Fried Barry

Don't know quite how to talk about Fried Barry, a new scifi/comedy/horror from South Africa that's now available on Shudder. It's the kind of film where you'd need to give yourself a good scrub after you watch it. Preferably with Ajax and a brillo pad. I saw it 3 days ago and aspects of it are still bothering me. That can only be a good thing......right?

Imagine Bad Boy Bubby crossed with Adam & Paul but only if Adam wasn't there and Paul had been kidnapped by aliens, had his erection probed (yeah, we see it all) and been taken over by something with otherworldly powers. Afterwards he's let loose on the streets of Cape Town where despite his unnerving appearance he's a magnet for everyone. Everybody he meets wants to get to know him, to shag him, everyone else wants to lash drugs into him. There's an alien presence inhabiting his body and it gets to experience every aspect of humanity, the good parts, the bad parts and the truly ugly parts.

Jesus. This was something. Built off a short movie writer/director Ryan Kruger made a few years back this one is as unique as films come. It's destined to be a cult classic but it's one that will appall and offend a lot of people. Everything is in the mix here, graphic drug abuse, nasty violence, hardcore pornography, race, class, culture, none of it commented on in anyway other than with blunt force. It feels aimless as vignette follows vignette, each one odder than the last, some full of nightmare fuel imagery and streaked with a type of body horror that makes David Cronenberg films feel tame and others about the sneaky methods people use to fuck shops over. You'll feel baffled and agitated and then slowly, it starts to coalesce, a story takes form, the leading character who came off as a rotten piece of shit in the first 5 minutes of the film starts to turn into something.....well you'll have to watch it yourself to find out.

Chainsaws though. Damn.

Gary Greene as Barry turns in a hell of a performance playing a man you'd cross not only a street but a whole town to avoid. Even before his extra terrestrial run-in Barry isn't exactly human, more a presence fuelled by heroin and hate. Greene's unusual look sells it beautifully, allowing his actions to speak much louder than the maybe a dozen words he utters through the film. It's a gifted physical performance too, reminiscent of Vincent D'Onofrio's turn in Men In Black. Awkward, juddering, like watching something getting used to a new way of moving, discovering dancing and lovin' (the second sex scene and it's aftermath will be the divisive moment for a lot of viewers). Through fresh eyes what many would consider normality looks absolutely terrifying.

Fresh eyes. Director Ryan Kruger's certainly got a pair of them. No doubt his vision will be spotted by the big boys, the studios looking for something new and exciting. We can only hope they don't dull his edges too much. I'm still not sure if I liked this film but christ I'll remember it for a while yet.

Fried Barry is streaming on Shudder now.

Swearing is big and clever.

RTE1 had a programme about swearing on tonight and it reminded me of the best usage of profanity in all of cinema. 

Trading Places. 1983. Paul Gleason.

 

Succinct. Offensive. Hilarious.  No need for purple prose. Nothing clever about it. It's the best way to use the word "fuck" and this scene uses it perfectly.

Here are some more favourites. Some are well known and others aren't. How many can you guess?

"Go home and get your fuckin' shine box."

"Get away from her YOU BITCH!"

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell Karras."

"Monty you terrible cunt."

"ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!!"

"What's my name? Fuck you, that's my name."

"Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin' themselves."

"Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!"

"I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer."

"Shut your fucking face uncle-fucker."

"You klingon bastard, you've killed my son"

"That...is one big pile of shit."

"I got two words for you. Shut the fuck up."

"I'll tear your fuckin' heart out, girl!"

"Rules? PISS ON YOUR FUCKING RULES!"

"Smile you son of a bitch."

"Heineken? FUCK THAT SHIT! Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!"

"Harry, lets face it. And i'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids."

Beyond Friday

Beyond Friday is a film watching party that happens on Twitter every friday night at 11pm. A group of like minded movie fans get together and watch the same film and tweet about it using the #beyondfriday tag. The results are joyous. Even if the film sucks the tweets are fun and when the film rocks it's even better. Last week we hit number 56 and there's no signs of slowing down yet. My rankings for them are below from worst to best.

Shamefully I've missed 15 of them so I'll leave those ones out. I'm sickened I didn't turn up for Southern Comfort.

