Ramsay Snow's on a hunt. The woman who seduced Theon, Myranda is with him. God only knows what they are chasing. Reek is straggling behind. Of course he's chasing a person. Because he's vile.
His quarry is a young terrified woman who soon gets shot by an arrow and then fed to his dogs. He really is a nasty piece of work and he takes great pleasure in rubbing Reek's face in the gore.
In King's Landing Jaime is dining with Tyrion. The two brothers are happy to be reunited but Jaime is troubled. He feels useless with his injury. Tyrion has a plan. He knows just the man to train Jaime, a discreet fella called Ser Bronn.
Instantly Bronn puts Jaime through his paces. Bronn takes no shit from anyone and Jaime's high position means nothing to him. It's good to see Jaime's blood stirring again. I still don't like him though.
But this is just what Jaime needs, someone who won't coddle him, someone who'll really make his work for it. I sense this could be the start of a beautiful relationship. Bronn for all his hate of high born people, really does get on well with the men of the Lannister's.
Roose Bolton arrives at Ramsay's Dreadfort along with his man Locke. We get a father and son reunion. Not exactly a touching one. He wants to see Theon Greyjoy, not knowing that Ramsay has turned him into the pathetic Reek.
He's not pleased. He was Balon Greyjoy's son and had value. He was going to trade Theon to make it easier for him to take over the north. Now he can't do that. He's wicked pissed with Ramsay.
To prove how much he's broken Reek he makes Reek shave him in front of his father. Now's Reek's chance for revenge. Will he open Ramsay's throat? Oh course he won't. He also makes Reek admit that he faked the deaths of Bran and Rickon Stark. Them actually being alive is a major pain in Roose Bolton's arse.
The news of Robb's death is another blow to Reek. But Roose has to deal with his new problem so sends his man Locke north to kill Bran and Rickon. And maybe Jon if he gets in the way. If this works out Ramsay will become a real Bolton.
In King's Landing Varys informs Tyrion that Cersei knows about him and Shae. Tyrion is terrified. He needs to get her out of there now.
Joffrey's wedding gifts are starting to pile up. He receives a huge gold goblet from Margaery Tyrell's father. From Tyrion he gets a rare book all about the lives of former kings and from Tywin he receives the second sword forged from Robb Starks sword.
Being a cunt he uses his new sword to cut Tyrion's gift in half. God he's an arse. His new sword is called Widow's Wail. Of course he calls it that, seeing as he's too much of a coward to ever use it.
In his room Tyrion has to finish things with Shae for her own safety. She's furious. He's heartbroken. Tywin killed the last whore he loved. It will happen again. He insults her until she leaves. It's a horrible scene. Genuinely upsetting.
On the island of Dragonstone Melisandre is overseeing numerous sacrifices to the Lord of Light. Stannis is burning his brother in law. Everyone is under Melisandre's spell. Everyone except Ser Davos. The whole scenario is very alienating to him.
Stannis's wife Selyse is an acolyte of Melisandre. She's speaking badly of her daughter Shireen. This causes Melisandre to take an interest in the child. This cannot possibly end well. Oh I do not trust Melisandre.
Beyond the Wall Bran is warging into his Direwolf to hunt a deer and catch them food. He's been warging a lot lately. Jojen reminds him not to do it too much as he can lose contact with his own body.
While they are on the move he has yet another three eyed raven vision. Someday this will all make sense. He also sees white walkers, his accident, the iron throne, his father and a dragon over King's Landing.
But mostly importantly he sees their destination. The person he needs to talk to is beneath a distinctive tree in the north. Finally.
In the South Joffrey's wedding day has arrived. It's a lavish affair. Joffrey is looking smug as shit. The faces in the crowd don't look quite as happy.
Afterwards Olenna Tyrell and Tywin Lannister are taking hops off each other. Two great characters clashing brilliantly. They don't like each other and have no shame in no hiding it.
Bronn informs Tyrion that Shae has left the capital safety. Tyrion's relief and sadness are palpable. Bronn knows Tyrion did the right thing by her but he hates himself for it.
Olenna Tyrell gives her condolences to Sansa. She needs a friendly face right now and Olenna seems to genuinely like her. It's obvious she's being nice to her for a reaon but that reason isn't quite clear just yet.
Even though it's his wedding day Joffrey still insists on acting like a pig. Margaery wants to smooth some of his rougher edges off though so announces that that all the leftover food from the wedding will be given to the poor of King's Landing. Cersei is incensed that this simple act makes Margaery look fantastic.
Oberyn Martell is giving Loras Tyrell the eye. Loras looks receptive until he bumps into Jaime who warns him that his marriage to Cersei will be a disaster. Loras fires back at Jaime, hinting that he knows Jaime is just jealous. Brother/sister love is hard to keep a secret.
Brienne rocks up to pay her respects to her new Queen. Cersei takes an instant dislike to her because of her closeness to Jaime. She assumes Brienne is in love with Jaime. Brienne denies it but Cersei might actually be onto something there.
Cersei takes out her rage on Maester Pycelle. Threatening to have him killed if he doesn't ensure the feasts leftovers go to the hounds instead of the city's poor as per Margaery's instructions. She's a bitter wagon who can't stand things not going her way. For some reason though she's growing into one of my fave characters and I don't know why.
Cersei and Tywin are next confronted by Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand. Oberyn wastes no time in bringing up with death of her sister while reminding Cersei that her daughter Myrcella is all alone in Dorne. Ohh. Loads of threats in a few words. I love it. Tywin does not.
Joffrey has a treat for everyone. A play that rips the piss out of all his enemies. One that makes Tyrion look like a fool. One that hints at the affair between Loras Tyrell and Renly Baratheon and one that makes a joke of the death of Robb Stark. Sansa is understandably horrified.
Everyone is raging at Joffrey. Tyrion's words shame him in front of everyone. To calm the waters Tyrion pours him a goblet of wine and serves it to him. Joffrey drinks it and goes down fast.
He's been poisoned. Ser Dontos grabs Sansa in the furore and they run. Jaime runs to help his son. Cersei holds her son in her arms as he struggles to breath. As he chokes he points at Tyrion. Then he's gone. The king is dead. Good riddance.
Brilliant stuff. The most hateful shitebag in Westoros is dead and he suffered brilliantly. I love the episodes that limit the to-ing and fro-ing. They are always the best ones.
Next up - Breaker Of Chains
Series 1 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 3 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 4 - 1
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