Best cinema experience of 2019

Huge spoilers.

The bloke beside me was easily in his 40s. I'd worked with him years before but couldn't remember his name as we talked about the film we were about to watch. He told me his wife had refused point blank to see the film with him but was pissed off he'd gone without her. As the film ended with a couple enjoyed a well earned slow dance in the living room of their house he turned to me, tears pissing down his face and laughed "Now do you understand why she wouldn't come."

The film was Avengers : Endgame and it was the best cinematic experience of the year for me. Not the best film of course, no, far from it, but watching it on its opening day with an audience who, like me, had been with these characters through 20 odd films just felt rather special.

The buzz in the air was mighty. Would the film live up to the expectations weighing down on it? Were we all Marvel'd out after seeing Captain Marvel only weeks before? Could the film please everyone? Would every character get their deserved screentime? Of course everyone wouldn't be happy but it did enough right to entertain the hell out of the audience in the Maxx Omniplex screen that rainy April afternoon.

Giddy children laughing at Tony Stark one liners they couldn't possibly understand. Grown adults surging forward in their chairs and screaming with joy as Captain America finally got his hands on Thor's might hammer (fnarr). The pantomime like moment when someone shouted "Kill the bastard" just as Thanos gets decapitated early on. The glee at Loki becoming a thing again. The disbelief at Black Widow's massive offering to mankind. The big laugh at Thor channelling The Dude Lebowski. The woman in the row behind me saying "cool" quietly to herself when the heroines of the day teamed up to massacre the bad guys. The FUCK YEAH! moment when all the Avengers killed in Infinity war emerged ready to battle. Kids bouncing off the ceiling at Peter Parker's triumphant return. Sniffles of sadness around the auditorium as  Tony is put to rest after his huge sacrifice and then sniffles of happiness as Captain America gets to go back and live the life he deserved with the woman he loved. And of course the sense of satisfaction as the credits rolled. The weight of expectation and the hype had been met. Phew. 

People get sniffy about blockbuster movies in the cinema but nothing brings a crowd together like them. An arty Ecuadorean B&W (of course) film about deaf rice growers might be what does it for you but it's not going to make for a great communal experience and at the end of the day that's what the cinema has always been, a communal experience. Gowls with mobile phones are an issue but when a film works this well for a big crowd it's easy to ignore the muppets.

I loved that screening. I mightn't ever watch the film again but jesus that was an enjoyable 180 minutes.

Feliz navidad y'all

It's Christmas Day.

If you love it I hope you have a great time. Enjoy it cos it will be over fast.

If you don't I hope you have some peace for the day and that it goes by fast for you.

Just don't lose sight of what the day's about.

Ham. Big glorious slabs of ham.

Best & worst of 2019

It's been a fine year in the cinema. Some of the bigger films films may have disappointed but so many of them hit the spot.

My top 10

Deadwood

A perfect film finish to a perfect tv show. So much better than I ever expected. Emotional, brutal, genuinely upsetting and very cathartic with a final line of dialogue for the ages.

Wild Rose

A young woman in Glasgow wants to be a famous singer. We go along for the ride with her. Jessie Buckley is mindblowing here. A good, old fashioned rags to riches story with a nice edge to it.

The Sisters Brothers

The best western I've seen in years. One of the most beautiful too. Who would have thought a simple smile across a table between 2 brothers would be one of the best moments of the year.

Extra Ordinary

The Irish horror/comedy we never knew we needed. The funniest 94 minutes of the year. Terror, gore, proper belly laughs, potholes, ectoplasm, just the tip and a brilliant Maeve Higgins in the lead.

Border

Tina's a Swedish customs agent with a difference. She can smell bad people. A modern day fairytale but not a family friendly one. Far from it. A hard film to take about without spoiling it. Eva Melander is amazing in the lead.

Fighting With My Family

The story of Paige, the WWE wrestler who deserved and achieved her dreams. Stephen Merchant's comedy drama hit the spot with it's blend of humour, pathos and metal chairs across the face. 