The Slumber Party Massacre

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

OC & Stiggs

The Glove

Dr Terror's House Of Horrors

The Carpenter

Down

A Boy And His Dog

Penitentiary III

Brainscan

Trilogy Of Terror

Vamps

Get Crazy

The Ambulance

Southern Comfort

(41) Christine - Exceedingly dull

(40) Eating Raoul - Uncomfortable and horribly dated

(39) Class Of 1984 - Flat out uncomfortable

(38) Death Race 2000 - Sacrilege but i prefer the Statham remake!

(37) Death Ship - See (41)

(36) Passenger 57 - Way too normal for this time slot

(35) Horror Express - Meh

(34) Next Of Kin - This is where the fun starts

(33) The Abominable Dr Phibes - Vincent Price is awesome

(32) In the Mouth Of Madness - Nuts. Loved it.

(31) No Escape - Bit too long but great 90s fun

(30) Over The Top - Cheesy heaven

(29) Maniac Cop - Very effective slasher flick

(28) God Told Me To - Genuinely mental stuff

(27) The Happening - Hilariously bad. Watching it on twitter was awesome

(26) Tales From The Crypt - You can't beat a good horror portmanteau

(25) Total Recall - Always brilliant

(24) Bad Day For The Cut - A hefty slab of Irish darkness

(23) The Astrologer - Wild. 

(22) Red Heat - 80s fun at its best. Fuck James Belushi's character though.

(21) Bone - Uncomfortable but excellent

(20) The Visitor - FUCKING NUTS

(19) Psychomania - Love it. 

(18) Demolition Man - Pure nostalgia

(17) Rawhead Rex - Maybe the craziest Irish film ever made?

(16) From Beyond - Lovecraftian excellence

(15) Q The Winged Serpent - A brilliant film ever before you add in a flying monster

(14) Chopping Mall - So much LOLZ

(13) Xtro - A wacky stunner

(12) Hard Target - YES YES YES

(11) Road House - YES YES YES YES

(10) Extreme Prejudice - YES YES YES YES YES 

(9)The Hitcher - Tense and terrifying

(8) The Stuff -One of the most unusual films of the 80's. Loved it.

(7) Conquest - Unique. Impossible to describe.

(6) Freaked - So brimming with ideas I was awake half the night after it

(5) Messiah Of Evil - Blew my mind

(4) Beyond The Door III - Jawdropping stuff.

(3) Fortress - Brought me right back to being 15 again

(2) Miami Blues - Subversive and brilliant

(1) Zombie Flesh Eaters - A masterpiece

17 films on TV this week just pour vous

Run All Night   Sat   8/5   TCM @ 21.00

An Irish mob enforcer kills to protect his son but the death has major repercussions and he soon finds himself running to protect his family's life throughout a long New York night. Liam Neeson plays the lead in this violently crunchy and enjoyable action film that hits all the beats you'd expect but manages to do it all in a fun fashion. There's solid back up from Ed Harris, Common and Joel Kinneman.

Maze   Sat   8/5   RTE1 @ 21.45

The IRA inmates of the Maze prison in Long Kesh have had enough. They want out. Nothing or no one is going to get in their way. This true story of Europe's biggest jailbreak is a desperately tense watch even when you know what's going to happen. Claustrophobic, suspenseful, scary and upsetting stuff for sure but a fantastic Irish cast lead by Tom Vaughn Lawlor and Barry Ward make it a very watchable Saturday night movie.

Game Night   Sat   8/5   RTE2 @ 21.45

Every week a group of friends meet up for a night of chat, wine and boardgames. One night real life adds a shocking twist and the friends find themselves up to their necks in all manner of trouble. This is an amusing weekend watch, a nice blend of screwball madness, weird neighbours, sibling rivalry and competitive friendship. Rachel McAdams, our own Sharon Horgan and a delightfully odd Jesse Plemons all do well.

