House Of Gucci

People have been laughing and skitting about House Of Gucci since cheesy photos of it's principal cast in character were released a few months ago. Then for the last month photos of the cast on the premiere red carpet became meme material and after that to no real surprise bad word of mouth started to seep out regarding the film's quality. When you sit down to watch it you might wonder at first were the reviews wrong. It's light and frothy and charming, a meet cute that's engineered into a relationship in a tight 20 minutes that includes football fun, disco time and a sex scene so vigorous that it makes the swimming pool scene from Showgirls look restrained. Then Al Pacino appears in all his tanned, leathery glory and everything falls off a cliff.

The Gucci's. The royal family of the Italian fashion industry. The heir to 50% of the family business is Maurizio (Adam Driver), an awkward young man training to be a lawyer. One night he meets a woman called Patrizia Reggiani (Lady Gaga) and the two fall for each other fast. Rodolfo Gucci (Jeremy Irons), Maurizio's father, senses she's out for money and warns his son of the fact causing a rift between them that lasts until his death. The other 50% of the business belongs to Aldo Gucci (Al Pacino), who Maurizio reconciles with after the death in the family. Aldo's a flamboyant businessman, unafraid to break with tradition and striving to bring the business to new places while his son Paolo (Jared Leto) aspires to design for the family company but hasn't the skill or the intelligence to do so. Little do any of the Gucci's realise what Patrizia has planned for the future of the family dynasty.

House Of Gucci is 160 minutes long. Christ. What was director Ridley Scott thinking? If there was ever a film that needed an editor like Thelma Schoonmaker this is it. There's a smattering of good in this film but it's longeurs will have you crying out for the ending you know is coming from the opening few minutes. An abundance of cheese and performances so bad they will make you howl with laughter but their effect is totally diluted by the fact you'll be bored silly by the time the good stuff shows up. For decades now Al Pacino has been perfecting the art of hammy acting and just when you think he's about to deliver a porcine masterclass in breezes Jared Leto with a performance so deeply outlandish that Pacino's enjoyable version of bad just seems like plain ol' bad. When either is onscreen the film feels like high camp trash designed to make you bust a gut and when they vanish for whole swathes of the running time it suffers accordingly. Inconsistency is the watch word of House of Gucci. Had it settled on a camp tone throughout, you'd have a ball with this. But in the words of a displeased Paolo, it's just boff.

Driver and Gaga though. They do work. Sadly not well enough to salvage the film in anyway but from their earlier chemistry to their later enmity, things feels fiery when they're onscreen together. Not that either is particularly good, and their accents especially are atrocious but they at least create a couple you'll be interested in watching. Gaga's Patrizia is a piece of work, and from her second, planned meeting with Maurizio you'll have her pegged instantly. She's gotten a taste of the good life and the lengths she'll go to to keep up appearances would seem far fetched in fiction but everything you'll see onscreen is based on fact. Even the spell casting. Oh yeah, spell casting. Did no one mention the spell casting? Or the Gucci take on the beautiful game of rugby? Or the way Jared Leto's Paolo seemingly exists in a comic book universe??? There's too much here to unpack. And none of it is really worth the effort.

House Of Gucci is in cinemas now. It's really not good. You gotta hand it to director Ridley Scott though. In his mid 80's and twice as productive as directors half his age. Nine films and a huge TV show in the past decade and four more films on the way. The days of Alien and Gladiator are well behind him but you have to admire anyone this committed to the cause of film making. You'd just wish he'd turn back on the quality filter.

16 films on TV this week that are worth your time

An Innocent Man   Sat   27/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.00

Jimmie's living a grand life in California. Mike and Danny are two crooked cops not averse to robbing and framing suspects. One day they all collide and lives are shattered. A gritty and vicious thriller from 1989 that didn't strike a chord with TV audiences used to Selleck's friendly Magnum persona but it's a film that's really worth reevaluation. Selleck, David Rasche, Laila Robins, Bjada Djola and F. Murray Abraham add to a heady mix.

Zombieland   Sat   27/11   Syfy @ 21.00

America's been overthrown by the undead and a young man from Columbus, Ohio just wants to get home. On his danger fraught journey he meets another survivor from Tallahassee, Florida and both decide to stick together. This is a joy, from it's Metallica scored opening scene to it's fairground set climax it's pure and utter fun. Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin are all game for a laugh here. 

Parasite   Sat   27/11   CH4 @ 22.00

The Kim's are living a miserable existence in a basement apartment in Seoul. The Park's live a comfortable life in a beautiful home overlooking the city. The youngest Kim goes to work for the Parks and things are never the same again. Parasite is amazing. A dive into Korean society that manages to be hilarious, nervewracking, terrifying and exhilarating all at once. A totally deserved best picture winner. Song Kang-ho, Jang Hye-jin and Cho Yeo-jeong are just perfect in their parts.

I Went Down   Sun   28/11   RTE1 @ 00.15

Two criminals travel into the wilds of rural Ireland to carry out a kidnapping at the behest of a man who owns them both. Things don't work out exactly as planned. For my money one the the best Irish comedies ever made. Brendan Gleeson is on fire as Bunny Kelly and Peter McDonald is good craic in his film debut. As always with Irish films the laughs come with a healthy dose of pathos and the two blend brilliantly.

Apocalypse Now   Sun   28/11   BBC2 @ 00.15

Captain Willard has been tasked with going up the Nùng River to terminate a rogue American Colonel with extreme prejudice. What he sees on his journey with stay with him and you forever. A nightmarish, drug fueled masterpiece and a harrowing, troubling, darkly comic & psychotic look into the troubling heart of man. If you haven't seen it yet I'm very jealous. Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Larry Fishburne, Robert Duvall, Frederic Forrest and Dennis Hopper will all blow you away.

