16 films on TV to enjoy this week

Con Air   Sat   15/5   ITV @ 22.50

Cameron Poe is going home after a spell in jail for killing a man while defending his wife. On the plane ride across the desert a group of prisoners decide to hijack his transport. Now one man and his mullet must take them on. A perfect Saturday night movie. Riotously silly and stupid but oh so enjoyable. Have a drink and watch Nicholas Cage take care of business. John Cusack, Ving Rhames, Colm Meaney and a terrifying John Malkovich all add to the mix.

Drag Me To Hell   Sat   15/5   Film4 @ 23.10

Sam Raimi's hilariously gooey & crunchy tale of a young woman's mistake and her efforts to fix that mistake. Alison Lohman has a whale of a time in the lead role and certainly earns her pay as she gets thrown around the screen like the Coyote in the old Roadrunner cartoons. This is the ideal horror film for people who claim not to like horror. It's a load of laughs and you'll snort as much as you roar at the screen

X+Y   Sun   15/5   BBC1 @ 00.15

A young autistic man finds his closed in world opening up when he takes part in an international mathematics competition. A nice film that will make you blub and make you smile. It's not exactly a comprehensive look at the condition but it gives us an idea of what people with it and their families go through. There's great acting from Asa Butterfield and Sally Hawkins as son & mother and Rafe Spall & Eddie Marsan are always a pleasure to see onscreen.

The Big Sick   Sun   15/5   RTE2 @ 00.55

Emily & Kumail fall in love but Emily is white and Kumail's Indian family do not approve. When Emily falls seriously ill Kumail is forced to decide what is truly important to him. This is a delightful watch, heartfelt and charming in a way that will leave you beaming after it. Kumail Nanjiani and Zoe Kazan make a solid central pairing and Holly Hunter and Ray Romano in back up do all sorts of good work.

Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe   Sun   15/5   Virgin Media One @ 17.30

A woman trapped in a miserable marriage makes friends with an elderly woman & begins to change her life as her older friend's stories start to have an effect on her. Flashing between the modern day & life in early 20th century Alabama this is a lovely tale that is at times both sad and heartwarming. The always reliable Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy play the modern leads with Mary Stuart Masterson & Mary Louise Parker appearing in the past.

Psycho   Sun   15/5   Sony Movies @ 21.00

Marion has just stolen a lot of money and now she's on the run up along the Californian coastline. She checks into a motel and meets a friendly young man named Norman. The rest is history. Literally. Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece has often been copied but never equalled and it's about turn from crime thriller into shrieking horror gets you every single time. Vera Miles, Anthony Hopkins, Janet Leigh and Martin Balsam do wonderful work.

The Counselor   Mon   16/5   CH4 @ 00.25

Time for a divisive film. A lawyer with iffy friends allows himself to be dragged into deals that offer huge rewards. With big highs come massive lows. One notoriously silly scene in Ridley Scott's 2013 thriller put most people off this film on it's initial release but that aside it's a entertaining but graphically violent thriller about the downside of greed. Michael Fassbinder, Penelope Cruz and Brad Pitt stand out in a packed cast.

The End Of The Affair   Mon   16/5   TCM @ 21.00

At the beginning of World War II a man and a married woman begin an affair. As these things are want to do, it does not end well. The second adaption of Graham Greene's celebrated novel is more sexually explicit than the first but it's also a deeper, richer, and more complex look at love and obsession powered by a trio of superb performances from Julianne Moore, Stephen Rea and Ralph Fiennes.

The Florida Project   Mon   16/5   Film4 @ 23.55

Florida is known for it's massive amusement and theme parks. But what about the lives lived in the shadows of those money making behemoths. Little Brooklynn Prince as Moonee will break your heart in a film that's both heartfelt and oddly hilarious. Sean Baker's direction and his juxtaposition of poverty and wealth offer loads of food for thought. Oh and Willem Dafoe's character Bobby will become a fast fave.

Manhunter   Tues   17/5   ITV4 @ 22.45

There's a serial killer called the Tooth Fairy murdering entire families and an ex FBI profiler called Will Graham is out to stop him. But he needs help from another killer he once jailed. A man called Lektor. Michael Mann's 1986 film is arguably the best adaption of Thomas Harris's books. It eschews the hamminess of the later films and goes straight for the jugular with an unerring aim. William Petersen, Brian Cox & Tom Noonan do mighty work here.

