Corona concentration

Anyone else finding their concentration is absolutely shot. Can't focus on fuck all. Can't even focus on a film I've seen before let alone a new one. It's a very very insignificant issue really but when you've loads of time to fill and you aren't supposed to leave your gaff it's a bit of a pain in the hoop. One new film in 3 weeks. Oh this will not do.

Time to knuckle down and force myself back into some kind of normality.

18 films worth your time showing on TV this week

Girl's Trip   28/3   CH4 @ 21.00

Over the years the Flossy Posse has grown apart but a trip to New Orleans gives 4 women a chance to reconnect. The Big Easy isn't going to know what hit it. This 2017 comedy is as vulgar and raunchy as any of it's male counterparts but it also has a bucketload of heart and a cast of very likable characters. Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith and Tina Haddish especially put in some excellent work here.

The Tailor Of Panama   Sat   28/3   TG4 @ 21.25

Andy's an M16 agent in Panama. Harry's a British tailor with a client list full of the rich and powerful of Panama. When he meets Andy his life turns upside down. John Boorman's take on John LeCarre's novel is an entertaining and atmospheric watch brought to life by two finely tuned performances from Geoffrey Rush and an exceedingly rogueish Pierce Brosnan who plays a spy doing things his Bond never got to do.

Race   Sat   28/3   RTE2 @ 21.30

The story of Jesse Owens. The fastest man in athletics in the 1930's. A Black man fast enough to earn a place in the Olympic games. The 1936 Olympics games, being held right in the capital of nazi Germany. Stephan James does the lead role justice in a powerful story about racism and raging against the machine. Carice Van Houten makes a strong showing as Leni Riefenstahl, the infamous face behind all of Hitler's propaganda.

Death Of A Superhero   Sun   29/3   RTE2 @ 00.55

A young Dublin teen called Donald is dying of cancer and loses himself in his hobby of comic book drawing to avoid it all. His new therapist wants to help him accept the reality of his situation. A heartening and humane watch that will uplift and upset you in equal measure. First rate performances from Thomas Brodie Sangster and Andy Serkis buoy the story and there's nice Irish support from Sharon Horgan and Michael McElhatton.

The Maltese Falcon   Sun   29/3   TCM @ 12.50

One of the all time great crime films. A twisty turny tale of a detective searching for a priceless statue and the dodgy heads he meets along the way. Full of mystery, intrigue, hard boiled dialogue and played to perfection by a cast for the ages that includes Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, Walter Huston & especially Peter Lorre. Yes its dated but that's all part of the fun of films like this. It's a bit of cinematic history and deserves to be watched.

Charade   Sun   29/3   TG4 @ 16.20

Regina is in a spot of bother. Her fella is dead, her house is gone and her money is kaput. 3 men are after her for something her husband did. Her only hope is a charming stranger called Peter. This is an enjoyable watch, a perfect sunday afternoon movie full of action, suspense, comedy and a smattering of romance. Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant and a fresh faced Walter Matthau keep things moving along nicely.

Jawbone   Sun   29/3   BBC2 @ 22.45

Johnny's hit the bottom. Drink has ruined him and he has nothing left. Nothing but his fists. His old trainer Bill gets him one last chance to dig himself out of his hole. Yup, all the cliches clash together here but a scalding showing from Johnny Harris in the lead role will keep you pinned to your chair throughout. Not so much a film about the sport but one about redemption. Michael Smiley and Ian MacShane do well in support.

The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty   Mon   30/3   CH4 @ 01.30

A chronic day dreamer trying to save his job finds himself on an adventure that tops anything even his wildest imagination could come up with. A delightful bit of family viewing that for some bizarre reason is being shown after midnight. Highly amusing, imaginative, exhilarating, lovely looking and ably led by Ben Stiller who for once is surprisingly likable. Nice support too from the always welcome Kristen Wiig and Kathryn Hahn.

The Boxer   Mon   30/3   TG4 @ 21.30

A pugilist named Danny Flynn returns to a very divided Belfast after a long time away and sets about rebuilding his life and his community. Sectarian hatred doesn't like change though. Jim Sheridan's drama is dark, grim stuff and a damning indictment of the troubles and the pointless chaos caused by it all. Daniel Day Lewis as always is immense and here he gets exceptional support from Emily Watson and a detestable Gerard McSorley.

Creepshow   Tues   31/3   Film4 @ 01.25

An anthology of horror from the master George A. Romero to help you forget real life fears for an hour or two. Based on the gory comic books of the 1950's we get tales of terror about patricide, strange meteorites, adultery and slimy businessman getting their comeuppance. Gloriously silly and hilarious fun. An eclectic cast that includes Hal Holbrook, Adrienne Barbeau and Ted Danson adds to the joy.

Journey To The Centre Of The Earth   Tues   31/3   Film4 @ 16.10

A professor and his gang of merry headers decide a trip to the centre of the earth is in order and head into a volcano. What they find comes as a bit of a surprise to them. This 1959 take on Jules Verne's famous novel is a great one to watch with the kids. The fx might be a bit dated but there's loads to enjoy here and plenty of imagination on display. James Masom, Arlene Dahl and Thayer David lead a game cast.

The Two Faces Of January   Wed   1/4   CH4 @ 01.10

An experienced con artist working the streets of Athens finds himself up to his neck in hot water when he encounters a glamorous American couple seeing the sights. This 60's set but modern day take on Hitchcock is a diverting and sun drenching slice of intrigue and mystery. It mightn't live up to his standards but the willing cast of Oscar Isaac, Kirsten Dunst and Viggo Mortenson do good work.