The Day Of The Locust   Sun   28/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 01.15

The film where Donald Sutherland plays Homer Simpson. Yup. The 1930's were a bad time in America and people flooded into Hollywood to find fame and fortune away from the Great depression. It worked out for some and not for others. A vicious and biting satire of the film industry. Flamboyant and extravagant in places, downright horrifying in others. It's fantastic though and packed full of too many famous faces to list.

Gone Baby Gone   Mon   29/11   Great! Movies @ 21.00

A young girl goes missing in South Boston and a pair of investigators are hired to find her. A tough ask made tougher by red tape and the web of crime surrounding every aspect of the case. Ben Affleck's adaption of Dennis Lehane's book is a powerful and upsetting watch that will make you ask yourself questions you might not like the answers to. Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, Amy Ryan and Ed Harris all do affecting work.

Alfie   Mon   29/11   TCM @ 21.00

Alfie's a self centred ass, he loves himself, loves to hear himself talk. Women love him too but he treats them like dirt, taking what he wants from them before throwing them aside. Then one day life decides to slap him in the face. Controversial on release and highly influential in the years since this 1966 drama is an excellent look at the light and dark of the swinging 60's. Michael Caine, Shelley Winters and Julia Foster all nail their parts.

Transsiberian   Mon   29/11   Great! Movies Action @ 22.55

A couple are travelling home from China and take the train to Moscow. Along the way they meet another couple. Things get......well you'll just have to see for yourself. A finely crafted and atmospheric watch from the Hitchcockian school of thrillers. It's rather violent and one scene may have you reaching for the remote but stick with it, it's worth your time. Woody Harrelson, Emily Mortimer, Kate Mara and Ben Kingsley do good work

The Man From Colorado   Tue   30/11   Film4 @ 14.55

Owen Devereaux's been appointed the federal judge of a region in Colorado but he's not exactly suited to the job. He has psychopathic tendencies that have, in the past during the civil war, been covered up by his friend Del, a man not willing to do it anymore. From 1948 comes an uncommonly deep and thoughtful western that isn't afraid to shy away from big themes. For once Glenn Ford plays a villainous part and he does it well. William Holden and James Millican excel in supporting roles.

The Man Who Knew Too Much   Wed   1/12   Film4 @ 16.30

An American family take an impulsive trip to Morocco and finds themselves in the midst of an assassination attempt and their lives are immediately in danger. It sounds heavy but this is one of Alfred Hitchcock's lighter and more enjoyable films. James Stewart and Doris Day lead the film and are delightful as their roles as always. A highly enjoyable and suspenseful film worth recording for a rainy afternoon.

Deep Blue Sea   Wed   1/12   TCM @ 21.00

In an attempt to find a cure for Alzheimers disease a scientist grows mega sharks so she can experiment on their brains. These sharks are kept in a secret facility but guess what? They are really brainy and really hungry. Renny Harlin's scifi/actioner from 1999 is gloriously stupid but it's loads and loads of fun too. Blood spills and jokes fly as a wicked cast that includes Thomas Jane, Aida Turturro, Saffron Burrows and Samuel L. Jackson struggle to stay in one piece.

The Conversation   Thur   2/12   BBC4 @ 21.00

Harry's a surveillance expert and he's got a new job. But the work is getting to him and his paranoia is at an all time high due to past events. Francis Ford Coppola's 1974 thriller is a stunner. A post Watergate classic seeped in the pervading atmosphere of a broken country. Gene Hackman's spectacular as a man coming apart at the seams and the late John Cazale as his partner is as always magnificent. A nerve shredding watch.

The Blood On Satan's Claw   Fri   3/12   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.05

A rural village in 18th century England is thrown into upheaval when an evil looking skull is unearthed by a plough and sinister things start happening in the aftermath. A prime example of folk horror, a subgenre from the early 70's that would still give you the chills nearly 50 years later. It's hefty stuff, that in places will offend but it's genuinely effective. Patrick Wymark, Linda Hayden and Barry Andrews all do strong work.

Damsel   Fri   3/12   TG4 @ 21.45

A man travels across the American Frontier of the 19th century on a little horse called Butterscotch. He's looking for the love of his life so he can propose and the only thing between him and happiness is danger. A lot of danger. A slowburn pace might annoy some but this left-field take on the western genre is an entertaining and twisting watch propelled by nice turns from Robert Pattinson and Mia Wasikowska.

Lapsis   Fri   3/12   Film4 @ 23.15

Ray's taken a strange new job to help support his ailing brother. He's marching into the woods, dragging miles of cable behind him to connect up cubes used for futuristic trading. To say more would be a ruin a unique and humorous satirical look at the exploitative techniques modern day employment is made up of. It's not always successful but it's last 30 minutes really hits the spot. Dean Imperial as Ray is one to keep an eye out for.

As always retweets are appreciated. GRMA.

Remembrances of things past

Remember that feeling when you were young and you were browsing Xtravision with your parents and they were trying to edge you towards the Disney section but your eyes kept straying to the action/thriller/horror section. That forbidden shelf full of films you'd never be allowed to rent out but those gaudy garnish video covers just seemed to be calling your name. Who cared about Ladies and Tramps when you could be watching the latest horror from Thorn EMI or the new Cannon Pictures ninja flick?

Today this film turned up on the torrent sites and instantly brought me back 30 years. The title didn't ring a bell but that artwork surely did. It frightened the life out of me as a child. As did so many others.

Her hair creeped young me out hugely.

A fine example of a film really not living up to it's cover

One of the most awesome horror films ever made.

