Video Nasty Rewatch part 41 - The Boogeyman

The 41st film on the video nasty list feels like an amalgamation of Halloween, The Amityville Horror and The Exorcist. It's not a patch on any of them but it does have a scene where someone is brutally murdered by a kiss. That has got to count for something. Right? RIGHT???

Kids with weapons. Always a BBFC bugbear. Sadomasochistic sex? Another BBFC hot button issue. The Boogeyman begins with a child discovering his mother and her fella indulging in a spot of slap and tickle so he buries a knife in the fella's back. From the off The Boogeyman was going to be in trouble. Sex and violence combined and a child with a blade in the mix too? Yeesh. The murder kicks the story into gear. A murder in front of a mirror that the dead man's tormented soul gets trapped in. How? Who knows? Who cares? The murder has affected the boy and he grows up to be a troubled man living and working on his sister's farm. A letter from their dying mother dredges up old memories and a trip back to the murder house unleashes long withheld emotion and destruction that sees the mirror smashed to smithereens. Now there's an evil presence on the loose and revenge is it's only mission. It's definition of revenge is elastic though so basically everyone in the film is in trouble. Especially the random groups of teenagers knocking around because early 80's horror films loved to slice and dice them.

It sounds poxy but the presence of a real director does this one a lot of favours. Ulli Lommel started directing in the New German Cinema movement of the early 70's alongside Rainer Werner Fassbinder before moving to New York late in the decade where he collaborated with no other than Andy Warhol. The Boogeyman was his third American film and while the majority of the film is really no different to the ten a penny slashers that riddled the early 80's there's an ability to create tension and scares in daytime settings that other film makers nearly always fail to do or just flat out avoid. There's a Freudian undertone in the opening scenes that gives it a rare intelligence and there's a couple of nice visual flourishes here too, usually when someone is about to violently bite the dust and the spirit makes its presence known through twinkling lights in the distance or a reflection dancing on a wall between a victim. It's subtle and better than a crappy ghostly effect.

It's the only subtle thing here though. Every other horror trope is trotted out. Dopes heading off into the unknown by themselves, oversexed teens finding remote locations to canoodle and then die. The house our leads live in SCREAMS haunted house. People with special needs are the source of special powers. If someone good looking dies it's usually in the nude. You know all the usual cliches that slasher films deal in. Adding a splash of the supernatural into the mix keeps the death scenes interesting though. The knives and machetes you'd expect are kept to a minimum and instead we get scissors and pitchforks. Haha! Yes it's stabbing implements as always but this time it's not a madman welding them and when things are ghostly all logic flies out the window.

A supernatural being forces a nude woman to stab herself in the throat with a scissors. She dies in the bathtub with her boobs bloodied and on display. Yet another BBFC nono. That and the opening scenes were definitely going to ring bells in the BBFC's Soho Square offices. Similar scenes have been cut from the films of Brian De Palma in the past among others. The video version of this that was released in 1981 has this scene and others shortened and the distributors, the infamous VIPCO who also released Driller Killer and Zombie Flesh Eaters, thought all was well until the film was targeted in the video nasty scare of 1983. Unlike those this one wasn't successfully prosecuted for obscenity and was removed from the video nasty list in 1985. It's place on the director of public prosecutions list made it instantly collectible for horror fans and it was sought after for years until VIPCO re-released it in 1992. The cuts stayed in place until 2000 though when fans could legally see Ulli Lommel's preferred version.

Did it deserve a place on the list? Through modern eyes no but certain aspects of it were always going to be trouble.

Is it worth a watch? Yup. It's not bad at all.

Previous Nasties

The Beyond

Video Nasties part 2 

Zombie Flesh Eaters

Werewolf And The Yeti, The

Tenebrae

SS Experiment Camp

Snuff

Night Of The Demon

Night Of The Bloody Apes

Nightmares In A Damaged Brain

Mardi Gras Massacre

Madhouse

Love Camp 7

Last House On The Left

Island Of Death

I Spit On Your Grave

House On The Edge Of The Park, The

House By The Cemetary,The

Gestapo's Last Orgy

Forest Of Fear

Flesh For Frankenstein

Fight For Your Life

Faces Of Death

Expose

Evilspeak

Driller Killer

Don't Go In The Woods

Devil Hunter

Cannibal Man

Cannibal Holocaust

Cannibal Ferox

Cannibal Apocalypse

Burning, The

Bloody Moon

Blood Rites

Blood Feast

Beast In Heat, The

Bay Of Blood

Axe & Anthropophagus

Absurd

Video Nasties - Time For A Rewatch

Death On The Nile

 

It's not very often a moustache gets it's own flashback but that's how Death On The Nile starts. The Western Front, Belgium, 1914. A baby faced Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh who also directs) uses his smarts to save his platoon from certain death during a crossing of No Man's Land and ends up hideously scarred as a result. Hence, the moustache to end all moustaches. No better way to cover up.

