Tyrion's court outburst has Jaime enraged. Tyrion would have been free to live out his days at the wall had he just kept schtum. But Tyrion doesn't do schtum.
He's bitter. He knows he's just a pawn in a political game and he's jealous of his brother, the golden child.
He asks Jaime to be his champion. To fight for him during trial by combat. Jaime declines. He only has one hand now. He and Tyrion wouldn't have a hope. Tyrion's dreams of a future are fading fast. His last hope is his old buddy Bronn. But god only knows where he is.
The other fighter in this trial is known other than The Mountain, Ser Gregor Clegane. We meet him disemboweling and dicing prisoners for practice. Cersei decides to greet her champ in person. The spilled intestines all around don't bother her a bit. She's a hard one.
The Mountain's brother, the Hound is still on the way to the Vale with Arya. They come across a wounded man who The Hound puts out of his misery. Moments later they meet the men who injured him. A right pair of scumbags.
One jumps on the Hound and bites a lump out of his neck. His life is snuffed out fast. The other explains they are attacking them because there's a bounty on their heads. Arya kills him fast. She's getting good at this.
At the wall Jon and his men have returned from Craster's Keep after a successful mission. Sam's delighted to see his buddy home. Ser Allister Thorne is not. He'd been hoping Jon would be killed.
At a debriefing he speaks of Mance Rayder's proximity. He has a plan to block the tunnel in the wall to make it harder for him to attack. The other's are having none of it. They see it as a decision that would make life very hard for themselves. Once again no-one listens to Jon, the only fella of the bunch that has any idea what's coming. Fools.
Ser Allister lives to belittle Jon and makes a right meal of it here. He's an awful wanker. To punish Jon he gives him nighttime watch atop the wall. Sam gets to go along for the ride too.
Bronn finally turns up to Tyrion's prison cell. Tyrion implores him for his help, to be his champion. Bronn is smart though. He's been offered a rich wife by Cersei who forsaw him being asked. He knows he can't beat the Mountain. He declines. Tyrion is upset but knows it makes sense. They say their goodbyes. A genuinely sad scene for 2 great characters.
In Meereen, Daenerys is surprised in her bedroom with Daario Nahaaris. He knows what he wants. She's up for it. She demands he take his clothes off. Queens have needs too. *gratuitous arse shot*
On Dragonstone, Stannis's wife Selyse visits Melisandre in her bedroom too. No boom boom here though. She wants her council. Melisandre tells her that her daughter Shireen needs to travel with them to their next battle. Oh christ, don't be letting that witch near any children.
The next morning Daario leaves smiling. Ser Jorah witnesses his exit and he's not one bit happy. His jealousy is clear and he still doesn't quite trust Daario.
She tells Jorah of her plan to retake Yunkai. He thinks it's a waste of time and resources. He's shocked by the brutality of her plans for the city and manages to change her mind. To show Yunkai humanity and take it back that way.
Jorah is definitely her best asset. If only she'd stop and realise it.
The bite on the neck the Hound received earlier was a bad one. It won't stop bleeding and it's probably infected. He can't stop it by himself and Arya offers to help. Sadly her help means using fire to cauterise it.
The Hound freaks. His fire phobia is in full effect. He could take another stabbing over fire. He comes clean about his scars and how his brother, The Mountain, gave him his lifelong fear. I can't wait until the day the two of them clash. It will be fucking epic.
It's strange but kind of cool seeing a human side to the Hound. For such a vicious bastard he's a truly great character. Full of layers. But very handy to have around in a fight.
On the Kingsroad Pod and Brienne are still heading North to the wall. They stop off at an inn for grub and run into none other than Hotpie. Brienne asks if Sansa Stark has been seen in the area and Hotpie shuts up fast.
The next day as they leave Hotpie sneaks up and mentions he knows Arya. Brienne is shocked because everyone assumed Arya was dead. He tells them Arya and Sansa's last relative is Lysa Arryn and so Brienne and Pod are now heading for the Vale too. Hmmm.