Never saw this one. If it's half as scary as the cover though....

What more needs to be said.

Subversive, unnerving, hilariously odd. That's just the artwork. The film is even better.

This one is actually terrifying.

And fuck this one.

This is the film that gave #Beyondfriday it's name.

This artwork is so much better than the film.

An honest to god masterpiece

I saw this when I was around 13. Mindblown doesn't begin to describe it.

Looks awful but so much fun.

Simple but very creepy.

What ones scared you?

Me right now

 Cosy in bed. The Office (US version) on the TV. How could you go wrong sure.

Video nasty rewatch part 37 - Tenebrae

Video nasty number 37 is arguably the best of the bunch. A giallo mystery from the imagination of Italian director Dario Argento that genuinely gets under your skin and a film that seems to get better and better everytime you watch it. The BBFC took a dislike to it back in 1983 and it ended up on the DPP list of 39 banned movies as a result. Having a director with an Italian name was enough to get a film banned in the heady days of Mary Whitehouse it seems. It's lucky Bernardo Bertolucci and Michelangelo Antonioni didn't try to make any horror movies.

Peter Neal is having a shitty time in Italy. He's flown from New York to Rome and he's been instantly implicated in a murder when a young woman has her throat cut and her mouth filled with tore out pages of his newest book. More bloody murders occur and each off them seems to have been inspired by the violence in his writing. Then the killings start getting way too close for comfort. 

On paper Argento's films don't sound like anything special but the man can make magic from nothing. Everything he touches overflows with style, even his biggest duds. With Tenebrae he mastered the form. Not a shot is wasted, even when nothing is happening. One of the film's best scenes is just a one take camera shot crawling up and across a building containing two soon to be victims. Moving restlessly it peers in windows and tells us no where within is safe. Narratively it adds nothing but an extra few minutes to the running time but it's just so audacious, so unexpected, so good at building tension. It turns us into voyeurs, implicates us in what is about to happen, leaves us waiting with bated breath for the violence we know has to come. It's clever film making. It's what rises this one high. Look at those pictures above and below. A victim framed through a rip in her clothing. That final scream from Anne (Daria Nicolodi, Argento's partner, mother of his daughter Asia, and co-writer of Tenebrae) as Roman rain washes away everything that came before it. Jane (Veronica Lario) spraying a crimson tide across a pristine white room after her arm has been axed off and that perfectly created but oh so simple jump scare near the end. You won't see that in The Beast In Heat or The Mardi Gras Massacre.

That claret soaked scene above caused the film all manner of problems. The original release of the film in Italy suffered big cuts to this moment. Actress Veronica Lario later married Silvio Berlusconi before he became the Italian Prime minister and he used his sway to make sure an uncut version of the film wasn't going to see the light of day. No one was going to see his Missus getting splashed across the screen. Eventually it did get an uncut DVD release but SB was too caught up in the Bunga Bunga scandal to care. In the UK it got a cinema release in 1983 and despite the fact it was Argento's most violent film so far it only had 4 seconds removed. All from the scene above of course. Months later the same cut version got a VHS release but the time of the nasties was upon us and anything violent was being scrutinised. Despite the perfectly legal release it had received that same year all copies of Tenebrae were seized and found to be obscene. Owning a copy of a film you'd just seen in the cinema was enough to cause legal problems now. Fucking ridiculous. In 1999 the film finally got a legal release again with 5 seconds missing and eventually it got a fully uncut release in 2003. Finally everyone in Ireland and the UK could watch Dario Argento's masterpiece the way it was intended to be seen. 

Did Tenebrae deserve it's video nasty status? Nope. Not a bit of it. Nonsensical decision making and hypocrisy gave this film a new and enduring life.

Would I recommend it? Wholeheartedly. It's fucking brilliant. The sexual violence/animal butchery/nazi sleaze that pervades so many of the other nasties is nowhere to be seen here. It's rough in places but it's style and verve will win you over.

Next up - The Werewolf And The Yeti. A Paul Naschy kitsch fest that might be the most fun nasty you'll ever see.

King Richard

The Green Knight. The Last Duel. King Richard. When did Medieval stories become fashionable again? What do you mean it's not medieval? It is a period piece right? It's set in the 90's? What? Sure that's only a decade ago. How could that be a period piece? ......... wait...... have the Williams sisters been around that long??? Good god.

Compton, Los Angeles. But not the one we've seen onscreen before. The O-Dog's and Doughboy's of the world are just background noise here. The only sound that matters is the scuffle of trainers on a tennis court. The whoosh of an ace. The thwack of a ball hit home. Venus (Saniyya Sidney) and Serena (Demi Singleton) Williams are practicing. They're 11 and 9. We know what's ahead of them and so does their father/coach Richard (Will Smith). He has a plan for them and neither he or them is going to deviate from it. He's stubborn and bullish but he loves his daughters and they reciprocate it because they know he has their best interests at heart. This is their story.

Well no, it's his story and they get a look in. It's going to annoy some people but the sister's are producers here and if they've given it their ok they must be happy with it you'd imagine. It is a well made, beautiful looking film, bathed in that lovely California glow we all know so well and built around a towering performance from Will Smith. The suave, cool guy Smith persona is nowhere to be seen. The heartfelt, Oscar bait acting he does so well is almost entirely absent, almost. His Richard feels real, you can feel his love for his family, his belief in them, his pain when things don't go to plan for them. His his his. As good as it is it's all about HIS. His decisions. His ideas. His choices. A film charting the rise of two of the most famous African American athletes on the planet and at times they seem incidental in their own story. It's feels strange. You'll watch, you'll smile, you might cheer but you'll have this nagging feeling that something about it just seems off.

