The Unsung heroes of cinema. Part 8

You recognise their faces but you aren't quite sure where from. You see them and go "HIM!! I see him in everything" and then you forget them. There's a fleeting recognition that disappears as soon as they die in, usually, violent ways. These are the actors that if, IF, you notice them, don't turn up in the opening credits of a film. In fact you'll have to do some pretty lengthy searching of the closing scrolling credits to find them

Ric Young.

THE go-to guy for casting directors when they are making a film that requires a Chinese baddie, be it a triad, gangster, warlord, drug kingpin, or just the fella in charge. Always plays a bad lad with a smile, the charming type that will pour you a drink and shoot you when you sip it. This chap has taken on Harrison Ford, Chow Yun Fat, even THE STATHAM. He's been in Bond films. He's played Bruce Lee's Da and taken on Jet Li. He's been around for the bones of 60 years too. I love seeing him turn up cos i know he's going add an entertaining dose of dodginess to any film he's in. He's from England but I've never actually heard him speak in his real accent. Check out his body of work here

Indiana Jones has this effect on people

Greatest hits

American Gangster. Frank Lucas's smiling, friendly and very eager to please heroin connect in Vietnam. "My man"

Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. The gangster that poisons Indy in Club Obi-Wan and laughs sadistically as he starts to die. Wields a tommy gun with panache!

Dragon : The Bruce Lee Story. Here he plays Bruce Lee's father Hoi-Chuen. Gets a great scene at the start of the film envisioning a curse that will haunt Bruce through out his life. 

The Corruptor. The man who run's New York's Chinatown with a benevolent smile hiding his viciousness. James Foley's thriller is a cracker that deserves re-evaluation.

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Part 6

Part 7

Baywatch. Don't.

I couldn't be arsed inserting a pic from the film so
I drew a puddle of dehydrated piss. It's better than the film.

You know when you hear a film is awful and you hear the same from everyone and you think to yourself "ah it can't be that bad" and then it turns out to be worse that you could possibly have imagined. Well that's Baywatch, a manky puddle of dehydrated orange tinted piss that you should avoid like the plague in case it splashes on you and its odour infects you.

It's that bad.

Dwayne Johnson plays Mitch, the hero lifeguard, the king of the beach. He's tasked with training 3 new lifeguards while at the same time is suspicious of the origin of a package of drugs that washed up on the beach near an exclusive club. The 3 newbies are the gorgeous girl (Alexandria Daddario), the loser nerd guy and the troubled guy. Troubled guy is played by Zac Efron. They all work together to investigate the source of the drugs while Efron struggles to find his place on the team. And that's the story more or less.

It's a horrible film. The plot you could write on a matchbox. Lazy implausible storytelling relying on profanity and cock jokes for laughs. The lifeguards doing the job of cops and spies to pad out the story. The fact the large lumps of the film seem to be missing even though the film is already insanely overlong at nearly 2 hours. Subplots are started and abandoned as fast. Alexandria Daddario, Priyanka Chopra and the other women in the film are just there to provide cleavage, they get nothing of note to do or say and it's painful to watch. The film is all about the 2 blokes and they seem to be on auto-pilot, Johnson especially.  A running joke of Johnson insulting Efron by calling him boyband names made me want to break up my chair and throw it at the screen the 2nd time he did it. The 50th time he did it i just whimpered. They flat out play unlikeable characters, Johnson is smug and Efron is an asshole. Plus it contains some awful CGI. Scenes of people in the water don't even look real. IN A FILM SET ON A BEACH! Just reeks of shoddiness. Shoddy, shoddy, shoddy.

I like Dwayne Johnson. He's funny and charming and looks like he could destroy the world with one arm tied behind his back. But lately he's trying to be a jack of all trades. Action hero one minute, tv star another, then comedian and back to action and so on. His films make money, so he gets to do what he wants but he's spread too thin and his quality control is dropping. Its the only explanation I can think of for this film.

Comedies are meant to be funny. You are supposed to laugh. You aren't supposed to sit stony faced through them. You aren't supposed to cringe. You really shouldn't be looking at your phone every 5 minutes wishing it was all over. The only reason I didn't leave is because I left a film last week and I'm still pissed off about that.

I don't know how they banjaxed it all up so badly. Baywatch was great fun. We all watched it, even you, ya you. It was easy Saturday evening tv, candy floss for the eyes. The makers of the 21 Jump Street films managed to take the show they were remaking, apply it to an R-rated template and come out grand so why couldn't this. Those films had a bit of charm though, likeable leads, characters you wanted to see succeed. I like Johnson and Efron, just not in this. They play dickheads, dickheads you can't bring yourself to care a jot about and that's a fatal error in a comedy. There's nothing wrong with a bit of heart in a film.