Last Man Standing   Tues   17/5   TCM @ 23.30

A drifter rocks into a dusty town. Prohibition is in effect and two gangs, one Irish and one Italian, are war with each other over the supply of illegal alcohol. He spies an opportunity to make his mark. First there was Yojimbo, then A Fistful Of Dollars and now this. Walter Hill takes a old story and adds his unique style to it. Add in Bruce Willis back in the days when he still gave a damn, throw in a million bullets and some very dark humour and you have a fun filled watch. 

Eurovision Song Contest : The Story Of Fire Saga  Wed   18/5   RTE1 @ 21.35

Do you enjoy Will Ferrell and the silly old jokes he's been relying on forever? If yes, then you'll like this. If not there's still enough going on that you can ignore him. Lars Erickssong and Sigrit Ericksdóttir are Fire Saga and they've been picked to represent Iceland in the Eurovision. Everything goes wrong for them. Rachel McAdam and Dan Stevens are the saving graces here. Stevens especially goes all out with a wildly camp performance perfectly suited to the madness on display.

Devil's Knot   Thur   19/5   CH4 @ 01.55

3 children are dead. 3 teenagers are being blamed. The town of West Memphis is about to go up in flames at the news that the reasons behind the violence may be satanic. A private investigator and a grieving mother are the only two who smell a rat. A strong and disturbing look at a real life case and a film that's powered by a stacked cast that includes Reese Witherspoon, Amy Ryan, Colin Firth and Alessandro Nivola. 

Paris, Texas   Thur   19/5   Film4 @ 23.15

A man wanders into a cafe by a road in the middle of a desert. He can't or won't talk and his condition is baffling. He brother arrives and we find out he's been missing for four years. Wim Wender's drama is a quiet, experimental, emotional stunner. It's slow pace won't be for everyone but stick with it and you'll get a story that will stay in your head for weeks to come. The late great Harry Dean Stanton nails the lead while Dean Stockwell and Natassja Kinski offer wonderful back up.

A Quiet Place   Fri   20/5   CH4 @ 23.05

In a world where the slightest sound can get you torn asunder a family struggles to survive and thrive. You want your nerves wracked? Well look no further than this full blooded sci-fi horror. Stressful, frightening, inventive and with an absolutely killer final scene. Best of all? It's only 90 minutes long. Jon Krazinski's debut film as director is a success and his onscreen chemistry with his real life wife Emily Blunt is the icing on the cake.

Death Line   Fri   20/5   Talking Pictures TV @ 23.00

Something strange is happening on the London underground near Russell Square. In the dark shadows hungry things are lurking. Things with a truly horrifying past. Death Line may be nearly 50 years old but it's still so effectively made and creepy that you'll shudder the next time you find yourself on a subterranean train. It's bleak, harrowing stuff but Donald Pleasance and Hugh Armstrong's performances will see you through to the end.

Great White

Hell's reef. Why would anyone go to a place called Hell's reef? The clue's in the name. It's a bad spot. Remember what happened on Skull Island?  Go to Tombstone and you're instantly goosed. The shit that went down at Cape Fear? Jurassic Park was built on one of the Cinco Muertes (Five Deaths) islands FFS. Even the kids show Danger Bay had a few seedy feckers knocking about. Next time you jet off somewhere, make sure it's a nice sounding place. And one that's away from the water just to be on the safe side.

Shark films. A horror genre that definitely hit it's peak early. Jaws in 1975 set a high standard for what followed and the vast majority of those films aren't fit to lick it's boots. Jaws 2 was a fun but flimsy follow up. Deep Blue Sea was a silly but entertaining slice of nonsense and you can say the same about The Shallows from 2016 and The Meg from 2019. The Shallow's minor success kicked off a string of holidaymakers in danger movies and Great White is the latest of them. It's a movie that recycles moments from the best films and drags along the cliches from the worst ones.

Kaz Fellows (Katrina Bowden) and Charlie Brody (Aaron Jakubenko) are in a spot of bother. Their seaplane charter company is in trouble and they've a baby on the way, just to add to the financial fun. Both jump at the chance of a bit of business when Joji (Tim Kano) and Michelle (Kimie Tsukakoshi), a pair of moneyed tourists, contact them about a flight to Hell's reef. Along with their assistant Benny (Te Kohe Tuhaka), all 5 fly to place that holds a special place in Michelle's heart. When they land they make a horrifying discovery and it isn't long before they run headlong into the cause of it.

If you can't guess who bites the dust first you should hang up your movie hat straight away. That's the level Great White is playing on. It brings nothing new to the table, it's best moments are clear rip offs of better films, it's entire middle section is deathly boring and from the off you'll know who'll survive. Think of a horror trope and you'll spot it here. Is there a minority character in peril? Yeah, they're shark food. Is the blonde lead on the way out? Ha, yeah right. As a result there's no bit of tension at all. There's not even a decent surprise lurking out on Hell's reef. Other shark movies gave us Samuel L. Jackson's truncated inspirational speech, Ben Hooper's head and a bird called Steven Seagull. What we get here is a lame twist The Meg did better two years ago.

