Happy Christmas to all who read my nonsense this year.
Have a good one x
December 24, 2018
December 22, 2018
17 films worth watching on Christmas week + the usual xmas faves
East Is East Sat 22/12 CH4 @ 23.10
The late Om Puri is excellent in this 70's tale of a traditional Pakistani father who comes to resent the fact that his English born mixed race children aren't growing up in the ways he expects them too. A funny but at times hard to watch insight into life as an immigrant that refreshingly doesn't fall into the same terrorist or fundamentalist tropes that these films usually do. Admirable acting all around from a fine cast that includes Jimi Mistry & Linda Bassett.
Garage Sat 22/12 RTE1 @ 23.55
Josie lives a slow and solitary life in a small village in Offaly. One day a chance of friendship rears it's head but it doesn't take long for things to go sideways. Pat Shortt is absolutely fantastic in Lenny Abrahamson's quietly devastating tale of rural isolation. It sounds grim but it's a painfully real film that deserves to be seen. Anne-Marie Duff in a support plays one of Josie's few friends and offers some respite from the darkness.
A Date With Mad Mary Sun 23/12 Virgin Media One @ 21.00
Mary's been away for a while and now she's struggling to find her place in the world as all around her seems to be moving on with ease. While looking for someone to bring to her friend's wedding she finds out something very unexpected about herself. This Dundalk set comedy drama is a lovely watch. Humane, funny, biting and full of emotion. Seana Kerslake is a compelling lead, at once maddening and very relatable.
Far From The Madding Crowd Sun 23/12 BBC2 @ 22.00
The story of the fiercely independent Bathsheba Everdene and the very different 3 men who fall for her in the wilds of Dorset. This 2015 adaption of Thomas Hardy's famous 19th century novel is an interesting and in places electric watch courtesy of some flawless performances from Carey Mulligan and Michael Sheen. The 1967 adaption is more well known but this version does enough right to stand apart from it.
Sing Street Mon 24/12 RTE2 @ 22.20
A teenage boy in 1980's Dublin who is struggling with growing up and his family finds an escape from the hardships of life when he forms a band with his schoolmates. The 80's were a tough time to be different though. A splendid film, entertaining as hell and bursting with heart and energy. If you don't enjoy this you are probably dead. A cracking Irish cast lead by Ferdia Walsh- Peelo & Lucy Boynton is the icing on the cake.
L.A. Confidential Mon 24/12 RTE1 @ Midnight
One of the best films of the 90's here, a modern classic magnificently adapted & thankfully pared down from James Ellroy's labyrinthine novel. Three very different policemen find themselves up to their necks in dodginess in post WW2 Los Angeles. Thrillingly satisfying stuff with a storyline that demands you pay attention. Russell Crowe, Kim Basinger & Guy Pearce give career best performances too.
Rise Of The Guardians Tues 25/12 BBC2 @ 07.30
A bunch of childhood legends team together to face off against the forces of darkness when a malevolent spirit lays claim to earth. A very entertaining CGI film that will appeal to both children and adults with its senses of humour and nostalgia. Being full of action and superb effects will also help of course. Hugh Jackman, Isla Fisher, Chris Pine and Jude Law all do exemplary voice work.
Star Wars : The Force Awakens Tues 25/12 RTE1 @ 18.50
A young scrap collector and a disillusioned soldier get dragged into an intergalactic war involving rebels and empires and everything in between. This 2015 continuation of the Star Wars saga is an absolute joy and a perfect Christmas day movie. The storyline is a little familiar but choice acting and action will grab you straight away. Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Oscar Isaac and a few others you may recognise all add to the fun.
Song Of The Sea Wed 26/12 CH4 @ 05.40
A brother and his little sister set off on a quest when sis falls ill. This is an Irish animated masterpiece. Imagine a Studio Ghibli film shot through with a huge dose of celtic mysticism. An enchanting, magical and in places heartbreaking exploration of grief and love that will make you cry, laugh and drop your jaw with awe in places. Quality voicework from Brendan Gleeson, Fionnula Flanagan and Lisa Hannigan adds to the charm.
Saving Mr Banks Wed 26/12 BBC2 @ 14.30
P.L. Traver's, the author of Mary Poppins, is not happy about Walt Disney wanting to adapt her book to film and Walt himself must pull out all the stops to get her to agree. This "based on fact" film is a charming and funny watch that may surprise you in places with it's twists and turns. Emma Thompson, Tom Hanks and Colin Farrell are all sublime in a film that will give you a new found appreciation of a Christmas fave.
The Magnificent Seven Wed 26/12 RTE1 @ 21.50
When their town is threatened by a villainous landowner, the townsfolk pool their money to employ hired guns to help them. They get 7 men more than capable of the job. The remake of the 1960 cowboy classic isn't as good as the original but it's still far better than anyone expected it to be. It's a lot more violent too. Denzel Washington is a solid lead as always and gets top notch support from a first rate cast that includes Ethan Hawke, Vincent D'onofrio and Peter Sarsgard.