And the cameo's. Sweet jesus, the laziest kind of fan service. 2 actors from the original show are wheeled out in the most pointless way possible just so some dope in the crowd will giggle.

Spoiler. The David Hasselhoff cameo stopped being funny in 2004 after the one in Dodgeball. Please stop wheeling him out. Plus its the 2nd time he's done it in 2 months and it sucked that time too. 

Don't go see this. It's fucking awful. I went cos I'm a fool. Save yerselves.

Commando. A glorious slice of 80's cheese.

"Get to da cho...".......eh wrong film

Commando was the film you needed to see to be cool when you were 12. It was the film everyone was talking about in school. Every day someone else came blazing in the door shouting about how awesome it was. "AW MAN ITS DEADLY, ITS SO COOL! ARNIE KILLS EVERYONE". I was dying to see it but there was a problem. I was 12 and it was an 18 certificate film. My parents usually let us watch what we wanted but not a hope were they going to rent this out for me. I was annoyed. I wanted to know what everyone was raving about. Eventually i got to see it in a friend's gaff. This was it. Oh deadly.

It was magnificent. It was everything i had hoped it would be and more. It was blisteringly violent and just non stop. It had boobs. It had swearing. It had everything a young chap could ever need.

I didn't see it again for years. I was in HMV browsing one day and i noticed it on dvd. Jesus, memories. I hesitantly bought it, half dreading watching it again in case it sucked as tends to be the case when you go back to childhood favourites.

It was magnificent again. OK, it's no classic and i spent the entire film noticing plotholes and mistakes and strange undertones i didn't understand as a baba but goddamn it was entertaining as hell. And short. I cannot underestimate how much i love a movie that doesn't overstay its welcome. 90 minutes. Lethal.

Arnold Schwarzeneggar aka Jon Matrix (?!) is a retired Delta Force operative. Life is sweet and he spends his time gardening and eating ice cream with his daughter Chenny ( her name is actually Jenny but this is Arnie and his accent ) in his mountain retreat. No sign or mention of a Mammy whatsoever. Their peaceful existence is shattered when Chenny is kidnapped and John is asked to assassinate a politician in a made up Central American country as her ransom. Knowing Chenny will most likely be killed anyway John says fuck that and decides to go on the run and rescue her using his delta force training. He has 11 hrs to find her before the baddies realise he is on the loose. No time to waste. 

Don't mind me, i'm just carrying A TREE

He enlists an air hostess ( Rae Dawn Chong in an utterly pointless role ) to help him and he polishes off the baddies hired to watch over him by breaking one chap's neck, on a crowded plane and no one bats an eyelid. Lobbing one odious little gowlbag off a cliff ( "Remember i said i'd kill you last Sully? I LIED!") and impaling the other on the blunt leg of a chair. He then stocks up on enough weaponry to take out Ireland and makes his way south to fight for his daughter's life.

And fight he does. He singlehandedly takes out an entire amry by himself. If you aren't in tatters laughing at this there's something broken inside of you. It's an awesome spectacle. Arnie fighting with guns, knives, bombs, axes, pitchforks, yes pitchforks and just plain making absolute shit of everyone. He doesn't get a scratch. It's just brilliant. It makes Bond look real. When will someone make a film where the baddies can actually shoot?

Arnie don't need no body armour

Once he's made his way through the cannon fodder it's time to take on the head honchos. Dan Hedaya ( looking very darkened up in a way that would cause twitter war these days) is turned into ketchup by a few dozen shotgun blasts and then it's on to the main event. John vs Bennett. A chainmail wearing Freddie Mercury lookalike who...gasp...once worked with John a long time ago and has a score to settle with him. 

This fight. The part everyone remembers. A scene that has inspired dozens of web articles. The most homoerotic scene ever. Well apart from that volleyball scene in Top Gun but this is up there. 2 sweaty blokes. 2 big knifes. The lines "put the knife in me" and "Don't deprive yourself of some pleasure, come on let's party". Bennett looking like he's taken a triple dose of viagra and so on. They beat the living shit out of each other and John wins by impaling Bennet on a big hot pole. Of course. They also do all this in front of Chenny who will no doubt spend the next 6 months utterly traumatised but let's not worry about that. We need a happy ending.

Brilliant. 