What works really works though, Saniyya Sidney as Venus nails the part, her joy and fear, her skill on the court in the moments when the camera isn't focusing on her father. Aunjanue Ellis as her mother Brandy does quietly powerful work as the less obnoxious half of the coaching team and the only person on the planet who can get the better of Richard. Two moments of hers stand out, one in a car and the other in a kitchen and both of them will wow you. Like the film itself, neither are flashy but they stick. Despite knowing how things end up for Venus and Serena the film strives to avoid cliche, wins are kept lowkey or sometimes offscreen, training montages are non existent and the stock story beats you'll expect to see happen in a sport story occur but without the trite sickliness you'd usually get.

With so much going right in the film it feels shitty to moan but this is a story that should have been a three hander, with Venus, Serena and Richard all sharing the spotlight equally. They certainly earned it. But they've also earned the right to tell their family story the way they want to as well. 

King Richard is in cinemas everywhere now.

Is film classification pointless these days?

Look at that film poster. You can't miss it's meaning.

Bad Luck Banging Or Loony Porn is getting a cinema release in Ireland. It's the story of a woman who's sex tape is leaked to a public mad for a bit of scandal. They lap the tape up and then judge her harshly for it. If you've seen it you will probably be stunned. It's rather graphic you see. And by that I mean it's extremely graphic. It's opening 5 minutes are exactly what it says on the tin. 

The Irish film classification office has come a long way in the last few years. Nothing is cut by them anymore, very rarely is anything banned. This last film censored here was in 1998 - Dangerous Beauty - and the last film banned was I Spit On Your Grave in 2010 which had previously been banned in the early 80's. If films are snipped it's because Ireland is getting copies of films from England who've had distributor cuts forced on them by the British Board Of Classification. We've a very lenient bunch over here these days. It's like they've finally released that no matter how extreme a film is you can always find something far worse within 30 seconds on the little plastic rectangle we all carry around in our pockets these days.

It begs the question - in an age where everyone has access to the net is film classification even needed anymore? An 18 cert might stop a 10 year old going into the cinema to see a film but when it pops up on netflix or amazon prime a year later who's going to stop them seeing it then? At that stage it's up to the parents and even at that it's still not much of an obstacle to get around. I'll bet the vast majority of us got to see exactly what we wanted back in the 80's and 90's and that was long before the ease of streaming. 

Imagine it, some day in the future we settle down the local omniplex to watch the next ultra violent Jason Statham film and just before the lights go down a family arrives in with 4 giddy kids.

Shudder.

17 films on TV this week that you'll enjoy

The Last Days On Mars   Sat   20/11   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

In the near future a group of astronauts on Mars are coming to the end of their research trip when one of them stumbles across something interesting. And in movie land interesting is never good. Liev Schreiber headlines an atmospheric sci fi/horror from Irish director Ruairí Robinson that may wear it's influences on it's sleeve but it's still a film that grips throughout and is genuinely unnerving in places. 

Christine   Sat   20/11   TG4 @ 21.15

Christine Chubbock is troubled. Her job as a TV reporter is getting to her, she's having health problems and her crush on a co-worker is going nowhere. She takes drastic action. Action that is still remembered to today. A dark but humane character study of a life lived painfully and an empathetic look at the miserable treatment of women in the workplaces of the 70's. J. Smith-Cameron and Michael C. Hall give solid backing but Rebecca Hall as the eponymous character is electrifying.

The Midwife   Sun   21/11   BBC2 @ 01.20

Claire has the magic touch. She's a expectant mother's dream, a midwife who makes the birthing process so much easier for them. It's just a pity she's not as nice to herself and a face from her past is about to stir all manner for emotions up for her. Catherine's Frot and Deneuve both do magnificent work in a rich and rewarding and very French tale of resentment and forgiveness.

Small Soldiers   Sun   21/11   ITV @ 14.15

Advanced missile technology accidentally implanted into a line of children's toys makes them come to life. But not cute happy toys. Oh no, that would be too easy. An exciting and funny story that feels like a spiritual sequel to Gremlins and packed full of knowing nods to older sci-fi, war & horror films. There's plenty to keep the kids and adults happy and a superb cast too with Kirsten Dunst and Jay Mohr standing out.

Mary And The Witch's Flower   Sun   21/11   Film4 @ 14.40

Sunday afternoon, no better time for a dose of anime to soothe the soul. Mary, a young girl, stuck living with her grand-aunt in the country, follows a cat into the woods one day and discovers a magical new way of living her life. The story isn't vintage Studio Ghibli but the wonderfully realised visuals on display here combined with a true sense of awe guarantee you'll like it. A nice introduction to the world of Japanese animation for kids and adults.

Gangster Squad   Sun   21/11   ITV4 @ 22.00

Totally ignored on it's release Gangster Squad is a brutal, pulpy and entertaining story of cops vs gangsters set in post war Los Angeles and it's well worth a watch. John O'Meara (My Da's name, I got a great kick out of this) played by Josh Brolin in full on tough guy mode, builds a team of cops to take down arch criminal Mickey Cohen. Bullets, blood and hard boiled dialogue fly across the screen. Just ignore it's rather loose take on historical fact and you'll be fine.

How I Live Now   Mon   22/11  Film4 @ 01.50

An American teenager's trip to the English countryside goes awry when a nuclear explosion flattens London and martial law is imposed. Trapped in a foreign country she must find a way to survive. Kevin McDonald's adaption of Meg Rossof's book is as dark as you'd imagine but an excellent turn from Saoirse Ronan will keep you watching as she turns from an spoiled annoying ingrate into a ferocious survivor.