In King's Landing Tyrion is brooding in his cell. Very understandable. He's been abandoned by everyone he ever loved or was friends with. It's a dark time for him. Death is in his headlights.
He gets one last visitor. Oberyn Martell. What could he want?? I wonder. He speaks of Cersei and her sneakiness. He has no love for Cersei but he's interested in Tyrion. They have things in common. They both hate Lannister's.
Oberyn speaks of his dead sister and their early meetings with the Lannister's in Casterley Rock. He met Tyrion once before when they were both very young and even then he could see Cersei's hate for her little brother clearly.
His real reason for visiting though is to be Tyrion's champion. By doing this he'll get to fight and kill The Mountain. The man who raped and killed his sister. He'll finally get his revenge. Tyrion has a chance at living once again.
In the Vale Sansa is having a cold and miserable time. She's been promised to freaky Robin as a wife and she ain't happy. He's a little gimp.
He throws a strop at her and she slaps him to calm him down. Big mistake. She's incurred both his wrath and that of his freaky mama Lysa.
The whole kerfuffle is witnessed by Littlefinger (ugh). Littlefinger tells Sansa some home truths. That he loved her mother Catelyn and his murder of Joffrey was partly out of revenge for her death.
Then he kisses Sansa. What the actual fuck. He wants a Stark badly. He's a freak. Lysa sees the kiss. She's apoplectic with rage at Sansa now.
Lysa summons Sansa. They stand above a trapdoor in Lysa's court. The trapdoor with a 200 metres drop below it that's used for executions. Run Sansa run!! She accuses Sansa of trying to seduce Littlefinger. She couldn't be more wrong. She grabs Sansa and attempts to kill her by dropping her out the door. Littlefinger rocks up and stops it all thankfully.
And then he does one good thing and throws Lysa down the hole.
A solid episode. Oberyn Martell vs the Mountain has been set up and a horrible character gets her comeuppence. Very satisfying indeed. Now if only the Daenerys storyline would start hurrying up. It's been almost 3 seasons of padding by now.
Next up - The Mountain and the Viper
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Sometimes it's fun to dive into the world of DTV movies. It's brilliant when one of those dives uncovers buried treasure. A film that has gone totally under the radar and you feel like you're the only one to know about it. It's a thrill that makes all the time you've wasted watching absolute dross seem worthwhile. I took a chance with Atone the other night. An action film with an African American woman in the lead role. You don't see many films like this around so it's always good to give them a whirl. Sadly I did not uncover buried treasure this time. Atone is diabolically bad.
Laura Bishop is a woman in mourning after her husband's death exactly a year ago. To shake her out of herself her father gets her a job working security for the largest church in America. On her first day in the job the church is targeted by a gang of masked robbers who want access to the church's finances and they are a gang of people who have no issues with killing innocent civilians to get their way. But like every robber in every film ever made they also have deeper reasons fueling their motivations. Will this turn of events help Laura to dig herself out of the dark hole she's been trapped in?
This was septic. A bag of absolute muck. A horrifically acted pro-gun and pro-church action flick that throws every cliche under the sun at the screen while looking like it was made for about $263. Nothing about it works. It looks like it was filmed on a Nokia 3210 and it's action scenes are as shoddy as you'll ever see. No lie, there's stuff here would wouldn't seem out of place in an episode of Mrs Brown's Boys. It's so bad that you can't even laugh at it. One of the joys of watching a bad movie is taking the piss out of it. You can't do that here. It's so bad it just makes you feel bad about yourself for watching it. Character motivations are beyond scrambled and it has the feel of a script that was rewritten on a daily basis or whenever the screenwriters came up with a new idea. It's so shit that it won't even turn up on netflix. Think about that.
Nothing makes sense. The bad guy ( A black man called White, won't think about that too much) is on a righteous mission for revenge against the church but murders innocent folk left, right and centre. It's hard to take a story about the darkside of organised religion seriously with mixed messages like that bombarding you. Then a final scene revelation about forgiveness pisses all over everything that has come before. It's a moment so apocalyptically screwy that when the credits finally run (89 minutes has never felt so long) you'll sit there with your gob agape wondering what the fuck you've just watched.