The Runway Thurs 27/12 RTE1 @ 01.45
When a South American pilot crash lands his plane near a small Cork town, the residents decide to help him out in any way they can. Based very loosely on a true story, this is a fierce likeable film, funny, exciting and odd in ways only an Irish film can be. There's a nice cast too, Demián Bichir is fun as the pilot and Kerry Condon and little Jamie Kierans as a struggling single mother and her son who come to his aid are just great.
Starter For 10 Thur 27/12 BBC2 @ 00.15
Brian is a new student feeling very out of place when he arrives at Bristol university, Butbefore long he finds himself on a University Challenge team and he has a chance to begin building friends and maybe even a relationship. A charming, funny, and quite unique romantic comedy that will grab you from the get go thanks to a fun early performances from James McAvoy. Alice Eve, Rebecca Hall & Dominic Cooper add fine back up..
Anthropoid Thur 27/12 RTE1 @ 21.30
Operation Anthropoid was a WW2 mission to take out General Reinhard Heydrich, the man behind the final solution. The film is the story of the men tasked to carry out his assassination. This is tough stuff, gritty, bloody, tense and brutal in places but a fine testament to the sacrifices carried out in wartime for the greater good of humanity. Cillian Murphy and Jamie Dornan do well as the Eastern European soldiers leading the charge.
A League Of Their Own Fri 28/12 CH4 @ 09.45
2 sisters with a fractured relationship join the first women's professional baseball league during World War 2. In troubled times no-one takes women's baseball seriously though. An immensely enjoyable movie that you'll connect with deeply even if you haven't a notion about the sport. Geena Davis. Lori Petty, Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Hanks all do superior work.
Gambit Fri 28/12 TG4 @ 13.00
Nicole is a dancer, Harry's a cat burglar, together this unlikely duo conspire to pull off a perfect robbery. Which of course goes arseways. This is a perfect example of a heist movie and a highly enjoyable one to boot. Hilarious, clever, thrilling stuff that's a perfect watch as your organs detox from Christmas excess. Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine are fabulous as partners in crime
Quartet Fri 28/12 BBC2 @ 23.10
A lovely comedy drama set in a rest home for retired musicians. The residents are preparing their yearly show when a new arrival shakes up the status quo and brings unrest to their routine. The always brilliant Maggie Smith takes the lead in this very funny and poignant film with super turns from Billy Connolly, Tom Courtenay and Pauline Collins. TBH I expected to hate this at first but fell for it big time.
The usual suspects
The Holiday Sun 23/12 RTE1 @ 21.30
Up Sun 23/12 BBC1 @ 15.25
Ryan's Daughter Mon 24/12 RTE1 @ 08.10
ET Mon 24/12 RTE2 @ 12.25
Santa Claus The Movie Mon 24/12 UTV @ 15.25
Miracle On 34th Street Mon 24/12 RTE1 @ 15.35
Mary Poppins Mon 24/12 BBC1 @ 17.00
The Wizard of Oz Tues 25/12 Virgin Media One @ 16.05
Willy Wonka Tues 25/12 RTE2 @ 18.10
Bugsy Malone Tues 25/12 Virgin Media 3 @ 19.35
High Society Wed 26/12 RTE1 @ 07.15
Back To The Future Thur RTE1 @ 13.45
Raiders Of The Lost Ark Fri RTE1 @ 13.35 (on bbc as well but they'll be cut to shreds there)
December 21, 2018
Bird Box
"So, there's these things.....and if you see them you feel compelled to take your own life, so everyone covers their eyes and wanders around blind."
"Blind? Is it a bit like A Quiet Place where everyone had to not talk in case the monsters heard them?"
"Not really no."
"But people have to deprive themselves of a sense to survive right?"
"Eh....ah......ya.....but there's more to it than that. I think."
Malorie has just found out she's pregnant and she's trying not to think ahead. After a hospital check up her and her sister find themselves caught in the middle of an apocalyptic occurrence and she's forced to take shelter in a house full of strangers. Soon enough supplies start to run low and journey's outside can only be done blind.
Think of this as 'A Quiet Place' meets 'The Happening'. One of the best films of 2018 meets the worst film of 2008. Happily it's far far better than the latter but not quite as good as the former. Sandra Bullock is excellent as Malorie, the reluctant mammy who realises she's far stronger than she realised. The film opens with her roaring in the faces of two small children, a moment that immediately puts you on the back foot, ready to hate her, but soon, despite yourself you begin to understand why she's the way she is. Bullock has always been a likable screen presence so it's odd to see her in this mode but like all the best performers she finds a way to make it work and soon enough you'll be chomping the nails off yourself as she fights for survival.