Doom   Wed   1/4   Syfy @ 21.00

Mars. The future. Something peculiar is happening at a research station and a gang of space marines are sent in to sort things out. Yep it's Aliens but this time there's a supernatural twist. If you can take the silliness there's a lot of craic to be had here and the first person shooter nod to the game is a serious blast of excitement. Karl Urban, Rosamund Pike and Dwayne Johnson lead a cast of familiar faces who you just know will be mincemeat by the end credits.

Charley Varrick   Thur   2/4   TCM @ 01.10

After a bloody but successful bank robbery a man and his friend go on the run. Things get scary when they realise they've robbed a mob run bank. One robber wants to lay low but the other......well....he doesn't. Don Siegel's thriller is a classic, a smart and well paced movie that crackles with giddy tension. Walter Matthau, Andy Robinson and a scary Joe Don Baker all do mighty work in a perfect example of 70's crime cinema.

The Innkeepers   Thur   2/4   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Claire and Luke work at the Yankee Pedlar Inn and in the days before it shuts down they decide to investigate the truth of the rumours surrounding the place. Ti West's horror movie is one that starts out in a funny place and ends up in a very very dark one. It's quite a slowburn watch but it's quirks and it's chills keep it interesting. Sara Paxton and Pat Healy do solid work as a a pair you'll grow fond of.

Big Jake   Fri   3/4   TG4 @ 21.05

A cattle ranch is attacked and a child is taken hostage. The vicious kidnappers want an astronomical sum and there's only one solution to the problem. The child's grandfather. A cowboy known as Big Jake. This latter day John Wayne film hits every beat you'd expect and you'll get plenty of excitement along the way, plus you'll even get a few laughs into the bargain. John Wayne, Maureen O'Hara and Richard Boone all add to the mix.

Hellraiser   Fri   3/4   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

A family moves into the father's childhood home and they soon realise they have made a massive mistake. Clive Barker's 1987 horror masterpiece is flat out disgusting in places but it's a seriously effective slice of grand guignol that has so far spawned 9(!!) sequels. This one is of course the best laced with intelligence and numerous moral shades of grey. Andrew Robinson and Clare Higgins are decent as a couple thrown headlong into a nightmare.

Midnight Special   Fri   3/4   BBC2 @ 23.05

Alton is a different kind of boy and when his father sneaks him away from those who want to exploit him the U.S. government decides to get involved. Jeff Nichol's low-key sci-fi drama roadtrip movie is an intriguing watch. It's not fully successful but it will keep you watching to the end. The cast though is top notch with Michael Shannon, Adam Driver, Kirsten Dunst & Joel Edgerton all doing fine work in their parts.

Anxious brain

Anxiety. Not a fan of it. That timebomb feeling in your guts is never a good sign.  Been a lot of it around in the last few weeks. The rapid fire of thoughts that rattle through your brain is a killer.

I wonder when the buses will stop running?

Is the driver ok?

I wish I didn't have to touch that button to stop the bus.

Shit, did I touch it without my sleeve pulled over my hand?

Why am I not wearing gloves?

Fuck it, did I just touch my face?

That itch in my throat first thing in the morning, is it the virus or am I just thirsty?

How many people that I know will get it?

Will some of them die?

What does a tube down your throat feel like?

Do I have an underlying condition I don't know about?

Will the shops be open?

Will there be stock?

Will I be able to do the shop and stay 6ft away from people at all times?

Did someone sick touch this can of beans before me?

Why didn't I wear gloves?

FUCK I scratched my nose again.

Hmmm, that missed call from home, is it bad news?

Christ, another RTE news alert. How many infected now?

Why isn't there any pasta left?

Oh there's Owen, I hope he doesn't stand too close to me. Why is he standing so close to me?

That fucker has pasta.

The new norm sucks.

14 films on TV this week to help you relax

A Man Of No Importance   Sat   21/3   TG4 @ 21.15

A gay bus conductor in 1960's Ireland is finding life a struggle. He fancies a co-worker while his sister tries to set him up with a woman and his coping mechanism is the Oscar Wilde plays him and his amateur troupe take part in. A touching, sad but humorous look at a time in Irish life where being seen as different was a nightmare. Albert Finney is immense in the lead role and Brenda Fricker is as always, splendid.

Diego Maradona   Sat   21/3   Ch4 @ 21.00

A documentary about the life of a man considered by many to be the best football player ever. From his humble beginnings on the outskirts of Buenos Aires to his crash and burn retirement from the sport in 90's Italy. Even if you don't like the game or the man this is a stunning watch. Shot like a thriller and full of twists and turns that would seem far fetched in a work of fiction. A doc that's up there with the best.

Hell Or High Water   Sat   21/3   CH4 @ 23.35

Two brothers traverse the state of Texas robbing banks. On their trail are two veteran Texas rangers. It's only a matter of time before their paths cross. This modern take on the western genre is a fantastic watch. Gripping, exciting, emotional and very topical. Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Jeff Bridges and Gil Bermingham as the leads put in flawless performances. Has the type of ending that will remind you why you love film.

Steel Magnolias   Sun   22/3   TG4 @ 16.10

A film about the lives and loves of a group of woman who frequent a beauty parlour in a small Southern town and the new arrival they take under their wing. Sunday afternoon, the perfect time for a weepie. This one delivers in spades but it's also hilarious and full to the hilt with heart and a cast for the ages. A baby faced Julia Roberts joins Sally Field, Olympia Dukakis, Darly Hannah and a brilliantly ascerbic Shirley MacClaine.

