Hoster Tully, father of Catelyn Stark is getting a viking burial. Set adrift and to be set alight by a flaming arrow. Her brother Edmure is comically incapable to hitting his target so her uncle Blackfish does the deed. Great way to introduce two new characters who really come to nothing.
There's no love lost between uncle and nephew. Edmure lead a force that took on Gregor Clegane and banjaxed Robb's plans. Blackfish is not happy. Robb is pissed off with both. Family eh. They have Lannister prisoners now though.
Tywin Lannister is scheming in King's Landing. Littlerfinger (ugh) is to be wed to Lysa Arryn, Catelyn Stark's unhinged sister. This will shore up her armies for the Lannister's.
He demands news of Jaime too. No one knows where he is. He's incredulous that in a room with Littlefinger, Varys and Tyrion and all their pooled knowledge, that no one knows where his favourite son is.
With Littlefinger gone from King's Landing the city is down a treasurer. So Tyrion is appointed. It's a powerful position but one he knows little about.
Jaime and Brienne have been captured by Locke and the men of house Bolton. Jaime is moaning as per usual. And taunting Brienne that she'll be raped. He's such a scumbag.
On the road north Arya is still being held by the Brotherhood without Banners. The Hound is still there too. Hotpie has decided to stay at the inn, having discovered a talent for cooking. They say their goodbyes and head off. He won't be the last friend she says goodbye to.
In Riverrun Catelyn is catching up with her uncle Blackfish. I like Blackfish. He seems decent. This family reunion stirs up thoughts of her own ruined family. She finally realises her fears that Bran and Rickon are dead.
Talisa is at the Stark camp caring for the captured Lannister's. They're nothing but kids. They believe crazy stories like Robb turning into a wolf. Saps.
Beyond the wall Jon and the Wildlings find the remains of the white walker massacre of the Nights Watch. All that remains are decapitated horses formed into a pattern. There's no dead men there.
Because men killed by the white walkers return to life as white walkers. FUCK.
Mance commands Tormund to take advantage of the lack of Nights Watch men and climb the wall. That giant wall. Ygritte and Jon are to go too. Jon's knowledge will come in handy. If not he's to be thrown from the top. Mance is about to light the biggest fire the North has ever seen.
The remaining Night's Watch men have made it back to Craster's keep. That vile place. Built on incest and abuse. Jon's dog Ghost is still there. As is Gilly. The woman Sam has fallen for. Craster's daughter, about to give birth to Craster's baby.
Craster sets his sights on Sam. His jokes drive Sam outside to where Gilly has given birth. A baby boy. Baby boys born in Craster's keep are sacrificed to unknown beings in the night.
Theon is still being held hostage and tortured in an unknown place. A friendly face frees him and they take off into the night. Who is this fella? He sends Theon towards Yara.
At Dragonstone Stannis is getting ratty because Melisandre is heading off on her own mission. He needs her and thinks she's abandoning him. He wants another child with her. A demonic child to destroy his enemies.
Her plan is to use magic that demands blood. Royal blood. Blood from King Robert lineage. The Lord of light is commanding her.
In Astapor Daenerys witnesses more the cruelty that city is capable of. Jorah and Barristan Selmy want to get her out of there but she is not leaving without The Unsullied.
The slave owners are driving a hard bargain. Her money will only get her a handful of warriors. Daenerys has others plans and offers up one of her dragons. She has a cunning plan. The owners accept.
There's more to this deal than meets the eye. Jorah and Selmy freak out but they have to trust their queen's judgement. She also gets Missandei, the translator. A new friend and a confidente.
In King's Landing Littlefinger (ugh) is giving up the secrets of the city's money issues to the new treasurer Tyrion. Podrick is there to help and can't help but eye up Ros. Littlefinger is suspect of Ros and Tyrion's relationship.
Tyrion still owes Podrick his life from the battle of Blackwater. His reward to be time spent with 3 of King's Landings finest escorts. *INSANELY GRATUITOUS NUDITY KLAXON!!*
The treasurer's job is a tough one and Tyrion soon finds out that King's Landing is seriously in debt, the city surviving on borrowed money. Instant headache for him.
Podrick rocks up looking happy as Larry. His first time went brilliantly. So brilliantly that he got it for free. Tyrion and Bron are shellshocked and demand all the salacious details.
Theon's escape is interrupted fast. His captors are after him. Arrows skim his head. Before long he's off his horse and about to be raped. Before it happens a blast of arrows take out his captors. Its the fella who freed him.
The Bolton men have Jaime and Brienne tied up. They are making terrible plans for Brienne. Jaime's earlier jokes about this very thing have him feeling bad now. Fuck you Jaime, you should feel bad.
He manages to convince Locke that Brienne's father is rich and treating her better could be good for them. This saves Brienne for now.
Jaime tries the same approach for himself. Promising Locke that Tywin will make him wildly rich if Jaime is brought home to King's Landing. Jaime's smugness rubs Locke up the wrong way though. He's pissed off. He has no time for fancy men who live off their name.
Pissed off enough to chop off Jaime's hand. The Kingslayer can fight no more.
I'm noticing a pattern with Game Of Thrones now. It starts and ends well but the middle episodes of a season consist of people just moving from place to place. There's good stuff here and there but there's a lot of padding too. I'd forgotten how dull a lot of it was. At least the Tyrion/Podrick/Bron scene was fun.
Next up - And Now His Watch Is Ended
Series 1 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 3 - 1 2
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