Vampires vs the Bronx

Vampires vs the Bronx is a fun throwback to the kind of film you never see anymore. A horror comedy designed to appeal to a family audience. There's no blood or guts, a bare minimum of bad language, no nudity to shame you in front of your ma. It will remind you of a tamer version of The Lost Boys, of 80's faves like The Monster Squad and The Gate and most crucially of all, it will leave you smiling. It's a rare horror movie that does that these days.

The Bronx is gentrifying rapidly and the people living there are dismayed at how quickly their neighbourhood is changing. White and blonde is replacing black and brown and Miguel (Jaden Michael), Bobby (Gerald W. Jones III) and Luis (Gregory Diaz IV), 3 young teens proud of their home want to do something about it. They've organised a block party to help save their bodega, not wanting it to become yet another business snapped up by Murnau properties, a real estate agency that's been whitewashing the streets they grew up on. Murnau isn't only sucking the colour from the Bronx though, it's sucking the blood from it's citizens veins too. The company is owned by vampires who want to settle in a part of the city where, to use their own words "the people don't matter."

I thoroughly enjoyed this little Netflix surprise. It's a fresh and likable take on a tale as old as cinema carried by a brace of entertaining, naturalistic performances. In this story vampirism is a blunt metaphor for gentrification & capitalism. It's something that takes hold insidiously until you don't recognise anything anymore. It sucks the lifeblood and the culture from a place and replaces it with pale, bland, nothingness. In this film vampires don't show up on cameras or on CCTV and like capitalism itself they're a lurking, unseen evil. Heavy themes for a family film but thankfully the film gives us a whole load of fun too. Our trio are a lovely bunch of lads, awkward young teens, too awed by girls to be able to talk to them, too afraid of their mams to step too far out of line. Bobby, the eldest, is on the verge of stepping away from his boys, into a life of crime that offers him the money his family needs to keep their home but when they discover something far worse than the local drug dealers they find a new project to work on.

It's here the film gets a bang of the Hardy Boys, early Buffy, The Lost Boys et al as our young leads go into research and investigate mode, watching Blade for hints and tips, learning loads from Rita (Coco Jones), a girl Miguel has a crush one who's religious Haitian background has her clued into the supernatural world. The usual carry on happens, no one believes them until it's too late but it all happens with such a light, lovable touch that you'll easily overlook such things. My only real issue with the film are the vampires themselves, you'll guffaw the second they appear, second rate emo kids from the twilight school of Nosferatu. You'll not for once fear them or for our fearless heroes but it's a family film, this was never going to go full Salem's Lot. And speaking of that Stephen King classic, if you know it a lot of this will strike a chord. The interlinking neighbourhood where everyone knows everyone else, they way the vamps slowly take control, the human face of the vampires business, the Familiar, played effectively by a cold, calculating Shea Whigham who adds a menace to the film that the vampires can't. 

A fun cast and a deft touch aside, it's the little things I really enjoyed about this. Horror movie fans will laugh at the name Murnau and the Vlad Tepes logo they use on their business. The knowing split second nod to gentrification when Tony (The Kid Mero), the Hispanic owner of the local bodega adds cheese and croissants to a menu packed with ethnic offerings. The bizarre sight of Method Man aka Johnny Blaze aka Shotgun playing a Catholic parish priest. The moment two girls, lost in Instagram walk into the middle of a battlefield and of course the Chekov's Gun moment with a.......well you'll know it the second you see it. Little nods and jokes that stop this from becoming yet another dull, identikit (more gentrification) modern day PG13 horror.

Vampires VS The Bronx is streaming on Netflix now. It's a fun, well done Halloween watch for families with older kids.