When We Were Kings   Sat   8/5   BBC2 @ 22.00

October 30 1974. Zaire. The Rumble In The Jungle. Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman. A fight that could see Ali restored to Heavyweight champion of the world after his refusal of the Vietnam draft saw the title taken from him. This glorious 1996 documentary tells us it's story, from it's conception to the final result. It's about far more than the sweet science of boxing though, colour, culture and colonalism are all part of it's scope. A powerful history lesson.

Inside Out   Sun   9/5   BBC1 @ 

A move away from family and friends has young Riley upset and her emotions, joy, sadness, fear, disgust and anger are running wild trying to make things better for her. But Joy is a clumsy emotion and things go arseways. Pixar's 2015 film is a stunner, a unique look at how a damaged psyche can fix itself with the right tools. You'll be awestruck during this, when you aren't laughing or crying. Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Richard Kind and a wicked Lewis Smith provide the excellent voice acting. 

Prick Up Your Ears   Sun   9/5   Talking Pictures TV @ 22.00

In the summer of 1967 a door was opened and something horrifying was discovered. Beforehand two men, Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell lived and loved together at a time when it was illegal. Both worked in the arts but one was on the rise while the other was on the wane. In the days before his hammy Oscar bait performances Gary Oldman used to make films like this and this one is especially memorable, especially Alfred Molina as Halliwell. 

Black Sea   Sun   9/5   Film4 @ 23.05

Submarine films rock. Sweaty, tense, claustrophobic cinema and Black Sea is a good example of it. Jude Law plays Robinson, a experienced submarine captain on the search for a sunken u-boat full of nazi gold. Russians are looking for it too and the crew he's assembled aren't the most trustworthy of men. Black Sea feels like it's been put together from a dozen other films but it's more than the sum of it's parts, turning out very agreeable. Law, Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendehlson all do effective work.

Gone Baby Gone   Mon   10/5   TG4 @ 21.30

A young girl goes missing in South Boston and a pair of investigators are hired to find her. A tough ask made tougher by red tape and the web of crime surrounding every aspect of the case. Ben Affleck's adaption of Dennis Lehane's book is a fine one. An upsetting watch that will make you ask yourself questions you might not like the answers to. Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, Amy Ryan and Ed Harris all do nice work.

Capernaum   Mon  10/5   Film4 @ 23.40

Existing in the slums of Beirut is a struggle and little Zain is dealing with that struggle daily. Life has led him to a bad place and his only way out is through the legal system. Nadine Labaki's 2018 drama is a watch that will kick your heart right out of your chest but it's also laced with wit and exuberance enough to keep your going through the pain. Zain Al Rafeea is amazing in his debut as Zain.

Total Recall   Tues   11/5   ITV4 @ 23.45

A man gets a memory of a holiday implanted into his brain but the procedure unlocks a whole mess of trouble for him. One of Arnold Schwarzeneggar's most complex and entertaining films and one that's full of the carnage and action that made him famous. Wicked special effects and make up add to the fun. Sharon Stone, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside all bring something to the whole amusing mess. Not for the squeamish.

North By Northwest   Wed   12/5   TCM @ 13.30

A man in the wrong place at the wrong time is mistaken for a government agent and goes on the run across America with a woman who helps him in his escape. Easily Alfred Hitchcock's most fun film, this is 2 hrs of pure escapism with Cary Grant at his most charming and likeable and Eva Marie Saint nails her part as a woman who may not be what she seems. Crackling chemistry between the leads make this special.

On The Waterfront   Wed   12/5   Sony Movies @ 17.00

An ex boxer (who could have been a contender) turned dockworker has had enough of the corruption he sees all all around him and decides it's time to take a stand. A stunner of a film about doing what's right and correct. Marlon Brando, Rod Steiger, Eva Marie Saint, Karl Malden and Lee J. Cobb all give career best performances. An all time great American classic and one that truly lives up to it's hype.

Tyrannosaur   Thur   13/5   Film4 @ 01.25

A deeply troubled man forms a friendship with a kind woman who works in a local shop but her friendly exterior hides her own dark secrets. This is a superb but brutally realistic watch that will disturb you no matter how tough you think you are. Olivia Colman and Peter Mullan are faultless in the lead roles and the usually hilarious Eddie Marsan plays the part of banal evil to a tee. Keep this one for when you're feeling mentally strong. 