23 years later Poirot is on holiday in Egypt and gets invited on a cruise by his friend Bouc (Tom Bateman). A boat trip up the Nile that will celebrate the Honeymoon of Simon Doyle (Armie Hammer) and and heiress Linnet Ridgeway (Gal Gadot). Along for the spin are friends, family, doctors, their favourite musicians and one very unwelcome guest, Jackie de Bellefort (Emma Mackay), Simon's ex-fiance who hasn't taken too kindly to being dumped unceremoniously for Linnet. As the boat chugs slowly through the crocodile filled waters by the temple of Abu Simbel a shot rings out and now the world's greatest detective has a murder to solve and a captive audience of suspects to give his beady eye.

Death On The Nile is slightly better than Murder On The Orient Express but that's damning it with faint praise. Branagh feels more relaxed into the leading role and the central mystery is slightly more plausible than the ridiculous one at the heart of the former film. But what's amazing about this film is the fact that it even made it to the cinema between Covid induced delays and numerous prominent members of the cast being accused of all manner of no-no's like supporting Israel's anti Palestine stance, anti vaxx sentiments (x 2), sexual misconduct and....cannibalism. Yup, remember all that stuff about Armie Hammer last year? There's a reason you didn't see him on the posters or in the trailers for Death On The Nile. His part here was too big to CGI out à la Kevin Spacey in All The Money In The World. So 20th Century Studios just brass necked it out by pretending he didn't exist. His presence does tend to overshadow proceedings at times but when you've a larger than life hero like Poirot onboard he'll take the attention away. 

It's an alright watch, a time passer that you'll have forgotten 24 hours later. It's the very definition of a 2.5 star film. If you enjoyed the ITV version with David Suchet you'll probably like this too. It's stacked cast will amuse you as they pop up one by one (seeing French and Saunders together again as Linnet's godmother and her travelling nurse is fun) but they all get very little too do apart from be either picked apart or decimated by the investigating detective. This is the Hercule Poirot show don't you know. His moustache gets more screen time than Rose Leslie (Linnet's maid) and Russell Brand (Linnet's ex-fiance) together. The standouts are Sophie Okenodo as Salome Otterbourne, a jazz singer who catches Poirot's eye and Emma Mackey as Jackie, the one character who brings a touch of unpredictability to the story. That is if you haven't seen the previous versions. Previous versions that while family friendly, felt gritty and earthy compared to this purely because they weren't riddled with cheap looking CGI that pulls you out of the story constantly. At no point in this will you ever believe anyone in the cast stepped foot in Egypt or even near water. It's all so pristine and fake and ugh. There's an awful lot to be said for location filming and if you are going to pull together a big star studded cast you could at least put them somewhere pretty.

Death On The Nile is out now. It will fill a couple of hours for you but in the end it just feels pointless, adding nothing new to the better, older versions. 

17 films on TV this week that are worth your time

20th Century Women   Sat   12/2   BBC2 @ 23.10

Three generations of women living in late 70's California attempt to school a young man in the ways of life. He's a stubborn one. But they are too, in ways that will put him to shame. Annette Benning is fantastic as the free spirited Dorothea and leads a stunner of a cast that includes Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning and Billy Crudup in a beautiful and quietly affecting story that will resonate with a lot of viewers.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle   Sat   12/2   5Star @ 23.40

Peyton's husband is dead and had his name deservedly ruined before his passing. But she loved him and she's angry and someone is going to pay. That someone being his ex-patient Claire. The early 90's were the time of home invasion thrillers and here's one of the more memorable ones due to a gleefully nasty turn from Rebecca De Morney as the woman scorned. Annabella Sciorra and Ernie Hudson do good work too.

Suburbicon   Sat   12/2   RTE2 @ 23.50

Suburbicon. The ideal picture postcard 1950's town. One family is trying to hide the secrets within their own walls while another family is trying the survive the black underbelly of perfection. George Clooney's take on a Coen Brothers script is undeniably messy but it's a darkly comic (in places) look at the horrible side of the American dream. Matt Damon, Julianne Moore and Noah Jupe lead an interesting cast.

The Conversation   Sun   13/2   BBC2 @ 01.00

Harry's a surveillance expert and he's got a new job. But the work is getting to him and his paranoia is at an all time high due to past events. Francis Ford Coppola's 1974 thriller is a cracker.  A post Watergate classic seeped in the pervading atmosphere of a broken country. Gene Hackman is spectacular as a man coming apart at the seams and the late John Cazale as his partner is as always magnificent. A nerve shredding watch.

