Sam, Gilly and her new baba are still on the run after the orgy of violence at Craster's Keep. She knows far more about surviving in the wild than he does. He's lucky she's around. She's lucky she met Sam too, she'd be fresh meat for the rogue Night's watch men otherwise.
She knows nothing of the outside world so of course the first thing Sam tells her about is dragon glass and the Wall. Fair play Sam, melt her brain straight away. No matter, it's all better than the life she had before.
On the way North Bran's wee gang is camping and getting on each other's nerves. I keep forgetting this story exists. Never a good sign. Bran implores everyone to be nice to each other. Why Bran? It might liven things up if it kicks off.
Oh wait, Jojen is having a seizure. Warging is tough on the body. His vision tells Bran Jon is in trouble up North.
Jon meanwhile is at the base of the Wall with the Wildlings. They are going to attempt to climb it with ice axes. The mad bastards.
Jon and Ygritte are getting on like a house on fire post lovin'. It's nice to see someone happy. She still has her reservations about his loyalties though. And she's not afraid of using castration as a threat. Eep.
Arya is practicing her archery with the Brotherhood without Banners. She's not bad at it. Not bad at all. She could be better though. She's in the right place to learn. These men are killers. Killers loyal to her late father. Killer's willing to teach her how to kill.
Someones approaching. Who could it be?? Tis Melisandre. A fellow Lord Of Light worshipper. She's here for someone with Robert Baratheon's blood in their veins. Who?
GENDRY!! Of course. Who else. The last of the Baratheon bastards. His hopes to stay with the brotherhood as a smith are about to be dashed big style.
The shower of bastards. No loyalty at all. Gendry gets shipped off with Melisandre. They say its because of the Lord of Light but money talks.
Before she leaves Mel has a run in with Arya. She sees darkness in here. Death is in her future. They will meet again. Oooo.
Jon and the Wildlings are on their way up the wall. It's a long slow death defying slog. I'm getting tired just watching them.
Theon is still being tortured. We still don't know who's torturing him. He's an evil shit though. Someone who takes far too much pleasure in doling out pain.
The torturer says he'll stop if Theon can figure out who he is. Of course Theon can't. This is horrible. Genuinely hard to watch and all just padding. Looking forward to this being over. Grim for grim sake.
Robb is having a parlay with the Frey's with regard to them joining his war effort. Frey is angered over Robb's broken marriage promise. They want land and money. And they want a marriage. Lord Edmure Tully, Catelyn's brother has to marry Frey's daughter if Robb won't.
Edmure isn't happy. Robb ain't going to let him walk away though. Power is more important than happiness in war time. Eventually Edmure chooses to do the right thing. As if he had a choice.
In Harrenhal Jaime is recovering from his wound. He's dining with Roose Bolton who promises to return him to King's Landing provifing Jaime puts in a good word for him with Lord Tywin. Brienne is to be kept though. She's accused of treason.
Will Jaime leave without her? Is he that much of a prick?
In King's Landing Olenna and Tywin discuss the marriage of Cersei and Ser Loras. Neither is particularly happy about this marriage of convenience and don't even try to hide it. Barbs about homosexuality and incest fly thick and fast. Man, this is a great scene. So cutting.
Eventually Tywin makes his checkmate. If Olenna refuses the marriage he'll make Loras a kingsguard, meaning he can never marry ever. This forces her hand. Very shnakey Tywin. Very shnakey.
The Wildling climb continues. There's doom in the air. Something's going to happen. And then it does. Rapidly.
A crack spreads across the wall after Ygritte strikes a weak section. There's nothing to be done and then a huge section breaks off taking dozens of Wildlings with it. Straight down. No chance. What a shitty way to go. But it's no one we know so who really cares. They might as well have been in red Starfleet shirts.
Then Jon and Ygritte fall. FUCK! Luckily they are tied to Tormund. Tormund is a bull of a man and manages to save them both. Ok, I knew they wouldn't die but that was tense as hell for a section. Well done.
Sansa is getting to know Loras. She still thinks she's getting married to him. Oh Sansa. Nothing goes her way ever.
Cersei and Tyrion are spying on them. Spying on two people they are both getting married too. Tyrion decides now is the time to ask if she tried to have him killed during the Blackwater. Her face betrays her and he suddenly realises Joffrey was behind it all. What a cunt.
Sansa's happiness is about to be shattered by Tyrion. As is her handmaiden Shae's too. Tyrion tells Sansa she is to marry him.
Varys and Littlefinger (ugh) meet up in the throne room for a bit of verbal sparring. As much as I hate Littlefinger I love his scenes with Varys. The hate between them is brilliant.
Until Littlefinger admits to Varys that he knows his worker Ros is a spy for Varys. Poor Ros. A woman caught between two powerful men who has now paid the ultimate price at the hands of Joffrey and his crossbow.
With this done, Littlefinger leaves Kings Landing to go to his arranged marriage with Lysa Arryn and Sansa is left behind in tears once again.
The Wildlings have reached the top of the wall. Their advance party is taking shape well. All they now have to do is figure out a way down the other side. The South is in sight.
Next up - The Bear and the Maiden Fair
Series 1 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 3 - 1 2 3 4 5
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