The opening scene feels like a pisstake, something from Hot Shots film but also as pointed out in many an article, oddly feels like a nazi propaganda film. All close ups of muscles, trees being chopped down, shiny white teeth. The Superman. The Ubermensch. It's actually bizarre. I'd love to see what a Commando virgin would think of it. I love that Arnie IS basically Superman with guns instead of superpowers. Not once is he in danger. He's a super-soldier. At one point he even smells the bad lads coming for him. Nope, i'm not lying. He has the best aim ever. He wears nighttime camouflage during the day. He can drive a truck with no engine. He can magically heal wrecked convertibles. He looks cool doing a tarzan impressions in a packed shopping centre. He jumps 100's of feet from a plane and doesn't even twist his ankle. He's inside a truck that gets blown up and doesn't get a scratch. Not one enemy bullet touches him even with 100 people shooting at him. It feels like a spoof and has great fun doing it. I won't mention the speedo scene. No one should ever talk about that.

It's not all perfect. Nothing is. Rae Dawn Chong is wasted in a role that requires her to scream a lot. Dan Hedaya, a white actor of Syrian descent, is tanned up to the eyeballs to play a part of a hispanic man in a role that should have gone to a hispanic actor. It's pretty cringeworthy. Things like that were overlooked and ignored in the 80's but wouldn't make it into a film these days. You'd hope anyway.

The one liners are awful when written down but brilliant when heard in Arnie's monotone voice -

• "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired." Said to an air hostess after he's broken a dudes neck.
• "I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now i'm very hungry."
• "C'mon you piece of shit, fly or die." He then punches a plane and it turns on.
• "Let off some steam Bennett." After killing the head baddy by throwing a steam pipe through him.

It's a film that cannot be taken seriously but crack a few beers and get your buddies around to watch it with and you'll have a whale of a time. It's just pure cheesy entertainment. Just don't forget to turn off the cynical part of your brain.

Unsung heroes of cinema. Part 7.

You recognise their faces but you aren't quite sure where from. You see them and go "HIM!! I see him in everything" and then you forget them. There's a fleeting recognition that disappears as soon as they die in, usually, violent ways. These are the actors that if, IF, you notice them, don't turn up in the opening credits of a film. In fact you'll have to do some pretty lengthy searching of the closing scrolling credits to find them


Mark Rolston.

Everyone remembers him as Boggs, the vile rapist who tormented Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption but this chap has been in everything. Hundreds of films and TV shows over a near 40 year career. Usually playing an utter bollix or lowlife on the wrong side of the law but snagging a heroic role every once in a while. Lately his career is all TV but he always adds a touch of quality to an episode when he appears. Check out his career here

Bastard

 
Greatest hits.

The Shawshank Redemption. An utterly reprehensible scumbag and just terrifying. The horrible part of Shawshank you always want to forget. 

Aliens. Private Drake, the gung-ho marine with a love of big guns and ignoring authority. Meets his maker courtesy of a bath in acidic xenomorph juice.

The Departed. One of Nicholsons's yes men. Great a great final scene too. Redeeming himself by protecting DiCaprio's mistake. A nice moment.

Lethal Weapon 2. "Why is there plastic on the floor?" Boom, thats why.

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Part 6

Unsung heroes of cinema. Part 6. Illeana Douglas.

You recognise their faces but you aren't quite sure where from. You see them and go "HER!! I see her in everything" and then you forget them. There's a fleeting recognition that disappears as soon as they die in, usually, violent ways. These are the actors that if, IF, you notice them, don't turn up in the opening credits of a film. In fact you'll have to do some pretty lengthy searching of the closing scrolling credits to find them

Illeana Douglas.

She's been munched on by both Robert De Niro and members of a hungry Argentinian rugby team, been Martin Scorsese's muse, been in indie masterpieces based on much adored comic books, went out with crazy Tommy De Vito, acted in critically destroyed big budget box office disasters, been attacked by Megasharks, and hung out with Andy Warhol.

The very definition of a character actor, nearly always playing a quirky or giddy or high strung character Illeana has graced cinema and tv screens for 30 years now, always in a small supporting role. Definitely an actor I'd love to see get her own film or tv show one day as she is always an interesting and welcome presence. Check out her very varied career here

Greatest Hits

Cape Fear. The first victim of Max Cady in a notorious scene which drowned the film in controversy on its original release.

To Die For. Plays a small part in Gus Van Sants odd but excellent little drama and gets a great ironic final scene all to herself.

Ghost World. Roberta, the art teacher who makes a difference in the lives of the 2 heroines of the film. The best comic book adaption that no one watched.