Mulholland Falls   Sun   13/2   RTE1 @ 01.15

Four LAPD detectives have their own ways of dealing with the criminals the courts seem intent on freeing everyday but when a broken body is found that's connected to one of them their unique crime fighting manner is threatened. This 1996 thriller owes a HUGE debt to the works of James Ellroy and it wasn't warmly received on release but it's punchy, stylish and atmospheric story deserves new eyes. Nick Nolte, Melanie Griffith and Chazz Palminteri lead an impressive cast.

The Innocents   Sun   13/2   Talking Pictures TV @ 23.50

When she's hired into the position of governess in a country estate, a woman called Miss Giddens begins to suspect something ghoulish is menacing the children she's supposed to look after so she sets out to protect them. This lovely looking and intelligent horror is 61 years old and still creepy as hell, using the power of suggestion in a brilliantly effective manner. Deborah Kerr and Michael Redgrave do great work.

Rafiki   Mon   14/2   Film4 @ 01.30

Two girls, Kena and Ziki, meet and fall in love despite their family differences. Unfortunately for them they live in Kenya, a country where their relationship could see them killed. A delightfully acted and poignant story that's full of empathy for it's leading characters, who are played by Samantha Mugatsia & Sheila Munyiva. Not surprisingly it's been banned in the country where it was made.

Mama   Mon   14/2   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Two young girls are found living a feral existence deep in the woods and no one can figure out how they survived. They are placed in the custody of their uncle and his wife but they've brought something strange along with them. Something primordial. Mama might lay on the cliche thick but it's old fashioned scares and suspense really work and are far more potent than any blood and guts. Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier and Isabelle Nélisse all put in a fine shift.

Beautiful Thing   Tues   15/2   Film4 @ 02.00

Jamie and Steven are classmates living side by side in the concrete hell of a south London housing complex. They are also in love with each other but 1990's London is rather intimidating for young men who felt different. A nice watch, sensitive and touching but with plenty of room for fun too. Glen Barry and Scott Neal perform solidly as the lads but it's Linda Henry as Jamie's mam Sandra who really shines.

Eaten By Lions   Tues   15/2   BBC2 @ 23.15

When their mother dies in a manner given away by the film title, half brothers Omar and Pete find themselves shunned by their racist in-laws so head across England to find Omar's real father. A trip easier said than done. Parts of this 2018 comedy drama are as broad as any Carry On film but it uses easy humour to get in well aimed digs at bigotry while espousing the wondrous upsides of diversity. Antonio Aakeel and Jack Carroll are a memorable double act.

Out For Justice   Wed   16/2   TCM @ 21.00

Classic 90's action time as Brooklyn cop Gino Fellino searches the city for the man who shot both his partner and an innocent bystander for seemingly no reason. A blunt battering ram of a film but one that is so so entertaining. Steven Seagal kicks ass in his inimitable way but the film belongs to William Forsythe as the main villain. He's just deadly as a sleazy, slavering, murderous slimeball who burns up the screen. BTW, this is the most pro-mafia film ever.

30 Days Of Night   Wed   16/2   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Vampires descend on a small Alaskan town that is engulfed in darkness for the winter months. Things get bad fast. A full blooded roar of a horror film. This is as far from Twilight as a vampire movie can get.Vicious, terrifying stuff. If you are easily freaked out don't apply but if you like your scares red raw and dripping you'll love this. Melissa George and Josh Hartnett are likable leads but Danny Huston in a wordless role owns the film.

Life Is Sweet   Thur   17/2   Film4 @ 01.20

Wendy and Andy, Natalie and Nicola, parents and daughters living a quiet life in a London suburb. Mike Leigh's drama from 1990 mightn't sound very exciting but his look into the minutiae of family life and their everyday interactions is thoroughly absorbing. There's no need for fake drama here and you'll no doubt recognise many of the highs and lows of what you see onscreen. Alison Steadman, Jim Broadbent, Claire Skinner and Jane Horricks are magic.

Robin And Marian   Thur   17/2   Great! Movies @ 16.50

This different but enjoyable take on the legend of Robin Hood is a grand way to spend a Thursday evening. Set a few decades after the original story, Robin has returned from the Middle East crusade to renew his relationship with Maid Marian but things are just never that simple are they. Sean Connery & Audrey Hepburn are a wonderful pairing and lead a stacked cast that includes our own Richard Harris. The aul' romantics among ye will adore it.

The Terminator   Thur   17/2   ITV4 @ 22.00

A killer robot from the future stalks a woman to kill her for reasons unknown. The synopsis of this film always sounds silly but it is one of the best action film's, no sorry, best film's ever made. It's just perfect. Lean. Not a second wasted. A masterclass in tension and action and economical storytelling. Linda Hamilton hits the spot as Sarah Connor but Arnold Schwarzenegger is the boss here. I'm so jealous of anyone who hasn't seen this.

