Godzilla Vs. Kong

Godzilla Vs. Kong opens on a snoozing King Kong panned out on the side of a hill. He wakes up, yawns, scratches his arse and has a shower under a waterfall while the soothing sounds of Bobby Vinton play on the soundtrack. It's a fun scene that instantly blows away memories of the joyless Godzilla : King Of The Monsters and one that gives you a bit of hope that the next installment in the monsterverse saga will be better than the last. 

So is it? 

Yes and no.

In the 5 years since Godzilla decimated the evil Ghidorah Earth has learned a lot about the giant beasts that have come from the centre of the planet, the place known as the hollow earth. Only two of these titans are still alive, the gigantic radioactive lizard named Godzilla and the humongous ape called King Kong. Both are alpha beasts who'll never back down from each other and on a trip to the hollow earth to investigate a strange and potentially life changing new energy source they meet for the first time. It's not a peaceful encounter and it's only the start of a rivalry that could rip the planet asunder.

You'll notice there's no mention of the human element of the story in the paragraph above, there's no actors mentioned. It's because they don't matter. Brian Tyree Henry, Rebecca Hall, Eiza Gonzalez, the young lad from The Hunt For The Wilderpeople, herself from Stranger Things? None of them make any bit of impact whatsoever. In post covid times when we look back on the big blockbusters that missed out on cinema screenings the only thing you'll remember about this one will be a city destroying skirmish between the titular characters that totally ignores the millions of people who have died in the streets and buildings below these raging kaiju. It's this callous disregard for human life that will make you realise the human element of the story matters not a jot to the film makers and then you'll wonder why they wasted so much time on that aspect of the story? They must realise at this stage we want scale, we want carnage, we want anything other than what the film gives us in it's opening act.

It's wasted time that nearly kills GVK dead before it even gets started. A story is set up that you just won't care about, a rivalry between the main creatures is talked about but never really explained. There's loads of exposition and tech talk and just as your eyes are about to start spinning with boredom the title clash happens and you'll perk up. Seeing Kong land a sweet haymaker on his scaly enemy will make you giggle like a fool. You'll be gobsmacked at just how briary Godzilla can be when he's had a monster filling knocked loose. Your hopes will rise. The film then brings us to a whole new jawdropping locale that will really excite you as monster filled opportunities fill the screen and then all of a sudden the human side of things will bring you back to reality fast. The stop start nature of it will grate on your nerves fast but thankfully director Adam Wingard (director of the seriously crowdpleasing You're Next and The Guest) ends the film with something the last two Godzilla films failed to give us; a full on monster brawl in broad daylight. It's crazy stuff, that will delight your inner Toho fanboy with certain shots aping (sorry) the earlier Gojira films to a tee. You'll wonder why the film couldn't have been this fun all along....if you can ignore the whole massive civilian death toll thing that is.

There's fun to be had with GVK but jesus you'll earn it to get there. Fortunately, in the age of exceedingly bloated blockbusters, this one has the good grace to clock in at under two hours. 

Godzilla Vs. Kong is streaming online (if you have a VPN) now. It may get a cinema release later in the year.