Under Siege. A 90s action masterpiece. Seriously.

Look at that hat

Men of certain ages all have that one special scene in a film that gave them *euphemism klaxon* a funny feeling. For some its Princess Leia in a gold bikini in Return Of The Jedi. For others maybe its the opening scene of Betty Blue. Maybe its the train scene in Risky Business. Or maybe, just maybe its the Erika Eleniak in a cake scene in Under Siege. Ahh cake, you can't beat a lovely cake.....err where was I.

Oh yes Under Siege.

I'm of the opinion that Under Siege is one of THE best action films of the 90s. Stop rolling your eyes. I'm serious.

Steven Seagal plays Casey Ryback, a chef on the USS Missouri during a tour of duty in the Pacific. The ship is hijacked by Tommy Lee Jones and his gang of dodgy types (included is Colm Meaney who just rocks the hell out of a polo neck) who intend to use the ships nuclear arsenal for nefarious purposes. Seagal is having none of it and uses skills from his past as Navy Seal to put an end to their Shenanigans. Yup THE GODDAMN COOK IS A NAVY SEAL. And yes, he puts those skills to glorious use to slice, dice and generally make shit of Tommy Lee Jone's plans.

Tommy Lee Jones. This film's secret weapon. Seagal is the star but TLJ owns the hell out of the film and has great fun doing so in the role of William Strannix "WHO IS THE HIGHEST RANKING OFFICER IN THIS ROOM??" "WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION" "IF YOU RESIST WE WILL KILL YOU AND THE MAN NEXT TO YOU". Look at that unremarkable dialogue. But it just sounds great coming out of his mouth. He's vicious but he's fun. He's a great baddie. He feels like he existed before the film was made. He gets angry and laughs with frustration and falls around the place like the coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons when he gets deafened by the ships massive cannons and when he inevitably dies (in gloriously violent fashion btw) you feel a bit sickened even though he's a massive gowl. More films need bad guys like this.
Seagal is grand, gets the job done and doesn't say to much. Lets be honest, he's there cos he knows aikido in real life and can convincingly fuck people up onscreen. And jaysus he does it well.
Gary Busey plays another baddie and brings his manic persona along for the ride.
Colm Meaney too, doesn't do much and gets a pure shite death scene but he gets to use his Dub accent and it makes all his scenes enjoyable "I'll bet they fuckin love ya now". Deadly.
Erika Eleniak, The lone woman on the boat. An insanely gratuitous role. No defending it. There for no reason but to get naked. If Under Siege ever gets remade her role is gone straight away. 

The action. Blunt, vicious, bloody, not flashy. One thing the early Seagal film did brilliantly was the action. Economic and efficient and clearly filmed. Necks are stabbed, armpits are stabbed, heads are stabbed. Seagal is fierce stabby in this film actually. Although saying that, he does rip out one poor chap's trachea so i suppose that adds a dash of variety. The video version we had to put up with in the 90's was censored by 9 seconds too btw. The powers that be don't like us plebs seeing nasty things.

There's loads of things i love about this film. I love that you can see Casey's recipes all over the kitchen, I'm a sucker for details like that. I love that the baddies plan's actually make sense and you can see the minutiae of how they go about them. I love the little drips of humour throughout the film. That we get to see the inner workings of a warship and a detailed how to guide to using the big cannons. Above all i LOVE that it's only 100 minutes long. Its grand and lean. Modern films are way to long. That last Bond film for example was 150+ minutes long and I felt every minute of it. This film moves like a freight train.

Yes it's a Die Hard rip off and pretty cliched and sexist but i just can't help loving it. As with music i think the films you experience in your early teens are the ones that stick with you for the long run. It's fast moving fun, has a great baddie and some Jimi Hendrix on the soundtrack. What more does a person need?