Stan & Ollie

Watching this was like being knocked over by a wave of nostalgia. A beautiful and heartwarming biopic done just right. Steve Coogan's Stan steals the show.

The Peanut Butter Falcon

This modern take on the story of Jack Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn lived up to its roots. 2 friends go on and adventure together and we get to go along for the ride. Zack Gottsagen should be a star.

The Irishman

Scorsese had us fearing the worst but this elegiac ode to aging was an amazing return to gangster cinema. That scene of Pesci and De Niro breaking bread together. Just sublime.

Lords Of Chaos

The story I'd waited 20+ years to see on screen did not disappoint. Murder, mayhem, anarchy. A gut wrenching and blackly funny look at the stupid things people will do to feel legitimate. Best film of the year for me.

Also rans

I Lost My Body
Little Women
The Nightingale
The Dig
The Highwaymen
For Sama
Booksmart
Shazam
Crawl
One Cut Of The Dead
Hustlers
Diego Maradona

The best death scene

Midsommar. Ättestupa. Shudder.

Best musical outburst

Blinded By The Light. The market stall Thunder Road singalong.

Biggest scare

All of Brightburn. A genuinely unsettling watch that everyone ignored.

Star of the year

Florence Pugh. No question.

Best audience reaction

Cliff fights back. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

Jaw dropping moment of the year

The opening 5 minutes of The Dirt

Best moment when men claim to get dust in their eye

Cap's dance in Endgame/the end of Departures

Best ride

Extra Ordinary. A life saving shag. Literally.

Best laugh

Spiderman : Far From Home. Mr Harrington's wife and her snap experience.

Best baddie

Pat Shortt in Dark Lies The Island. A venal, life shattering bastard.

Biggest disappointment

The Kitchen. Melissa McCarthy. Elisabeth Moss. Domhnall Gleeson. Gangsters and gun. Laughable.

Most unintentionally funny

The big death in X-Men : Dark Phoenix. An insult to a once fine series.

Worst films of the year

Welcome To Marwen. Septic.
Jay And Silent Bob Reboot. Putrid.
Polar. Vomitous.
Men In Black International. Nauseating.
Holmes & Watson. I'd rather go blind than see this again.
Thank You Come Again. Made me feel ashamed to be Irish.

Fave films of the century so far - 2018 - Lady Bird

A mother (Laurie Metcalfe) and daughter (Saoirse Ronan) are driving along enjoying a bit of John Steinbeck. Everything seems hunkydory.

   

(Ignore the date in that video, it didn't come out in Ireland til 2018)

A painfully realistic moment. How many people watching that scene will shudder at its familiarity? The calm then the storm. That special rage that comes from nowhere that only ever seems to happen between family members. 

Christine "Lady Bird" MacPherson is in her final year of high school. She cannot wait to get away from Sacremento and away from the woman who gave birth to her. She loves her mother but she can't live with her anymore. She's overbearing and unforgiving but Lady Bird isn't exactly an innocent victim either. She's thinks the world revolves around her in that special way teenagers do. She drops her best friend for someone cooler. She treats her parents like doormats. She's ashamed of where she lives. She's ashamed of herself. Saoirse Ronan's performance is painfully on the mark and writer/director Greta Gerwig's words actually sting with their accuracy.

Lady Bird. A deceptively simple watch that will stay with you long after it's over. A film full of universal truths, turmoil, surprising humour and sublime acting. It will resonate with everyone. It's my film of 2018.

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14 films for you to lash into over Christmas week

Kisses   Sat   21/12    TG4 @ 21.45

One day a young boy and a girl run away from their troubled family life and escape into the city centre of Dublin for an adventure that is both exciting and terrifying. A film that finds a strange type of beauty in inner city Dublin, going from black and white to colour as the kids experience their first bit of independence. Kelly O'Neill and Shane Curry as just perfect as the leads. A gritty, warm, scary and lovely Irish film.

The Irish Pub   Sat   21/12   TG4 @  23.10

A documentary all about the Irish pub. That mystical place at the heart of every community where all the country's real wheeling and dealing used to get done. This is a fantastic watch, funny and heartening and full of very congenial talking head interviews but tinged with sadness when we realise that this once vital part of our life is very slowly being eroded by the fast pace of modern life. See how many pubs you can recognise.