Vinyan   Fri   18/2   Film4 @ 01.30

A couple have lost their son in a tsunami and the psychological turmoil is tearing them apart until one day Jeanne thinks she sees him in the distance. She persuades her husband Paul to search with her. What they find is.....troubling. Vinyan is one of those films that's best gone into cold. It's not a fun watch, in fact it's pretty disturbing and in places quite explicit but it's definitely an interesting journey. Emmanuel Beart and Rufus Sewell make for a believable pair.

Videodrome   Fri   18/2   The Horror Channel

Body horror par excellence from the master hands of David Cronenberg. A sensation seeking TV channel scheduler acquires a new programme that affects him both physically and mentally. James Woods is powerful in a film that's tough to watch in places but it's one that will scare you, nauseate you and totally intrigue you. Topical too what with all the attention seeking, do anything to be famous drivel on TV nowadays.

Retweets are always appreciated if you sot something new to you or any old fave.

Jackass Forever

In the UK the 4th Jackass film was rated 18 (16 here) for crude and dangerous stunts, and nudity. Nudity that in the words of the BBFC includes close-up genital and anal nudity in a comic, non-sexual context. Wording it like that makes it feel very innocuous when the reality is an underwater close up of Steve-O's farting anus or a glimpse of Danger Ehren's torn and bleeding scrotum. If you have a delicate constitution you might want to give Jackass Forever a miss but if you can handle it's barrage of battered genitalia and broken bones then you'll get to see the funniest film of the year.

The boys are back in town. Well most of them anyway. They're older and greyer but they aren't wiser. It's 12 years since we last saw them onscreen and now they're here for once last spin around the dance floor and it's a joy to be spending time with them again. Steve-O, who's defied ALL the odds to become a sober and quite effective podcaster, "Wee-Man" Jason Acuña and Preston Lacey, Ehren McGhehey and Dave England, Chris Pontius and, the captain himself, Johnny Knoxville. Along for the ride are a couple of fun and VERY game new faces (Sean "Poopies" McInerney, Jasper Dolphin, Rachel Wolfson and Zach Holmes) but it's the original gang we're here for and seeing their unabashed love for each other spilling off the screen will always give you the warm and fuzzies despite the carnage they're going through. Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn's absences are felt though. Ryan sadly died in a car wreck a decade ago and gets a nice tribute at the end while Bam fell off the deep end totally in a manner so extreme the film company wouldn't insure him to be a part of this film (He does pop up momentarily in one scene but chances are you won't even notice him.) They'll play on your mind throughout especially if you've been a long-term fan and you can't help but wonder if coming back without them was the right move.

But if they hadn't made this film we'd have never have got to see Cockzilla, the DNA spewing Kaiju that opens the movie. It's here the laughter starts when you realise just how the effect has been created and that laughter won't stop for the next 90 minutes. Laughter that turns queasy when pig semen appears by the gallon or when milk meets a highspeed merry go round, laughter that becomes terrified when spiders, scorpions, vultures and bears join the gang and just plain old hysterical laughter when Danger Ehren decides that making us laugh is far more important than the safety and well being of his nuts when he exposes them to high speed projectiles, pogo sticks and heavyweight MMA fighters.

The immortal warning spoken by Knoxville at the start of the film comes to mind here but if you're dumb to copy anything you see onscreen here you deserve everything you get.

Near the end there's an affecting split screen moment where we get to see the boyos at the beginning of their journey compared to now. Hair is grey or vanished, wrinkles abound and smiles are riddled with accident induced gaps and chances are you'll feel kinda melancholy during it when you remember you've been on your own journey alongside everyone onscreen. But then someone gets tased in the nuts or blows up a fart and you'll crease up again. Unsurprisingly the new faces take the brunt of the really gnarly and dangerous stunts. Rachel Wolfson letting a scorpion use her face for target practice, Poopies trying to kiss an angry snake or Zach Holmes diving topless onto a table full of cattleprods and mousetraps in a blacked out room. But it's the series MVP's - Knoxville and Ehren who provide the most memorable moments, Ehren's testicular fortitude and Knoxville's run in with an angry bull. Are they astoundingly stupid or astoundingly brave? Or both? Who cares. In the wake of all the controversy around comedians this week, this type of humour, that a few years ago seemed to have run it's course, feels refreshing and nearly innocent in comparison. There's no meanness, no bodyshaming, no sexism, no racism, no homophobia and no hate here. It's just a bunch of old buddies getting together and suffering for our pleasure.

And it's glorious.

Jackass Forever is in cinemas now. 