But. The shark is pretty cool. Yes, it's CGI of course because the days of mechanical rubber Bruce's are unfortunately well over but it's a well done effect. As usual it's kept in darkness throughout and introduced in a chilling overhead shadow play shot but when you finally see it head on you won't groan. The dead eyes ("lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes") look even scarier somehow when they're comprised of ones and zeros. It's the one part of the film that really works. The one part that will make you wary about getting your toes wet.

Great White is out on Monday. You've seen it all before and done better too.

A few days of normality

Been back at home in Roscrea with the parents since Tuesday. Haven't watch a film since Monday. Usually films are my way of relaxing but here I'm utterly relaxed. Can even feel the knots in my shoulders untying themselves. If it was possible to bottle this feeling I'd sell it to ye all.

Now. Do I double down and watch a film? Or will that be relaxation overdose? 

Could this godawful lookin' yoke be the end of me?

Lets find out sure.

Video nasty rewatch part 27 - Island Of Death

Celia and Christopher have arrived in Mykonos on holidays. One a brit and one a yank. Her cute and him square jawed. The film they're in is called Island Of Death so no doubt a big durty serial killer will be chasing them all over the place with a scythe or a pitchfork soon enough. They're walking around, introducing themselves, getting the lay of the land. They seem decent, horror movie shorthand for killer fodder. Ah look they are having a smooch in the telephone box. He's phoning his mam. Oh christ now they're riding. They want his mam to hear. Hmmmm that's odd. I know people were more sexually liberated back then but that's a bit much. BTW, she's his sister.

3 minutes later.

Oh jesus no, now he's shagging a goat.

They're on the run from England and Christopher has decided this Greek cesspit needs to be cleaned up. He's a master of hypocrisy. An incestuous rapist who sees homosexuality, sex outside of marriage and drug abuse as beyond the pale. In his eyes these people must die and he's going to be the one to kill them. Celia's no innocent along for the ride though, as she lures in horny islanders to be crucified and even kills a couple herself. The film wants us to feel bad for her and every now and then she expresses remorse for about 10 seconds before sitting back smiling as her lover decapitates someone with a bulldozer or sets fire to a woman's face with a candle and a can of aerosol spray. In her quieter moments she's plagued with nighttime visions of a strange man who'll be the end of them both. Will anything come of these dreams or are they just another facet of a broken mind?

That, thankfully faked, scene of bestiality mentioned above is one of the many, many reasons Island Of Death ended up being prosecuted for obscenity back in the early days of the 1980's. It's first release (amazingly a cinema release in 1976) under the title A Craving For Lust was shorn of 13 minutes. In 1982 it hit the streets on VHS and Betamax fully uncut and it was this version in all it's manky glory that caught the eye of the BBFC and in the ensuing video nasty hoopla it ended up being banned for two decades. The departure of BBFC kingpin James Ferman in 1999 meant film censorship eased up massively and in this new liberal era a lot of the nasties managed to finally get released uncut but Island Of Death wasn't one of them. It hit DVD with 4 minutes and 9 seconds removed from it's running time, a testament to just how depraved it is. Finally in 2010 the powers that be decided it had lost it's ability to shock and it finally got an uncut release.

It's a strange one and it's definitely still shocking in places. For a film that revels in it's own vileness it's actually quite beautiful looking. A love letter to the island of Mykonos that no doubt hugely pissed off the Greece tourist board. It's definitely one of the better made nasties, full of decent camerawork, above par acting and it's all clearly shot on location. If you removed the extreme amounts of sex, violence and sexual violence you'd have perfectly decent little thriller. But it's those very elements that ensured the film's infamy. Director Niko Mastorakis freely admitted that he set out to shock audiences because he knew shock = box office gold. After a viewing of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and reading about the massive profits it was raking in he decided he wanted a share so he set out to appall. It worked. Too well. The film was banned in numerous countries around the world. You could get away with a lot in 1976 but this was was just too over the top. Urolagnia, numerous rape scenes, some horrible homophobia and misogyny, excruciating violence against men and women and animals. There's even a scene where a black detective is lynched, a moment you feel was thrown in for maximum outrage. Then the ending rocks up. Mastorakis wanted it to be poetic but it's just desperately tasteless. Sexual violence is used as a weapon against both our leads, except one of them ends up enjoying it. It's an ending that you'll watch through gritted teeth while scarely believing it exists at all.