Looper   Sun   22/12   BBC1 @ 00.25

Set in the near future where unwanted people are disposed of by sending them back in time to be killed. This is all well and good until a man is faced with an older version of himself. A magnificently original piece of sci fi/action right here. Fun, chilling, brutal, intelligent and mind boggling. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Bruce Willis have a whale of a time playing the young/old versions and Emily Blunt does stellar work as a protective mother caught up in it all.

Patrick's Day   Sun   22/12   RTE2 @ midnight

The story of a young man in Dublin with schizophrenia who meets a suicidal woman and what happens next. Yes, it's sounds terribly upsetting and yes it is but there's a lot  more to it than that. Super performances all around but Moe Dunford brings the lead character of Patrick to life in a way that you genuinely care for him. It's a film that will kick you in the heart a few times but you'll be glad you watched it. .

Rogue One   Mon   23/12   ITV2 @ 20.00

The Empire is building a secret weapon and a rag tag gang of rebels are tasked with finding it's weak spot so it can be obliterated. This prequel to the original Star Wars is a very entertaining addition to the Star Wars saga. It's a bit darker and a little bit more violent than the series tends to be but it slots into the existing universe perfectly. Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Riz Ahmed and Donnie Yen all do well. And the ending.....oh that ending.

The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie   Tues   24/12   TG4 @ 13.05

Jean Brodie is teaching at a girls school in Edinburgh in the 1930's, She's not one for sticking to rules or curriculums. Her students admire her unorthodox teaching style but the establishment certainly doesn't. Maggie Smith nails the title role here with a performance that's stunning in it's complexity. Keep an eye on Pamela Franklin's performance as Sandy too. It's amazing.

Popstar : Never Stop Never Stopping   Tues   24/12   Film4 @ 23.25

Connor4real's new album is a commercial and critical disaster. His music career is going downhill fast and he'll do anything to keep it afloat. But he won't return to his first success. Oh no. Andy Samberg's mockumentary is an absolute riot. It's crude, it's surreal, it's filthy, it may even offend you but it's just hilarious, proper laugh out loud stuff. Samberg is an agreeable lead and Maya Rudolph and Jorma Taccone are quality in support.

Made In Dagenham   Wed   25/12   BBC1 @ 00.55

In 1968 in a northern England car plant, women decided they'd had enough of financial and sexual discrimination and went on strike. A delightful film and one that's both well acted and very timely in telling a story that's sadly ongoing 50 years later. The cast is a who's who of English talent including the always reliable Sally Hawkins, Bob Hoskins, Andrea Riseborough and Daniel Mays.

Moana   Wed   25/12   BBC1 @ 12.55

Moana Waialiki is a young girl loving life on her ancient Polynesian island. Her and her village find themselves in danger when an ancient curse threatens them all. This 2016 Disney film is great craic. Funny, action packed, scary, beautiful to look at. Plenty for all ages here. Auli'i Cravalho is a fine lead but Dwayne Johnson as the Demi God Maui is highly enjoyable. A feast for the eyes while you wait for the feast for your belly.

Some Like It Hot   Wed   25/12   RTE2 @ 14.05

Joe and Jerry have just witnessed the the St. Valentine's Day massacre and now they're running for their lives. To get out off town they disguise themselves as women and join an all woman music troupe heading for Florida. This is a classic that truly lives up to the hype. It's a scream, hilarious in places and touching in others. Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis are all on fire. A perfect Christmas day watch.

Dog Day Afternoon   Thur   26/12   RTE1 @ 02.00

On a blisteringly hot day in Brooklyn a man called Sonny holds up a bank with the intention of using the money for his partner's gender re-assigment surgery. His actions turn him into a bit of a star. Sidney Lumet's 1975 drama is still a stunner, a vital watch about a post war America grasping for any bit of optimism it could get. Al Pacino is an amazing lead and John Cazale's turn as his robber pal Sal is brilliantly tragic.