Laura is played by Jaqueline Fleming, an actress who's been hovering around the edge of Hollywood for a few years now. Whoever told her this would be her big break needs a slap. This is career ending stuff. It's just astoundingly bad. I really feel sorry for her. Columbus Short as the bad guy is lucky enough to have a mask on most of the time so we can't see just how embarrassed he is by all this. He gives a performance that blazes with shame. A bizarre addition to the cast is Stephen Farrelly, an Irish WWE wrestler better known as Seamus. When I heard his Dublin accent I perked up assuming he'd add a touch of much needed fun to proceedings but no, he's awful too as a murderer who must bless himself everytime he kills. At one stage, and this is no lie, he bursts out laughing and the camera cuts away fast. When the film makers can't even be arsed to properly edit out bloopers you know you're on a hiding to nothing.
One of the weirdest things about American entertainment is they way they embrace bloody violence while being ultra coy about profanity. In this film bloody headshots are ten a penny but the strongest language is "Son of a gun." It's such a bizarre utterance that it instantly pulls you out of the movie. I contemplated turning the film off at this point but out of curiousity I continued. The film had surely reached it's nadir at that point. It couldn't actually get worse could it??
Oh reader. It did get worse. So much worse.
A mother attacks a daughter. A son pummels his father to the ground. A woman punches another woman in the face. A man is thrown into a pile of drawing pins. Another man gets a pool ball hopped off his mush. People scream with exhaustion and frustration and a brother drops his sister on her head. It sounds horrible doesn't it. Like an excruciating slice of life from Ken Loach or something similar. Seems like the kind of film that would have you leaving the cinema on a huge downer. You might be surprised to know all this takes place in a movie that will have you leaving your seat with a huge grin on your face. A movie that's a really lovely watch.
The Knight's are a family from Norwich who love their wrestling. It's in their blood. It's a love that saved parents Patrick (Nick Frost) and Julia (Lena Headley) from a life of misery and now their children Raya (Florence Pugh) and Zak (Jack Lowden) have their sights set on wrestling for the WWE. Their skillful ring routines eventually attract the attention of the biggest wrestling corporation on earth but only Paige gets the call up, leaving Zak devastated. As her star ascends Zak's heart is torn out.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It mightn't sound like fun but it's loaded with laughs but more importantly it's full of heart too. The Knight family are a genuinely lovable bunch who just happen to be adept at pummeling each other for the entertainment of others. They're a relatable bunch, dealing with problems we've all faced, lack of financial stability, familial strife, alienation, depression, getting a bowling ball in the nuts.......ok scratch that last one. They feel real and this is why the film works. You care about them. Raya who was a big fish in the small pond of Norwich wrestling but who's now a tiddler in the American big leagues and poor Zak who gets a brutal lesson in how life can be massively disappointing now matter how much you believe in yourself.
The best sports movies work even if you aren't a fan of the sport itself. Field Of Dreams, Bull Durham, Escape To Victory, Senna, Bend It Like Beckham, Rocky, He Got Game, Cinderella Man, Rudy and so many more. They all worked because they presented us with characters we grow to love. Once you have a backbone like that you can throw anything at an audience and they'll lap it up. The madness of the wrestling world is a place many people will have avoided but here you'll be gripped by it. Ya, it's all make believe but it's physicality is brutally authentic. The toll it all takes on it's participants is immense and director Stephen Merchant never shies away from it's impact on people. His TV work like The Office and Extras were great at mixing humour with pathos and that formula works here once again to great effect.