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Part 5

10 films worth watching on freeview TV this week

Whiplash   Sat   27/5   RTE2 @ 21.20

A driven jazz musician is pushed to his very limits by his obsessive teacher. An Oscar winning film that really lives up to the hype. This is an intense study of how hard people will work on what they love. Powerful performances from Miles Teller and especially JK Simmons really sell the film. This is a tough watch and one that will actually leave you tired but wowed as the credits roll.

Quartet   Sat   27/5   BBC2 @ 22.00

A lovely comedy drama set in a rest home for retired musicians. The residents are preparing a show when a new arrival shakes up the status quo. The always excellent Maggie Smith takes the lead in this very funny and poignant film with super turns from Billy Connolly, Tom Courtenay and Pauline Collins. TBH i expected to hate this when i saw it first but i fell for it big time. 

The Damned United   Sun   28/5   BBC2 @ 22.30

A biopic of the football manager Brian Clough covering his very short tenure as manager of Leeds United. Even if you aren't a footie fan you'll enjoy this one. Clough makes for a very interesting lead character, a ball of contradiction and great to watch. Michael Sheen is excellent in the lead role and the supporting cast is a who's who of well known British talent. Plus Colm Meaney who always delivers. 


Jaws   Sun   28/5   RTE2 @ 23.00

A killer shark terrorises a small summer resort and something has to be done about it. Still Steven Spielberg's masterpiece imo and the film that started the whole summer blockbuster scene. A perfect film. Scary as hell, tense, hilarious and full of characters you want to see make it to the end of the film. Plus the USS Indianapolis speech is probably my all time favourite film scene.

United 93   Sun   28/5   ITV4 @ 23.05

The true life tale of the heroic actions of the passengers of Flight 93 that was hijacked on September 11th 2001. Told in real time and using phone calls made from the plane as evidence this is terrifying but utterly compelling watch. With a cast of unknowns and fantastically directed by Paul Greengrass this is a film that will kick you in the stomach but one you won't be able to stop watching.

Millions   Mon   29/5   Film4 @ 12.50

Two young boys come across a bag of money in the aftermath of a bank robbery. And they slowly find out what people are really like when it comes to money. Danny Boyle's film is one for all the family but but one that is far from sentimental and one that doesn't sugar coat the realities of life. Two superb performances from the young lads lift a heartwarming and thoroughly likeable little film that will make you think 

Kind Hearts And Coronets   Tues   30/5   TCM @ 16.45

A man sits in prison waiting to die and recounts the story that lead him to his current precarious position in a story that takes in royalty, murder and balloons. One of Ealing films most famous and enjoyable films. Alec Guinness steals the limelight in this playing not one, not two but eight different roles and he's fantastic in each of them. The perfect film to record and save for a rainy sunday.

Re-Animator   Tues   30/5   Horror Channel @ 23.00

80's horror at its finest in this tale of a mad student scientist who has figured out the secret to re-animating dead flesh. Of course everything goes pear shaped. In the goriest way possible. A very entertaining film if you have a strong stomach and a willingness to just go with the bizarre onscreen events. Jeffrey Combs has the role of a lifetime as the man with the plan. Don't watch this if you are easily offended.

Small Soldiers   Thurs   1/6   Film4 @ 18.50

Advanced missile technology accidentally causes a group of childrens toys to come to life. Not cute happy toys. Oh no, that would be too easy. This is exciting and funny stuff that is a spiritual sequel to Gremlins and packed full of knowing nods to older sci-fi, war & horror films. Plenty to keep the kids and adults happy. Superb cast too with Kirsten Dunst and Jay Mohr standing out.

Boyhood   Fri   2/6   RTE2 @ 21.35

A masterpiece a decade in the making. A simple story of a boy and his mother growing up over the course of 10 years. Done over a few days in each year it's a magical experience watching two people grow up and age before your eyes. Minimal story but that's not what the film is about at all. Ellar Coltrane is fine in his debut appearance but Patricia Arquette owns the film with a stunning performance. A truly unique and utterly absorbing movie.

A brief history of film banning in Ireland

Down with this sort of thing

I used to love Premiere magazine back in the 90's. Made for great reading. I've a vivid recollection of reading an article about this new vampire film called From Dusk Til Dawn that was due out soon and I couldn't wait to see it. Sadly it was not to be as it became the latest film to be banned in Ireland. A silly horror film banned. I couldn't believe it. Turns out it was only the latest in a huge list of films that the Irish censorship board didn't approve of.