Did it deserve to be on the nasties list? Oh yeah, if the list didn't exist they'd have made one just for this film.

Would I recommend it? Uff. Solid production values, decent acting and some beautiful imagery aside it's not a film I'd ever tell people to watch. It just leaves a genuinely bad taste in the mouth. 

Next up - Wes Craven's The Last House On The Left. A film that makes A Nightmare On Elm Street look like an episode of Peppa Pig,

Fried Barry

Don't know quite how to talk about Fried Barry, a new scifi/comedy/horror from South Africa that's now available on Shudder. It's the kind of film where you'd need to give yourself a good scrub after you watch it. Preferably with Ajax and a brillo pad. I saw it 3 days ago and aspects of it are still bothering me. That can only be a good thing......right?

Imagine Bad Boy Bubby crossed with Adam & Paul but only if Adam wasn't there and Paul had been kidnapped by aliens, had his erection probed (yeah, we see it all) and been taken over by something with otherworldly powers. Afterwards he's let loose on the streets of Cape Town where despite his unnerving appearance he's a magnet for everyone. Everybody he meets wants to get to know him, to shag him, everyone else wants to lash drugs into him. There's an alien presence inhabiting his body and it gets to experience every aspect of humanity, the good parts, the bad parts and the truly ugly parts.

Jesus. This was something. Built off a short movie writer/director Ryan Kruger made a few years back this one is as unique as films come. It's destined to be a cult classic but it's one that will appall and offend a lot of people. Everything is in the mix here, graphic drug abuse, nasty violence, hardcore pornography, race, class, culture, none of it commented on in anyway other than with blunt force. It feels aimless as vignette follows vignette, each one odder than the last, some full of nightmare fuel imagery and streaked with a type of body horror that makes David Cronenberg films feel tame and others about the sneaky methods people use to fuck shops over. You'll feel baffled and agitated and then slowly, it starts to coalesce, a story takes form, the leading character who came off as a rotten piece of shit in the first 5 minutes of the film starts to turn into something.....well you'll have to watch it yourself to find out.

Chainsaws though. Damn.

Gary Greene as Barry turns in a hell of a performance playing a man you'd cross not only a street but a whole town to avoid. Even before his extra terrestrial run-in Barry isn't exactly human, more a presence fuelled by heroin and hate. Greene's unusual look sells it beautifully, allowing his actions to speak much louder than the maybe a dozen words he utters through the film. It's a gifted physical performance too, reminiscent of Vincent D'Onofrio's turn in Men In Black. Awkward, juddering, like watching something getting used to a new way of moving, discovering dancing and lovin' (the second sex scene and it's aftermath will be the divisive moment for a lot of viewers). Through fresh eyes what many would consider normality looks absolutely terrifying.

Fresh eyes. Director Ryan Kruger's certainly got a pair of them. No doubt his vision will be spotted by the big boys, the studios looking for something new and exciting. We can only hope they don't dull his edges too much. I'm still not sure if I liked this film but christ I'll remember it for a while yet.

Fried Barry is streaming on Shudder now.

Swearing is big and clever.

RTE1 had a programme about swearing on tonight and it reminded me of the best usage of profanity in all of cinema. 

Trading Places. 1983. Paul Gleason.

 

Succinct. Offensive. Hilarious.  No need for purple prose. Nothing clever about it. It's the best way to use the word "fuck" and this scene uses it perfectly.

Here are some more favourites. Some are well known and others aren't. How many can you guess?

"Go home and get your fuckin' shine box."

"Get away from her YOU BITCH!"

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell Karras."

"Monty you terrible cunt."

"ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!!"

"What's my name? Fuck you, that's my name."

"Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin' themselves."

"Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!"

"I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer."

"Shut your fucking face uncle-fucker."

"You klingon bastard, you've killed my son"

"That...is one big pile of shit."

"I got two words for you. Shut the fuck up."

"I'll tear your fuckin' heart out, girl!"

"Rules? PISS ON YOUR FUCKING RULES!"

"Smile you son of a bitch."

"Heineken? FUCK THAT SHIT! Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!"

"Harry, lets face it. And i'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids."

Beyond Friday

Beyond Friday is a film watching party that happens on Twitter every friday night at 11pm. A group of like minded movie fans get together and watch the same film and tweet about it using the #beyondfriday tag. The results are joyous. Even if the film sucks the tweets are fun and when the film rocks it's even better. Last week we hit number 56 and there's no signs of slowing down yet. My rankings for them are below from worst to best.