A great cast sells it too. Florence Pugh and Jack Lowden are both excellent as siblings torn asunder by their dreams. Lowden especially, disappointment and sadness etched large across his face. Both of them nail the physical side of their roles too looking totally believable as theatrical scrappers. Nick Frost is better than he's been since the early days of his Edgar Wright collaborations as a Da who might look scary but inside is just a big ol' ball of softness. Lena Headley puts in a fine shift too and displays a very different type of maternal instinct than we're used to seeing from her role in Game of Thrones. Chuck in a fun cameo from Dwayne Johnson and a few other familiar WWE faces alongside Vince Vaughn channeling his training role from Dodgeball but with a serious twist and you have plenty of ingredients for a fun time.
This was a thoroughly enjoyable film about never giving up on your dreams while never forgetting where you come from. It's funny, it's upsetting, it's dramatic and it's all based on a true story. Don't look it up and spoil it for yourself though, just watch it and enjoy it. You can never go wrong with an underdog tale.
Stannis and Davos are on the hunt for money for the their campaign. Their journey has brought them to the amazing looking metropolis of Braavos.
Their destination is the Iron Bank to do a bit of begging. This bank is also bolstering the Lannisters. They will be raking it in from both sides soon.
Tycho Nestoris is the man in charge of the cash. He can't see the reason in giving Stannis a loan because it's a loan that probably will never be paid back. Stannis has no army, no supplies, no ships. He looks like a lost cause.
Davos isn't leaving without cash. His impassioned hatred of the Lannister's and their forthcoming weaknesses sways the bank.
*Gratuitous nudity klaxon* We find ourselves in a public bathhouse full of pirates and prostitutes. Salladhor Saan is there, an old friend of Davos. Davos wants to recruit him to fight for Stannis. Salladhor is wary but he's a sellsword. Stannis's army is on the way back up.
Yara Greyjoy is on the hunt too. The hunt for her brother Theon. Their destination is Ramsey Snow's Dreadfort. I wouldn't mess with Yara. She's tougher than 10 men,
*ridiculously gratuitous nudity klaxon* Ramsay's on the job when Yara attacks. The Ironborn don't mess around. They butcher Ramsay's men and find Theon in the dogs kennels.
Theon thinks it's all another Ramsay mindgame. He won't leave with his sister. He's beyond broken. He doesn't seen himself as Theon anymore. In his head he's Reek.
Ramsay catches wind of the attack and fights back. Reek takes his side. Yara is heartbroken and before she can try to save him again the hounds are set on them, forcing them back to the ships. Ramsay Snow is a far more effective enemy than anyone had imagined. In Yara's head, her brother is dead.
To reward Theon, Ramsay gives him both a bath and a horrible new job. He needs him to overtake another castle up north and he needs him to revert back to Theon Greyjoy to do it. Oh jesus he's a sick bollix.
Outside of Meereen Daenerys' dragons are growing up and acting like teenagers. In this case teenagers who swoop down from the sky and butcher farmer's livestock.
It's another headache for Daenerys. She's just trying to do good and everything around her is another issue.
She does what she can to please the farmers but soon gets another awkward request. This time from a man called Hizdahr zo Loraq. He's the son of a slaveowner who was crucified in revenge for the slave killers.
This stuff is nonsense. It adds nothing to the story going forward. It's just filler. It's very very boring.
Hizdahr zo Loraq wants a proper burial for his Da. Daenerys allows this and once agains shows off the fact that she's still a bit too soft for this world.
In Kings Landing the trial of Tyrion is coming up fast. There's a lot to prepare. Oberyn Martell is wondering what will be his reward for his part in judging Tyrion. He's always on the make. I like Oberyn. There's no bullshit with him.
Tywin announces that Tyrions trial will be today, taking everyone by surprise. Varys announces Sandor Clegane aka The Hound is nearby which riles up Tywin and Cersei, and Tywin increases the bounty on his head.
The news from Meereen unsettles them too, especially the news that Sers Jorah and Selmy are fully on the side of Daenerys now. This combined with the Unsullied army and 3 dragons makes her a threat to take seriously.
Tywin has a plan for her though. Tywin always has a plan and this one involves Varys' army of spies.
Oberyn and Varys meet in the throne room. Oberyn tries to size up Varys but can't get a reading on him. Varys is too smart to give anything away. He does let one thing slip though. He's interested in power. The highest power in the land. The Iron Throne.