1923 saw Ireland's first cinema open and also the formation of the Irish film censor's office. This office ruled with an iron fist for the first 70 or so years of its tenure until things started to become more relaxed around the turn of the century. Supposed social mores and the influence of the Catholic church ensured that hundreds of films were butchered and banned in those years because they contained material supposed to offend public decency. Ha. People then and now were mad for a bit of titillation. But the powers that be under the guise of protecting them denied them that. Films were often cut so much that parts of them appeared nonsensical on release. Casablanca being a prime example.

Some of the films banned over the years are surprising and some aren't. Happily the vast majority of them eventually got to see the light of day. Here are some of the most well known ones.

The Great Dictator. The classic Charlie Chaplin pisstake of Adolf Hitler. Released during World War 2  and banned in Ireland so as not to jeopardise the country's neutrality. 

Monkey Business. The Marx brothers ocean set comedy clearly frightened some of the folk in charge and they banned it in case it inspired us poor easily led plebs to be anarchaic!! A real "seriously??" moment right there. 

Brief Encounter.  The story of a married woman being tempted to have an affair was never ever going to go down well with the Catholic church and they responded the only way they knew how. By suppressing the film of course. Bastards.

Ulysses. A very famous Irish book gets turned into a film that then gets banned in Ireland because of some choice language. That reads like a Father Ted storyline. Utterly ridiculous that this was not legally available in Ireland until 33 years after its release. 

A Clockwork Orange. Made in 1971 and still pretty damn rough 46 years years later so not a hope this was going to be made available to the Irish public who in their sheepish ways would OF COURSE copy the onscreen antics. 

Emmanuelle. The most famous sexy movie of the 70's was never going to get a release in Ireland. And cutting out the sex scenes would have left the film 3 and a half minutes long so the censor got out his banning stick instead. 

The Life Of Brian. This was never going to get a release in the Catholic Ireland of the 70's. Seen as blasphemous in the extreme when it was nothing of the sort. Remember also that RTE in the 90's was wary of showing Father Ted because they thought it might offend people.

The Evil Dead. Not a surprise this one. It had already had big problems with the BBFC ( British Board Of Film Classification) so it was always going to face the same here. But i suppose when you have a film full of mutilation, eye gouging and people being raped by demonic trees thats going to happen. 

Natural Born Killers. A massive cause celebre in 1994 and also temporarily banned in the UK. The Irish censors never gave a definite reason to why this was banned but no doubt it had to do with the media furore in the UK and the US where is was accused of inspiring copycat killings.

Showgirls. 1996 saw the last film to be banned in Ireland from the cinema ( others later were banned on video) and that was Paul Verhoeven's infamous camp classic Showgirls. Copious amounts of gratuitous sex and a grim rape scene were to blame for the banning this time.

In the late 90's restrictions eased up big time thank feck. One big statement the censorship board made was releasing Michael Collins with a PG cert compared to the UK's more restrictive 15 cert. Instead of outright banning films they snipped out offending scenes and eventually stopped doing that with the last few cut films including Broken Arrow, Crash, Another Day In Paradise and finally Dangerous Beauty. No film has been cut in Ireland since 1998. A serious change indeed.

In the 21st century the censorship office changed its name to the Irish Film Classification Board to better reflect their newer outlook. They still had a ways to go though. A major example was a film called The Cider House Rules. An American film with abortion as a major storyline. It received a 12 certificate in the UK but an 18 over here. And any film with a gay theme seemed to get the more restrictive certificates too. 

These days though, they seem to make their decisions with a clear head and plenty of rationale and transparency. Their website has become a very handy resource for getting info on films especially for parents making sure a film is suitable for their kids.

Check it out here
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Unsung heroes of cinema. Part 5. Jenette Goldstein.

You recognise their faces but you aren't quite sure where from. You see them and go "HIM!! I see him in everything" and then you forget them. There's a fleeting recognition that disappears as soon as they die in, usually, violent ways. These are the actors that if, IF, you notice them, don't turn up in the opening credits of a film. In fact you'll have to do some pretty lengthy searching of the closing scrolling credits to find them

Our first woman on the list.

Jenette Goldstein.

A chameleon of an actor. She's played a traditional Irish mammy, an L.A.P.D. cop, an foster mother to a troubled son, a desert vampire, a space federation officer and a bad ass hard as nails marine. Faced off against the xenomorph with some of the biggest coolest weapons ever and been killed by diving board bombs, icebergs, sunlight and blokes with swords for arms.

Great briar face

Never a big presence in the films she's in still but still managed to create an unforgettable action cinema icon and also be a part of the biggest film of all time. Lately her career has been more TV than film but Jenette still pops up regularly. And I always go "GWAN VASQUEZ!!" every time I see her.