The entities causing all the trouble in Bird Box are never explained. Some may find that annoying but I found it refreshing. In an era of horror where everything gets a backstory it's nice to have an enemy that's just unknown, unseen, unexplainable. Suggestion and your own imagination will always be scarier than a big CGI beasty. When it comes to successful horror, less is always more. Except for the scenes of violence that kick off the film this is actually pretty low key stuff and all the more effective for it, especially when longueurs are suddenly punctuated by brutality. The idea of being holed up in a dwelling while civilisation breaks down all around you has been done in a lot of scary movies over the years but a good supporting cast gives these scenes plenty of pep. John Malkovich as the headmelt who owns the house & Trevante Rhodes as a builder stand out especially. Horror is always better when you give a shit about the characters you're watching.
Some people will definitely have trouble with this movie considering what it's about but thankfully it's not done in an exploitative way. The most harrowing moments are shown in quick cuts and never dwelt on unlike the aforementioned 'The Happening' which went all out with it's money shots for shock value. Bird Box feels like a far more mature considered piece of work. Yes yes yes it's yet another post apocalyptic horror movie but it's a rare one where you'll empathise with the people onscreen.
Available on netflix now.
December 18, 2018
Roma
Alfonso Cuarón's Roma was released on Netflix on Friday. Immediately the bullshit started. "This can only be enjoyed on a big screen." "You haven't seen Roma unless you've watched it in the cinema." "A TV screen is no way to enjoy the carefully created compositions of the film." People online were so concerned about how others would be watching that it was almost hard to find out what they thought of the film. It felt like they were peeved that it was readily available to all audiences instead of only being shown in arthouse cinemas. Saps. It's superb by the way. Whatever way you choose to watch it.
Cléo is a housemaid in the Roma district of Mexico city in 1970. The family she works diligently for rely on her for everything, even emotional support, while trying to keep her at arm's length. A trip to the cinema brings turmoil into her ordered life and all around her trouble abounds as the family she works for starts to disintegrate and the Mexican Dirty War brings chaos to the streets she calls home.
This was fantastic. Movies don't come more humane than Roma. It starts off slow, showing us the minutiae of Cléo's day to day life, cleaning up after her employers Sofia and Antonio and their family, the numerous piles of dog shit left by their pets (a blunt, gooey metaphor), dealing with their kids, putting them to bed, loving them as much as their increasingly troubled parents do. Her humanity soon gets under your skin. Her look of disappointment after a date goes sideways, the horror at a realisation in a hospital, her stifled amusement during a graphic bedroom set martial arts display, the lengths she will go to to protect her charges and her big heart. The building turbulence in her life mirrored in the familial strife around her and the bloody mayhem looming outside. Yalitza Aparicio is magnificent as Cléo. Her first movie and with no formal training she ends up blowing us all away. Her stillness and poise and ability to say more with a look than a dozen monologues is just stunning.
Cuarón is a master film maker. Any single frame from this black and white beauty could be snipped out, framed and hung on a wall. That he was able to take this autobiographical story of pain and strife and create something this gorgeous out of it is astounding. There are moments here that will take your breath away with their astonishing composition. A slow pan across a family outing in the woods, a trip to a furniture store that goes horribly wrong, the aftermath of a fireworks display when a group of people band together to extinguish a forest fire, a faithful trip to the beach. Each scene packed with detail, the foreground filled with our characters while life still goes wild in the distance. The use of B&W photography might seem a bit precious but it makes for a very pretty picture. Thankfully the emotional depth within more than matches the surface veneer.
Cuarón's love of long takes is used to devastating effect in a scene where we bear witness to both the miracle and cruelty of nature. A later moment that takes place during a family meal is equally hard to watch as is a prolonged beach scene where careful constructed appearances come crashing down. We are sheltered from nothing, the long takes giving us no respite, no cutaways that give us a chance to catch our breath. Brutal, heartbreaking moments that will be triggering for some. It's filmmaking at its most honest. The film has made sure we know these characters intimately so to hide us from their sadness would feel like a cheat. You want to look away, bearing witness to grief and suffering with an unflinching eye feels almost voyeuristic but it's....in a strange way it's refreshing to be made feel during a film. And yet for all the hardship on display it ends up feeling almost life affirming.
Alfonso Cuarón has created a masterpiece. A film that will be chewed over for years to come. You mightn't think it's for you but if you just go with it you'll soon find yourself totally caught up in it, in all it's technical mastery, it's beauty and it's emotional truth. All from the comfort of your own couch.
December 16, 2018
The House That Jack Built
I dunno folks, I've watched a lot of weird shit in my time but this one got to me. A man called Jack is sitting up in a hunting blind wielding a high powered hunting rifle. Below him an all American family, red caps and all, hides terrified. He's loving the thrill of the hunt and getting off from the fear of his soon to be victims below. A young boy runs and is gunned down. The other child pops his head up from cover and.........well.....yeah.