Mindhorn   Sun   22/3   BBC2 @ 22.45

Richard Thorncroft, a washed up actor best known for a 30 year old show is dragged back into the public eye when a serial killer who believes the show was real decides he'll only talk to him. If you grew up on 70's and 80's TV you'll have a whale of a time with this. Full of glorious little touches and perfectly handled homages to a cheesier era. It's great craic and the very familiar cast lead by Julian Barrett all enjoy themselves.

The Golden Dream   Mon   23/3   Film4 @ 01.40

Sarah, Chauk and Juan, 3 teenagers from Guatemala are headed north in search of the American dream. Between them and their future is Mexico. Mexico is a tough land for the ill prepared. This 2013 drama is a harsh and thought provoking watch about the forgotten people of central America but it's a film that will in the end do your heart good. Brandon López, Rodolfo Domínguez and Karen Noemí Martínez Pineda all do well as our protagonists.

Death Wish   Mon   23/3   ITV4 @ 22.00

Paul Kersey, a mild mannered architect in New York City was as peaceful as men could be. Until violence crashed into his family's life and broke them irreparably. The original and the best of the series and a very different beast to the latter films. It is offensive and offputting in places but it paints a very vivid picture of New York City in the 1970's. Charles Bronson uses his screen persona to solid effect here.

Black Sheep   Tues   24/3   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Genetic experiments in a small New Zealand town have turned sheep into ferocious carnivores and it's up to the townsfolk to stop them. Yes I know this sounds terrible but it's actually hilarious. Hilarious in an absolutely disgusting way. If you've seen and loved the early work of Peter Jackson this will be right up your street. Do not watch if you are anyway squeamish however.

Flight Of The Navigator   Wed   25/3   Syfy @ 21.00

If you were an 80's kid you'll remember this one. A young boy goes into the woods and reappears 8 years later. Scientists then try to figure out what happened to him. It turns out quite a bit happened. A thoroughly agreeable and charming sci-fi film that OK, looks a bit dated but its a good one to record and watch with the family. Joey Cramer makes for a fine lead. This one's all about nostalgia. I think we need it.

Big Game   Thur   26/3   Film4 @ 22.50

A young Finnish boy gets more than he bargained for when he comes across a downed plane one day as he is out hunting. The person on board is a rather important one. This film is so much fun. Yeah, it's over the top and outright ridiculous in places but if you let yourself go with it you'll have a wicked laugh. Onni Tommila as the young chap is fine but Samuel L. Jackson and Ray Stevenson are a scream.

Pitch Perfect   Fri   27/3   ITV2 @ 21.00

A freshman student called Beca is pushed into an all woman singing group and to her surprise begins to enjoy it and finally appreciate college life. Then they enter a competition. Some will be sceptical (yes you lads) but its a film i guarantee you'll get sucked into. It's very entertaining and a brace of likable performances help immensely. Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and especially Rebel Wilson bring the smiles. Quirky, goofy, feelgood stuff.

Florence Foster Jenkins   Fri   27/3   RTE2 @ 21.35

Florence Foster Jenkins was a rich New York heiress who only wanted one thing from life - to perform her songs onstage at Carnagie Hall. There was one issue though, Florence was a terrible singer. A very amusing and surprisingly moving look at what can be achieved when you have enough money. Meryl Streep is tremendous as the titular character, I really wish she'd do more comedy. Simon Helberg and Hugh Grant as the men in her life do decent work too.

Witness   Fri   27/3   BBC1 @ 22.45

In a Philadelphia train station a young Amish boy witnesses a murder and now the killers are out for his blood. To protect him a cop goes undercover in the Amish community and learns their way of life. A fine, slowburn thriller from director Peter Weir that gives up a look at a way of life rarely seen onscreen, while hitting all the beats you'd expect a crime drama to hit. Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis work well together.

The Lost City Of Z   Fri   27/3   BBC2 @ 23.05

The life and times of Sir Percival Wallace, a British army Colonel who was one of the first outsiders to explore the Amazon jungle, a place he rapidly became obsessed with. My favourite film of 2017. An old fashioned drama with an epic scope, that's full of wonder and amazement. Charlie Hunnam does career best work as Wallace and Sienna Miller, Robert Pattinson and Tom Holland back him up admirably.

The films that comfort you

What are the films or shows you always go back to? The ones you know will cheer you up when you having a shitty day? The ones you know will entertain you when you can't be arsed to look for anything else? The ones you dig out that you can watch from under a duvet on the couch which you've seen so many times you can just mouth the dialogue in big chunks. The ones that just make you feel good?

I've a few I'll be going back to over the next weeks and months. More than a few.

The Sure Thing

You really can't go wrong with an 80's John Cusack film. Well no, you can, One Crazy Summer but let's ignore that one. The Sure Thing is the perfect film to cheer you up. An aul romantic comedy with a very recognisable and relatable main character. Gib, a loveable fuck up. But a fuck up in the Hollywood sense, one that can still get into an Ivy league school. This is a real opposites attract film, the type where you know how its going to end but you still love it. And that's why it's a perfect comfort watch. You know the destination so can lie back and enjoy the journey. Literally. It is a road trip movie after all. Throw in a few proper belly laughs and you have a super way to pass a couple of self isolation hours.

Midnight Run

My all time favourite comedy. A buddy movie par excellence. A bounty hunter and his quarry travelling across American while being chased by the mafia and the law. The film that made the vast majority of us realise there was more to Robert De Niro than menacing sociopaths. It's got characters you genuinely care about and it hits you in the heart and the funny bone. Profane perfection and full of the best quotes you'll ever hear."I got two words for you! Shut the fuck up." A salve for the soul.

The Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad

I've a great memory of the first time I saw this one and it's probably why I go back to it again and again. We are down in the cousins gaff, all young, deffo below 10, this was on tv and we were all glued to it. The giant Cyclops with his horny head and cloven feet was rampaging around his Island crushing and munching on Sinbads men. It was amazing, the action, the effects ( stopmotion and still better than any CGI ), everything. I was gobsmacked, as was my brother, and my two cousins Mairead and Jenny were roaring at the telly in terror, which of course made it even more enjoyable. A good comfort watch should bring back good memories. The first time you enjoyed it, of childhood, of easier times etc.

Tremors

Giant man eating worms terrorise a remote Arizona village. Not exactly the kind of film that sounds like it would cheer you up but it does. In spades. 100 minutes of charming, unabashedly entertaining monster fun. Great, well drawn and funny characters being attacked by monsters that look somewhat real, sort of, OK a bit shitty but that's all part of the charm of the film. Its a film that's impossible to get bored off and as such fits on here perfectly. It covers a load of bases, loads of action, loads of scares and loads of laughs. Plus we get the serious business of Val's (Kevin Bacon) existential crisis...... OK, haha I'm taking the piss with that last bit but its a film that has something for everyone.

Hondo

I had to have a western in the list. To me old westerns are the perfect comfort watch. I once heard a person describe watching Downton Abbey as being wrapped in a warm cosy blanket and that's how I feel about westerns. I remember watching Hondo with my Nana a long time ago. A John Wayne western I'd recommend to anyone. It's more fun than his most famous westerns but still has more heft than his lesser westerns. Plus it has one of the best bits of comedy the Duke took part in. I remember me & Nana in tatters laughing as Hondo teaches a young boy to swim by picking him up and horsing him into a pond. No messing around there. Even typing this makes me smile. Subtlety and safety didn't exist in Wayne movies.

What films do it for you?

Laying low on Paddy's day

That motherfucking cunt of a virus has killed our national day in it's tracks. We can't go out. We can't meet our families or our friends and it just sucks. So I'm spending Paddy's day the best way I can. With 4 of the best Irish films around. A bit of comedy, a bit a drama, a bit of a thriller and a big lump of history. And a few cans of porter and a packet of tayto. Of course. 

Repeat after me. Next year will be better. Next year will be better. Next year will be better.

A quarantine beard

Fuck it. Why not. Something novel for the strange weeks ahead.

The theory

The reality.

12 films on TV this week that might please you

A Quiet Place   Sat   14/3   CH4 @ 21.00

In a world where the slightest sound can get you torn asunder a family struggles to survive and thrive. You want your nerves wracked? Well look no further than this full blooded sci-fi horror. Stressful, frightening, inventive, energising and with an absolutely killer final scene. Best of all? It's only 90 minutes long. Jon Krazinski's debut film as director is a success and his onscreen chemistry with his real life wife Emily Blunt is the icing on the cake.

When Brendan Met Trudy   Sat   14/3   TG4 @ 21.20

Brendan's a bit of a melt. A teacher and film buff who knows it all. He meets Trudy, a lovely woman who's far different to what he expected. Sparks fly. This Dublin set tale from the pen of Roddy Doyle is an enjoyable watch. It's a romantic comedy that actually manages to be both romantic and uproariously funny in places. Peter McDonald & Flora Montgomery are in deadly form as the titular duo.

Creed   Sat   14/3   RTE2 @ 21.50

Adonis Creed wants to follow in his father's footsteps and to do so he looks up the only man who could ever challenge him, Rocky Balboa. No one expected the 7th installment in the Rocky series to work but it's a fantastic achievement and one that sees Rocky stepping down to a supporting role as a new contender steps up. Michael B. Jordan, Tessa Thompson and of course Sylvester Stallone all do amazing work.

The Goob   Sun   15/3   BBC2 @ 01.10

A teenage boy struggling with life in the countryside of Norfolk. His mam's new fella wrecks his head and his hormones are starting to run riot when he catches sight of a new girl around town. A grim but compelling look at country life in a part of the world that we rarely see onscreen. A beautiful looking film too and one packed with atmosphere. Sienna Guillory, Liam Walpole & the always scary Sean Harris all do very solid work.

Point Break   Sun   15/3   BBC1 @ 23.30

Johnny Utah, a young FBI agent, finds himself undercover with a pack of surfers while investigating bank robberies. The surfing life is enticing though. Kathryn Bigalow's 1991 thriller is a very entertaining watch. Tense, fast moving stuff that inevitably turns vicious near the end & it's an interesting look into a subculture still not well known over here. Keanu Reeves does his best Keanu Reeves but Patrick Swayze as Bodhi is mighty.

Christine   Mon   16/3   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Awkward and bullied Arnie leads a miserable existence but everything changes when he buys a Plymouth Fury that he names Christine. Things don't change for the best though. This John Carpenter adaption of the Stephen King novel is one of the better films made from his books. It's a fun watch and one where you'll probably end up rooting for the bad....guy. The always cool Harry Dean Stanton is the only really recognisable face here.

Frozen   Tues   17/3   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

3 snowboarders wangle their way onto a skilift in the hopes of getting a mountain run for free. It's the end of the day. The lift stops, suspending them in midair. No one knows they're there. It's getting cold. Very cold. There's very little plot but there is a genuinely effective and suspenseful survival horror here, one that will get under your skin and put you off snow for a while. Shawn Ashmore and Emma Bell are a fine pair of leads.