Shamefully I've missed 15 of them so I'll leave those ones out. I'm sickened I didn't turn up for Southern Comfort.

The Slumber Party Massacre

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

OC & Stiggs

The Glove

Dr Terror's House Of Horrors

The Carpenter

Down

A Boy And His Dog

Penitentiary III

Brainscan

Trilogy Of Terror

Vamps

Get Crazy

The Ambulance

Southern Comfort

(41) Christine - Exceedingly dull

(40) Eating Raoul - Uncomfortable and horribly dated

(39) Class Of 1984 - Flat out uncomfortable

(38) Death Race 2000 - Sacrilege but i prefer the Statham remake!

(37) Death Ship - See (41)

(36) Passenger 57 - Way too normal for this time slot

(35) Horror Express - Meh

(34) Next Of Kin - This is where the fun starts

(33) The Abominable Dr Phibes - Vincent Price is awesome

(32) In the Mouth Of Madness - Nuts. Loved it.

(31) No Escape - Bit too long but great 90s fun

(30) Over The Top - Cheesy heaven

(29) Maniac Cop - Very effective slasher flick

(28) God Told Me To - Genuinely mental stuff

(27) The Happening - Hilariously bad. Watching it on twitter was awesome

(26) Tales From The Crypt - You can't beat a good horror portmanteau

(25) Total Recall - Always brilliant

(24) Bad Day For The Cut - A hefty slab of Irish darkness

(23) The Astrologer - Wild. 

(22) Red Heat - 80s fun at its best. Fuck James Belushi's character though.

(21) Bone - Uncomfortable but excellent

(20) The Visitor - FUCKING NUTS

(19) Psychomania - Love it. 

(18) Demolition Man - Pure nostalgia

(17) Rawhead Rex - Maybe the craziest Irish film ever made?

(16) From Beyond - Lovecraftian excellence

(15) Q The Winged Serpent - A brilliant film ever before you add in a flying monster

(14) Chopping Mall - So much LOLZ

(13) Xtro - A wacky stunner

(12) Hard Target - YES YES YES

(11) Road House - YES YES YES YES

(10) Extreme Prejudice - YES YES YES YES YES 

(9)The Hitcher - Tense and terrifying

(8) The Stuff -One of the most unusual films of the 80's. Loved it.

(7) Conquest - Unique. Impossible to describe.

(6) Freaked - So brimming with ideas I was awake half the night after it

(5) Messiah Of Evil - Blew my mind

(4) Beyond The Door III - Jawdropping stuff.

(3) Fortress - Brought me right back to being 15 again

(2) Miami Blues - Subversive and brilliant

(1) Zombie Flesh Eaters - A masterpiece

17 films on TV this week just pour vous

Run All Night   Sat   8/5   TCM @ 21.00

An Irish mob enforcer kills to protect his son but the death has major repercussions and he soon finds himself running to protect his family's life throughout a long New York night. Liam Neeson plays the lead in this violently crunchy and enjoyable action film that hits all the beats you'd expect but manages to do it all in a fun fashion. There's solid back up from Ed Harris, Common and Joel Kinneman.

Maze   Sat   8/5   RTE1 @ 21.45

The IRA inmates of the Maze prison in Long Kesh have had enough. They want out. Nothing or no one is going to get in their way. This true story of Europe's biggest jailbreak is a desperately tense watch even when you know what's going to happen. Claustrophobic, suspenseful, scary and upsetting stuff for sure but a fantastic Irish cast lead by Tom Vaughn Lawlor and Barry Ward make it a very watchable Saturday night movie.

Game Night   Sat   8/5   RTE2 @ 21.45

Every week a group of friends meet up for a night of chat, wine and boardgames. One night real life adds a shocking twist and the friends find themselves up to their necks in all manner of trouble. This is an amusing weekend watch, a nice blend of screwball madness, weird neighbours, sibling rivalry and competitive friendship. Rachel McAdams, our own Sharon Horgan and a delightfully odd Jesse Plemons all do well.

When We Were Kings   Sat   8/5   BBC2 @ 22.00

October 30 1974. Zaire. The Rumble In The Jungle. Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman. A fight that could see Ali restored to Heavyweight champion of the world after his refusal of the Vietnam draft saw the title taken from him. This glorious 1996 documentary tells us it's story, from it's conception to the final result. It's about far more than the sweet science of boxing though, colour, culture and colonalism are all part of it's scope. A powerful history lesson.

