The Meg

Sharks rock. They are amazing creatures. The pinnacle of apex predators. They've been ill served by movies over the years though. One great film (guess which one) aside most movies about them are bad. Deep Blue Sea and The Shallows are good fun but pretty much fluff. Open Water and 47 Metres Down are boring and bad. Bait 3-D, Indianapolis : Men Of Courage and The Reef are just plain bad. Then you have godawful pieces of shit like Sharknado and Megashark Vs Giant Octopus that just defy belief. It's baffling that such a sleek, fast, efficient and perfectly designed creature can be the star of films the exact opposite of that description. My hopes were not high when I heard The Meg series of books were being adapted into a film. But those hopes went higher when I heard Jason Statham was involved. Then I saw the trailer which boosted them through the roof. Does it meet expectations??? Eh....Sort of...... it's not Mega but it's not Meh either. 

Sorry. 

The researchers of a deep sea exploration centre called Mana One are trying to prove that rifts in the floor of the Pacific ocean go deeper than previously thought possible. While doing so their submersible craft is attacked by something massive and contact with them is lost. The only person who can save them is Jonas Taylor, a man with previous experience of both deep sea rescue and the dark things that lurk down there. During the rescue attempt a huge shark known as a Megaladon escapes into the open water and it's up to Jonas and his gang of scientists to stop it before it can reach civilians.

This was a frustrating watch. When it gets going it's good craic. Ridiculous stunts, massive beasts, people being dined upon left, right and centre, Statham in full on Statham mode and some hilarious nods to similar films but it just takes so long to build up a head of steam that you'll find yourself wondering are you watching yet another dud. Like the original Jaws film, the shark is kept in the shadows until about halfway through the story. There it was done for financial reasons and the fact that the model didn't work properly. Here it's done pointlessly because we've already had the surprise of its appearance ruined in numerous trailers and we are left with 45 minutes of people running around, arguing and sitting in submarines. This isn't what we paid to see!! We paid to see giant sharks attacking people. We do get some cheesy dialogue to keep us going though. "Man versus meg isn't a fight. It's a slaughter." & "Are you saying we opened up a super highway for giant killer sharks?" being two particularly cheddary treats.

Meg does of course attack eventually and that's when the film hits it's mark. It's like a button labelled "FUN" has been tapped and the madness builds and builds until it hits a crescendo of utter stupidity that will leave a smile a mile wide on your mush. One big set piece sees a beach on the Chinese mainland being attacked by the Meg. A young boy bugs his mother to be let into the water with his inflatable raft. It's Alex Kintner from Jaws all over again. He's toast. The camera then cuts to the ocean and we see thousands of kids all on inflatable rafts in the water. Then a dog with a very familiar name finds itself in trouble. It's here the film turns to the audience and full on winks at us and starts chucking out nods to the Jaws series fast. If you recognise them you'll have a good giggle. Even godawful part 4 gets a nod. It's this knowingness that saves the day. One thing this film does well too is its juggling of horror film tropes with regards to who lives and dies. I was surprised by some of the characters who make it to the end. When a big movie like this can surprise you it's always welcome. The excitement, winks and clever moments in the second half of the film make you wonder why the first half of the movie couldn't have been this good too.

In the second half of the film the story just about manages to find the line between being good fun and turning into Sharknado, and that's all down to Jason Statham. Tellingly the moment the film goes from dull to exciting is the first time he jumps into the water to face the Meg. His character Jonas feels like he's been slotted in from a different film and he plays it mostly straight but still being in on the joke whilst the other cast members like Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose and Cliff Curtis have a ball around him. His few scenes with Shuya Sophia Cai who plays Meiying, the kid on board, are lovely and show once again that Statham and kids go well together. Remember his John Woo aping moment with the baby in Fast & Furious 8. Brilliance!. Rainn Wilson plays the gobshite billionaire benefactor who financed the underwater research and may as well have a bullseye on his forehead. And Bai Ling puts in a good show as Suyin the oceanographer and is the only other character who's actually somewhat useful and thankfully she gets a couple of good moments and isn't just there to be saved. 

It's a good watch but it could have been much better. Had the filmmakers decided to go all out with the concept it might have been spectacular. The 12A/PG13 rating makes it all feel a bit tame too. One Spielbergian severed limb aside there's nothing in here that would trouble anyone. A good dose of blood and guts and maybe a shot of Statham calling the Shark a "Fackin slag" would have been welcome but when a film costs in the region of 150 million dollars studios tend to play it cool and keep everything family friendly. So it's ended up as a safe film that starts badly and ends well. Hopefully if it gets a sequel the madness will be amped up. 

Fin.