Rosie   Tues   17/3   RTE1 @ 21.30

The Davis family are in big trouble. They're homeless and spend their days in their car trying to sort out accommadation for the night. They're kids are having trouble in school and mam Rosie is feeling helpess. This 2018 Irish drama is a heartbreaking indiction of the appalling state of modern day Ireland and the disastrous agencies running it. Sarah Greene and Moe Dunford are excellent in a terrifying and thought provoking story from Roddy Doyle.

Cat Ballou   Wed   18/3   TCM @ 16.30

When the arrival of a railroad threatens her family's wellbeing Catherine Ballou vows to stand tall. The man helping her is Kid Sheleen, the drunkest gunfighter in the west. Every western cliche you can think of is rattled off here (it invented some of them tbh) but it's so much fun you won't care. Lee Marvin's spot on drunk act won him an Oscar and Jane Fonda's Cat is a fiery and welcome lead in a genre that usually sidelines women. 

I Went Down   Fri   20/3   RTE2 @ 21.30

Two criminals travel into the wilds of middle Ireland to carry out a kidnapping at the behest of a man who owns them both. Things don't work out exactly as planned. For my money this is one the the most best Irish comedies ever made. Brendan Gleeson is on fire as Bunny Kelly and Peter McDonald is good craic in his film debut. As always with Irish films the laughs come with a healthy dose of pathos and here the two blend brilliantly.

Momentum   Fri   20/3   Film4 @ 22.50

A thief is pulled back into the life for one last job. Predictably things do not go to plan and she finds herself running for her life. This one got some pretty septic reviews on it's initial release but I found it a good laugh, a silly bit of entertainingly forgettable fluff perfect for a friday night. Olga Kurylenko is a grand lead and the always reliable James Purefoy has a whale of a time as the nasty bad guy on her trail.

Drive Angry   Fri   20/3   Comedy Central @ 23.00

His daughter is dead, his grandchild is next and John Milton (subtle) has just escaped hell to make sure the devil doesn't get his due. This 2011 action/comedy/horror is absolutely bonkers and a film that makes the most of Nicolas Cage's........interesting screen presence. Amber Heard and William Fichtner provide decent back up in a gore drenched jaw dropper of a film that probably will offend some of ye.

The Hunt

On the 3rd and 4th of August last year there was a pair of mass shootings in Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas. 31 people lost their lives. In the ensuing dash to blame anything but American gun laws the spotlight fell on an upcoming film called The Hunt and the gunfire filled trailers promoting it. When the tangerine tinted führer started ranting about the film on twitter without even seeing it Universal decided it would be prudent to pull the film from it's Septemer release date and now after 6 months it's finally coming out this friday. Was it worth the wait?

11 strangers wake up in a rural area. They're gagged and haven't a clue what's happening. When they finally get to speak we find out they're red state Americans and they're pissed. One of them finds a crate of guns in a field and they arm themselves to the teeth. Then a shot rings out in the distance. A blue state shot.

It's never the best thing when the highpoint of a film is the first 30 minutes. The Hunt has a very strong opening, full of lovingly shot carnage (it earns it's 18 certificate with ease) and a couple of genuinely shocking developments. It takes the kind of risks you'll be surprised to see in a studio movie. For a brief time you can see why the establishment was afraid of it. Sadly it goes downhill after this but it remains fitfully entertaining til the bitter end (the final fight is a doozy) due to it's insistence on taking potshots at both sides of the political fence. No one is safe here, not the characters or the audience watching them. Some people will take offence at the broad characterisations on display but if you do that you're just falling into the film's trap.

The barbs aren't aimed at you, they're a satire of online performatism, from both sides of the fence. You'll see democrats screaming about climate change and gendering while plotting bloody murder and republicans living up to the hick stereotype with ease, shouting about snowflakes while impaled and blown in half. American guns laws are lampooned with both sides fetishizing the almighty firearm. Class divides are skewed in ways you won't expect. But ultimately and rather disappointingly The Hunt fails to take a side, happy to remain sniping from the fence. The vast majority of the film's venom seems aimed at the left but then the film's "hero"is Crystal (A commanding and convicing Betty Gilpin) a one woman killing machine who's allegiances are left unsaid. It feels like a cop out from writer Damon Lindelof until you remember his involvement in Lost, that show that started off brilliantly before devolving into a disaster.

The Hunt is the 14th film adaption (by my reckoning) of The Most Dangerous Game, a short story from 96 years ago that still feels topical today. A story about the privileged and the games they play. It's updated here to make it fit a 2020 timeframe with allusions to whatsapp groups, political podcasts. fake news and the 1% but it still manages to be less successful than the two adaptions of the story from the mid 90's, Hard Target and Surviving The Game. Two films that left the political aspects of the story unsaid while still being steeped in them. Two films that definitively chose a side.

The Hunt is out in cinemas on Friday.

Another unsung hero of Film & TV. Mare Winningham

Yup, i know what you're thinking. That sounds like a horse's name. It's not though and you have got to admire an actress who stays with her original moniker, however odd it may sound. She's been Mare on our screens for 44 years years now, both TV and big screen and while she never became an A-list star, her presence is always an indication of quality.

Mare started out covering Beatles songs on US game shows and before long Starsky And Hutch were rescuing her from evil bad guys. She starred in one of the most underrated films of the 80's and one of the most overrated films of the 80's. Played 4 different parts in the one anthology horror show. She's popped up in western miniseries' about the worst case of family conflict ever and cried over a dog who's death haunted us all. She was the whore who won Wyatt Earp's heart in the town of Tombstone (serious alliteration there) and she was a iffy doctor stalking the halls of Cook County Hospital. She's been Oscar nominated in the 90's and turned up in the worst tv shows of the 00's. She's mothered a terrorist who faced off against Jack Bauer and helped Philomena Lee find out about her lost son. She started in 1976 and 4 and a half decades later she's starting the 3 decade of the century off strong by turning up in both Oscar bait and the best TV show of 2020 so far. Not too shabby. Check out her varied career here

Greatest hits

The Outsider. Jeannie Anderson. A sea of common sense and calm in the middle of an ocean of violence and suspicion. A small role but important role that grounds an excellent show.