The Beguiled   Mon   22/11   TG4 @ 21.30

The pupils and staff of an all girls school in the state of Virginia are thrown into turmoil when they come across a wounded Union soldier on the run from the Civil War. Sofia Coppola's hazy drama takes a while to get going but when it does...... Robust, disturbing and torrid stuff with a first rate cast that includes Kirsten Dunst, Nicole Kidman, Elle Fanning and Colin Farrell all doing effective work. A heady slice of American gothic.

And Then We Danced   Tues   23/11   CH4 @ 02.15

He's spent years mastering his ballet craft and Merab is just about to claim a place in his country's national dance troup. Well that is the plan until another dancer demi contretemps his way into Merab's head. A well told and compassionate tale of love that nearly got it's cast and director in a lot of trouble in conservative Georgia. Levan Gelbakhiani and Bachi Valishvili both nail their physically demanding roles with aplomb.

Silent Running   Wed   24/11   TCM @ 13.00

A compelling and intelligent drama from Douglas Trumbull set aboard a spaceship holding what's left of the earth's plant life. Just one man is tasked with caring for it all and when the order comes through to come home he doesn't take it well. Bruce Dern is at his best here and is ably supported by three robots called Huey, Dewey and Louie. Yes, it does sound a bit bizarre but it's a quite remarkable achievement.

My Feral Heart   Wed   24/11   BBC2 @ 23.15

Luke has Downs syndrome and when his mam dies he is moved into a residential care home despite the fact he's well capable of looking after himself. He's troubled by his life there but gradually opens up when he finds something strange in the grounds outside. A beautifully performance from Steven Brandon powers on an upsetting yet heartwarming and absorbing story.

Don't Breathe   Wed   24/11   Film4 @ 23.40

Three thieves break into the house of a man they assume will be an easy target. Man oh man were they wrong. Will any of them live to see sunlight again? This 2016 horror thriller, despite an icky and unsettling subplot, is a real nailbiter of a watch especially if you're bothered by the dark or small places. Steve Lang is a ghoulish baddie and you'll want Jane Levy to survive even though she's a thieving little fecker.

Inseminoid   Thur   24/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 03.20

The archaeologists of Xeno project are investigating an ancient civilisation on a distant planet when one of them is attacked. An attack which has repercussions for every single one of them. Norman J.Warren's notorious and nasty sci-fi horror from 1981 might feel like an Alien rip off in places but it's memorable in it's own right too for it's outlandish twists and turns and it's fine cast that includes Judy Geeson, Stephanie Beacham and Victoria Tennant.

All The President's Men   Thur   25/11   BBC4 @ 22.00

An investigative reporter working for the Washington Post is working on a piece about a break in at the Democratic party headquarters in the run up to the presidential election. What him and his workmate uncover shakes America to it's core. A classic look into the corrupt heart at the centre of seats of power. Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman. Jason Robards and Hal Holbrook do amazing work in a genuine and influential masterpiece.

Sauvage   Fri   26/11   Film4 @ 01.10

On the quiet, leafy streets and parks of the French city of Strasbourg a young man sells his body to stay afloat. Drugs are becoming an issue and his customers treat him like muck and all Leo wants is someone to love. A film that's not for the faint of heart, and tbh, I'll be amazed if Film4 show it uncut but there's a lot of humanity and soul here. A upsetting but worthy watch led by a fantastic turn from Félix Maritaud.

Xtro   Fri   26/11   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

A man is abducted by a light in the sky. Three years later he returns. Is he the man he once was? Go on, have a guess. A nuts film, the wackiest thing you'll see on TV this week, this month and maybe even this year. It's terrifying, hilarious, nauseating, ingenious, bizarre, grotesque and it's brilliant. If you've seen it watch it again and marvel at it. If you haven't.......I'll say no more. Philip Sayer is a very game lead.

The Place Beyond The Pines   Fri   26/11   BBC1 @ 23.50

The existences of four men crash together in a small town tale of crime and corruption. Set over fifteen years it's about the cyclical nature of life and how acts of violence have effects that take a long time to fade away. It's top flight cast includes Ryan Gosling, Mahershala Ali, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendez and especially Ray Liotta all on mighty form. A long but gripping watch that feels like a mini series condensed into movie form. But in a good way.

Retweets are always appreciated. GRMA.

Ghostbusters : Afterlife

Ghostbusters : Afterlife owes it's existence to the whining babymen of the internet. The 2016 reboot had them screaming at the idea of women invading a film franchise they thought they owned and before it was even released it was dead in the water, downvoted to oblivion by people months before they got a chance to see it. On it's release it was clear to all that it wasn't the best and it's place in the Ghostbusters canon was made sloppy by some thoughtless cameos but it was fun and Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig made for an appealing pair of leads. It tanked at the box office of course when huge swathes of it's expected audience stayed away from it and it was then you just knew we'd be returning to the universe of the original two films someday. 

The dirt farmer. That's what they called him, the residents of the small town Egon Spengler called home. People he had no time for because he was planning for the apocalypse. Planning that alienated him from everyone he knew, including his daughter Callie (Carrie Coon) and his grandchildren Phoebe (McKenna Grace) and Trevor (Finn Wolfhard). When he died he left her his land and everything on it and they upped sticks and moved to Summerville, Oklahoma to try and make something of her inheritance. They got a lot more than they bargained for. A town where cinemas show Canadian Cannibal films, VHS is still god, earthquakes are a daily occurrence and strange things lurk in the mines below.