It's time for Tyrion's day in court. And his brother Jaime is tasked with escorting him to his judgement. Jaime is torn apart by what he's about to witness.
The place is packed. The objective is clear. To absolutely shame Tyrion. The hate coming off his father Tywin is unmistakeable. This is only going to go one way. Tywin wants Tyrion dead. What a lovely father.
Tyrion pleads not guilty. The trial will go ahead. The first witness is called. Ser Meryn Trant. Joffrey's bodyguard who did witness Tyrion slapping Joffrey and threatening to do him in on the night of his wedding to Sansa. Already things are looking ropey.
Next up is Maester Pycelle. Another witness who wants Tyrion gone. Pycelle also provides evidence that links Sansa to the murder. All part of Littlefinger's (ugh) cunning plan and everyone is falling for it.
Next is Cersei. Her maternal tears for a lost son are seriously bad luck for Tyrion. He's up shit creek and even Varys' testimony seems to be going against him. Varys, his buddy, his confidente.
During a break in proceedings Jaime pleads with Tywin for Tyrion's life. He makes a deal with his Da. He'll leave the Kingsguard and give Tywin a real heir, if Tyrion is let live and let join the men of the Night's watch at the wall. Tywin agrees, providing Tyrion pleads guilty. Fingers crossed he'll do that......
If only things were so simple. Jaime informs Tyrion of the plan. Tyrion agrees to plead guilty and join the Night's watch. He trusts his bro. All is looking up until the next witness steps out of the shadows. It's Shae. Everyone is gobsmacked. Tyrion never expected to see her again.
She's out for revenge. She's a woman scorned. Her testimony makes Tyrion look terrible. Like a philanderer. Like a whoremonger. She then lies and tells the court him and Sansa planned the murder.
Tyrion snaps. This is an immense scene. He wishes to confess. He lashes out against the world. A lifetime of bitterness pours out. He pleads guilty of being a son Tywin Lannister despises. He says he didn't kill Joffrey but he wishes he did. That's guilt enough for Tywin.
Tyrion demands trial by combat.
An odd episode. Dull dull dull dull EXCELLENT. Loads of filler saved by a fantastic last scene. Tyrion is such a brilliant character.
Next up - Mockingbird
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Heat Sat 2/3 Virgin Media 2 @ 21.00
A meticulous bank robber meets his match in a detective obsessed with his job. Neither man will back down. A 90's masterpiece. This is a long movie but every member of the cast gets a moment to shine. And what a cast. De Niro & Pacino are on fire, Val Kilmer, Amy Brenneman, Tom Sizemore etc are all fantastic. An exciting, gruelling, brutal, complicated movie with one of the all time great cinematic shoot outs.
Glassland Sat 2/3 TG4 @ 21.45
John is a young Dublin taxi driver struggling with financial problems and his mother who is rapidly drinking herself to death. To earn money to help his mother he finds himself in a very dark place. This 2014 film from Gerard Barrett is a tough, unsettling watch at the darker side of Irish society. It's far from enjoyable but worth watching for some superb acting from Toni Collette, Jack Reynor and Will Poulter.
Bridge To Terabithia Sun 3/3 E4 @ 12.45
Jesse and Leslie become fast friends when she moves in next door to him. Soon their childhood imaginations are running riot and the kingdon of Terabithia is created. Real life is sadly never far away though. A beautiful little movie here, one full of lessons about life, both the good and tragic sides of it. Anna Sophia Robb and Josh Hutcherson are both excellent as the leads. Be warned, this will make you cry.
Boiler Room Sun 3/3 TCM @ 23.00
In an attempt to impress his father a young man takes a job in a brokerage firm. Once there he slowly realises the place is as dodgy as a 3 euro note. Loosely based on the story of Jordan Belfort but this shows a more human side to the story than The Wolf Of Wall Street did whilst being equally as compelling. Giovanni Ribisi is first rate in the lead role and the supporting cast is a who's who of familiar faces including Vin Diesel and Ben Affleck.