Harry And Tonto   Thur   13/5   Talking Movies TV @ 21.00   

When his house is destroyed in the name of progress an old man named Harry decides to get out and see America and his kids who are dotted across it before its too late. He brings his cat Tonto along for the ride. 47 years old and still an absolute cracker, full of energy and fun and people and happenings that feel real and never forced. Art Carney, Ellen Burstyn, Larry Hagman and Tonto all play their parts beautifully.

The Krays   Thur   13/5   ITV4 @ 21.00

In London's West End there once lived a pair of twin brothers who did everything together. From troubled teens to kings of crime they were inseparable. Forget that gimmicky Tom Hardy flick from a few years back, this is the go to Kray Brothers movie. A starkly violent look at what happens when you never say no to your children. Martin and Gary Kemp do well as the titular pair but it's Billie Whitelaw as Mrs Kray who owns this film.

Long Shot   Fri   14/5   BBC1 @ 22.45

Charlotte Field is in the middle of a presidential campaign when she bumps into journalist Fred Flarsky, who she used to babysit. They are polar opposites but when she hires him to write a speech for her sparks start to fly. Seth Rogen tones down his usual schtick in this entertaining and heartfelt comedy drama and is far more likable than usual as a result. Charlize Theron though is the star of the show and displays a brilliant comic streak that should be used more often.

If you've found this useful or discovered something new a retweet is appreciated. 

In The Earth

Ben Wheatley's return to the genre that made his name after 8 years feels very much like a film that would only really work in 2021. Set during a pandemic, fear of the unknown, fear of what comes next, fear of everyone. Here he takes our worries from the past 15 months, throws in a large dash of folk horror, a soupçon of nausea inducing imagery and a whiff of bodily trauma and reminds us of why we all took notice of him in the first place. 

In a lush and verdant forest an unknown hand places a sharpened stone into the earth pointing up. Why? Who knows. Maybe we'll find out later. On the outskirts of the same woodlands Martin (Joel Fry) arrives to a research station. He's sprayed down, checked out and once proved to be disease free heads off into the wild in search of a work colleague Dr Wendell (Hayley Squires) who's gone missing while working amongst the trees. His guide is Alma (Ellora Torchia), a talkative and friendly counterpoint to his moody standoffishness. Along the way he learns from her the lore of the forest, the reasons why it's fertile landscape attracts visiting researchers. As they sleep under a canopy of trees they're attacked, their shoes are taken and phones are smashed. That sharpened stone comes into play, and an already tough trek becomes a painful nightmare until the pair encounter Zach (Reese Shearsmith), a man living in the woods who's also been attacked.

In The Earth is an unsettling watch, full of ambiguity and injury. You'll cringe, be lost, cover your eyes, be wary of everyone and what's coming around the bend. You'd assume after the last year of madness we've all dealt with this film would be a piece of cake but nope, Wheatley's taken the things we've stressed constantly about and weaponises them against us. Will enforced isolation and lack of human contact damage us? Will our social skills be intact when things go back to normal? Will normality ever return? Ask Shearsmith's Zach. Or, no, don't, walk away very slowly and don't look back. He's been creating these seemingly normal but mad around the edges characters for nearly 20 years now on TV and in film and this latest one will stick with you. Especially when you realise ...... nope, that's a spoiler.

In interviews Wheatley's always been an unashamed fan of folk horror, that particularly British genre that lurked around at the start of the 1970's which took it's inspiration from the folklore and supernatural stories embedded in the rural way of life. He's never gone full blown with it in the way The Wicker Man or Blood On Satan's Claw did, instead dabbling in its fringes with A Field In England and Kill List and here he does the same, using it to add his unique flavour to a topical story. It's not entirely successful and does at times feel like its being used to help along a tale that's not quite sure of it's direction but it's a good excuse to bombard us with the type of disorientating imagery that worms its way into your sleep. 

It won't be a film for everyone because Wheatley's never been one for spoonfeeding his audience or giving them easy answers. Some will find this painfully pretentious and rage at the ending, others will find it an absorbing parable about the unpredictable and unnerving path modern life has veered onto, a few may even nope out early on when a very vulnerable body part is painfully shredded but they'll miss out on a strangely compelling watch.

