Thursday, 1 February 2018

Cinema annoyances


I harp on about this a lot but for me, a cinema is a place to come, sit down, be quiet and watch the film you paid to see. it's not a place to pay a tenner so you can look at your phone the whole time. That's just stupid. Go to a cafe, get absolutely rode sideways by paying for an overpriced cup of foam and work away on your phone. You won't bother anyone there. A phone isn't distracting in a well light coffee shop. 

I went to see The Post lately. A fine film that was nearly ruined by a muppet. A muppet who decided to take a phone call during the film. Ignoring numerous shushs he chatted away. Loudly. Then he stood up, walked towards the exit giving us all a bit of hope, popped something in the bin and walked back to his seat, chatting all the time. And when the chap nearest to him finally told him to shut the fuck up, he decided to get all huffy and defensive like he was doing nothing wrong. The prick.

I know cinema's are like every other business and they exist to make money but this thing of always having a profit maximising skeleton crew working the place has a horrible knock on effect on every aspect of viewing a film. Aside from not having enough staff to deal with melt's like the chap mentioned above you also get the following happening. 

Queue's being so big you miss the start of the film.

Films not starting on time or at all because someone forgot to press a button.

Some fucker behind you throwing his clogs up on the seat beside your head. The height of ignorance.

Films starting with no sound. Sometimes you think this is a stylistic choice and the opening of the film is supposed to be silent and then 5 minutes later you feel like a fool.

The picture being so dark as to be unwatchable.Or the aspect ratio is off. GRRRR.


Non stop usage of mobile phones. Seriously, people actually using snapchat to take selfies during a movie should be beaten.

People sitting in your seat and then being arsey about it when challenged. Blokes especially seem to think this is a challenge to their masculinity or something. Allocated seating only works when there's enough staff to ensure it works. But oh wait, there never is.

Full on conversations between people during a film. This one should be a stabbable offence.

But the worst is a new one. OH IT KILLS ME. It's something I've only noticed in the past few months. Automated lighting. You are totally engrossed in a film, you've lost all track of time, you aren't sure when it's going to be over. Oh god, something is going to happen. Fuckin hell I didn't see that twist coming!! And then bang, the cinema lights up before the film is even over. That's a serious way to kill the mood. I know it's to stop people tripping and falling in the dark but if they are able to get up and go to the bathroom during the film without falling over why can't they do it at the end of the film too.

It sounds like I should hate the place tbh. But i don't. Cinemas are my happy place. We put up with a lot for what we love.







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