Jack is a serial killer and he's giving an account of his 5 favourite murders to a man unseen to us. Women he picks up on the side of the road, families he's built friendships with, women he claims to care for, and unfortunate random folk who have the bad luck to cross his path. He's a smug man, a man with a need to boast and a man who thinks he's far more clever than he actually is (luck is always on his side) and his strange desires have lead him to a dark and dank place.
I did not like this. Hated it tbh. Felt bad about myself for caving into the buzz surrounding it. When you hear about a new cause celebre you can't be help be curious. It's like walking past an accident. You feel compelled to look despite every instinct telling you to run. It's the same here. The hype around this was big. It was from a controversial director who's well known for pushing the limits of what can be shown onscreen. The buzz sucked me in. Call it fomo. And that fomo left me queasy and troubled. It's not because it was a bad film though; it's well done and with extremely effective acting from Matt Dillon as Jack and Uma Thurman and Riley Keough as a couple of the people who had the bad luck to meet him. Had this been a cheap crappy DTV film full of terrible acting it would have been far easier to take.
Director Lars Von Trier is an odd fish. A man plagued by accusations of misogyny and harrassment over the years, both personally and in his films. A man who claimed to be sympathetic to Hitler, a claim that got him temporarily banned from the Cannes film festival. One of his last films, Antichrist, had the main female lead cutting off her clitoris in close up with a scissors. He has history of pushing buttons to stir controversy and it's plain to see here and it feels like a greatest hits of his career controversies played out onscreen. Jack's in your face hatred of women mirroring what's been said about Von Trier over the years but pushed to the max. The nazi sympathising in a scene where Jack has a paean about the beauty of a German Stukka war plane. The moment a young Jack mutilates a duck (done with cgi thankfully but still awful) harking back to the controversy about animal cruelty during the production of Manderlay. The whole thing feels like a big fuck you to the people who've complained about him over the years. "Look at what they say about me and they still let me make movies."
As mentioned earlier it's annoyingly well made though and does cleverly play with our expectations. The awful irony of the Trumpian red capped family meeting their makers in the way they do for example. Throughout the movie we see that Jack's kills are clumsy and very uncinematic. But then near the end he devises something involving multiple victims that feels more at home in a Saw film. It's brutal, the sort of thing only a supremely warped mind could come up with........but the odd thing is you end up kind of curious has to how it would actually work. It's that walking past an accident thing again. You know you shouldn't look but a morbid curiosity has you staring at the screen gawping. Until Von Trier continuously pulls the rug from under us and Jack, things blocking him pulling off his ultimate murder and stopping us from seeing the messy results. It's smart stuff and I hated it for making me want to see what happened.
It's a strange one. Not a film I could recommend to people but at the same time I know there's people who'll like it way more than I did. It's horrific in places, blazingly pretentious in others. It will get you thinking though.
December 15, 2018
11 films worth watching on TV this week
The Big Short Sat 15/12 BBC2 @ 21.00
Remember the financial crisis of 2007? Well here's the story of the men who contributed to it all starting told in 3 parallel tales. It's an entertaining but maddening & frightening watch as we look at the beginning of a global disaster set in motion by a group of risk taking fools. Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt all put in fine work in this blistering indictment of today's money men.
Ghostbusters Sat 15/12 CH4 @ 21.00
4 women band together to take on supernatural entities that are starting to pop up around Manhattan with alarming regularity. Everyone remembers this film for the screaming and whining from internet fanboys before it was released but it's actually a very entertaining and funny horror comedy that's as much about friendship as it is about ectoplasm. Melissa McCarthy, Kirsten Wiig & Leslie Jones are funny but Kate McKinnon is the star of this one.
Adam & Paul Sat 15/12 RTE2 @ 23.55
Two heroin addicted men roam the streets of Dublin, hoping for a bit of good fortune that seems to eternally evade them. Lenny Abrahamson's tragic comedy is a masterpiece of Irish cinema and a perfect example of that wonderful ability we have to create a story that will make you weep tears of mirth followed by tears of utter sadness. Mark O'Halloran and the late Tom Murphy as the titular duo are flawless.
Brooklyn Sun 16/12 BBC2 @ 20.00
A young woman finds herself torn between the modern ways of 1950's Brooklyn and her dull life in Enniscorthy. Which route will she choose? Saoirse Ronan is magnificent as the lead in this film adapted from Colm Toibin's novel. Your heart will break for her as she struggles to decide between taking one step forward or two steps back. Compelling stuff, well written & acted. Domhnall Gleeson & Julie Walters are great as always too.