Inside Out   Sun   9/5   BBC1 @ 

A move away from family and friends has young Riley upset and her emotions, joy, sadness, fear, disgust and anger are running wild trying to make things better for her. But Joy is a clumsy emotion and things go arseways. Pixar's 2015 film is a stunner, a unique look at how a damaged psyche can fix itself with the right tools. You'll be awestruck during this, when you aren't laughing or crying. Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Richard Kind and a wicked Lewis Smith provide the excellent voice acting. 

Prick Up Your Ears   Sun   9/5   Talking Pictures TV @ 22.00

In the summer of 1967 a door was opened and something horrifying was discovered. Beforehand two men, Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell lived and loved together at a time when it was illegal. Both worked in the arts but one was on the rise while the other was on the wane. In the days before his hammy Oscar bait performances Gary Oldman used to make films like this and this one is especially memorable, especially Alfred Molina as Halliwell. 

Black Sea   Sun   9/5   Film4 @ 23.05

Submarine films rock. Sweaty, tense, claustrophobic cinema and Black Sea is a good example of it. Jude Law plays Robinson, a experienced submarine captain on the search for a sunken u-boat full of nazi gold. Russians are looking for it too and the crew he's assembled aren't the most trustworthy of men. Black Sea feels like it's been put together from a dozen other films but it's more than the sum of it's parts, turning out very agreeable. Law, Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendehlson all do effective work.

Gone Baby Gone   Mon   10/5   TG4 @ 21.30

A young girl goes missing in South Boston and a pair of investigators are hired to find her. A tough ask made tougher by red tape and the web of crime surrounding every aspect of the case. Ben Affleck's adaption of Dennis Lehane's book is a fine one. An upsetting watch that will make you ask yourself questions you might not like the answers to. Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, Amy Ryan and Ed Harris all do nice work.

Capernaum   Mon  10/5   Film4 @ 23.40

Existing in the slums of Beirut is a struggle and little Zain is dealing with that struggle daily. Life has led him to a bad place and his only way out is through the legal system. Nadine Labaki's 2018 drama is a watch that will kick your heart right out of your chest but it's also laced with wit and exuberance enough to keep your going through the pain. Zain Al Rafeea is amazing in his debut as Zain.

Total Recall   Tues   11/5   ITV4 @ 23.45

A man gets a memory of a holiday implanted into his brain but the procedure unlocks a whole mess of trouble for him. One of Arnold Schwarzeneggar's most complex and entertaining films and one that's full of the carnage and action that made him famous. Wicked special effects and make up add to the fun. Sharon Stone, Rachel Ticotin and Michael Ironside all bring something to the whole amusing mess. Not for the squeamish.

North By Northwest   Wed   12/5   TCM @ 13.30

A man in the wrong place at the wrong time is mistaken for a government agent and goes on the run across America with a woman who helps him in his escape. Easily Alfred Hitchcock's most fun film, this is 2 hrs of pure escapism with Cary Grant at his most charming and likeable and Eva Marie Saint nails her part as a woman who may not be what she seems. Crackling chemistry between the leads make this special.

On The Waterfront   Wed   12/5   Sony Movies @ 17.00

An ex boxer (who could have been a contender) turned dockworker has had enough of the corruption he sees all all around him and decides it's time to take a stand. A stunner of a film about doing what's right and correct. Marlon Brando, Rod Steiger, Eva Marie Saint, Karl Malden and Lee J. Cobb all give career best performances. An all time great American classic and one that truly lives up to it's hype.

Tyrannosaur   Thur   13/5   Film4 @ 01.25

A deeply troubled man forms a friendship with a kind woman who works in a local shop but her friendly exterior hides her own dark secrets. This is a superb but brutally realistic watch that will disturb you no matter how tough you think you are. Olivia Colman and Peter Mullan are faultless in the lead roles and the usually hilarious Eddie Marsan plays the part of banal evil to a tee. Keep this one for when you're feeling mentally strong. 

Harry And Tonto   Thur   13/5   Talking Movies TV @ 21.00   

When his house is destroyed in the name of progress an old man named Harry decides to get out and see America and his kids who are dotted across it before its too late. He brings his cat Tonto along for the ride. 47 years old and still an absolute cracker, full of energy and fun and people and happenings that feel real and never forced. Art Carney, Ellen Burstyn, Larry Hagman and Tonto all play their parts beautifully.

The Krays   Thur   13/5   ITV4 @ 21.00

In London's West End there once lived a pair of twin brothers who did everything together. From troubled teens to kings of crime they were inseparable. Forget that gimmicky Tom Hardy flick from a few years back, this is the go to Kray Brothers movie. A starkly violent look at what happens when you never say no to your children. Martin and Gary Kemp do well as the titular pair but it's Billie Whitelaw as Mrs Kray who owns this film.

