The film was The Conjuring. I'd heard fun things about it and said I'd give it a whirl. The cast was solid and the haunted house premise is one I've enjoyed for as long as I've been enjoying films. So down I rocked to the omniplex for a Saturday afternoon showing because in my experience, night time horror film screenings are always packed to the gills and full of melts talking and using their phones. Hehehe I haz the smarts.
When I walked in the place was empty. Excellent. I had my choice of seat and went for centre of the aisle, just below halfway up. It's the best place to be, no one ever sits below you so no phone screens in your line of sight. Lovely hurling. Only 5 minutes to go. The ads finished. The trailers came and went. The Warner Brothers sign appeared onscreen and the film started. My plan had backfired. I was still the only person in the cinema. Oh shit. OH SHIT.
Watching it now on netflix in a brightly lit room it's not one bit scary. It's a fun mainstream horror movie that's put together like a rollercoaster ride. It knows what buttons to push and you can see the scares coming a mile away. But watching it by myself in a cavernous cinema screen it felt fucking terrifying. Everything was intensified. The sound, the jumps, the screaming, the terror, that face on top of the wardrode (weeps) the subliminal imagery, all were multiplied by a million. There was a constant feeling that someone or something was lurking in the seats behind me. It 's a 112 minute long film and I've no doubt I looked behind me at least once a minute throughout it and I kept expecting some fucker to put his hand on my shoulder and give me an aneurysm. A smarter person than me would have got up and left but I was going to tough it out goddamn it. The relief when it was over was immense. This is the first time I've watched it since and it's giving me the fear already.
Ask people what's the scariest film they've ever seen in the cinema and you'll hear the usual suspects like The Ring, The VVitch, Candyman, The Exorcist, Audition, Halloween etc but for me it was a family friendly horror I once watched on a Summer afternoon.
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