Cardboard Gangsters Sun 16/12 Virgin One @ 21.00
Four young men with dreams of grandeur decide to try and take over the drug trade in Darndale. But the existing dealers don't suffer newcomers gladly. Mark O'Connor's thriller is vicious stuff. A terrifying,tense and unforgiving look at the underbelly of modern day Ireland. John Connors headlines the film and gives an immense performance full of so much rage you can feel him pulsating off the screen.
Point Break Sun 16/12 BBC1 @ 23.30
Johnny Utah, a young FBI agent, finds himself under with a pack of surfers looking for a group of bank robbers. The surfing life is enticing though, too much so. Kathryn Bigalow's 1991 thriller is still a deadly watch. Tense, fun, fast moving stuff that inevitably turns vicious near the end. An interesting look into a subculture still not well known over here. Keanu Reeves does his best Kean Reeves but Patrick Swayze as Bodhi is excellent.
Shane Mon 17/12 Film4 @ 16.35
A worn out gunslinger wants to retire and tend to a farm but as finds himself drawn into a conflict between a land owner and a rancher. One of the all time best westerns here and also contains one of the best bar fight scenes ever. You can't go wrong watching this. Alan Ladd is superb in the main role and gets solid support from familiar faces of the genre like Van Heflin, Elisha Cooke Jr and the brilliant Jack Palance.
Harvey Tues 18/12 Film4 @ 12.40
Elwood P. Dowd's best friend is a 2 metre tall rabbit called Harvey. He's the only one who can see it. Unsurprisingly his friends and family think he's gone insane. But that's far from the truth. Sort of. This 1950 comedy drama is a joy with an undercurrent of sadness. James Stewart is a fantastic lead in a whimsical, surreal, hilarious, bizarre, clever and very unusual story
The Last Boy Scout Wed 19/12 TCM @ 21.00
Joe Hallenbeck is an alcoholic private eye with a wife and daughter who hate him. He hates himself too until he finds himself drawn in a conspiracy involving blackmail, car bombs and American football. Tony Scott's 1991 thriller might be a little dated now but it's still a fierce entertaining action comedy. Fun turns from Bruce Willis & Damon Wayans are the icing on the cake.
The Strangers Fri 21/12 The Horror Channel @ 23.15
Kristen and James are a couple who decide to spend a holiday in an isolated holiday home. Always a bad idea. A worse idea is answering a knock on the door in the middle of the night. It's sounds cliched but this is a genuinely scary horror movie that relies more on atmosphere and a slow amping up of suspense than the usual blood & guts. Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman do well as the terrorised duo.
Soulsmith Fri 21/12 RTE1 @ 23.55
Ed is full of built up anger and his writing career has gone downhill rapidly. A family funeral forces him to head home and to confront the ghosts of his past. It's a story that will ring a bell with a lot of young people who've moved far from home. There's plenty going on in this Irish film but it never feels rushed or clumsy due to solid writing and a fine performance from Matthew O'Brien.
December 14, 2018
Spiderman : Into The Spider-verse
Spider-Man : Into The Spider-verse is the best superhero film of the year. Without a doubt. In a year that's had Infinity War and Black Panther that's saying a lot but there you have it. The level of invention, humour and action on display here will blow you away. There's loads to enjoy for the casual viewer but if you have any bit of Spiderman knowledge you are in for a serious treat.
Miles Morales is a reluctant school goer. Ill at ease in his new prep school he acts out with petty acts of vandalism while blasting out Biggie Smalls and is an aspiring graffiti artist to boot. One trip into NYC's subway system with a couple of spray cans sees him bitten by an unusual looking spider. Strange things start to happen to him and things get even stranger when a rip in the space/time continuum above the city sends a lot of people his direction. People who have also been bitten by spiders....
Oh man, this rocked. It's an amazing piece of work. Heartfelt yet bombastic, intimate but epic, intricate but surprisingly easy to follow. Then there's the animation. The glorious animation. It looks immense, a gorgeous explosion of colour and chaos, it's genuinely as close to a comic book as you'll ever see on screen. There's stuff in here that could never be filmed, animation is the only way it could be done and TBH I'm delighted they went this route, I wish more comic book stuff was drawn as it's a perfect vehicle for superhero madness. 3 people co-directed this film (Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey and Rodney Rothman) and I'm amazed they managed to keep up with it. It's genuinely mindblowing in places. I loved it.
This is Miles Morales' first time in a movie. He's been in the Spidey comics for a few years but never made the jump to film until now. Unsurprisingly the colour of his skin was an issue for the more insecure and idiotic side of fandom but he's a great character, easily as likable as Peter Parker, the original Spider-man. Unlike Peter he still has his parents but his issues come from his fractured relationship with his father, a stern New York City Cop. His run in with a spider sets him buzzing and his run-in with the other spider-people give him a new found direction in life. The others are brilliant, I won't spoil anything but 1 is voiced by the most crazed actor on earth and the other is just a perfect creation that will make you snort laughing as soon as you hear his name and see him in action.