Hunt For The Wilderpeople Mon 4/3 Film4 @ 21.00
Ricky is fostered by Bella and Hec. Things go awry and Ricky goes on the run followed by Hec. A national manhunt kicks off. This is a brilliant film. It's the kind of film that if you don't like it, well.....there's probably something broken inside you. It's entertaining, upsetting, hilarious, clever and very touching. It's a pretty flawless family film tbh. Julian Dennison and Sam Neill are both perfect as Ricky and Hec. Film of the week.
Tremors Tues 5/3 ITV4 @ 22.30
Giant underground worms attack a small desert town and two handymen lead the townsfolk as they fight back. So so much better than it sounds. An affectionate throwback to 1950's creature features that's hilariously gooey and inventive. Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward are the lead pair and have a whale of a time doing it. The ropey special effects all add to the charm.
The Last Boy Scout Wed 6/3 ITV4 @ 22.30
Joe Hallenback is an alcoholic private eye with a wife and daughter who hate him. He generally hates life until he finds himself drawn in a conspiracy involving blackmail, car bombs and American football. Tony Scott's 1991 thriller might be a little dated now but it's still a fiercely entertaining & blisteringly violent action comedy. Fun turns from Bruce Willis & Damon Wayans are the icing on the cake.
Bobby Sands : 66 Days Thur 7/3 RTE1 @ 22.15
In 1981 a group of IRA prisoners in the HMS Maze led by Bobby Sands went on a hunger strike to get themselves classified as political prisoners. This documentary tells their story. As you can imagine it's a tough watch but it's an important one and it's one that uses a unique framing device to make itself stand out. Even if you know how Sands' story ending you'll still be gripped by this.
The Killing Fri 8/3 Film4 @ 01.05
Johnny Clay is fresh out of prison and wants a payday. His plan, to rob a racetrack with the help of a handful of associates. The plan is exemplary. The people hired to carry it out are not. This slice of film noir from Stanley Kubrick is a masterpiece. Blackly funny, tense as hell, packed full of irony and brutality. 50's crime films really don't get better than this. Sterling Hayden, Elisha Cooke Jr, Coleen Gray and Marie Windsor are all on fire.
Made In Dagenham Fri 8/3 BBC1 @ 23.05
In 1968 in a northern England car plant, women decided they'd had enough of financial and sexual discrimination and went on strike. A very entertaining film and one that's both excellently acted and very timely in telling a story that's sadly ongoing 50 years later. The cast is a who's who of English talent including the always reliable Sally Hawkins, Bob Hoskins, Andrea Riseborough and Daniel Mays.
The Diary Of A Teenage Girl Fri 8/3 Film4 @ 23.15
In 1970's San Francisco a teenage girl called Minnie embarks on a voyage of discovery that could very well damage her relationship with her family forever. A superb coming of age film that may offend some with it's frank scenes but a rewarding one that's well worth sticking with. Bel Powell as Minnie is marvellous and gets fine support from Kristin Wiig and a very sleazy Alexander Skarsgård
They waste no time in King's Landing. Tommen has been crowned king. He looks terrified. He's only a boy. Cersei and Tywin now have a king they can mould into whatever shape they see fit.
Margaery Tyrell has Tommen under her thumb too. One smile and he's willing to do anything for her. Every fella in this show, young or old, is led by their prick.
Cersei is not one bit happy about her influence though. She's lost one son to poison, she doesn't want to lose another to a hussy. They both agree on one thing though, Tommen will be a far better husband to her and king to Westoros than Joffrey would have been.
Across the sea Ser Jorah spreads the news of Joffrey's death to Daenerys. This turn of events pleases her. One less King to face. Daario Nahaaris has also taken command of Meereen's navy. Now they have ships to carry their armies to Westoros. They don't have the power to win yet though.
Astapor and Yunkai, two cities conquered by Daenerys have also fallen back into their old slaving ways now that she's moved on. Jorah tells her to move forward with her plans to invade Westoros. He thinks she can win.