Hatfields & McCoys. Sally McCoy. The hillbilly matriarch of a pack of animals. An excellent miniseries.

Georgia. Gets the title role but for some reason a best supporting oscar nomination. A warm, maternal part in a film that deserves to be seen more.

Wyatt Earp. Mattie Blaylock, the woman of ill repute who stole the heart of the most famous lawmaker in the west.

The Miracle Mile. Julia, the waitress who falls in love the day the world ends. A brilliant film, totally ignored on release. Reaches a fever pitch of madness few films have ever seen.

St Elmo's Fire. Wendy, the sweet natured innocent who got to play out the fantasy of a 1000 teenagers when Rob Lowe set his sights on her.

Previous Heroes

Dale Dickey
Vondie Curtis-Hall
Harris Yulin
Pepe Serna
Udo Kier
Fairuza Balk
Ernie Hudson
Lin Shaye
James Remar
Cloris Leachman
James Hong
David Strathairn
Frankie Faison
Conchata Ferrell
Dick Miller
Veronica Cartwright
Edie McClurg
Barry Shabaka Henley           
Raymond Cruz                        
Reg E.Cathey                          
Elizabeth McGovern               
John Amos                              
Bruce Greenwood                  
Mary McDonnell                     
Gerald McSorley                       
John Rothman                        
Margo Martindale                   
Kurtwood Smith                     
Paula Malcolmson                 
Luis Guzman                          
David Morse                           
Linda Hunt                              
Keith David                             
Zeljko Ivanek
Fiona Shaw
Xander Berkeley
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
C.C.H Pounder
William Forsythe
Beth Grant
Sven-Ole Thorsen
Regina King
Ric Young
Mark Rolston
Illeana Douglas
Jeanette Goldstein
Al Leong
Allan Graf
Bill Nunn
Thomas Rosales Jr

I'm a bit nervous

This Covid-19 business, I can't lie, it's leaving me unnerved. Before it was over there, it wasn't a tangible thing and now it's everywhere. It's slow but unstoppable approach, the slight edge of panic in the air, the unnerving sight of empty shelves in the local Tesco. End of day headlines blaring from the fronts of newspapers and news channels. All those apocalyptic disaster movies I wish I hadn't watched now. The insanely mixed messages flying at us from everywhere.

DON'T GO OUT.

DON'T PANIC.

DON'T MAKE UNNECESSARY JOURNEYS.

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BUSINESSES.

The absolute uselessness of our government with regard to spreading information. The cunts out there spreading fake news on whatsapp and facebook and whipping up fears. The callous scum suggesting that this virus killing off the elderly population mightn't be such a bad thing. The people telling everyone not to worry and ignoring the fact that most of us aren't worried about us but our immuno-compromised/elderly loved ones. The realisation that so many dirty bastards don't wash their hands. The clumsiness of being out in the world and trying not to touch anything. The hardship of trying not to touch your own face, something you do 100s of times a day without even realising it. The awkwardness of meeting people but not shaking their hand. Engrained behaviour that we all have to unlearn. Being told this will all blow over in a couple of months and then realising how long a couple of months is when you have to worry about everything. Do I need to stockpile? Will i be able to see my family? Will I run out of fucking bog roll????

Best part of it all - this could become the norm. We could be facing this everything winter/spring.

Yay.....

Spenser Confidential

Spenser Confidential is a throwback to a simpler time when problems were solved with a judicious application of punches and kicks. Paperwork? Ha! Due process? Chortle! The law? But a mere formality! Sit down, open a beer and a bag of tayto, relax, you've 111 mins ahead of you where you don't even have to think. 

Spenser is an ex-cop with a bad temper. During a housecall 5 years ago he demolished his captain when he suspected him of beating his wife. That smackdown got Spenser thrown off the force and into jail where his patented blend of smart arseyness and fisticuffs made him a enemy of the aryan nation. When he's finally paroled he goes to stay with his former boxing coach Henry (Alan Arkin) and finds himself forced to share a room with a new MMA fighter Henry's training called Hawk (Winston Duke). Hawk's a truck of a man and things are cramped and awkward but he's a free man finally. Unfortunately the day he's released a face from his past is murdered and soon enough Spenser in the spotlight of the cops investigating the killing.

Mark Wahlberg and Peter Berg's 5th collaboration is based on the Spenser series of books written by Robert B.Parker and it feels like a pilot from a 90's action comedy tv show, with added swearing naturally because every fackin' body in Bawstan swears like a fackin' motherfackah. The first hour is a bit of fun filled with broad Boston stereotypes and crunching punch-ups (seeing Post Malone being clouted is nice) crossed with some gentle odd couple humour when Spenser is forced to room with his new dog hogging buddy. But annoying it all rolls downhill into the most generic, bland, going through the motions climax I've seen in an age. Then to top it off it finishes with a franchise building moment so contrived it will make your eyes spin in your head. 