In The Earth is streaming online now. Its worth your while.

For The Sake Of Vicious

One word really stands out in the title of this film. Can you guess what it is? It's not 'The' anyway. Let me give you a clue. Someone in this gets kneecapped, on both sides btw, first by blunt force trauma and later a pair of .357 bullets.  Have you figured it out yet? 

Yeesh.

Romina (Lora Burke) has had the day from hell and things are only getting started. Her hospital shift on Halloween has her shattered and all she wants to do is get her son home from the babysitter and take him trick or treating before falling comatose into her bed. But a wild eyed stranger called Chris (Nick Smyth) has other ideas. He's taken her landlord Alan (Colin Paradine) hostage and he's holding a kangaroo court in her kitchen to find justice for Alan's perceived sins of the past. Sins the law has found him innocent of. Chris isn't convinced and his claw hammer is ready to make it's opening statement.

This could have been a lot better than how it turned out. It's opening 30 minutes are claustrophobic, disorientating and nerve shredding stuff. Romina's the audience proxy, everything she knows we know, caught between two roaring men, both arguing their side, one tied up, one armed and not. Like her we don't know what side to take and only as the nature of the crime is revealed do allegiances form, for her and us. It's a really solid chamber piece, believably performed by a trio of relatively unknown Canadian actors. It's short running time (82 mins) leads you to believe it will continue in this vain throughout, until one side stutters and the truth is outed.....

Sadly it changes direction soon after and turns from a taut thriller into a ridiculous bodycount splatter movie when the house is invaded by a gang of masked goons with their own agenda. The earlier goodwill vanishes as the blood begins to spill and somehow the last 40 minutes feel like twice that. The lean economy of the first act is forgotten as wave after wave of faceless minions get exhaustingly ripped asunder and crushed by knives, cistern lids and hammers. Gritty realism is replaced by horror movie logic as lead characters are stabbed and shot over and over again and just won't go down. It sounds like it should be gory fun but it really isn't. The action, which all occurs in just three rooms of the house isn't unique or impressive enough to have any impact and eventually devolves into a miasma of grunting and arterial spray.

It's a real pity because there's some real talent on display. Nick Smyth's wild eyed and frenzied turn as Chris puts us on edge from the off. Lora Burke's Romina is far from just a spectator to proceedings and her transformation into a crowbar wielding avenger come the climax doesn't feel forced and Colin Paradine's Alan remains ambiguous throughout. He's no grinning panto villain and when the reveal eventually comes it doesn't feel cheap. If only co-directors Gabriel Carrer & Reese Eveneshen had the guts not to go all out. Less is always more.

For The Sake Of Vicious is streaming on google movies now. 

Netflix ist scheisse

I've just spent 30 minutes looking for something to watch on Netflix.

There's has to be a German word for that.

All that choice and fuck all there. It's a dreadful site. Someone on twitter was talking about Robocop tonight. That sounded like a great idea. One of the best films of the 80's full of gore and giggles. You can't go wrong. Did a search for it on Netflix. Nice one it's there. Press play. Instantly press stop. It's the godawful family friendly remake. Who on earth would want to watch that shite. And therein lies the problem with Netflix problem. It's full of trash no one wants to watch. Ask anyone about it and they'll always mention the scrolling, the endless scrolling, the fruitless search for something that catches your eye. On rare occasions something good pops up like Rocks but it never gets bigged up on the front page so the casual viewer never hears about it. It's buried away by the populist logarithm that only advertises the stuff that everyone is watching. The little known stuff is hard to find and because people don't like effort it stays hard to find. It's a shame. All the money this company makes and they never support the little guys.

A memorable cinema visit - Shutter Island

In Germany big English language films tend to be dubbed into German for mainstream audiences. The only way for German cinema goers to see films in their original versions (marked as OV on the marquee) is to go to smaller artier places. It's a fact of life for them. It's not something most tourists know about.

I certainly didn't. 