It's no spoiler to say a film called Ghostbusters is full to the brim with ghosts and ghoulies and all manner of demons. It's a mild spoiler to say you'll plenty recognise quite a few of them from a film made 37 years before this when director Jason Reitman (son of Ivan, taking over the mantle after years of resistance) was but a wee 6 year old. It's a bit of a crap surprise to find out that the humour that made the original Ghostbusters so memorable is kinda nowhere to be seen here. There's jokes but the vast majority of them fall flat on their face leaving the scary elements of the story and one very entertaining chase scene to do the heavy lifting. It's a direct follow up to 1989's Ghostbuster II but seems like it belongs to a different genre altogether. A different approach isn't necessarily a bad thing but it does feel rather jarring in places. Importantly though, lack of humour aside, it does feel like a Ghostbusters film. Spooky geographical anomalies, supernatural beings with bizarre appetites, family friendly nods to the occult, skeptical authority figures, all the ingredients to make you grin even before.......I'll say no more.

When was the last time you watched the original? If it was a long time ago you've probably forgotten how gritty it feels, laced with (PG) profanity, a surprising amount of raunchy humour and fags in everyone's gobs. All those edges are sanded off here, it's as sanitised and studio friendly as you'd imagine. So if it isn't funny and the grit is gone why watch it? Cos the leads rock their parts, they've got wicked chemistry going on, they commit to the silliness, especially the younger ones. Carrie Coon and Paul Rudd as Phoebe's teacher Gary have fun as the adults but the kids get all the good stuff especially McKenna Grace. She'll be the one this film's younger audience will remember, will want to emulate, get the action figure etc. The geek who stands tall. A cliche no doubt but one done very well here.

As for the stuff left unsaid? Avoid the trailers, go in cold, don't go to IMDB to see who turns up. Let it happen and let the nostalgia fly. It's far from a perfect film but I guarantee you'll leave the cinema smiling. And maybe even wiping a tear or two away.

Ghostbusters : Afterlife is showing everywhere now.

A perfect scene - The King Of Staten Island

This film was released direct to streaming last year due to cinemas worldwide being closed and it's a pity because it deserved a bigger audience. Like all Judd Apatow film's it runs way too long (137 mins. No comedy should ever be that long) but that ridiculous length allowed for character moments like this that might have been cut out of other films.

Scott (Pete Davidson) is a 24 year old waste of space smoking his life away in the Staten Island, New York City's forgotten borough and he blames his lack of motivation on his father's death as a child. He died in a firefighting accent and now to Scott's horror his mother is seeing another firefighter, Ray (Bill Burr) and him and Scott do not see eye to eye at all. An argument between them turns physical and both are kicked out leading them them both staying at Ray's fire station and it's on a night out with the guys from here that Scott learns the real truth about his father and it leads to him starting to deal with his demons properly.

A truly great moment. It feels so genuine. Friends shooting the shit, home truths, full on belly laughs and the realisation that fathers and sons are always far more alike than they might care to admit. Steve Buscemi once again stealing the show as Papa with a barely sketched character than he turns into a fully realised one and then Bill Burr giving us a line for the ages. It's just a perfect representation of those ultra rare nights out that you might be lucky enough to experience once or twice in your life where everything just starts slotting into space and making sense.

It's gains a whole other layer when you know that Pete Davidson's father Scott was a firefighter who died in the World Trade Centre on the 11th of September 2001. It's now a character battling his demons played by an actor who knows exactly what he's going through. Buscemi was once a firefighter before he became an actor and in the aftermath of the attacks he rejoined his old house, without seeking attention, and let the old muscle memory kick in again to help out in the recovery of bodies from the rubble. What felt real before takes on a whole new sheen of authenticity knowing all this.

If it passed you by it's worth a watch. If you've already seen it it's stands up to a revisit.

Fuck Bezos

 5 films worthy of a place in any film collection for €15.50. Secondhand from CEX.

All in perfect condition.

Fuck paying money to Jeff Bezos. Let the humpy cunt go to space on his own dime. 

Cry Macho

29 years ago William Munny gunned down Little Bill Daggett and slowly rode out of the town of Big Whiskey. The film was Unforgiven, a brilliant farewell to the genre that had put Clint Eastwood on the movie map back in 1964 with A Fistful Of Dollars and as the credits rolled we all assumed it would be the last time we ever saw him on horseback. We most definitely didn't see it happening again at the age of 91 but here he is, back in the saddle and with that twinkle still in his eye. Cry Macho is far from his best work but jesus it's still a pleasure to see him on the big screen. 

Halfway through Cry Macho Clint's Michael Milo punches a bloke in the face and knocks him on his arse. If it was any other nonagenarian you'd scoff but eight (!!) decades of seeing him onscreen has earned him our loyalty so we believe it when he decks someone and really believe it when Dwight Yoakam's shady businessman Howard Polk hires ex rodeo rider Michael to find his son Rafo (Eduardo Minett) down in Mexico. It feels right when Rafo decides to trust this stranger looking to bring him to Texas. It never once feels cheesy when Michael charms everyone he meets on his journey. N. Richard Nash wrote the book this was based on in 1975 and Hollywood has been trying to adapt it for screen since 1988. Eastwood's first attempt fell through that year followed by a doomed effort with Roy Scheider three years later. In 2011 an adaption by Arnold Schwarzeneggar failed and eventually the rights came back around to Mr Eastwood and you'll be glad they did because it feels like it was written just for him.