Animated movies are only as good as their voicework and here it's just sublime, every actor perfectly fitting with their animated counterpart. Shameik Moore as Miles is fantastic. Selling the fear and terror and eventually wonder to a tee. Jake Johnson is great craic as the alternate Peter Parker, a hero gone to seed but looking to find his way back to form and Liev Schreiber is suitably menacing as the villain of the piece, the hilariously shaped Kingpin. There isn't a weak link here. Hailee Steinfield as Gwen Stacy, Lily Tomlin as aunt May, Brian Tyree Henry (an actor having a hell of a year) as Miles' Da Jeff, all do their work with aplomb and ensure the film just drips with quality.
There's something here for everyone. Constant action and nonstop jokes for the kids, genuinely emotional story beats and twists & turns for the growns up and in-jokes by the dozen for the nerds (The dig at Sam Raimi's Spider-man 3 was priceless). Cameos from much loved baddies from the comics crop up all around too but not too many as they have to keep some for the inevitable sequel. It's the kind of movie that will work very well on a repeat viewing because at times there's so much going on it's quite hard to take it all in. I'm probably going to go see it again on the big screen. It's that good that it's worth paying twice for.
December 13, 2018
Aquaman
There's a part in Aquaman where a gigantic octopus plays the drums. Nope, I wasn't watching The Snorks or Spartacus And The Sun Beneath The Sea. It happened in Aquaman, DC Comics latest installment in the Justice League universe. A Christmas holiday blockbuster reportedly costing $200 million has a scene with an octopus lashing into a drumkit. It's amazing. If you can get past a scene as silly as that you'll get on fine with Aquaman. If not, it's probably best to stop reading now.
Arthur Curry (Jason Momoa) is a mongrel. Half human and half Atlantean. He's as comfortable on dry land as he is underwater and his hybrid status has embued him with all manner of superpowers. While he's living it up on the Atlantic coast of North America his half brother Orm (Patrick Wilson) is underwater in the lost city of Atlantis planning an attack on the human race for their continued desecration of the world's oceans. In an effort to stop him, another inhabitant of Atlantis called Mera (Amber Heard) comes looking for Arthur's help.
I knew nothing about Aquaman until recently. He's not exactly a superhero name like Spiderman or Wonder Woman that non comic book readers would be au fait with unless they watched Entourage 10 years ago. His appearance in the godawful Justice League film of 2016 was the moment he was introduced to a massive audience and he was one of the very few good things about it. Based on the quality of that movie you wouldn't be blamed for thinking the Aquaman film would be a disaster too but surprisingly you'd be quite wrong. It's actually a highly entertaining bit of nonsense. A blazingly silly bit of nonsense but a fun one nonetheless. You've just got to love a movie that embraces it's silliness and goes with it. This summer's Hereditary was a fine example of just going for it and now we've got another one. This is easily the most bonkers Superhero movie of the 21st century.
Dolph Lundgren plays a king. People ride into battle on whales & sharks and do battle with huge crabs. Gigantic tidal waves decimate earth's coastlines and are instantly forgotten. Dolph Lundgren plays a king! 10 feet long Seahorses are common modes of transport. Someone wears a dress made from what looks like a Portugese Man Of War jellyfish. Our hero fights in a shiny green and gold costume wielding a huge trident and a smirk. The main bad guy looks scarily like Julian Sands circa Arachnophobia. Dolph Lundgren plays a king!! A woman eats a rose thinking it's dinner. An assassin saves himself by inhaling toilet water. Depending on your disposition the above will entertain you or madden you. Me, I smiled and laughed the whole way through it. Just lay back and let it wash over you. Don't think about it too much. Enjoy the madness. Don't go to see it in 3D though. You'll probably have a stroke.
A great cast helped big time. Jason Momoa is a great lead. Maybe a bit smug and annoying in the opening third of the film but once on his mission he becomes far more likable and even a bit vulnerable. He looks the part too, a big lump of beard and muscles who absolute convinces when he starts decimating the bad guys. Amber Heard more than holds her own as his sidekick Mera and Patrick Wilson brings a nice touch of gravitas to his bad guy role. Nicole Kidman and Temuera Morrison play the Aqua parents and their scenes early in the film are so nice and well played that you'll wish they went on for longer. Did I mention Dolph Lundgren was in it? Well he is and he's pretty damn good in his part. For viewers of a certain vintage, when people like him pop up it turns our geek dial up to 11. Yes, I'm well aware this review is coming off as very glowing but it's not all good.