Florence Foster Jenkins   Thur   26/12   BBC2 @ 23.00

Florence Foster Jenkins was a rich New York heiress who only wanted one thing from life - to perform her songs onstage at Carnagie Hall. There was one issue though, Florence was a terrible singer. A very funny and surprisingly moving look at what can be achieved when you have enough money. Meryl Streep is tremendous as the titular character, I really wish she'd do more comedy. Simon Helberg and Hugh Grant as the men in her life do mighty work too.

The Drummer And The Keeper   Thur   26/12   RTE2 @ 23.35

Gabriel is a drummer with a bipolar disorder. Christopher is a teenager with asperger's. Thrown together at a football game as part of their treatment they form a bond. This Dublin set drama is a captivating look at the therapeutic power of friendship. It's a tough watch in places but it builds to a heart warming finish. Jacob McCarthy & Dermot Murphy lead a lovely Irish cast that also includes Peter Coonan and Niamh Algar. Warning - lego fans may be traumatised.

The Limehouse Golem   Fri   27/12   BBC2 @ 21.30

Victorian London was a grim & squalid place and a series of hideous murders has the city on a knife edge. Inspector John Kildare is the man who must figure out who's behind the violence. A dull turn from the usually reliable Bill Nighy was Kildare aside this is a nicely atmospheric, queasily brutal and interesting look at the lengths some people will go for fame. Nice supporting turns from Daniel Mays and Olivia Cooke add plenty.

The Christmas Staples

Paint Your Wagon   Sun   22/12   BBC2 @ 13.10
Gandhi   Sun   22/12   RTE 1 @ 09.30
White Christmas   Mon   23/12   CH4 @ 13.35
High Society    Tues   24/12   RTE1 @ 09.00
Casablanca   Wed    25/12   RTE1 @ 02.10
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory   Wed   25/12   RTE1 @ 13.20
Raiders Of The Lost Ark   Wed    25/12   RTE2 @ 18.10
Guys And Dolls   Thur   26/12   BBC2 @ 13.05
The Champ   Fri   27/12   RTE1 @ 08.00
Funny Girl   27/12   TG4 @ 13.05

Star Wars : The Rise Of Skywalker

I liked it. But Return Of The Jedi is my favourite Star Wars film.

In cinemas now

A perfect pairing of Sound & Vision - Dawn and Tim. The Office Christmas Special.

It was the moment we'd waited nearly 3 years to see. 3 years of watching Tim and Dawn flirt. 3 years of watching them in love but never being able to do anything about it as Dawn was engaged. Twice we'd seen Tim follow his heart and get blown out of the water. The 2nd series ended and we thought that was it, unrequited love, a story left hanging, never to be seen again. Then The Office came back for a Christmas special and we had hope in our hearts again. Tim was still working in the same office in Slough. Dawn was living in Miami with her fella Lee and they still hadn't gotten married. She was back for Christmas and she was coming to the Christmas do. They'd be together again. It felt like old times. Jokes, a little bit of awkwardness, Tim happy for the first time in years. Then she was gone. Our hearts broke again. But she'd left with a present. A present that made her realise where her heart really lay. Then to the sounds of Yazoo and Alison Moyet this happened.

Ah jesus it was great. Hearts melted up and down the country as one of the best love stories ever on TV reached a climax. Dawn's appearance in the background would make you catch your breath and then that kiss would make you want to punch the air. Of course the song playing over it was called 'Only You'. What else could it be.

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

TV heaven. A perfect pairing of sound and vision. The best thing Ricky Gervais ever did. Yeah he's turned into a toxic piece of shit but that doesn't take from this.

Previous pairings  

Do The Right Thing
Se7en
Mad Men
The Colour Of Money
Rules Of Attraction

Jackass II

Game Of Thrones 

Apocalypse Now

Blade

Big
Miller's Crossing

The Blues Brothers

Straight Outta Compton

The Princess Bride

American Honey

Snake In The Eagle's Shadow

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Untouchables

Airplane!

