was his sled #moneycantbuyeverything #wtf "

"He was Keyser Soze. I can't even...... I'm offended by his pretend limp"

"Costner was a sleeper agent all along?????" #brainmelted

"Why is the Statue of Liberty on the planet of the apes........oh sweet jesus"

"Her sister is .... her daughter too!!"

"He's dressed as his mammy!!! Where's his fuckin mammy so??"

"Nah, he has to be lying. He can't be Luke's Da! Darth bullshitter more like."

"I can't believe Walken pulled the trigger." #madfucker

"Jaysus, i thought Jacob's Ladder was a film about DIY. Not this!"

"So it was Tom Doniphon that shot Liberty. Janey mac. Gwan John Wayne"

Each and every one of these would have been destroyed had social media existed. People just can't help themselves. A good twist turns people silly and they lose any bit of sense they have. And it happens online everyday. Every film and TV show with a surprise is neutered. It's a pity.

But at least we got the classics above unscathed. That's something.





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