"You always were an asshole Gorman"

Greatest hits

Aliens. Damn near steals the film as Private Vasquez. Mad for action and not willing to go gently into that dark night. An incredibly iconic character for the geekier of us. The first of her 3 collaborations with James Cameron. 

Near Dark. Kathryn Bigalow's seriously underrated vampire film is a cracker and Goldstein is great as a bloodthirsty mother figure of the group.

Lethal Weapon 2. The lone female cop in the squad. Doesnt get to do much but gets an incredibly OTT death scene when the baddies of the film go on a rampage. Who bombs a swimming pool??? Evil South Africans, thats who!

Terminator 2. Plays John Connor's foster mother in this and takes part in a very memorable scene involving an unfortunate Xander Berkeley, a milk carton and a surprise impalement.

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Part 4

The unsung heroes of cinema. Part 4

You recognise their faces but you aren't quite sure where from. You see them and go "HIM!! I see him in everything" and then you forget them. There's a fleeting recognition that disappears as soon as they die in, usually, violent ways. These are the actors that if, IF, you notice them, don't turn up in the opening credits of a film. In fact you'll have to do some pretty lengthy searching of the closing scrolling credits to find them

Al Leong.

L'Oreal, Because he's worth it

A Chinese American actor/stuntman with a very distinctive long hair/moustache combo who appeared in dozens of action films and tv shows in the 80's and 90's. Always in the background and always a baddie but always memorable because you'd cop him right away and think "haha this chap is fucked". And he (nearly) always was. But not before he put a nasty kink in the hero's day. Like others in this series his onscreen stint is always brief and usually ends bloodily. This chap has met his demise at the hands of Arnie, Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, Van Damme, Brandon Lee & Dolph Lundgren. He even took on the A-Team!! And Macgyver!!!!!! Happily he doesn't always end up leaking like a cracked jar of Dolmio. He's been Genghis Khan in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure and a mystic spiritual teacher to the gang in That 70's Show too. Take a look at his career here

poser

Greatest hits

Uli in Die Hard. Such a tough guy he can relax and eat a hershey bar while watching a swat team coming to kill him.

Endo the torture guy in Lethal Weapon. Brought in to get info out of Mel Gibson and not 60 seconds later makes his maker courtesy of Mel's strong ankle skills.




Ok, we've had 4 of these unsung hero's article so far. All blokes. The next one shall be a woman. And i haven't a clue who to do one on. Any ideas? Comment section below.

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Revisiting classic films on the big screen

I watched Taxi Driver for the umpteenth time last night. But this time was different. It was an a large cinema screen and it was with an audience. And you know what? It somehow made a magnificent film ever better.

There's this deadly thing in Limerick called the Limerick Movie Club. Its a monthly(ish) get together of like minded people and a classic film is screened. Most people have seen the films but a fair few haven't and there is nothing better than seeing people fall in love with a film. Plus because its a club you get no gowl acting, no phones on display and very little talking*

* There will always be someone talking, some people are just annoying twats who dont care who they annoy, its the nature of a group. 

Also, they print out special tickets for the screenings which i love

So far we've seen

Jaws - You'd forget just how funny this film is until you see it with a good crowd. Everyone remembers the scares but you'd forget the laughs. And the USS Indianapolis scene stunned the crowd, you could hear a pin drop. 

The Thing - The roars during the resuscitation/chest teeth scene were brilliant. And how good did the film look on the big screen? Amazing. Practical effects > CGI any day of the week.

The Exorcist - Loads in the crowd hadn't seen this and when the film started people groaned in fear. I had great fun laughing at the woman beside me cowering in fear. Which was mean of me but i dont care hahaha. 

Halloween - Great craic at this, more people laughing at the scares than screaming but still a a good buzz. When we walked into the screening i was surprised to see a Michael Myers mannequin in the corner. I walked over to have a look at it and it promptly lunged at me with a knife. The high pitched roar i let out did nothing for my manliness that day.

Scarface - another highly entertaining screening. Every one remembers this for its violence but 2 scenes aside its a surprisingly tame film and really quite camp in places. The music made for a super atmosphere too, everyone getting into the beat, bobbing the heads and mouthing along to the famous dialogue. Great fun.

Heat - This was a surprise screening. We had all expected a christmas film as it was in December but when this popped up on screen all you could hear were quiet "YES'S" all around the room. A stunner of a crime thriller made to be watched on a huge screen with a LOUD sound system. 