Dazed And Confused  

Kickboxer                                  

Grosse Point Blank

Mean Streets

Watership Down

Casablanca

Zodiac

Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission

Before Sunset

Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans

Little Women

Around 3/4s of the way into Little Women the sniffling started up in the left hand corner of the audience. Then came the nose blowing, startling in it's loudness. Then the unabashed sobbing. If you don't know the story of Little Women this might sound odd but if you know it you'll know exactly what and where i'm talking about. You know Greta Gerwig's adaption of the famous book has succeeded when this happens.

The Marsh women have grown up. Meg (Emma Watson) is married with children. Amy (Florence Pugh) is studying art in Paris and living with her rich Aunt March (Meryl Streep, brilliantly briary). Jo (Saoirse Ronan) is trying to make a living as a teacher and writer in New York and Beth (Eliza Scanlen) is still at home in Concord, Massachusetts, with their mother Marmee(Laura Dern). Life is easier for some than for others. Seven years before they were all under the same roof waiting for their father to come back from the Civil War. The eldest Meg was looking forward to a traditional married life, tomboy Jo was champing at the bit to get away and start a creative life, quiet Beth content with her music and Amy, the youngest, wanting to be involved in everything and making doe eyes at the boy next door, Laurie (Timothée Chalamet), who only has Jo on his mind.

Director Greta Gerwig's follow up to her debut Lady Bird is a brave one. She takes one of the most famous books ever written, deconstructs it and rearranges it in a non linear fashion in a move that might tick off lifelong fans but it just works perfectly onscreen. The lows of the book feel even more crushing but the highs just soar. The heartwarming family interplay, a smile of acceptance, a moment under an umbrella, comedic jealousy, a well played negotiation, the introduction of a new face to an acting troupe, Christmas generosity. Introducing us to the March's as grown ups living out their dreams gives the story more impetus than starting with the childish exploits of their teenage years. Cutting back and forth deepens the characters (especially Amy) and helps us understand why and how they end up where they do. It's a clever move and one that works a charm as the film reaches it's end. Plus it will keep those who know the story on their toes and maybe even enjoy it more seeing it from a fresh perspective. 

Meg gets the short straw here but her character and her life choices are never belittled by the script or it's direction and Emma Watson brings her to life charmingly. Eliza Scanlen nails Beth's shyness and kindess, Laura Dern exudes warmth as the ever generous Marmee (watch that early scene where she composes herself before bringing bad news, superb) but the majority of the heavy lifting is done by Florence Pugh, Timothée Chalamet and Saoirse Ronan. Pugh as Amy turns a one note character into something far more likable than on the page (that early betrayal though, always hurts) but it's a bit of a push to see her as a young teen. Chalamet is excellent as Laurie, a boy who could be smug, stroppy and cutting and plays him in a way that makes his effect on the March ladies understandable. He's far more agreeable here than in his last Gerwig collaboration. Saoirse though, wow, she owns the film. Her Jo is an electrifying presence, untamed, hilarious, and as in the book she feels like a character out of time and in her scenes with Laurie, on a beach, outside a dance, overlooking a beautiful New England vista, the chemistry just spills off the screen which means a whole dose of bittersweetness later on. Ahh C'est La Vie.

The to and fro from past to present is a little confusing even if you know the source material but little things help. A boyish haircut for one and the fact that the early scenes are suffused with a warm glow help keep us abreast of where we are in the narrative. But once you get into the rhythm it all just flows. It adds a contempary flourish to a 151 year old story that still bristles with topicality. It's a watch that will strike a chord with modern social media savvy audiences everywhere, women and men. The power of feminism, the urgency of breaking through societal glass ceilings, the value of ambition but also the need not to force your values on others, the importance of family, how utterly vital kindness is in a cruel world. There's a lot going on here, enough to satisfy even those who won't see this as their cup of tea. 

Little Women isn't out until the 27th of December but it's worth the wait. It's one that will become a Christmas staple in the future. A beautiful film filled with sublime acting from an stellar cast. Go see it before it starts scooping up all the awards next year. 

Black Christmas

1974. Bob Clark, the man who would go on to direct Porky's, makes Black Christmas. A really nasty and sordid but very effective slice of fear that was the precursor to the stalk and slash horror genre of the 1980's.

