Kidney Stones Part 2 : Die Harder

Continued from here.

Kidney stone blasting is a strange thing. The doctors who say it doesn't hurt are lying bastards. At least nurses will tell you straight out that it's an uncomfortable experience. When you're going in for a procedure and a nurse hands you paracetamol and difene beforehand you know it's not going to be fun. Then you're left to sit there and stress and worry what exactly that weird cracking noise is that's coming from down the corridor?

Well it turns out that cracking noise is the ultrasound/laser (Im not quite sure) machine that should be zapping your kidney stone. It's not a nice experience but at least it only lasts 20 minutes. 20 looooonnnnggg minutes. I'll describe it as best as i can. Have you ever been flicked with an elastic band? Well it's like that. Hard. Hitting off your back but at the same time inside your kidney. For 1200 seconds. It doesn't hurt at first but at the intensity increases and it starts to get to you. The intensity has to increase to make sure the stone is getting the full effect of the blast. No point in taking it easy like.

Then its over. You sit up and you feel surprisingly fine. You get dressed and you go back into where you were waiting and you get a cup of tae and toast. Why does hospital toast always taste so good btw? What's that all about. You finish up. The doctor comes in and gives you 30 seconds of his precious time and if you're lucky he might even deign to grace you with eye contact. He tells you when to come backand the relief is immense. Then the lovely nurse comes over and says you can leave when you pass water. Grand, no hassle, happy days, sure I need a wee anyway.

Remember this scene from The Shining? This is what awaits you after a kidney stone blasting. A terrifying sight. Truly unsettling. At once you'll experience a fraction of what women go through every month. You tell the nurse, she's says it's perfectly normal and now go home and drink a tonne of water for the next few days. You wander out of the hospital feeling a lil bit wobbly. You go home and skull a couple of pints of water. Everything's grand. That's that out of the way for a while. But then you feel the urge for a pee again. Ok....grand.....ow...wtf......OW!!! That burning, stabbing sensation?? That's the tiny bits of stone scarring you as they travel out to see the world. 

But you gotta embrace the pain. It's a good sign. It means the blasting is working. The joys of modern medicine eh.