But she's going to be patient. She's going to take back Astapor and Yunkai and prove her worth that way first. More padding. Yay.
Sansa and Littlefinger (ugh) have arrived at the vale.The home of Lysa Arryn, the woman Littlefinger is to marry. Jesus I hate him.
He hides Sansa's real identify. She's still wanted in connection with Joffrey's death and this will just make things easier for them both. Lysa Arryn is Catelyn Starks sister though and knows well who Sansa is. Lysa is utterly unhinged though. Family or not Sansa isn't one bit safe here.
She also gets to meet her cousin Robin. A little freak altogether. Once they are alone Lysa demands an instant marriage from Littlefinger. She's been mad for him for a while, even poisoning her husband(!) to get things moving, then blaming the Lannisters.
SO! It was Littlefinger who started the hate between the Starks and The Lannisters. I'd totally forgotten that. His thirst for power set this whole story in motion. He agrees to marriage on this day.
In King's Landing Tywin and Cersei are going to let the wedding of Tommen and Margaery go ahead. This wedding will be rather less ostentatious than the last. Cersei will also marry Loras soon too.
It's all financial of course, no room for love. The Lannister's are in trouble moneywise and the Tyrell's have loads of riches. War is expensive. The family is running on money borrowed from the iron Bank in Bravos. The go to financial institution for warmonger's.
Cersei tries to sniff out Tywin about the upcoming trial of Tyrion. He's the judge and nips her efforts in the bud. He mightn't like his son but he's a man who sticks to the letter of the law. He has a weird kind of morality.
In the riverlands Arya and The Hound are still heading towards the Vale. Arya's hitlist is getting longer and longer and the Hound is getting ratty over it, especially as his name is on the list as well.
In the Vale Lysa is interrogating Sansa. She doesn't trust her and thinks she has an eye out for Littlefinger. Her addled mind makes her jealous of any other woman Littlefinger deals with. Be wary Sansa. Run!
Her plan is to marry Sansa to Freaky Robin as soon as Tyrion has been found guilty and executed. Another reason for Sansa to run!!
On the Kingsroad Brienne and Podrick are heading north to the wall on the off chace they'll find Sansa there. Brienne is not one bit impressed with Pod's squiring skills. She gives him the chance to go but Pod is too loyal for his own good.
The Hound wakes up and Arya is gone. She hasn't done a runner though, she's just practicing her sword skills. She thinks what Syrio Forel taught her is enough but the Hound soon shows her she needs to do far more work.
In Kings Landing Oberyn Martell is still hanging around. Cersei rocks up for a chat. They talk about what they've lost. Her daughter Myrcella is a guest in his home country of Dorne. Oberyns assures Cersei that Myrcella is happy where she is. Cersei really wants to believe thats true.
Pod's every attempt at squiring goes awry. Tyrion taught him nothing. Brienne is aghast. It isn't until Pod speaks of saving Tyrion's life during the battle of Blackwater that she realises how trustworthy he is. She gives him the ok to stay for a while longer.
Beyond the wall darkness still dwells at Craster's Keep. The Rogue Nights watch men are still raping and pillaging but Jon's team has arrived to kill them and Locke is scouting the place out.
Locke spots Bran too. His lucky day. His mission from Roose Bolton can be completed while he ingratiates himself with Jon and the good Night's Watch men.
Jojen admits to bran he's had to same vision as him. The vision of a unique tree in the north where the three eyed raven lives. This scene is like an acid trip. Jojen tells Bran that he, Meera and Hodor are all expendable as long as Bran can succeed. The journey is that important.
Locke informs Jon that the Keep can be easily taken. However, he makes no mention of Bran. Slimy bastard. They decide to attack under darkness.
Karl, the lead mutineer tries to rape Meera but her brother Jojen stops him by foreseeing his death. Little does he know how near that moment is.
Jon and his men attack. It gets vicious. Brother against former brother. Jon and his gang have the upper hands because the mutineers are all pissed and gone to seed. This should be handy. It should be........