Another perfect pairing of sound & vision - Rocketman and Crocodile Rock

2019's Rocketman was a brilliantly entertaining example of a musical biopic and one that didn't shy away from delving into the darker side of it's subject's life in the cowardly way that Bohemian Rhapsody did. In parts the drug use and depression that haunted Elton John make it a heavy watch but we're never more than minutes away from some of it's superbly realised musical sequences such as the one below.

August 25, 1970. The moment Elton John (Taron Egerton) becomes a star. The Troubadour club on Santa Monica Boulevard. A nervous Elton is about to play his first show on American soil. He's stressed. Are his songs good enough? Will he be accepted by this hip crowd?

Then he hits that first key and all his worries flitter away

What a scene. The crowd slowly getting interested and then hooked as the song kicks off. The place is bouncing, EJ knows he has the room in his hands and starts pulling off the crowdpleasing moves and just as that chorus we all know is about to kick in everything slows to a crawl. A dream? Magic realism? Neither of course, just a stylistic choice but who cares because it perfectly captures that euphoria only music is capable of creating by making it fantastical. The band knows they've hit on something, Bernie Taupin (Jamie Bell), Elton's song writing partner watching from the balcony realises they've struck gold and the two executives in the room have nothing but dollar signs in their eyes. A perfectly pairing of sound and vision that not only rocks but it's one that moves the story forward too. What more could you ask?

Previous pairings

Derry Girls

The Devil's Rejects

Suspiria (2018)

Psycho

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Beautiful Girls

Breaking Bad

Ghost Ship

Southpark The Movie

28 Days Later

La Haine

The Skeleton Twins

Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid

Notting Hill

Summer Of Sam

Vamp

American Me

Beetlejuice

Rio Bravo

Hard Boiled
8 mile
Wheels On Meals
The Office (UK)
Do The Right Thing
Se7en
Mad Men
The Colour Of Money
Rules Of Attraction

Jackass II

Game Of Thrones 

Apocalypse Now

Blade

Big
Miller's Crossing

The Blues Brothers

Straight Outta Compton

The Princess Bride

American Honey

Snake In The Eagle's Shadow

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Untouchables

Airplane!

Dazed And Confused  

Kickboxer                                  

Grosse Point Blank

Mean Streets

Watership Down

Casablanca

Zodiac

Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission

Before Sunset

Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans

Moonfall

Moonfall is dreadful muck, awful even by Roland Emmerich standards. But, it will make you laugh. A lot. And that's what we need. Go see it, so in the future you'll be able to point at the TV screen when it's on while you cry laughing and say you were there, you got to see this disaster of a disaster film on the big screen.

"Fuck the moon", that's the graffiti scrawled onto the side of the only working space shuttle still on American soil. It's being brought out of commission to head into space as the final chance to save the planet Earth from destruction. The moon has been knocked off orbit by a mysterious force and now it's on a collision course with us and only three people can stop it all. Jo Fowler (Halle Berry) and Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson), two astronauts who fell out after an earlier mission was wrecked by a mysterious space accident and who must now work together again, and K.C. Houseman (John Bradley playing Samwell Tarley with a podcast), the conspiracy theorist who brought what was happening to the attention of the world via social media. As they head skyward the proximity of the moon is creating chaos on earth and their families try to stay alive on terra firma but thieves, meteors and a general lack of oxygen are the big issues of the day.

This is the worst blockbuster you'll see in 2022. Probably 23 and 24 as well. It's appalling. It's beyond stupid. Your jaw will drop late in the story when you finally find out what's happening. It bigs up the likes of Space X and conspiracy theorists instead of burying and shaming them. It fails on every movie level. Characterisation is non existent, the plot makes no sense, there's no urgency, you don't care about anyone, it's so choppy you'll think it's stupidity has made you black out and miss important information. It feels like a 3 hour film cut down to 2 and as a result is missing whole chunks of plot and exposition. There's no transition between hearing about something and it happening. We never find out how exactly K.C. used social media to let the world know what's up. We're told disaster is due in 3 weeks time and then skip nearly all that time. There's no build up to the moon's effects on the tides or earthquakes, they just underwhelmingly occur. We're expected to understand stuff we've never been told about. Great actors like Donald Sutherland turn up for 60 seconds and vanish totally.  We're asked to cry for people we've spent no time with. No one feels connected. Nothing matters.

But, and this is an important but, it somehow manages to hit that sweet spot of being so bad that all you can do is give in and laugh at it all. Charlie Plummer's (as Brian's son Sonny) OH WELL expression when an entire mountain explodes in front of him is a big treat. The SAD MOMENT that means nothing to anyone it seems. The beyond idiotic car chase. The BIG HERO scene that conspiracy theorists will dine out on for years. Halle Berry's character Jo just happening to be married to the man with the firing codes for all of the United states nukes. At times it really feels like a parody of Emmerich's previous disaster movie work but it's not a patch on any of it, even absolute tosh like 2012 feels like a masterwork after you've seen Moonfall.