2006. Black Christmas is remade. It's dreadful, replacing the original's genuine scares with graphic violence and filling the screen with all manner of unconvincing faces from the TV shows of the era.

2019. It's remade again. This time it's a PG-13 horror lacking both the gore of the 2006 version and the scares of the 1974 version. Yet somehow it works. It's not good but it's truly a film of now.

It's Christmas time. There's no need to be afraid...... Actually Paul Young, there's plenty of reason to be afraid. There's been a murder. A young woman from the MKE sorority has been stalked and killed on the grounds of Hawthorne college just as the campus is preparing for Christmas break. The woman is a friend of Riley Stone who's struggling with her own problems after being attacked by a fraternity student the year before. Her fellow sorority sisters are keeping her upright and have decided to cheer her up this Christmas. But one by one they are being taken down by mysterious hooded figures and eventually Riley and her friends decide to take the power back.

Black Christmas's one real scare is stolen outright from The Exorcist III. If you've seen that film you'll know the one I'm talking about. The pace, the build up, the execution, all fleeced shamelessly. It works but it's the only really jump you'll get. Elsewhere you'll get a load of good ideas, a nice subversion of the final girl trope, swipes at societal mores and every hot button issue of the last couple of years but all of them are failed by a script that starts off silly and ends up absolutely ridiculous. This is horror for people that don't really like horror. Every kill cuts away at the last second, every jump scare (except one) is so tame it wouldn't bother a 90 year old and the bad guy is so easily guessable it's actually offensive.

But it's a film with it's heart in the right place so kudos for that. In a post #MeToo era Black Christmas fits the part perfectly with it's story of women lashing out against misogyny and regaining their agency while (literally) burning the patriarchy down. In 1974 the women of Black Christmas were haunted by obscene phone calls but that's now replaced with taunting DM's. There's accusations of hysteria and shrillness, gaslighting by the bucketload and there's even a not all men declaration in the mix. Any user of social media will shudder at what they hear and see here. The bad guys are toxic masculinity personified, their reasons are privilege and power. It's as timely as horror gets but then the last 15 minutes rock up and your eyes will actually roll back into your head with mortification. It's one of those stupid decisions that will haunt the film's writers in years to come. It's beyond dumb. A sharp tight turn into a different universe altogether. You'll feel insulted.

The main cast tries at least. Imogen Poots as Riley is good. Seemingly fragile, torn by a betrayal but possessing an inner strength that would make Laurie Strode and Sydney Prescott proud. Aleyse Shannon as Kris does well as the kind of buddy everyone wants. Supportive but pushy, someone who'll never leave a bud behind. Her appearance at the climax is the film's one "YES!!" moment. There should have been more. The rest of the sorority and fraternity cast barely register, they exist to be meat for the grinder.

Black Christmas meant well but a tame approach and a stupifying ending damage it irreparably. Wait for netflix.

Fave films of the century so far - 2017 - The Lost City Of Z

In 1905 Officer Percival Fawcett was tasked with leading a survey party into the jungles of Brazil and Bolivia to ascertain a boundary line between the two countries and nip a brewing argument about rubber plant resources in the bud. Along with Corporal Henry Costin he went into the jungle with no prior experience and using the Amazon river as an entrance toiled upriver in an effort to do a good job and restore his family's good name. Along the way a guide by the name Tadjui tells them of an ancient city built entirely of gold but Percy fobs it off as folklore. Until the day he's chasing a boar for food and he stumbles across pottery and statues far too well made to be created by jungle tribes. When his job was done he came home but his idea of an advanced jungle civilisation was laughed at and once again his family's name was stained. So he went back to the jungle to prove his detractors wrong.