During the fighting Locke sneaks away to kill Bran. Bran wargs into Hodor and uses Hodor's super strength to snap Locke's neck. Huh. That was simple. I assumed he'd be around for longer than that. Hodor, the big innocent fella, now sadly has blood on his mitts.
The fighting continues. Bran is now free and shouts for Jon. They are so close but Jojen tells him Jon will stop their journey north and Bran reluctantly agrees. They leave without Jon having ever known they were there.
Jon eventually fights his way through the crowd to Karl. Jon's a great fighter, Karl is sneaky one. It's bloody stuff and Karl almost wins until he get distracted and then gets a sword right through the gob. A very satisfying ending for a scummy bastard.
The mutineers are dead. Jon offers Craster's daughters a life at the wall but they won't go. So Craster's Keep, that hellish place is burnt to the ground along with the dead to stop them rising up as the undead. Jon gets his direwolf Ghost back too. A rare happy reunion.
That was a pretty good episode. Some super action near the end saved the day. These middle season episodes need to be mixed up though. They all seem to consist of people moving into position for the end. The formula is getting slightly dull.
Next up - The Laws of Gods and Men
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Series 3 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Series 4 - 1 2 3 4
Sarah and Chris are a mother and son living in the middle of nowhere. They've both ran from an abusive relationship and want to begin again. One day Chris wanders into the woods and a terrified Sarah finds him standing beside a huge sinkhole acting oddly. An old neighbour is the first to notice something is off about Chris and before long Sarah starts noticing strange new things about him too. Has her son totally changed or is he even her son at all?
Hype isn't always a good thing. Sometimes it's positively damaging to a film. Every year dozens of movies roll into cinemas on a wave of it. Few of them rarely live up to the buzz. It's a nuisance. The Hole In The Ground is a fine example. For weeks & months now twitter has been awash with people building it up. "This year's Hereditary" is one such sentiment I've seen thrown around a lot so far this February. The scariest Irish film ever made etc. What's the key word in that last sentence? Irish. If this film wasn't Irish would there be half the buzz about it? I think not. It's not a bad film at all, no, far from it, but it's just another film that just doesn't live up to the hype.
It's grand. If you are new to the world of horror this might give you the creeps but seasoned viewers will have seen every aspect of this story done before and done better too. The isolated setting, the odd neighbours, the what if's involving a child, the psychological torment trotted out for the mammy, is she imagining it all, are all hoary old horror tropes and the changeling theme is so overdone it's even turned up in mainstream dramas. Horror is a hard genre to be original in. There's literally 100's of new horror movies pumped out every year and they all seem to pick and choose from each other. It's all very cannibalistic and incestuous.
What this does have over other genre offerings is proper performances. Seána Kerslake as Sarah is great. Her outward fragility hiding an immense inner strength. She's a woman who'll do anything for her child if she can stop her fears breaking her. In under 90 minutes she creates a character you care about. In most horror movies the cast are fodder we want to see tossed around the screen for our own vicarious thrills but here, you'll gasp when she starts being put through the wringer. Any horror film that can make you care is doing something right and Kerslake is definitely the best thing about this. James Quinn Markey has the scary child thing down too. His use of the word "mummy" will definitely make you squirm. As will his new choice of protein at night. Shudder.
Director Lee Cronin has a good feel for under your skin moments too. A midnight feast seen through a keyhole, the titular hole looking like a localised apocalypse, a boy squelching his way through a bowl of pasta, a clay covered ending for an oddball. He has the visual skills but if only they were combined with a bit of originality, storywise. We don't have many horror offerings coming from Ireland but we should. Celtic folklore is ripe with all manner of stories that would lend themselves perfectly to horror movies. There's no need to be falling back on the same old same old all the time. Us horror fans appreciate something new. Give it to us and we'll lap it up.
This is worth watching for a superb showing from Kerslake. Keep an eye out for her, she'll be across the pond stealing the limelight in blockbusters soon enough.