Patrick Wilson, thankfully, seems to have realised how terrible it all is and has fun as a result. Poor Halle Berry plays it straight and comes out of it very poorly. John Bradley's K.C. gets treated way with way too much reverence. He's the joke of a conspiracy theorist that gets proved right and it feels like an regrettable choice especially in this day and age of tin foil loonies. Films should be mocking them and not lauding them. That might sound mean but it needs to happen. Everyone else just feels cut to the bone, popping up every now and then to deliver a line and then vanish again. It's not a film anyone involved will be highlighting on their CV.

Moonfall is out now in the cinema. Go if you want something to laugh at. Other than that avoid at all costs.

18 films on TV this week that are worth your time

Hobson's Choice   Sat   5/2   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.00

Henry Hobson is a bit of a melt and his daughters want to get away from him fast. But things were a bit different for women in the 1880's and Henry's oldest daughter Maggie is having none of it. David Lean's 1954 comedy is a joy. Full of perfectly drawn characters and comic situations and a cast that's second to none. Charles Laughton is a masterly lead and Brenda De Banzie & John Mills give him fine support.

The Promise   Sat   5/2   RTE2 @ 23.00 

Ana,Chris and Mikael are in Constantinople and both men have a bit of a thing for Ana. Overshadowing their love triangle is one of the worst atrocities of the 20th century. The romantic stuff is old hat but it's the bigger picture that makes it a worthwhile watch as it's a story that has sadly been ignored in Western cinema. Oscar Isaac, Charlotte Le Bon and Christian Bale all do a sad story justice

The Craft   Sat   5/2   5Star @ 23.20

A new girl has moved to a new school and she's making new friends. Friends with powers. Witchy powers that have drawn them to each other. They start having fun with these powers until of course one of them starts enjoying it too much. A darkly funny celebration of femininity and nonconformism with a hell of a star turn from Fairuza Balk as the buddy we all secretly want to hang out with. Robin Tunney, Rachel True and Neve Campbell work well together. 

Psycho   Sun   6/2   RTE1 @ 01.15

There's 40,000 stolen dollars in Marion's suitcase and she's on the run because of it, heading north up along the Pacific Coast Highway. She's been driving all day and needs to sleep so stops at the Bates Motel and there she meets a kindly desk clerk called Norman. Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 thriller is a masterpiece of tension and black humour. One so ingrained in pop culture that you'll recognise whole swathes of it even if you've never seen it. 

Isolation   Sun   6/2   Film4  @01.35

A farmer with financial problems rents space on his farm out to a bio-genetics company who've plans to increase livestock productivity and before long things get weird. Imagine Alien but instead of space think Wicklow and instead of Xenomorphs think Friesian cattle. No, wait, it's better than you think. Some proper scares, some wicked tension and a couple of nice turns from Ruth Negga and John Lynch make it work.

Sorry We Missed You   Sun   6/2   BBC2 @ 22.00

The Turner family are having an awful time. The financial crash wiped out their savings, their son is acting up and their father has taken on an immensely stressful job that's causing him and the ones he loves nothing but trouble. Ken Loach's 2019 drama is a scathing and profoundly upsetting look at the way the UK government has failed the many people who depend on it to save them from exploitation. Humane turns from Debbie Honeywood and Kris Hitchen will keep you watching through the pain.

It's Only The End Of The World   Mon   7/2   Film4 @ 01.10

Louis hasn't seen his family in well over a decade and now he's heading home but it's no cause for celebration. He's sick and he has to tell them he's dying. But getting the words out is harder than he thought. Xavier Dolan's 2016 drama is a tough, intense and often unpleasant film, harshly dealing with stark reality but the acting from Gaspard Ulliel (who sadly died recently), Marion Cotillard, Vincent Cassel and Léa Seydoux is second to none.

Little Fauss And Big Halsy   Mon   7/2   Talking Pictures TV @ 02.50

Fauss and Halsy. Friends and rivals in their work as dirt bike racers. Their relationship gets tested when a woman called Rita joins their circuit and both fall for her. From 1970 comes a Robert Redford film you never hear about anymore but it's a fun, odd and invigorating character piece that captures the zeitgeist of the era it was made in wonderfully. Redford's as reliable as always while Lauren Hutton and the unique Michael J. Pollard bring the charm.

You're Next   Mon   7/2   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Erin's a new face at a family reunion in rural Missouri that suddenly turns nasty when masked men interrupt proceedings. Adam Wingard's home invasion thriller is a blisteringly violent watch but it's one laced with loads of dark comedy to ensure you'll enjoy the ride. Sharni Vinson and A.J. Bowen have a ball as the leads in a deliciously warped look at family dynamics. You'll never run out your front door again after seeing this.