God i loved this film, a glorious return to old school movie making. A modern film that feels like classic cinema. Director James Gray channeling Terrence Malick but never aping him. A film that takes it's time but never gets boring, lets us under the skin of our characters, lets us care about them and their plans. A film about bravery and stupidity in equal measures. The people who made great sacrifices in the name of discovery but also about the families left behind, not knowing whats going on. Charlie Hunnam is a great lead (his best performance imho) but it's Sienna Miller as his wife Nina that really leaves a mark. A strong woman in an era where women were expected to shhh. It's epic stuff, luscious in it's beauty. A rare film shot on location in the jungle instead of against a green screen and overlaid with horrid CGI. As such it feels substantial, it gives it a heft missing from a lot of modern movies.

And speaking of movies it's a film fan feast. There's shades of Herzog in here, you'll be reminded of Fitzcarraldo more than once. It has the feel of 70's exploration epics like The Man Who Would Be King and The Wind And The Lion. Then to top it off there's numerous nods to the infamous world of video nasties too. A trip to a tribal village conjures up memories of the films of Ruggero Deodato and Umberto Lenzi. Without the graphic gore of course. It all adds up to a heady feast for the senses and them it's topped off with one of the most beautiful endings I've seen in an age. A torch lit trip into the unknown, a climax that leaves everything to the imagination yet somehow answers all our questions. A fantastic open ended finish to the best film of 2017.

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6 Underground

There's a car chase at the very beginning of 6 Underground that is everything bad about the films of Michael Bay distilled into one 10 minute long sequence. Epilepsy inducing camerawork, horrible quick cutting to the point where the action is hard to follow, cock jokes, an over reliance on slo-mo and a yellow filter that makes everyone onscreen look like they are in end stage liver failure, and of course a callous lack of regard for both person and property. If this all sounds too much to bear then don't bother even pressing play on this Netflix production. If however you think you can get through all the above then you might have some fun with this. It's not a good film but it's certainly....well it's something.

6 Underground are a privately funded team of assassins who's mission is to lay waste to evil men. Their latest target is Turgistan dictator Rovach Alimov, a tyrannical demagogue who has no issue with bombing and gassing his own people. The killing squad have no names, only numbers (1,2,3,4,5,7......poor 6 didn't make it) and are all assumed dead by their friends and families. They've no past, very little chance of a future and with no concerns holding them back they give their all to their work. Things are about to get bloody.

6 Underground isn't the worst Michael Bay film (Take your pick from The Island, Pain & Gain or Transformers 2-5). Yes i know that's damning it with faint praise but it's more entertaining than some of the snooty reviews about it are letting on. It's brainless fun splashed with enough blood and guts to set it apart from the usual family friendly action movies studios seem content to ladle out these days. Faces pop, bodies are punctured by rebar and kitchen implements, torsos tumble from car crashes like gory ragdolls and we get more headshots here than a multiplayer game of Fortnite. Bay loves his bloody carnage but jesus I just wish he'd make it easier to watch. 

Manic camera work and a very slapdash approach to putting together an action sequence make this a lot harder work than it should be. Things happen that make no sense, nothing big but stuff that could be helped with simple little establishing shots to clue us in to what's happening but Bay has no truck with minor piffle like that. It's all about the next stunt, the next death, the next "oh jesus christ" moment. It's all sensation and no substance. This makes The Rock and Bad Boys look like a particularly emotive Ken Loach movie. There's moments where it strives for depth but they die on their arse when followed by a Las Vegas set orgy/massacre or following a man's head blown apart by a flashbang grenade.

5 Undergrou......no wait.

All that said I still enjoyed it. No..I wasn't drunk. Why do you ask? It's so silly and fast moving that it's hard not to smile at it all. It will beat you into submission and force you to smile tbh. Ryan Reynolds as number 1 tones down (slightly) his usual schtick thankfully. Melanie Laurent does well as a ice cool assassin type and Manuel Garcia-Rulfo has a whale of a time as the morally flexible number 3. The ending of the film throws any remaining screed of realism out the window and it's hard not to be wonderfully disgusted by the sheer barrage of carnage on display. Remember the car chase in Bad Boys 2 and how Bay delighted in the numerous ways a human body can be torn asunder? Well baby you just ain't seen nuttin' yet. Ouch.

Do you like Michael Bay movies? If yes you might be able for this. If no, run far far away. 

This is available on Netflix right now.