The Happytime Murders

Adults of a certain vintage will see the trailer for The Happytime Murders and feel a pang of nostalgia for their youth. Echoes of running home from school or getting up early to watch Sesame Street or The Muppet Show will flood back. Laughing at Gonzo falling over or Miss Piggy's uber notions. Learning from the Count and wondering that adventures the Pigs In Space will have this week. These fun recollections will make you want to watch this new movie and relive your childhood for an hour or two. Don't do it. You'll ruin your precious memories. Cos it's fuckin shite.

Phil Phillips is a cop turned gumshoe in Los Angeles. He's also a puppet and lives in a world where puppets co-exist with humans. Sadly they are treated like second class citizens apart from a select few famous faces from the Happytime TV show. While working a clue on a case Phil is caught up in a massacre which leads to him working with his old cop partner Connie and together they travel into the puppet underworld to stop the maelstorm of madness building around them.

This could have been great. Sam Spade meets Swedish Chef. The trappings of film noir are all present, a detective agency with a seemingly ditsy secretary, the constant smoking, a sultry femme fatale, the world weary voice-over and the deep dives into the seedier side of life. Then we have the film's blunt take on the treatment of puppets mirroring the modern day treatment of minorities in America that strikes a couple of sharp notes (skin lightening and police mistreatment) but none of it gels together, nothing. 

It feels slapdash and cheap and it commits the worst sin a comedy possibly can - it is not one bit funny. In fact it's awful. It's a nasty, mean spirited one trick pony that recycles it's one joke so much that you'll be tempted to get up and walk out on more than one occasion. Connie is played by Melissa McCarthy who once again shows that her quality control has gone out the window. She's game for a laugh but it's embarrassing watching an actress as good as her wandering through this garbage. All she does is swear and snort sugar. Seriously.

Your childhood memories gutted and splayed out on the floor

An early scene in a puppet porn shop will shock a laugh or two out of you but mostly you'll just want it to be over. A puppet smoking and swearing and indulging in athletic puppet loving is funny for about 30 seconds and then it gets old fast. It feels cynical and designed to shock but then really overplays its hand with one joke about inbred shrieking child puppets who are the product of incest. It's so horribly grim and jarring that it will leave a really bad taste in your mouth. All this and it isn't even original. An episode of Angel with a very similar tone and storyline (Smile Time) did this better 14 years ago and and in half the time. 

Don't waste your money on this. It's atrocious shite. It will be on Netflix within 12 months if you are really desperate to see it but otherwise don't bother. It's so bad that it's possible it could retroactively ruin your childhood. Melissa McCarthy needs a new agent pronto. I felt bad for her and Bill Barretta who was the voice of Phil. To go from the highs of Spy and The Muppet Show to this actually feels like career sabotage.

Muck.