Red Joan   Mon   7/2   BBC2 @ 23.15

Who's Joan and why is she red? Joan's an English woman working in atomic research. She's also a spy who's been giving the secrets of England's nuclear industry to communist Russia for a very very long time. Parts of Red Joan are, without doubt, kind of pedestrian but a committed turn from the always reliable Judy Dench as latter day Joan, and a story filled with intrigue, will keep you watching until the end.

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance   Tues   8/2   Film4 @ 13.25

The Stoddards have returned to the town of Shinbone for the funeral of an old friend. An old friend who did something for Ransom Stoddard that will forever be a secret. A true classic of the western genre. Talkier and more cerebral than most while still offering everything you'd expect. James Stewart, Vera Miles, John Wayne, Lee Marvin, Woody Strode & Edmond O'Brien all do stellar work in a John Ford masterwork. 

Mars Attacks!   Wed   9/2   TCM @ 18.50

Earth is invaded by an army of cruel little skull faced aliens with evil senses of humour and it's up to a star studded cast of earthlings to fight back against them. Tim Burton directs a fantastically surreal & amusing film with his usual sense of disturbingly funny glee. The first scene will let you know if this film is for you or not. Pam Grier, Jack Nicholson (x) 2, Annette Bening, Glenn Close, Pierce Brosnan and Tom Jones (yep him) lead the attack.

Dangerous Liaisons   Wed   9/2   BBC2 @ 23.15

Marquise de Merteuil and the Vicomte de Valmont are rich, decadent and bored. To fill their time they play games and when young Cécile de Volanges catches their eye things get rather complicated. Stephen Frears' 1988 drama is a hefty watch, a sensual, complicated, mature drama about rich folk with too much time on their hands that's powered by splendid turns from Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Michelle Pfeiffer and Uma Thurman. 

Human Traffic   Thur   10/2   Great! Movies @ 01.25

Jip, Lulu, Koop, Moff and Nina. Five friends in Cardiff who live for the weekend to escape the banal existence that is their life. Friday night means chats, pints, dancing and enough Class A's to fell a horse. The controversy over the casual drug use depicted here overshadowed what is a well put together look at urban culture and alienation. John Simm, Lorraine Pilkington and (yes, seriously) Danny Dyer do substantial work here. Oh and the soundtrack is lethal.

She Wore A Yellow Ribbon   Thur   10/2   BBC4 @ 22.05

An army captain close to retirement is tasked with one last piece of work, to broker a deal with the Cheyenne and the Arapaho tribes following the massacre at Little Big Horn. Some of the politics of John Ford's 1949 western have aged badly in preceding years but there's no denying it's a stunning looking film, shot on Technicolor in Ford's beloved Monument valley. John Wayne, Joanne Dru and Ben Johnson are in good form here.

Basic Instinct   Fri   11/2   Great! Movies @ 21.00

A rock star has been murdered and a writer is the main suspect and she's got her eye on the cop investigating the case. This is a film Alfred Hitchcock would have made in his prime if the Hays Code of motion picture censorship didn't stand in his way. A twisting, turning, shocking, exciting and complex thriller from Paul Verhoeven that might offend some viewers but it's a lot better than it's reputation makes it seem. Michael Douglas may have been the big star here but Sharon Stone owns the hell out of this film.

The Pit And The Pendulum   Fri   11/2   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.05

What do you get when you add Roger Corman, Vincent Price and Edgar Allen Poe? You get horror brilliance, that's what. A young man travels to Spain to investigate his sister's disappearance and discovers nothing but terror. 61 years old and still as scary, intense, atmospheric and beautiful looking as it was on it's release. Price and Barbara Steele do mighty work here, Price especially when he goes off the deep end in a way only he could.

The Children Act   Fri   11/2   RTE1 @ 23.15

Judge Fiona Maye is having a tough time of things lately. Her marriage is on the edge of a precipice and the case before her in chambers is rattling her in a way no case ever has before. What to do, what to do? The always rock solid Emma Thompson does strong work in an adaption of Ian McEwan's novel. It's a film that never fully takes off but the acting from Thompson and Fionn Whitehead is absorbing and there's plenty of food for thought here.

An aul retweet is always appreciated.

When memes hit home

Yup. I've a hard drive with nearly 400 films on it that I've never seen and all I want to watch tonight is Tremors. Gritty 70's cinema courtesy of Larry Cohen and John Cassavetes, a LOAD of Korean action, Ingmar Bergman classics, 30's and 40's screwball comedies from the golden age of Hollywood, lost long horror films from all over the world, Japanese crime thrillers that are guaranteed to be flat out assaults on the senses and all I want is GRABOIDS!!