EXPOSITION!!! Holy god there's a lot of explaining in this. The mythology of Atlantis and it's inhabitants comes thick and fast and in an unforgiving manner. "Huh, what did he say???" It doesn't matter cos here's more of it. When the screen is awash with every manner of CGI going it's going to be hard to follow every bit of dialogue ensuring you will get lost in places. At least they have someone with an interesting voice doing the talking (Willem Dafoe as Vulko). Plus, comic book filmmakers, please stop cramming in villains. No film needs two bad guys. Human baddie Black Manta (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) is dull to be point of being forgettable and when he turns up in a bad guy suit & helmet he instantly gets lost in the maelstrom. TBH I can barely remember what happened to him. One last thing. The use of CGI to de-age actors. STOP. NOW. PLEASE. It's horrible if not done perfectly.
Bad points aside I thoroughly enjoyed this. It's fun, very inventive and well shot. Director James Wan knows his stuff when it comes to action but he doesn't forget his past in horror movies either which you'll see in spades during a nightmarish night time visit to The Trench. He's put together a solid Superhero movie. Early plot points pay off well later in the story and we even get a couple of genuinely earned emotional moments. Who the hell expected that from a film with an octopus drummer?
December 11, 2018
Belly Of The Whale
A well known face is on his back bleeding and moaning. He's being dragged through a room by a man in a cape and a Mexican wrestling mask. The darkness of the building is pierced by the lights of the poker machines surrounding them. Roars and shouts fill the air. Scottish accents, Ulster accents and Tipperary accents mix to form a big stew. Chaos. How did it all come to this?
Moody (Lewis McDougall) has returned home. The 15 year old boy with a troubled past has come back to town to reopen his fathers business and everyone is looking at him sideways, thinking of an incident they only half know. Ronald (Pat Shortt) is in town too. Stung by a silly deal that took his last euro and laughed at by a potential business partner he's not a happy man. Gits (Michael Smiley) is a business man and wannabe politician with a shady past who's in trouble with a couple of scumbags intent on blackmailing him. The paths of all three collide and well......
This was an odd film. It's strange to walk out of a cinema screen not quite sure who it was about or where (supposedly Donegal and I only know that after a bit of research) and when it was set. The story is quite straight forward and the plot is easy to follow but it's irritating lack of detail turns it into a shallow watch full of characters you don't really care about. It's tendency to wallow in misery is offputting too. Pat Shortt plays Ronald and this makes his 2007 film Garage look like a riotous slapstick comedy in comparison. Life is throwing everything at Moody and Ronald and they just seem content to take it. Until they won't anymore and decide to change things up. It's here the film begins to both loosen up, a few laughs are thrown around (mostly courtesy of Shortt's clothing and mode of transport) and then the film heads off in a direction that feels both unexpected and jarring. I mean, no one ever expects a film set in a quiet Ulster seaside town to have a scene featured a neck being punctured by a flying projectile. So there's that.
Any film featuring Pat Shortt and Michael Smiley should be onto a winner. Both are superb actors and here imbue their characters with a sense of tragedy, one being tragic and decent and the other being tragic and scummy. Unfortunately both performances are far better than the film around then. A lot happens in a short running time but it just feels like a whole pile of nothing and when it finishes you'll be left sitting there in the dark saying to yourself "seriously?" These low key dramas full of quirkiness are something Irish cinema has been doing brilliantly for ages now but not this time. There's no hook here, nothing to hang on to, nothing to aim for.
You get the sense there was a longer film here once. Plot lines peter out without finishing and other characters just vanish. It feels shoddy. Modern films have a tendency to be overstuffed and too long but when they are pared right down to the bone it can be equally annoying too. It's a pity. With more substance there could have been something here. I hate being down on Irish films, but here it's deserved.
The best & the worst of 2018
2018 was a really solid year for movies. A great mix of everything. Thrilling genre work, genuinely good blockbusters, loads of small scale intimate drama, sequels that earned their keep, more minority faces onscreen and behind the camera and hell there was even room for an Irish revenge western. Netflix upped it's game too with plenty of excellent original movies that may not have seen the light of day if not for streaming. The year wasn't all good though.
But first my top 15 of the last 12 months. In no particular order bar the first.
You Were Never Really Here - Lynne Ramsay's thriller about a damaged man righting wrongs is a masterpiece. Film of the year for me.
I, Tonya - The inside story of a sporting scandal portrayed in a way you'd never imagine. Just fantastic.
Unsane - Steven Soderbergh's twisty turny watch was superbly made slice of genre joy about a woman who signs her life away unwittingly..
Creed II - The 8th film in the Rocky franchise is one of it's best. A brilliantly nostalgic watch.
The Cured - Zombies in Dublin. Cured of their condition but still remembering the horror. A cracker.
Blackkklansman - Spike Lee's return to magnificence was at once horrifying and highly entertaining. A serious accomplishment.
Beast - This Channel Island set mystery was a haunting, ethereal and totally unpredictable watch. Jessie Buckley from Kerry is an actress to watch.
Katie - A documentary about Ireland's greatest sporting hero had us in tears and punching the air at the same time. Superb stuff.