I was staying on Bismarckstrasse in Dusseldorf near the Hauptbannhof and the poster for Shutter Island caught my eye. The 4th collaboration between Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio after Gangs Of New York, the Aviator and The Departed. I'd been travelling around Europe for a while so didn't know much about it other than it was adapted from a Dennis Lehane book. I'd enjoyed Ben Affleck's adaption of his book Gone Baby Gone and expected more of the same, another Boston set crime drama. Little did I know I was walking into a complex, intense psychological horror drama. That I'd be watching in German.

I spoke no German.

The girl at the ticket counter gave me no clue it was in German. Why would she? It's not her job to tell foolish tourists what's going on. The title of the film was Shutter Island. Had it been Der Shutter Island alarm bells might have rang but us English speaking denizens of the world tend to expect the world to bend to our will. The ads started. In German. I was unfazed, more interested in my popcorn and my blue slushie than any ad. Then the trailers started. Kick-Ass, a film I'd been looking forward to for ages. Huh. It was in German. Something primal was starting to itch deep in my brain, a vague oh no feeling. Then a trailer for Green Zone followed, that long forgotten Matt Damon film. Oh christ. You can guess how it went. 

Then the lights went down.

Leo and Mark Ruffalo were on a ferry heading out to sea. They were talking away to themselves. The audience was rapt. Scorsese's visuals had them hooked already. It looked great. I hadn't a fucking clue what was going on. And for some bizarre reason I sat there for the next 135 minutes watching it all. It made no sense. Two detectives, solving some kind of crime, the war was involved, someone turned to ash for some reason. I remember feeling vaguely uncomfortable in the middle of an all German audience when Scorsese gave us a loving crafted and insanely violent panning shot of German troops being executed in a prison camp. Then it was over. What the fuck. Six months later when it hit DVD and I was home it finally made sense but anytime I even hear mention of it now I remember sitting in that audience feeling insanely baffled.

It was great fun in fairness.

Yup

If you know you know.

What a quadruple bill

 

Saw this picture on Twitter the other day. Taken at an old American mall that went bust and had been left to rack and ruin for the last 34 years. Man alive, look at that line up. It's pure nostalgia for us of a certain vintage. A foursome you'd happily tire your eyeballs out for. 

Nowadays we'd have The Croods, a Marvel film, maybe a DC film and something designed to win Oscars. This line up just drips OOMPH. I'd swap 2 & 4 though. FMJ would be a massive downer to end on. Actually I'd swap 1 & 3 too. Imagine starting Predator with Long Tall Sally and ending with Robocop introducing himself as Murphy. You'd leave the cinema buzzing.

Without Remorse

"You know you've messed up when they send a motorcade."

"Buddy, they're gonna write songs about all the shit you've messed up."

John Clark's a killer of bad men. A solver of problems. A one man army. People see the results of his work but never his face. He gets it done. Cleanly, quietly, efficiently. He's been around for a while. 21 novels to be exact, 13 of which were written by Tom Clancy. He's popped up in two films as well. In Clear And Present Danger he was played by Willem Dafoe and in The Sum Of All Fears Liev Schreiber nabbed the role. Both times he was supporting character and finally he's got his own film and this time it's Michael B. Jordan playing the lead. He's great in the part. It's a pity that the rest of the film doesn't keep up with him.

Senior Chief John Kelly (Clarke later). Navy Seal. Tough as nails. Family man. The story opens with him leading a mission to Syria alongside Lieutenant Commander Greer (Jodie Turner-Smith) to rescue a kidnapped CIA operative from ISIS soldiers. The mission's a bloody success but something's off. The ISIS soldiers are actually Russian and Russia doesn't react well to it's own dying on foreign soil. Payback's required, Kelly's squad is in their crosshairs and collateral damage is a tragic side effect. Now Kelly has only one thing on his mind and it isn't peaceful reconciliation.

The first half of this sets the bar high. It sketches out it's main characters briskly and effectively. Jordan and Turner-Smith play off each other well. It's dotted with well crafted, bone crunching action sequences, two of which (flooding plane and burning car) will linger long in memory and it's story of revenge, while familiar, feels muscular and vicious and then the second half rocks up packed with murky, generic gunfights, faceless goons and twists you'll see coming from a million miles away and it turns what should have been a wicked first installment in a long running franchise into the dictionary definition of MEH.