This is a film on autopilot. No one tries hard and the story takes the path of least resistance. There's no surprises and nothing substantial here. It's cinematic fast food. You'll smile and enjoy some of it but an hour later it will be gone from your head, never to return. Unless it gets the sequel it hints at and you'll watch that one while trying to remember this one. It's a film created to fill a space in the action comedy row on the Netflix homepage. There's very little to recommend it apart from the leads and the easy chemistry between them. Wahlberg can do the smart alec pugilist part in his sleep. Alan Arkin does grumpy old man well and it's fun watching the towering Winston Duke (who was loads of laughs in Black Panther) throwing bad guys through tables. All 3 have fun together.

What isn't fun is Iliza Shlesinger as Cissy Davis, Spenser's ex with whom he has a love/hate relationship. She plays a character so annoying that throughout the film I kept hoping for a bullet that never came. But that would have involved the story taking a risk, a bit of a surprise, and this is not a film where surprising things happen. TBH if you don't spot the bad guy the moment he appears you need to give yourself a slap.

This could have been fun had the least bit of effort been put into it. A flavourless insipid climax takes from the good will built in the first half ensuring this will be forgotten by next week. Go on youtube and watch episodes of the old Spenser tv show from the 80's instead. You'll have more chance of remembering them. 

Out now to stream on Netflix.

True History Of The Kelly Gang

True History Of The Kelly Gang begins like it ends, with our lead looking through a rectangular opening at things that would sear itself into your retinas if you were anyway normal. But in the 19th century colony of Victoria nothing was anyway normal. As Kelly himself famously said, such is life.

The boy Edward Kelly (Orlando Schwerdt) grew up hard in an unforgiving land. Raised by a strong Irish mother (Essie Davis, amazing) and an ineffectual father he saw early that life was fucked and to survive you had to be willing to do anything. Anything. Sold by his mother to a Ellen to a bushranger called Harry Power (Russell Crowe) who schooled him in the ways of bloodletting and thievery, he spent half his short life away learning to become a man (George Mackay) until he finally returned home and saw the British lawmen who had shattered his early life were still around and still making things tough for his family. So he decided enough was enough and a legend was born.

19th century Australia has cropped up twice on our cinema screens in the last 6 months or so. Firstly in Jennifer Kent's unrelenting The Nightingale and now in THOFKG. Two films that would make your knees shake with the brutality on display. Kelly Gang isn't quite as horrifying as The Nightingale but it isn't far off either as Justin Kurzel definitely does not shy away from the horrors of frontier life. It's carried by a powerful performance from George Mackay, who portrays Kelly as a sexually fluid, blank faced manchild about 2 seconds from madness at all times and his physical presence is something to behold, his long, lanky torso as gnarled as the trees dotting the landscape. He's something else. It's a pity the film around him, while good, has such a disjointed feel to it.

At 124 minutes it struggles to hold your attention at times and yet it still feels like there's a much longer version out there. Characters played by big names (Charlie Hunnam's venal sheriff for example) vanish without a trace, the passage of time is confusing and hard to follow and annoyingly massively important sections of Kelly lore whizz by in montage form. Ned's entire teenage years, years where his legend began, are skipped over and the creation and formation of the infamous gang passes by in the blink of an eye. With the title of the film being what it is you would think we'd get to see a bit more of how they operated. Thankfully a combination of strong acting and some beautifully terrifying imagery helps paper over the cracks.

THOTKG has the feel of the revisionist westerns (or southerns here) that came out of America in the 1970's. Films with a surreal edge that dismantled the glorified legends and mysticism created in the Golden era of the genre, films that showed frontier life for what it really was, where murder and rape were the norm not the exception, where heroes were murderers too. There's atrocity on both sides of the fence here with the film showing the moment Ned picked his path in life, not as heroic, but as flat out murder. It's an interesting choice, one that should make you sympathise less with Ned but you never do. And for one reason. The Brits. Never not at it of course, were the catalyst for the violence with a chilling performance from Nicholas Hoult as Constable Fitzpatrick leading the charge. His Fitzpatrick is a despicable creation but one you won't be able to look away from. The baby scene, that's the one that will stick with you...

True History Of The Kelly Gang is an odd, messy film but it's a good one. At the very beginning of the story you're told nothing you'll see is true but at the end of the film you'll suspect what you've just seen is far more accurate than any of the depictions of the story so far. 

In selected cinemas now.

Desert Island Discs - The Coronavirus edition

We all know the desert island discs format, well we should seeing as it's around 78 years by now.

If you were trapped on a desert island for the rest of your life what 8 pieces of music would you bring with you? Bear in mind these are the only songs you'll ever get to hear forever so choosing carefully was paramount. You also got the complete works of Shakespeare, a religious book if you wanted it and a third choice of your own. Plus a luxury item. Choose wisely.

Now, with the Coronavirus on the rampage and a quarantine in the future for many of us, lets play a different version of the game. You've come down with the virus, you aren't going to die but the next 2 weeks are going to be snotty, phlegmy misery and you've to self isolate in your room. What would you pick to pass the time? 1 tv show, 1 film, 1 book and 1 album.

TV Show

Has to be E.R. My all time fave. The early years were sublime where characters came before plot but it was always good even when all the originals were gone. I've great memories of watching this with my parents, with the gang in college and with friends who've since passed away. Plus there's 300+ episodes. More than enough to get you through.

Film

The Outlaw Josey Wales. Perfection. And hopeful. You need that when you're sick. I watched this one night in a pub at home with my cousin, a handful of auld boys and the bartender and it's still one of my all time favourite film experiences. No one talking, just pints, fags and the best western ever made playing in the corner.