Summer of '84 - A murderer is on the loose and chased by a group of teens .Pulpy, scary, thrilling. Like It minus the supernatural stuff. Feels like a Stephen King story in the best way.
Black 47 - The Irish revenge western we never realised we all needed. Cathartic stuff.
Private Life - A stunning portrayal of the smaller battles waged by normal people every day.
Lady Bird - A beautiful movie. You won't see a more heartfelt portrayal of a parent/child relationship than here.
Leave No Trace - Will and Tom. Father and daughter. The woods. PTSD. Brilliance.
Upgrade - Body horror par excellence starring Logan Marshall-Green, the Tom Hardy lookalike who's far more likable than Tom Hardy. That kitchen scrap - whoa.
The Shape Of Water - It's always good when the best film of the ones nominated wins the best film Oscar. Guillermo Del Toro's grown up fairytale is a beaut
Duds of the year
The Happytime Murders - Septic. No other word for it.
Death Wish - A truly awful remake that made the originals look like masterpieces.
The Package - A 90 minute long cock joke. I felt genuinely bad about myself afterwards.
Jawdropping moment of the year - The machine gun assault in Hold The Dark. Large calibre bullets meeting unsuspecting cops is always going to be messy but no one expected this carnage.
Scene of the year - Jason & Danno spill some home truths - Dublin Oldschool
Biggest disappointment - The Predator. So so so shoddy. Shane Black needs a kick up the hole.
Biggest earworm - Rewrite The Stars. The Greatest Showman. Yup, im a big sap.
Best audience reaction - A Quiet Place. The baby arrives. Nailbiting and the silence in the cinema during it amplified the terror ten fold.
Blockbuster moment of the year - Avengers : Infinity War. The finger snap. Without a doubt.
Best actor of the year - Ethan Hawke in First Reformed/Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody
Villain of the year - Gerard Butler in Den Of Thieves. Hilariously scummy.
Best actress of the year - Saoirse Ronan in Lady Bird. Of course.
Best singalong of the year - the inpromptu 4 Non Blondes moment from The Miseducation Of Cameron Post.
Funniest moment of the year - John Cena & Gary Cole locking eyes - Blockers.
Most gripping watch of the year - Searching. Track this one down. Seriously. More people should watch it.
Hero of the year - T'Challa. Black Panther. Cool as hell.
Most unintentionally hilarious film of the year - Gotti
Most overrated watch of the year - Crazy Rich Asianzzzzzzzz..... sorry, typing that bored me to death.
December 10, 2018
15 reasons why Die Hard is a Christmas film
Today is the 10th of December. That means 15 days to Christmas Day. So here are 15 reasons why Die Hard is a Christmas film. Because you never see articles like this knocking around. Rare as hen's teeth they are.
1. Let's start off slow. It's set on Christmas Eve. The most festive of days.
2. It's set in a building hosting a Christmas party. There's eggnog. And a huge Christmas tree.
3. John's wife's name is Holly Gennaro. Holly. Green leaves and red berries. A SYMBOL OF CHRISTMAS.
4. The bad guy is called Hans Gruber. Hans Gruber rhymes with Franz Gruber. Who's he you say? Oh he's only the fella that wrote Silent Night. That little known Christmas carol.
5. Ellis has a love for cocaine. Cocaine is also known as snow. Snow? Christmas? Keep up people.
7. Christmas songs. Let It Snow! by Vaughn Monroe and this cracker from Run DMC both play prominent parts in proceedings.
9. Miracles. Courtesy of FBI agents Johnson & Johnson. Miracles are a staple of Christmas films and Die Hard has one. Granted its one that works out for the bad guys but it's still a miracle and it all plays out to the sounds of Beethoven's 9th Symphony aka the most Christmassy bit of classical music ever™.
10. Now I Have A Machine Gun. Ho-Ho-Ho. A Santa Claus quote. Well the end bit anyway.
11. A man finds peace. Christmas films are all about being happier and Al the cop makes peace with himself at the end of the film by using violence against people who deserve it. I mean, just look how happy he is in Die Hard 2.
12. Helsinki gets mentioned on the news report. Helsinki is in Finland. Finland is home to Lapland. Lapland is home to Santa Claus. Boom! Christmas!! #Layers
13. Christmas themed sticky tape literally saves the day at the end of the film. When all is lost, when the end is nigh, a humble roll of festive tape decorated with holly (see no.3) helps John get the upper hand. G'wan sticky tape.
14. A family is brought back together. John & Holly's kids get the best presents they could wish for. Their mam safe and sound and their Da there to wake up on Christmas morning with them.
15. After all that if ye still don't agree take a look at the picture below. A huge corporation like Sky would never send ye wrong. Never. Nope. Btw, zoom in close on the picture. See, subliminal.