Rear Window - Amazing with a crowd. Everyone got so into the film which genuinely surprised me as there were a lot of teens that night and i thought they'd be bored silly. Hitchcock is still the master.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - A brilliant night. A load of the crowd hadn't seen it and they all fell for it. Belly laughs, stunned silences and horrified gasps. "Mmm juicy fruit" got the biggest laugh of the night. 

Some people are baffled by the idea of paying to watch a film you've already seen and probably own but it's a great way to re-invigorate an old favourite and it gives you a whole new appreciation of them. Plus it's only the cost of a pint so how bad.

Long may the club continue.

Do you still buy movies?

I do. I love it.  Finally I know how all them hairy boyo's who still buy vinyl feel.

I love them on my shelf. I love the look of them. I love the ritual of deciding which film to watch. Sometimes this ritual can last as long as the watching of the film but that's all part of the joy. Some day ill even get around to organising them but that's leaning a bit too far into Uber-nerd status.

Cliffhanger & Rashomon side by side. As is only right.

I've collected films forever. The first VHS tape i ever bought was Under Siege or Falling Down, it's a long time ago. The first DVD i ever bought was Final Destination and the first bluray was pissing Spiderman shitty 3. I've spent ridiculous money on all the formats and a lot of that was on films i'd already owned on the previous format. At one stage my DVD collection was nearing 4 figures. That was a bit too mental so i gutted the collection. It stung but had to be done. The local charity shop did well out of me that week.

Another thing i loved was shopping for them. HMV  & Xtravision closing down was a killer. I generally hate shopping. When its clothes i can be in and out and done in 10 minutes but when i went in there i could spend hours browsing. Id get giddy walking into the film section. In the Virgin Megastore in Times Square in New York i nearly lost my mind. There was nearly too much. I shan't share how much i spent suffice to say it was in the fuckin eejit range of spending. Now there's feck all places to buy films. Especially in Limerick. The tesco selection is brutal leaving only CEX which can actually be quite good for 2nd hand stuff. The best selection i've ever seen was in a shop in San Francisco called Amoeba Music. 

I was like a drooling fool in there. Some much stuff. So much obscure stuff. Sections for genres i'd never heard of let alone the films. They had a sexy nun section. Yup, sexy nun. A major oxymoron if there ever was one but there ya go. They had so much stuff my head popped and i left empty handed. What the fuck like. Still regret that. I know you can buy online with the greatest of ease but it just isn't the same. Not the same buzz at all.

High speed broadband killed watching films on disc. Netflix getting popular was the final nail in the coffin for film shops in Ireland. Why would anyone in their right mind pay 3 yoyo for a single film when you could pay a tenner a month for all you can eat films and TV. That said i do love Netflix and use it regularly for hard to find stuff but for me i'd always rather pick a disc.

I'm a dinosaur and i love it.

Walking out of films

Went to see the new Guy Ritchie directed 'King Arthur' film yesterday. The film started at 2.10 and I was walking home by 3.10. It was dreadful. Like a DTV film you'd see on sale in Dealz for 1.50 but with a better cast. It pained me to leave but it would have pained me more to stay. I was checking the time 10 minutes in and tbh I'm amazed I stayed that long. Ugh. Plus I still have a headache from what I saw.

I hate leaving films. I always try to keep watching a bad film in the vain hope that they will get better or it will click with me. Plus it costs the bones of a tenner to see a film in the cinema so leaving is wasting money and I hate doing that. Plus it feels a bit disrespectful as silly as it sounds. A lot of time and effort goes into them and it feels wrong to not watch the whole thing. But sometimes a film is just so bad you have to.

I'm 38. I've been going to the cinema for 33 years and I've left a film exactly 4 times. That's how much I hate doing it. Two of the films I've walked out of are in the past year. Maybe its because I'm older and less tolerant of shite or maybe I just need to stop being sucked in by CGI heavy blockbusters who's troubled production history more or less guarantees the film will be atrocious. Probably the latter.

The 4 films

Stigmata. Piss of the highest order. Even Gabriel Byrne and Patricia Arquette couldn't save it. My abiding memory of the film is staring up at the dust floating in the light of the projector beam. The kind of film where you shout in anger at the screen.

Suicide Squad. I should have listened to my gut instinct. But I had a free ticket so said why not. Less than 30 minutes into the film I had a mad desire to repeatedly punch myself in the face as punishment for going to this. And I got sunburned walking in the Ennis road after I walked out to add insult to injury. Pure muck. And made worse by the talent involved. It could have been great fun but somehow they managed to make an absolute bollix of it.