Book

Salem's Lot. A book about a town being taken over by a contagion (vampiric instead of viral) might be an odd pick but it's just a brilliant read. An epic tale of good vs evil written in a lovely slowburn fashion where you get to know a huge cast of characters before seeing them get ripped apart. Read the whole book in one night years ago in the Europa hotel in Belfast and slept with the lights on after it.

Album

Nirvana - In Utero. Im 16 again when I listen to this. It brings me back to 1994 everytime. I know every single word and as I've listened to it 100s of times (at least) I know I'll never get sick of it.

What 4 would you pick?

Oh btw, my luxury item would be a box of solpadeine with size of a house.

12 films on TV for you this week

Moondance   Sat   7/3   TG4 @ 21.20

Two brothers by the name of Patrick and Dominic live a carefree existence in a remote farmhouse in the west of Ireland. Their lives are thrown into disarray when their aunt arrives with a young woman in tow. A bittersweet and affecting tale of first love and the complexities of fraternal relationships. Ian Shaw, Rúaidhrí Conroy, Marianne Faithfull and Julia Brendler all carry the can well here.

Foxcatcher   Sat   7/3   BBC1 @ 23.55

2 brothers readying for the 1988 Seoul Olympics find themselves sponsored by an eccentric millionaire and move into his estate to train. Things get strange. A stunning film, unsettling in places, haunting and cringeworthy in others and full of perfect acting. Steve Carell steals the show with a superb performance as a very troubled man but Channing Tatum really surprises too. This film shows a very different side to him.

Stations Of The Cross   Sun   8/3   BBC2 @ 01.45

Maria is a young German Catholic who lives for religion. She wants to live a normal life but she also wants to live a sin free one so she's make it to heaven and become a saint. A thought provoking watch about the issues of leading a religious life as a teenager in the modern world. Like the 14 stations of the cross this film is shot in 14 long takes. Watch it and marvel at the film making craft and an amazing lead turn from Lea van Acken.

American Honey   Sun   8/3   Film4 @ 23.45

A teenager gets the chance to escape her dreary bonds and explore the American midwest with a group of like-minded individuals. This Andrea Arnold directed drama is (imo) the best film of 2016. A complex, emotional and blisteringly real watch all about a forgotten place and the forgotten people that populate it. Sasha Lane is astonishing in her movie debut and Shia LaBeouf does wonderful work in support.

Top Secret   Mon   9/3   CH4 @ 01.10

While on tour in Germany, teen heart throb Nick Rivers falls for a girl and soon finds himself involved with the French Resistance and fighting against nazis with one big eye. This spoof of 1950's spy and war films is a joy and some of the sight gags (boots & phones in particular) really hit the spot. Val Kilmer is a fun lead in a film that's 90 nonstop minutes of giggles. We need this film this week.

Perrier's Bounty   Mon   9/3   TG4 @ 21.30

Michael owes Perrier money. Perrier's a violent guy. Michael's a plum. A cash grabbing plan goes awry and blood is spilled. This isn't the best Irish film you'll ever see but it's fast paced, funny, crunching and exceedingly profane and all carried by a Hibernian cast for the ages. Cillian Murphy, Gabriel Byrne, Liam Cunningham, the Gleesons (Brendan and Domhnall) amongst many others all do good work.

The Bling Ring   Tues   10/3   Film4 @ 01.10

Kids there day eh? A group of teens in Hollywood realise there's a lot of easy pickings to be had from the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Sofia Coppola's 2013 drama that's based on real life is lovely looking, darkly humorous and unsettling look at the cult of celebrity and it's effect on the young and restless. Taissa Farmiga and Emma Watson stand out among an energetic cast.

12 Angry Men   Tues   10/3   TCM @ 13.30

A young man is on trial for murder. 11 men in the jury think he's guilty. 1 man can see reasonable doubt and sets out to change the mind of the others. 12 men in 1 room talking. Sounds deathly dull doesn't it. It's not. It's a masterpiece of film. It's gripping stuff and brilliantly acted from a cast of famous faces including Lee J.Cobb, Martin Balsam, Ed Begley and Henry Fonda as the conscience laden juror number 8.

Good Kill   Wed   11/3   CH4 @ 01.35

Major Thomas Egan is fighting the Taliban everyday. But not on the ground in Afghanistan, from a control room in Las Vegas where he controls bomb drones from half a world away. Andrew Niccol's 3rd collaboration with Ethan Hawke is an interesting watch about the complexity and morality of modern day warfare. Not a joy filled watch but a provocative one.

P2   Fri  12/3   The Horror Channel @ 02.35

A woman wakes in a deserted car garage on Christmas Eve and it isn't long before she realises she's not alone in there. A creepy, crunchingly violent and atmospheric watch dotted with a couple of very effective scares. What it lacks in originality it makes up in suspense. Rachel Nichols is a solid damsel not in distress and Wes Bentley's bad guy is nicely boo-hiss.

This Is England   Fri   13/3   Film4 @ 23.15

A young boy grieving for his father is taken under the wing of a gang of skinheads. Life is sweet until a face from the past turns things upside down. The best British film of the 21st century right here. A fantastic look at the horrible dark underbelly of life in Margaret Thatcher's Britain. Shane Meadow's directs an astounding cast of unknowns in a film that will bowl you over. Stephen Graham & Thomas Thurgoose are the stand outs.

A United Kingdom   Fri   13/3   RTE1 @ 23.50

Prince Seretse Khama of Botswana had the whole world ahead of him. Until the day he fell in love with a white woman while at college. In the UK of the 1940's you couldn't have a bigger scandal. An excellently acted look at an issue which sadly hasn't changed much in the last 80 years. The chemistry between leads David Oyelowo and Rosamund Pike is first class.