We all have them. That one big famous film that makes people react with dismay when you say you haven't seen it. That confession that makes people say "Fuck off!" and then "Wait, Really?"
I've a shameful amount of them. Loads of Oscar winners that just looked like too much hard work. Loads of animated classics that I wouldn't watch as a young lad because all I wanted to watch were Stallone and Schwarzeneggar movies. Loads of musicals because the ones I did watch gave me a pain in my face. Foreign classics that even the look of just makes you tired.
Here's some of the bigger ones I still haven't seen.
The Sound Of Music.
The one I get the most grief about. I've seen bits and pieces of this over the years but I could just never bring myself to watch it all. 3 hrs of dancing in the hills. No. I was in Salzburg a few years back and a tour guide asked me if i wanted to do the film tour. I told her I hadn't seen the film and her mocking laughter led me to believe I am in the tiny minority who hasn't seen it. The teutonic wagon.
Mary Poppins
See above. It always seemed to be on at the same time as a Bond film at Christmas and bullet proof umbrellas > flying umbrellas. I actually did try to watch this once and lost the will to live 5 minutes in and went on twitter to whinge. I'm of the opinion that if you pull your phone out during a film you might as well turn it off there and then. Plus my favourite musical is South Park The Movie so I really think there is something broken in my brain.
It's A Wonderful Life
A feel good Christmas classic about a man contemplating suicide. I like my christmas fare a bit cheerier so I've always avoided this one. Give me Home Alone any day. Christmas films don't get better than thieves being tortured by kids. That said I've always enjoyed James Stewart films so would like to give this a whirl sometime. Maybe this year......
The Discreet Charm Of The Bourgeoisie
HMV near me closed down last year and they were selling off films for pennies on their final day. I picked this up having heard tonnes about it over the years. Now it's been sitting there taunting me for 12 months or so with its big French film classic smug head. The kind of film you know you should watch but at the same time you know it will still be in its plastic wrapper in 10 years time.
Chariots Of Fire.
I've tried with this one, I really have. But good jesus it's boring as hell. I love athletics and I love that Vangelis soundtrack but all it's ever done for me is make me very very sleepy. And that's only the maybe 30 minutes of it that I've seen.
Shakespeare In Love.
Nope. Had the Bard's work shoved down my throat in school and have a physical reaction to it ever since. I know I'm missing out big time by avoiding anything Shakespeare related but I don't care. It's a huge cultural blindspot and one I'm happy to cultivate. I know this one probably isnt a big important film but it's one that everyone seems to have seen.
Life Is Beautiful
Sometimes something very silly can put you off ever watching a film. What did it for me with this was watching Roberto Benigni climbing across chairs when he won an Oscar for this. It fucked me off something fierce and I've no idea why. There and then I made a decision to avoid this forever. Yes I'm a muppet. Plus it's a comedy set in a concentration camp. So there's that as well...
Andrei Rublev
A big, important classic of cinema according to those who love it. A film every film fan needs to see to truly understand the medium. A near 4 hour long film about Russian iconographers in the 15th century. I'd rather punch myself in the left kidney. Sometimes just the description of a film is enough to put your off it forever. I'm sure it's magnificent but it's the type of film I'd only watch so I could boast about it and that's a bit sad.
A Beautiful Mind
One of those big worthy dramas that gets released around Christmas and seems to have been solely made just to win Oscars. That tend to be about very well off people and their health issues. The exact kind of film that makes my eyes glaze over. See also The Theory Of Everything, Breathe, Still Alice, Awakenings etc. Plus Russell Crowe seemed to be everywhere back then and that put me off too. Another film that I'm sure is excellent but I'd rather read the back of a shampoo bottle than watch.
You've probably gleaned from the above that I have issues with Julie Andrews, Shakespeare and rich sick people but anyway. What the big films you just can't be bothered to watch? Or just plain haven't gotten around to yet?
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