The Matrix Revolutions. The Matrix came out when I was in college. It was amazing. Then the sequels arrived and it was intensely disappointing to see a franchise of films that could have been great crawl up their own arses. The second film was poor but the turd one (get it! Boom boom) was diabolical. Oh Jesus I just about lost the will to live during it. I left during the burly brawl aka the worst CGI ever and didnt look back. Muck.

King Arthur. Pffftt. Enough breath wasted on this.

Enough. I'm getting pissed off just writing this

What movies have you walked out of? 

10 films worth watching on Freeview TV this week

Desperado   Sat   20/5   RTE2 @ 23.50

Antonio Banderas strolls into a crime ridden Mexican town as a man looking for revenge. And he gets it. And then some. Robert Rodriguez's action thriller is a wildly entertainingly ride, bloody, crunchy, sexy and just non stop. Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek are on fire in the lead roles and fun cameos from Quentin Tarantino and Steve Buscemi add a nice dose of humour.

North By Northwest   Sat   20/5   BBC2 @ 13.30

A man in the wrong place at the wrong time is mistaken for a government agent and goes on the run across America with a woman who helps him in his escape. Easily Alfred Hitchcock's most fun film, this is 2 hrs of pure escapism and fun with Cary Grant at his most charming and likeable and Eva Marie Saint is great as a woman who may not be what she seems. Crackling chemistry between the leads make this a super watch.

Philomena    Sat   20/5   BBC2 @ 21.00

A woman searching for her long lost son hires a journalist to help to her take on the might of the catholic church who forced her as a teen to give up her child. A heartbreaking true story about corruption and motherly love with an immense performance from Judi Dench in the title role. An upsetting, angry and poignant watch that still finds time for a touch of some much needed humour. 

Time Bandits   Sun   21/5   Film4 @ 14.50

A young boy finds himself on the adventure of a lifetime when he teams up with a group of time travellers on the run from their master. A brilliant piece of fantasy from the minds behind Monty Python and a pretty much perfect family film for a rainy day. A surreal and bizarre film in places but so so much fun. And the cast is mighty, a who's who a great English actors. Too many to name here so i won't bother!

Judgement At Nuremberg   Mon   22/5   TCM @ 15.00  

An epic star studded Hollywood take on the infamous Nuremberg trial of Nazi judges in the post WW2 years. Made in 1961 when the horrors of war were still fresh in people minds, this film showed people just how insidious and truely evil naziism was. An utterly compelling courtroom drama that's long but never boring with an amazing cast including Burt Lancaster, Judy Garland, Spencer Tracy and Marlene Dietrich.

Four Brothers   Mon   22/5   3E @ 23.00

4 adopted brothers come together to investigate the murder of their loving mother in snowy Detroit. A modern reimagining of The Sons Of Katie Elder, this is blunt but very entertaining & action packed stuff. The 4 are played by Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Gareth Hedlund and Andre Benjamin. The chemistry between them is great and Chiwetel Ejiofor makes a magnificently nasty baddie. Fionnula Flanagan is lovely in a small role too.

The Mist   Tues   23/5   Syfy @ 21.00

Frank Darabont's fantastic adaption of the Stephen King story of a mysterious fog that descends on a small American town. On the surface a monster movie but also a look at the horrors of religious extremism. Thomas Jane is solid in the lead but Marcia Gay Harden steals the film with a terrifying performance. A scary, thrilling and very effective film with an ending that.........well you need to see it for yourself.

The Terminator   Wed   24/5   Spike @ 9pm

A killer robot from the future stalks a woman to kill her for reasons unknown. The synopsis of this film always sounds silly but it is one of the best action films nay films ever made. Its just perfect. Lean. Not a second wasted. A masterclass in tension and action and economical storytelling. Linda Hamilton is brilliant as Sarah Connor but Arnold Schwarzenegger just owns the film. I'm so jealous of anyone who hasn't seen this.

The Railway Man   Fri   26/5   More4 @ 21.00

A man ruined by the torture he was put through in the Pacific theatre of World War 2 finds out the person responsible is still alive and he wants to face him one last time. A dark,grim film made watchable by a superb performance from the always reliable Colin Firth. An unusual film too in that it portrays the horrors of war intimately rather than on an epic scale as most war films do. Powerful stuff.

The International   Fri   26/5   TV3 @ 22.50 

An interpol agent and a District Attorney team up to bring down a bank involved in dodgy dealings and finds their lives are in severe danger. A twisty- turny and lovely looking thriller that feels like a grown up version of a Bond film. This was mostly ignored on release and its a pity. Clive Owen & Naomi Watts add solid heft in the lead roles and it contains a quite spectacular action scene in a well known NYC landmark that would thrill anyone.