It's annoying. Seeing Black actors headlining big action films is always exciting, the raw material is there, the talent is most definitely there and this is what we end up with. Jordan in the last few years revived the Rocky series to stunning effect and with him and director Stefano Sollima in the mix we should have gotten gold. Sollima, the man behind the amazing Italian TV shows Gomorrah and ZeroZeroZero is a dab hand at lacing his work with gritty unpredictability and while his fingerprints are clear over Without Remorse's first half they vanish as soon as bad guys with aims worse than stormtroopers start to fill the screen in the second hour. The book it's based on can't be held to account here by the way as it's been massively reworked in the transition from page to screen.

Michael B. Jordan has signed up to play the lead in one more film, an adaption of the Clancy novel Rainbow Six. Here's hoping who ever makes it takes a braver, more exciting approach to the source material. Jordan's a powerful performer, as believable pinning two enemies together with a knife before headshotting both of them as he is contorting himself in grief. He deserves a better film. You get the feeling Paramount (who made this before selling it to Amazon) were playing safe, creating an opening installment designed to appeal to all and alienate none. These days, when every film is potentially the start of a franchise, it more often than not leads to a bland experience for us.

Without Remorse is streaming online now. Jordan's a mighty lead but his good work is blunted by a too safe approach in the latter half.

16 films on TV this week to ease you into May

Reservation Road   Sat   1/5   TG4 @ 22.40

The futures of two families, the Learner's and the Arno's, are forever changed one night after a chance occurrence on Reservation Road. An upsetting film no doubt, and maybe one to record and watch when times aren't so grim, but it's fine slice of life. A twisting turning look at loss and grief that might surprise you with how it plays out. Mark Ruffalo, Joaquin Phoenix and Jennifer Connelly do powerful work.

The Swimmer   Sat   1/5   Sony Movies @ 22.50

Ned is living the suburban life in a New England valley. One day he realises he can swim his way home via a series of swimming pools dotting the backyards of his neighbours. As he sets off on his journey he makes a connection with the people who own them. A strange and surreal but oddly funny story about a person trying desperately to hold on to a life he's not living anymore. Burt Lancaster is a spectacular lead.

Vertical Limit   Sat   1/5   RTE1 @ 23.45

K2. The second highest mountain in the world but the most dangerous. When Annie Garrett and her team find themselves trapped in the death zone and only her brother Peter has the skills to save her. This action thriller from 2000 is a very silly but very entertaining watch. It's far fetched stuff but it's so well made and put together you'll forgive it a lot. Robin Tunney, Chris O'Donnell and the much missed Bill Paxton lead a starry cast. 

Our Man In Havana   Sun   2/5   Sony Movies @ 15.00

Jim is an English immigrant living in Cuba. His day job isn't working out too well for him so he jumps at the chance of a bit of espionage excitement when it's offered to him. He weaves a web of lies that make him look like a hero but lies have a tendency to backfire. Alec Guinness is a joy in this 62 year old comedy that still feels fresh today. Maureen O'Hara, Noël Coward, Burl Ives and Ralph Richardson all add to the fun.

Pet Semetary   Sun   2/5   CH4 @ 22.00

The Creeds have moved to the countryside to get away from the hustle and bustle of Boston life. There's something weird on their land and it comes in rather handy when tragedy strikes. This 2019 adaption of one of Stephen King's darkest stories isn't as successful as the 1989 version but there's plenty here to recommend including a spooky mythology and nice turns from Jason Clarke, Amy Seimetz and the mighty John Lithgow.

Dog Soldiers   Sun   2/5   Film4 @ 23.20

A group of soldiers on routine training in the Scottish highlands find themselves under siege from a pack of beasts that should not exist. Neil Marshall's debut film is awesome. Hilarious, horrific, quotable, fun, disgusting and damn scary. A rare horror comedy that gets it's blend just right. All this and we get a wicked cast too. Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham and Darren Morfitt who's just deadly as Spoon.