Long Shot   Fri   14/5   BBC1 @ 22.45

Charlotte Field is in the middle of a presidential campaign when she bumps into journalist Fred Flarsky, who she used to babysit. They are polar opposites but when she hires him to write a speech for her sparks start to fly. Seth Rogen tones down his usual schtick in this entertaining and heartfelt comedy drama and is far more likable than usual as a result. Charlize Theron though is the star of the show and displays a brilliant comic streak that should be used more often.

If you've found this useful or discovered something new a retweet is appreciated. 

In The Earth

Ben Wheatley's return to the genre that made his name after 8 years feels very much like a film that would only really work in 2021. Set during a pandemic, fear of the unknown, fear of what comes next, fear of everyone. Here he takes our worries from the past 15 months, throws in a large dash of folk horror, a soupçon of nausea inducing imagery and a whiff of bodily trauma and reminds us of why we all took notice of him in the first place. 

In a lush and verdant forest an unknown hand places a sharpened stone into the earth pointing up. Why? Who knows. Maybe we'll find out later. On the outskirts of the same woodlands Martin (Joel Fry) arrives to a research station. He's sprayed down, checked out and once proved to be disease free heads off into the wild in search of a work colleague Dr Wendell (Hayley Squires) who's gone missing while working amongst the trees. His guide is Alma (Ellora Torchia), a talkative and friendly counterpoint to his moody standoffishness. Along the way he learns from her the lore of the forest, the reasons why it's fertile landscape attracts visiting researchers. As they sleep under a canopy of trees they're attacked, their shoes are taken and phones are smashed. That sharpened stone comes into play, and an already tough trek becomes a painful nightmare until the pair encounter Zach (Reese Shearsmith), a man living in the woods who's also been attacked.

In The Earth is an unsettling watch, full of ambiguity and injury. You'll cringe, be lost, cover your eyes, be wary of everyone and what's coming around the bend. You'd assume after the last year of madness we've all dealt with this film would be a piece of cake but nope, Wheatley's taken the things we've stressed constantly about and weaponises them against us. Will enforced isolation and lack of human contact damage us? Will our social skills be intact when things go back to normal? Will normality ever return? Ask Shearsmith's Zach. Or, no, don't, walk away very slowly and don't look back. He's been creating these seemingly normal but mad around the edges characters for nearly 20 years now on TV and in film and this latest one will stick with you. Especially when you realise ...... nope, that's a spoiler.

In interviews Wheatley's always been an unashamed fan of folk horror, that particularly British genre that lurked around at the start of the 1970's which took it's inspiration from the folklore and supernatural stories embedded in the rural way of life. He's never gone full blown with it in the way The Wicker Man or Blood On Satan's Claw did, instead dabbling in its fringes with A Field In England and Kill List and here he does the same, using it to add his unique flavour to a topical story. It's not entirely successful and does at times feel like its being used to help along a tale that's not quite sure of it's direction but it's a good excuse to bombard us with the type of disorientating imagery that worms its way into your sleep. 

It won't be a film for everyone because Wheatley's never been one for spoonfeeding his audience or giving them easy answers. Some will find this painfully pretentious and rage at the ending, others will find it an absorbing parable about the unpredictable and unnerving path modern life has veered onto, a few may even nope out early on when a very vulnerable body part is painfully shredded but they'll miss out on a strangely compelling watch.

In The Earth is streaming online now. Its worth your while.

For The Sake Of Vicious

One word really stands out in the title of this film. Can you guess what it is? It's not 'The' anyway. Let me give you a clue. Someone in this gets kneecapped, on both sides btw, first by blunt force trauma and later a pair of .357 bullets.  Have you figured it out yet? 

Yeesh.

Romina (Lora Burke) has had the day from hell and things are only getting started. Her hospital shift on Halloween has her shattered and all she wants to do is get her son home from the babysitter and take him trick or treating before falling comatose into her bed. But a wild eyed stranger called Chris (Nick Smyth) has other ideas. He's taken her landlord Alan (Colin Paradine) hostage and he's holding a kangaroo court in her kitchen to find justice for Alan's perceived sins of the past. Sins the law has found him innocent of. Chris isn't convinced and his claw hammer is ready to make it's opening statement.

This could have been a lot better than how it turned out. It's opening 30 minutes are claustrophobic, disorientating and nerve shredding stuff. Romina's the audience proxy, everything she knows we know, caught between two roaring men, both arguing their side, one tied up, one armed and not. Like her we don't know what side to take and only as the nature of the crime is revealed do allegiances form, for her and us. It's a really solid chamber piece, believably performed by a trio of relatively unknown Canadian actors. It's short running time (82 mins) leads you to believe it will continue in this vain throughout, until one side stutters and the truth is outed.....