It's not the worse problem in the word in fairness.

Todays library finds

Another fruitful trip to the local library today with 6 films I've never seen and a TV show I've been meaning to watch for years. Bitta classic cinema with Now, Voyager, bitta cult with Big Wednesday, some foreign classics with The Apu Trilogy and a smattering of arthouse with The Barbarian Invasions. Our Friends In The North is a TV I've been meaning to watch for over two decades and now's my chance. 

For free. Ya couldn't bate that with a hurl.

Brain Wipe

After looking for ages for something to watch this evening I stumbled across a DVD copy of Summer Of Sam that hadn't seen the light of day in about 15 years. Nice one. I'll pop in the PS4 and see how it's aged.

Sadly it's me that's aged. I couldn't remember a thing about the first hour or so of the film. Nothing. Yeah I recognised the actors playing the characters onscreen but none of it came back to me until that famous moment with Baby O'Reilly raged out over the speakers. Then everything fell into place. Not everything mind but enough to make me realise I hadn't started losing my mind. Yet.

It was kind of cool though, getting to experience a film anew and it got me wondering what other films I'd like to wipe from my mind to discover all over again. Imagine the joy of watching The Godfather or Some Like It Hot with no prior knowledge of what would happen. Seeing The Sixth Sense or Soylent Green or The Planet Of The Apes not knowing the glorious twists and turns ahead of you. Working your way through the filmography of Hitchcock and Scorsese and falling in love with everything you watch. IMAGINE GETTING TO SEE STAR WARS FOR THE FIRST TIME!! Or watching Jaws with no idea of coming. Falling in love with The Commitments as they do their thing or experiencing the adrenaline rush of Point Break or City Of God. 

There's too much to pick from. I can't do it. Can you?

Clean

Marked For Death. Commando. The Exterminator. Loads of other 80's action thrillers. They always had one particular scene in common. The preparation montage where handguns are loaded, shotguns are racked, knives are sharpened, bombs are built and DIY weapons are knocked together from the stuff you find under the sink. It always happens at the point of no return, when the good guy's endgame is about to come into play and you know things are about to get wild. Any 80's throwback thriller worth it's salt should have one and Clean's prep work scene leads to an exceedingly bloody climax but the build up to it might be a bit too much for some. 

Clean is so ponderous and moody that at times it verges on parody but a muscular turn from Adrien Brody saves it from DTV hell. He's never been the most animated of actors so his screen persona suits the role of Clean, a garbage man disgusted by the state of the city around him. He's a quiet fella, living a simple life, doing the jobs no one else wants to. His only human contact is with his sponsor Travis (Mykelti Williamson) and a teenage girl from the neighbourhood called Diandra (Chandler DuPont ) who reminds him of his past. A past that's the reason for his lowkey present. A present lived out in a part of town where criminality is rife and everyone is in thrall to Michael (Glenn Fleshler), a violent crimeboss who loves getting his hands dirty. One evening their paths cross and well.....I'm sure you can guess the rest. As a famous Taxi Driver once said "Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets."

Yes that is The RZA

It's appalling the damage a close range shotgun blast can do to a human head. It's a gory moment that kicks off a vicious finale but after almost 75 minutes of place-setting it's not as satisfying as it should be. A nasty blowing alley encounter aside we get well over an hour of grim narration accompanying drone shots of urban decay before (let's be honest here) the stuff we all came here for splashes across the screen. When it does finally hit it's visceral and made even more crunching by the fact that Clean is a dab hand at what he does. An axe wielding foursome? Pah! A houseful of hardened criminals? LOL. That dark past eh and all the shades of grey that come with it. Unlike the heroes of the three films mentioned earlier Clean isn't a good guy, his criminal past hinted at in blood-soaked flashes to the past. But as the story moves forward and the stakes rise he sees an opportunity to use his skills for something good, there's a glimpse of redemption on the horizon. There's a noticeable Paul Schrader-esque feel in the latter half of the film but there's none of his subtlety.

Brody, who's career seems to have died a death in the last decade for whatever reason, does a fine job here as a convincing killing machine and Glenn Fleshler as his nemesis is a pleasingly menacing foil. At first he looks and sounds like a cut-price version of Marvel's Kingpin but when his family becomes intertwined in the story it adds an unusual edge to the story, one that somehow makes him seem both more evil and more human. And as you know, the more evil a bad guy is the more satisfying his comeuppance is. You could set your watch to that maxim of filmmaking.

Clean isn't a bad film at all but it's pacing leaves a lot to be desired. Had it's carnage been more evenly spaced out you'd have a lot more fun with it. 

Streaming online now.

Fuck off January

If January were a film character it would be Billy Batts.

We all know what happened to him.

So long you shitbag of a month.