The Delinquent Season   Mon   3/5   RTE1 @ 21.30

Danielle and Jim. Chris and Yvonne. Two couples in love, living the good life with their kids, From the outside things look flawless. But on closer inspection.... This 2018 Irish drama is a strange choice for a bank holiday Monday evening slot because it's a hell of a downer but it's one that's very well acted by a peach of a cast. Cillian Murphy, Eva Birthistle, Catherine Walker and Andrew Scott all bring their best to the table.

Tulip Fever   Mon   3/5   BBC2 @ 22.00

Amsterdam. 400 years ago. A painting is commissioned and the painter falls in love with the woman he's working with. She's unhappily married to an older man and accepts the younger man's advances. This erotically charged drama was caught up in the turmoil of the Weinstein arrest and vanished fast but it's worth discovering for yourself. It's a lovely looking film and Alicia Vikander and Dane DeHann do well in charge.

Das Boot   Mon   3/5   TCM @ 23.05

Set in 1942 during the Battle of the Atlantic, this is about the crew of a German submarine and the daily horrors they faced trying to stay alive in WW2. An unusual film in that we see the war both through German eyes and see these men for what they were, ordinary joe's following commands and suffering for it. Intense, claustrophobic and frightening stuff but really worth a watch. Jurgen Prochnow in the lead is phenomenal.

Maniac   Tues   4/5   The Horror Channel @ 00.55

Frank owns a mannequin shop. He's a strange guy and that's putting things mildly. He gets even stranger when a young artist asks for his help and dark desires come bubbling to the surface. Elijah Wood stars in a remake of the infamous and long banned 1980 original and turns in a genuinely creepy performance in this ghoulish, surreal and at times nauseating look at the madness bubbling around inside the minds of men.

Elizabeth   Tues   4/5   Film4 @ 23.05

The death of her sister Queen Mary has elevated Elizabeth to the throne in the year 1588 and the position she has inherited is messy with external and internal strife making her position rather tenuous. The film that made Cate Blanchett famous is a strong one, a good looking, intelligent history lesson that proves once again that the Brits were always at it. Blanchett, Kathy Burke, Christopher Eccleston and Richard Attenborough all do great work.

Walking Out   Wed   5/5   Film4 @ 19.05

A father and son head into the deep Montana countryside in an effort to fix their estranged relationship during a hunting trip. A vicious encounter far from civilisation forces them to work together. A rough watch that's showing surprisingly early in the evening but a film that's worth your while with it's beautiful cinematography and solid performances from Matt Bomer and Josh Wiggins as Senior and Junior.

Reds   Thur   6/5   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.00

The Bolshevik Revolution has done a number on John after he's travelled to Russia to write about it and when he returns to America he's a full blown communist. It leads him to the love of his life but it makes things complicated too. A big epic drama written by, directed by and starring Warren Beatty. It's length and pace may be off-putting to some but it's a muscular yet intimate slice of history. Beatty and Diane Keaton lead a packed cast.

Up In The Air   Thur   6/5   BBC2 @ 23.30

A business man who spends his life travelling from place to place makes a connection with a woman who does the same and for the first time in his life thinks about settling down. George Clooney and Vera Farmiga lead a drama that's equally funny and sad. A story about people who think they have it all and have nothing at all and a caution about the silliness of valuing your work life above all else. Well worth a go.

The 'Burbs   Fri   7/5   The Horror Channel @ 02.35

The Klopecks are an odd bunch and when they move into a quiet cul de sac the neighbours start getting suspicious, especially Ray and Art. Joe Dante's 1989 comedy is a nicely subversive watch that still hits the spot 32(!!!!) years later. Tense, scary and flat out uproarious at times. Tom Hanks is as always the perfect every-man and gets amusing support from the late Carrie Fisher, a bonkers Bruce Dern and that staple of 80's cinema, Corey Feldman.

When Harry Met Sally   Fri   7/5   BBC1 @ 22.50

Harry and Sally have been friends forever. They chat first thing in the AM and last thing in the PM. They'd be fantastic together. Their friends think so. But they claim they can just be friends without other nonsense getting in the way. Rob Reiner's comedy drama is a classic. Endlessly amusing and quotable and full of moments you know even if you're new to the film. Meg Ryan, Billy Crystal, Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby are all superb.

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