Sadly it changes direction soon after and turns from a taut thriller into a ridiculous bodycount splatter movie when the house is invaded by a gang of masked goons with their own agenda. The earlier goodwill vanishes as the blood begins to spill and somehow the last 40 minutes feel like twice that. The lean economy of the first act is forgotten as wave after wave of faceless minions get exhaustingly ripped asunder and crushed by knives, cistern lids and hammers. Gritty realism is replaced by horror movie logic as lead characters are stabbed and shot over and over again and just won't go down. It sounds like it should be gory fun but it really isn't. The action, which all occurs in just three rooms of the house isn't unique or impressive enough to have any impact and eventually devolves into a miasma of grunting and arterial spray.

It's a real pity because there's some real talent on display. Nick Smyth's wild eyed and frenzied turn as Chris puts us on edge from the off. Lora Burke's Romina is far from just a spectator to proceedings and her transformation into a crowbar wielding avenger come the climax doesn't feel forced and Colin Paradine's Alan remains ambiguous throughout. He's no grinning panto villain and when the reveal eventually comes it doesn't feel cheap. If only co-directors Gabriel Carrer & Reese Eveneshen had the guts not to go all out. Less is always more.

For The Sake Of Vicious is streaming on google movies now. 

Netflix ist scheisse

I've just spent 30 minutes looking for something to watch on Netflix.

There's has to be a German word for that.

All that choice and fuck all there. It's a dreadful site. Someone on twitter was talking about Robocop tonight. That sounded like a great idea. One of the best films of the 80's full of gore and giggles. You can't go wrong. Did a search for it on Netflix. Nice one it's there. Press play. Instantly press stop. It's the godawful family friendly remake. Who on earth would want to watch that shite. And therein lies the problem with Netflix problem. It's full of trash no one wants to watch. Ask anyone about it and they'll always mention the scrolling, the endless scrolling, the fruitless search for something that catches your eye. On rare occasions something good pops up like Rocks but it never gets bigged up on the front page so the casual viewer never hears about it. It's buried away by the populist logarithm that only advertises the stuff that everyone is watching. The little known stuff is hard to find and because people don't like effort it stays hard to find. It's a shame. All the money this company makes and they never support the little guys.

A memorable cinema visit - Shutter Island

In Germany big English language films tend to be dubbed into German for mainstream audiences. The only way for German cinema goers to see films in their original versions (marked as OV on the marquee) is to go to smaller artier places. It's a fact of life for them. It's not something most tourists know about.

I certainly didn't. 

I was staying on Bismarckstrasse in Dusseldorf near the Hauptbannhof and the poster for Shutter Island caught my eye. The 4th collaboration between Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio after Gangs Of New York, the Aviator and The Departed. I'd been travelling around Europe for a while so didn't know much about it other than it was adapted from a Dennis Lehane book. I'd enjoyed Ben Affleck's adaption of his book Gone Baby Gone and expected more of the same, another Boston set crime drama. Little did I know I was walking into a complex, intense psychological horror drama. That I'd be watching in German.

I spoke no German.

The girl at the ticket counter gave me no clue it was in German. Why would she? It's not her job to tell foolish tourists what's going on. The title of the film was Shutter Island. Had it been Der Shutter Island alarm bells might have rang but us English speaking denizens of the world tend to expect the world to bend to our will. The ads started. In German. I was unfazed, more interested in my popcorn and my blue slushie than any ad. Then the trailers started. Kick-Ass, a film I'd been looking forward to for ages. Huh. It was in German. Something primal was starting to itch deep in my brain, a vague oh no feeling. Then a trailer for Green Zone followed, that long forgotten Matt Damon film. Oh christ. You can guess how it went. 

Then the lights went down.

Leo and Mark Ruffalo were on a ferry heading out to sea. They were talking away to themselves. The audience was rapt. Scorsese's visuals had them hooked already. It looked great. I hadn't a fucking clue what was going on. And for some bizarre reason I sat there for the next 135 minutes watching it all. It made no sense. Two detectives, solving some kind of crime, the war was involved, someone turned to ash for some reason. I remember feeling vaguely uncomfortable in the middle of an all German audience when Scorsese gave us a loving crafted and insanely violent panning shot of German troops being executed in a prison camp. Then it was over. What the fuck. Six months later when it hit DVD and I was home it finally made sense but anytime I even hear mention of it now I remember sitting in that audience feeling insanely baffled.

It was great fun in fairness.