Coffee & Kareem

Yes, that is a child in a strip club.

Coffee & Kareem is out now. You may notice this on Netflix. You might be surprised to see it's the 7th most popular film in Ireland at the moment. Irish people are dopes.

Do not watch it.

It is fucking dreadful. Soul destroyingly dreadful. A cop film/buddy action comedy about a cop trying to bond with his girlfriend's combative child and the scrapes they find themselves in.

You know a movie has failed when you want the child to get shot in the head after 5 minutes.

Below is a list of things better than Coffee & Kareem

Walking into a bollard and destroying your balls.

Snapping a tooth on peanut.

Hopping your funny bone off a door frame.

Getting a purple diddy.

Getting a slap in the adam's apple.

Stepping on a piece of lego.

Rapping your baby toe off the leg of a chair.

Menstrual cramps (so i've heard).

Pins and needles in your feet.

Biting the inside of your lip.

A kidney infection.

Poking an ear bud too far in.

A dead arm.

A dead leg.

Getting your ear flicked.

A slap in the shnozz.

Bouncing your shin off the underside of a table.

Catching your kneecap on the edge of said table.

A zipfly incident.

Yanking a stray hair out of your noise.

20 painful little things that are less painful than this muck.

DO NOT WATCH IT.

It's the 5th of April and it's the worst film of the year so far.

Chances are it will stay that way.