Not much happens in Cry Macho but that's part of it's charm. A man is tasked with finding a boy and bringing him to his father. That's it, that's the story. The film is mostly a roadtrip one with an extended stay in a small village where Clint turns into Doctor Dolittle (seriously) while falling for Marta (Natalia Traven) an abuela who runs the local cafe. This is the part of the film that will slay those who came looking for some south of the border Gringo vs Mexican action of that kind you'll see in a Stallone flick. Nope, the closest Cry Macho gets to action is the aforementioned punch or when the chicken who gives the film it's title decides to take care of business near the end. It's a hangout story, two new friends getting to know each other, opening up to each other, each bringing out the best in each other. At the start of the film Michael was content to fade away while Rafo was happy to settle into a life of crime but now, well things always change for the better when you've a buddy.

Our hero is looking his age now, he's starting to use obvious stunt doubles, he doesn't steal the attention the way he used to but when he's lying back others get to shine most noticeably Natalia Traven's Marta. Michael's relationship with her might feel kinda fairytale but it's taken right from the source material which thankfully has been softened to take into account Marta and Michael's increased ages in the film. Other edges have been softened too which turns one potentially interesting subplot into an annoying dead end near the end of the film, a plot point that feels like it was thrown into the mix just to add excitement to the film's trailer. It's just faked, forced tension in a story that really doesn't need it.

It's not the western you'd have wished for but it's the only one we realistically could have gotten. It's a charming and interesting look at someone who's defined masculinity in movies for what seems like ever but who's come to realise, in his twilight years, that compassion > strength. Cry > macho.

In cinemas now.

Bleugh

When you've had a really cunty week the best thing to do is dig out an old fave, one where you know every word, every song, every story beat, one that will not disappoint you, stick it on, lie back and let it flow over you.

It's great medicine. Two hours where you just switch off, zone out and forget. 

Because real life is a load of balls sometimes.

17 films on TV for the next 7 days

Fargo   Sat   13/11   TG4 @ 22.45

North Dakota. A snowbound plan to get out of financial difficulty comes undone when psychopaths and pregnant police officers get involved. This black comedy from The Coen Brothers is a wickedly enjoyable and viciously violent look at what happens when things get desperate. The cast is second to none with Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, William H. Macy and a terrifying Peter Stormare all put in a mighty shift.

Is Paris Burning?  Sat   13/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 23.15

1944. Months after D-Day. The Allies are encroaching on Paris and the Germans are starting to worry. Their plan is to destroy the city's famous landmarks if failure is imminent but factions of French rebels in the city have other ideas. A big, exciting, epic, sprawling look at one of the most pivotal victories of World War II. The cast is astounding with Jean Paul Belmondo, Orson Welles, Alain Delon, Glenn Ford & Yves Montand being the stand outs.

Lost & Found   Sat   13/11   RTE1 @ 23.55

Eddie begs for change for a trip. Sile is planning her special day. Paudge is mad to do up a pub no one likes. Daniel organises a life changing trip to Europe. Just some of the seven interconnecting stories in Lost & Found with the common denominator being a train station in the heart of Ireland. Limerick born director Liam O Mochain's film is a funny, tragic and whimsical blend of the good and bad parts of life. Aoibhin Garrihy, Liam Carney and Barbara Adair all give nice performances.

Strangers On A Train   Sun   14/11   TCM @ 10.25

Two men meet on a train, talk ensues and one disturbed party takes the conversation a lot more seriously than the other. One of Alfred Hitchcock's most gleefully delightful movies. You get the sense he had a whale of a time making this. The tension is electric and Robert Walker as Bruno is a villain for the ages. Fairley Granger ain't too bad either. The tennis club scene will stay with you and watch out of course for the customary director cameo.

They Shall Not Grow Old   Sun   14/11   BBC2 @ 21.00

A documentary about life in the trenches of World War 1 from director Peter Jackson getting a screening for Remembrance Sunday . Previously unseen footage has been digitally restored and colourised in a manner that does away with the dis-associative effect provided by B&W footage. It's an upsetting watch of course a very necessary one because we are seeing the results of forgetting history way too much lately.

Days Of The Bagnold Summer   Sun   14/11   Film4 @ 23.20

Daniel's having a crap summer. He was supposed to be heading across to Florida with Dad but that fell through and he's stuck at home with mam for six weeks. Will his love of metal music and his friend KY get him through it? Simon Bird's directorial debut is a lovingly drawn and affectionate look at generational clashes between parents and children that might just make you want to roll up and die when you remember your own youth. Monica Dolan and Earl Cave are perfect in their roles.

The French Connection   Mon   15/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.00

Two New York cops called Jimmy Doyle and Buddy Russo find out a massive shipment of heroin is due to hit the streets soon. The man bringing it in from Marseilles is Alain Charnier. He must be stopped at all costs. One of the grittier films to win Best picture at the Oscars, it's exciting, suspenseful, blunt and sometimes offensive but you'll watch every second of it. Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider both hit the spot.

Flatliners   Mon   15/11   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Five medical students, who really should know better in fairness, take part in an off the books experiment to see what happens when you die and let yourself be brought back to life. An agreeably spooky and quite atmospheric watch with a storyline that crumbles the moment you put any bit of thought into it. So don't think. Just enjoy. Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts and Kevin Bacon are a fine leading trio.

Tomb Raider   Mon   15/11   TG4 @ 21.30

Lara Croft, a young woman without any real purpose in life after the disappearance of her father, finds a clue to his whereabouts and sets off to get him back. Her task isn't easy but when you're a dab hand with a bow and arrow it helps. This 2018 take on the famous video game franchise is a surprisingly faithful adaption, especially during its stealthier moments.  Alicia Vikander is a decent Lara and Walton Goggins makes for a nasty bad guy.

The Ground Beneath My Feet   Tues   16/11   Film4 @ 01.00

Lola has a laser focus on her job. She's a perfectionist and it transfers over to her personal life as well. Everything is ordered, everything is in it's right place. Everything except the secret she keeps about her family, a secret that's about to ruin her. Made in Austria in 2019, it is an intense one, a twisting, noir-ish, gripping and intelligently told story that lets a stellar turn from Valerie Pachner digs its claws into you.

Full Metal Jacket   Tues   16/11   TCM @ 23.15

Stanley Kubrick's anti war masterpiece follows a soldier from the hell of basic training to the hell of warfare. There's no glorification of battle or military in his film. There's only viciousness, death and the stripping away of humanity. Matthew Modine gives a career best performance as Private Joker but everyone remembers Vincent D'Onofrio and R. Lee Ermey as a cracked trainee and an evil yoke of a drill sergeant. A stunning movie.

Hilary And Jackie   Wed  17/11   Film4 @ 01.05

Two sisters, one a flutist and the other a cellist, love each other but have been subtly set against each other by a musician mother creating a rivalry that lasts their entire life time. An insightful and powerful film based on the lives of real life musicians Hilary and Jackie du Pré. It's a deeply humane film about love, sibling relationships and the insidious effect of resentment. Emily Watson and Rachel Griffiths are both astounding.

Dead Of Night   Thur   18/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 00.05

Andy has just arrived home from Vietnam and his family are overjoyed. It's an odd situation though because Andy died in Vietnam. So just have his family invited into their home? Bob Clark's 1974 horror is a cracker of a watch, a stark reminder that wishes coming true ain't all that and well crafted bit of slowburning creepiness that builds to a terrific ending. Richard Backus, John Marley and Lynn Carlin do affecting work here.

Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid   Thur   18/11   TCM @ 23.25

Pat Garrett and William H. Bonney. Old friends and now new enemies. Garrett has taken the side of the law and he's chasing Bonney out of Lincoln county. Sam Peckinpah's 1973 western is a thing of beauty. A revisionist look at one of the Wild West's best known legends that never shies away from the brutality of outlaw life while paradoxically leaning into the romance of it all. Kris Kristofferson and James Coburn lead a cast absolutely packed with recognisable genre faces.

Demolition Man   Thur   18/11   ITV4 @ 22.30

In San Angeles 2032 a good guy out of time is brought into action to deal with a bad guy out of time. A brilliantly entertainingly action comedy, one of the best of the 90's. Sylvester Stallone is in peak form as the hero, Sandra Bullock sparkles in an early role and Wesley Snipes has an absolute ball as the baddest man in California. A superb vision of what's to come too, a bright, clean, friendly nightmare of a future.

The Blue Lamp   Fri   19/11   Talking Pictures TV @ 19.15

An elderly London copper who is due to retire takes on a new recruit who is more suited to the criminals of the day. Yes, it sounds like every cop film and tv show you've ever heard of but this came first, being made in 1950. Gritty for its time and accurately showing the slog of police work, it's a hefty slice of British noir buoyed by excellent acting from Jack Warner and Dirk Bogarde especially as the criminal of the piece. 

Soulsmith   Fri   19/11   RTE1 @ 23.40

A young writer named Ed is full of built up anger and his career has gone downhill rapidly. A family funeral forces him to head home and to confront the myriad ghosts of his past. A story that will ring a bell with a lot of young people who've moved far from home. There's plenty going on in this Irish film but it never feels rushed or clumsy due to solid writing and a believable performance from Matthew O'Brien.

Retweets are always appreciated. Thank you.

A perfect pairing of sound & vision - Suspiria (2018)

Luca Guadagnino's 2018 remake of Dario Argento's Suspiria is considered inferior in every way to the original. There's a lot to be said for that argument but one scene really stands out. A scene that once seen might just stay with you forever.

Susie Bannon has just arrived in Germany from Ohio to dance with the Markos dance company. The school is a strange, unsettling place and just as she arrives another student, another American student at that, has gone missing after accusing the people who run the school of practicing witchcraft. Her friend Olga is understandably freaked and lashes out in anger at the teachers, blaming them for her friend's disappearance. Susie, who's dancing skill has been noticed by those in power is chosen to be their vessel for their revenge on Olga.

Traumatic isn't the word. An astonishingly brutal moment soundtracked by the gentlest music you can imagine. The actress playing Olga is Elena Fokina, a trained dancer and practicing contortionist who, aside from the obvious special make up effects, pulled off this entire scene on her own, lending it a queasy, crunching physicality that CGI could never come close to, really selling the terror that comes with the loss of bodily autonomy. Everything about it works, the editing, those quick cuts back to Susie's dancing that give us a reprieve before cutting back and rubbing our faces in what happens when you dare speak out against Mother Tenebrarum, Mother Lachrymarum, and Mother Suspiriorum.

Say what you will about the rest of the film but this pairing of sound and vision is true horror.

Previous pairings

Psycho

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Beautiful Girls

Breaking Bad

Ghost Ship

Southpark The Movie

28 Days Later

La Haine

The Skeleton Twins

Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid

Notting Hill

Summer Of Sam

Vamp

American Me

Beetlejuice

Rio Bravo

Hard Boiled
8 mile
Wheels On Meals
The Office (UK)
Do The Right Thing
Se7en
Mad Men
The Colour Of Money
Rules Of Attraction

Jackass II

Game Of Thrones 

Apocalypse Now

Blade

Big
Miller's Crossing

The Blues Brothers

Straight Outta Compton

The Princess Bride

American Honey

Snake In The Eagle's Shadow

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Untouchables

Airplane!

Dazed And Confused  

Kickboxer                                  

Grosse Point Blank

Mean Streets

Watership Down

Casablanca

Zodiac

Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission

Before Sunset

Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans