Well shit

Today I went to the cinema to see a new film, an Irish crime dram called Broken Law. My first time doing so since the 12th of March. I was as giddy as a child on christmas morning. Getting to see a new movie in my favourite place has gone from a 2-3 times weekly thing to a rare treat. I could not wait. I settled in, drink by one side, jelly beans at the other. The place was empty, just me and one other person. Both of us as far from each other as possible. The lights dropped and the projector started. The IFCO certification screen appeared. No trailers. Lovely. This was perfect.

Then the film broke down. First there was picture and no sound. Then sound and no picture. Then just black. "I'm sorry, it's a technical issue. Email this address for compensation."

Oh my word what a disappointment.

2020 has a way of ruining the little moments too doesn't it.

Another perfect pairing of sound & vision - Beetlejuice

Who would have thought a group of possessed snobs at a dinner party would give us one of the most joyous scenes of the 1980's?

The Maitland's have their dream Connecticut home. The only people is they are dead and haunting their former abode instead of living in it. Then the Deetz's move in. The Deetz's are snobs, full of notions and start changing everything the Maitland's loved about their house. So they decide to do something about it. And it all starts during a dinner party. With the Banana Boat Song.



Brilliant. Just brilliant. The Maitland's attempt to scare away the Deetz's using the music of Harry Belafonte gives us a perfect pairing of sound and vision and the cast sells it completely from Catherine O'Hara and her opening salvo to the climactic prawn cocktail attack.

Previous pairings

Rio Bravo

Hard Boiled
8 mile
Wheels On Meals
The Office (UK)
Do The Right Thing
Se7en
Mad Men
The Colour Of Money
Rules Of Attraction

Jackass II

Game Of Thrones 

Apocalypse Now

Blade

Big
Miller's Crossing

The Blues Brothers

Straight Outta Compton

The Princess Bride

American Honey

Snake In The Eagle's Shadow

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Untouchables

Airplane!

Dazed And Confused  

Kickboxer                                  

Grosse Point Blank

Mean Streets

Watership Down

Casablanca

Zodiac

Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission

Before Sunset

Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans

How To Build A Girl

"I went on a plane today for the first time. Do you know how amazing it was? I learned an astounding thing. It's always sunny above the clouds. However awful it is on earth if you go high enough it's always summer. It's amazing."

Flights never last long enough do they. You always have to land eventually.

1993. Wolverhampton. A dump of a city. Where dreams go to die. School's a tough place if you don't fit in perfectly and 16 year old Johanna Morrigan most definitely doesn't fit in perfectly. She loves her schoolwork which baffles her teachers and grates on her schoolmates. She afraid to approach boys meaning they all assume she's a "lezzer" and her love of the Brontë Sisters, Frida Kahlo and Sylvia Plath isn't helping matters. All she wants is a place in the world where she'll feel comfortable and not be humiliated everyday. A suggestion from her brother leads to her writing a sample music review which she sends to NME and to her surprise they like it. Within weeks Johanna's world has opened up but an eager to please 16 year old girl out enjoying life for the first time is always going to run into trouble.

For the first few minutes the accent grates. It's not exactly Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins bad but it's up there. You'll cringe and you'll squirm but eventually you'll start smiling because Beanie Feldstein's Johanna is just so damn likable. She's a force of nature, once she gets going there's no stopping her. The people she works with, the bands she meets, the singers she fancies, they all crumble under her sheer good natured-ness and eventually you will too and with that How To Build A Girl becomes a joy to watch. Add in the brilliant Paddy Considine as the type of father everyone would love to have and Alfie Allen as a rockstar who flips over all your expectations and you have a movie a lot of people are going to love.

I don't want to call it a gender flipped Almost Famous but that's a pretty decent description of it. Like Cameron Crowe's autobiographical classic from 20 years back this one is kinda based on a true story too (Caitlin Moran wrote the book this is based on and the film's screenplay too) but there's an edge here that the earlier film is missing. Johanna's youth and naivety are sniffed out instantly by the predatory journo bro's and the musicians she deals with and to get herself ahead she creates a nasty persona called Dolly Wilde who's reason d'etre is to shred all that come before her. It works (the Eddie Vedder crack is vicious) but at the same time it pushes her away from a family that loves her into the arms of an industry that will use and spit her out. It's hard at times to watch and for some people it will be a poignant reminder of the times in their youth when they changed who they were to fit in. 

Her turns in Lady Bird and Booksmart were good but How To Build A Girl really shows what Feldstein can do when she's the main focus. She's great in a story that really nails that feeling of teenage self discovery, that lightbulb moment when things fall into place. For Johanna it's the Manic Street Preachers roaring "YOU LOVE US" at her in a dingy club while her Da sips a subpar pint of plain in the background. Like the film itself it shows us the thin veneer of glamour that lets us escape the normal everyday drag for a while.

How To Build A Girl is out now to stream. It's really worth your time.

Whingy bastard

I've created a new game. It's called whingy bastard. Or moany cunt. Or maybe even contrary fucker. You play it at the bus stop. It works best when there's a crowd. Have a look around and you'll see most people are wearing masks. A few who aren't will inevitably pop one on as soon as the bus turns up but there's always one who just won't and they'll kick up a stink when the driver asks them to. The object of whingy bastard ( or moany cunt or contrary fucker ) is to spot the person who won't before they make themselves known. Just look for the signs, a big stubborn looking head only bulling for an argument, arms crossed while their eyes defiantly scan the crowd looking for someone who dares to look at them wrong. You'll always see one and it makes the soul crushing wait for public transport that bit more bearable because it's always fun seeing them go bright red. 

Awkward shithead!! There's another name for it.

The Rental

Two couples head off to the seaside for the weekend. Their lodgings? An airbnb (the actual name is never mentioned but.....ya know...) overlooking the sea. The kind of abode that only exists in the movies. The group? Two brothers, Charlie (Dan Stevens) and Josh (Jeremy Allen White), Michelle (Alison Brie) who's married to Charlie and Mina (Sheila Vand), who's seeing Josh but also business partner to Charlie. They're a dull foursome, bland in that wholesome American way but as the weekend plays out we realise they aren't as boring as they initially seem. And it's not just us witnessing what they get up to either. Nope. Someone else has a vested interest in their shenanigans.

The whole idea of Airbnb is a strange thing isn't it. We pay money to perfect strangers to go and stay in a place we know very little about apart from what we've read in a review or two. It's the exact thing we were warned against as kids, "Stay away from strangers" but now in attempt to save a bit of cash we'll blindly walk into the unknown courtesy of a capitalist behemoth that we all know is bad for us all. In his directorial debut, Dave Franco (brother of James) uses this simple idea to create a very solid little horror movie that will frustrate as many people as it pleases.

This is a film that really takes it's time, letting us get to know the meat.....haha i mean the characters populating the story before letting rip on them. We find out what makes them tick, how they get on with each other and it's here where the film really works. The Rental becomes a story about human weaknesses and how sensible folk turn into muppets when they allow themselves to relax that bit too much. It feels more like a mumblecore take on a psychological drama than a scary movie. Snippets of chat lead us to believe we know what way the story will unravel and then Franco turns everything on it's head when we fall into a stalk and slash horror that feels like John Carpenter territory with it's sudden shocks and short sharp bursts of violence. Like Carpenter's most famous horror it doesn't feel the need to dwell on bloody suffering but because we've gotten to know everyone it still hurts. Ouch. 

The Rental will annoy some though as it's not a film that gives answers or motivations. A lot is left to the imagination and different viewers are going to have different takes on what they've just seen when they come together for the post viewing post mortem. Characters who seem like they might be ropey are played ambiguously, horror tropes we've come to expect are knocked on their arse & backstories are thankfully kept to the bare minimum. It's nothing we haven't seen before but the way it's approached helps it feel fresh. It's an assured debut from Franco and while it's not 100% successful it's clear to see he's a fan of the genre and he knows how to get the most out of a very decent cast. Stevens and Brie (Franco's wife in real life) are good value as party animals gone to seed while Jeremy Allen White (so good in TV's Shameless) and Sheila Vand play their roles in the exact fashion you expect while still managed to keep their actions surprising. 

The Rental is out to stream now. It's well worth your while especially if you don't need your hand held. Oh and there's a dog. A lovely friendly dog. Will it survive? It's post modern horror so who knows? You'll have to watch to find out.

15 films on de box for yerselves this week

The Post   Sat   25/7   CH4 @ 21.15

When the true depths of America's Vietnam losses are exposed a new appointed newspaper owner and a seasoned newspaper editor must decide whether to publish their findings and face jail time or back down and face themselves. Steven Spielberg's 2017 drama is an interesting and tension packed look at a very  turbulent time in American history. The cast is second to none with Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Carrie Coon, Sarah Paulson & Matthew Rhys amongst others firing on all cylinders.

Mountains Of The Moon   Sat   25/7   TG4 @ 22.05

Captain Burton and Lieutenant Speke head to Africa to find the source of the Nile and claim it and it's resources for the brits. Things....well let's just say things don't go too well for them. A handsomely mounted epic of the type you rarely see anymore while that somehow manages to feel intimate despite it's scope. Our own Patrick Bergin leads the way as Burton with Iain Glen doing well as Speke. Keep an eye out for Omar Sharif too.

Horns   Sun   26/7   Film4 @ 01.05

One morning a young man wakes up with horns growing from his head and the ability to get people to admit their darkest secrets. Daniel Radcliffe shakes off his Harry Potter persona to star in this gory and surreal tale that will upset you in places and make you snort laughing in others. A genuine oddity of a film but one thats both original and interesting. Juno Temple, James Remar & Kathleen Quinlan shine too.

Roxanne   Sun   26/7   RTE1 @ 15.40

Take the classic French story of Cyrano De Bergerac and transplant it into anywhere USA. Add Steve Martin as a man with a killer personality who's ashamed of his physical side. Throw in a love interest and a love rival. Sprinkle it with a dash of whimsy, a whiff of loneliness, a side order of belly laughs and you get a perfect Sunday afternoon movie. Martin, a luminous Daryl Hannah and a charmingly clumsy Rick Rossovich all do good work.

Deep Impact   Sun   26/7   BBC2 @ 16.10

There's an asteroid headed towards Earth. Everyone understandably enough panics and we get to go along on the ride with them. In 1998 two asteroid films were released, this and Armageddon. This was the far superior one, a disaster film with real heart. It's a wee bit mawkish and manipulative in places but the spectacle on display and a brilliant cast that includes Robert Duvall, Tea Leoni, Morgan Freeman and Elijah Wood will ensure an involving rainy afternoon watch.

Lemmy   Sun   26/7   TG4 @ 23.05

Lemmy Kilmister. If you like to gamble, I tell you he's your man  The dynamo behind Motorhead, powered by Marlboro's, Jack Daniels and amphetamines. A heavy metal legend taken from us in 2016. This is his story. We all know the tales about his antics but this documentary gives us a captivating look at the man behind the myths and like Lemmy himself it's straightforward, funny, wild and lacks bullshit of any kind. 

Still Alice   Mon   27/7   CH4 @ 00.30

Alice has been forgetting things lately and when it starts affecting her job she decides to get herself checked out. The diagnosis is a life changer for herself and her family. An undeniably tough watch but a magnificent performance from Julianne Moore and strong support from Alec Baldwin and Kirsten Stewart raise this high above the usual films of this type and save it from mawkishness and sentimentality.

Chevalier   Mon   27/7   Film4 @ 01.45

Six Greek men head out into the Aegean sea to fish and take part in a series of games that will prove who amongst them is the manliest of the bunch. A darkly funny and in places disturbing look into the male psyche and the ridiculous lengths men will go to to one up each other. I haven't a clue who any of the actors are but they fill the movie with naturalistic performances that compliment and sometimes ruin the beautiful scenery.

Laura   Mon   27/7   BBC2 @ 14.15

NYPD detective McPherson is investigating the murder of Laura Hunt. The deeper into the investigation he gets the more obsessed he becomes and people around him start to worry. This film noir thriller from Otto Preminger lives up to it's classic status. Complex, constantly surprising, full of suspense and stylish as hell. Great acting from Gene Tierney (as Laura) and Clifton Webb too. Definitely worth recording this.

Ida   Tues   28/7   Film4 @ 22.45

Anna's on the verge of becoming a nun in a remote convent in Poland when she meets a long lost relative and discovers things about herself she never knew. So she sets off to find out more. Agata Trzebuchowska is breathtaking in her debut role and carries a smartly written, beautifully shot, sensitive and tender film that does more in it's 80 minute run time than most of the bloat coming out of Hollywood.

Inside Llewyn Davis   Wed   29/7   CH4 @ 02.40

Llewyn Davis is having a tough week in New York City. He's a musician and he's stuck in a disaster of a time. A disaster of his own making. See Llewyn is an asshole. But he's also a superb musician. The Coen Brothers comedy drama is a good one. Amusing, sad, quirky (no surprise there) filled with decent tunes and a lovely evocation of a very important part of history. Oscar Isaac is a solid lead and there's nice supporting turns from Carey Mulligan and Adam Driver.

Westworld   Wed   29/7   TCM @ 23.10

Westworld's a place where you can live out your wild west fantasties, you can be a hero or a villain and tourists get a taste of both when the artificial intelligence running the park goes faulty. Yes yes it's Jurassic Park with robot cowboy's but it did come first. It's an entertaining watch that rapidly becomes a scary one courtesy of a demonic Yul Brynner in a rare bad guy role. James Brolin & Richard Benjamin are a fine pair of heroes and keep an eye out forAlan Oppenheimer aka the voice of 80's cartoons.

Citadel   Thur   30/7   CH4 @ 01.50

A young father must face his worst fears to protect himself and his family from a gang of vile little terrors roaming the decrepit place they call home. Dublin born director Ciaran Foy's 2012 horror is a unique stunner and one of those films that gets under your skin and lingers in your brain. It's nightmarish, unnerving stuff and won't be for everyone though. Aneurin Bernard and James Cosmo as the leads do first rate work.

The Equalizer   Fri   31/7   RTE1 @ 22.15

Robert McCall's violent past as a commando is behind him. Or so he thought. A chance encounter with a young woman brings it all flooding back. Antoine Fuqua and Denzel Washington's new take on the 80's TV show is a lot more vicious than it's source material but seeing Denzel mincing an army of scum and villainy is surprisingly enjoyable. Melissa Leo, Chloe Grace Moretz and Marton Csokas give back up.

Poltergeist   Fri   31/7   BBC1 @ 22.45

The Freeling's are the picture of Californian perfection. It's just a pity for them that their gaff was built on a Native American burial site and the spirits below are sick of these interlopers. Tobe Hooper & Steven Spielberg's 1982 horror is a classic of the genre, terrifying, hilarious, eerie as hell and all built around a household that you'll genuinely care for. JoBeth Williams, Craig T. Nelson and lil Heather O'Rourke make a fine family.

Come As You Are

A man sits on the beach watching a voluptuous woman in a bikini walking towards him. They embrace. He's a lucky guy. Then he wakes up. It's a dream and he has an erection that he's unable to do anything about. He's paraplegic with only enough power in his right hand to push his wheelchair's joystick and he relies on his mother to do everything for him. She pulls off his bed sheets to get him dressed and washed as he lies there mortified but to her it's just another day. It's a tough life. 

3 men decide to head to Canada to lose their respective virginities. Scotty (Grant Rosenmeyer), a man with paraplegia, his friend Mo (Ravi Patel), who's on the verge of blindness and Matt (Hayden Szeto), an ex-boxer who's illness has confined him to a wheelchair. Scotty's heard of a brothel in Montreal that caters to clients with disabilities and they decide to go on a roadtrip. The only issues are their over protective parents and the fact that none of them can drive, so they hire Sam (Gabourey Sidibe), a driver and carer and off they head on a trip that will change their lives. In more ways than one.

Imagine this film had been made 20 years ago. It has Farrelly Brothers written all over it. It would have been tasteless, jokey, wallowing in cringe and a tacky and mean look at disability and sexuality. Thankfully Richard Wong's remake of a 2011 Belgian film called Hasta La Vista has it's heart in the right place even if it goes about thing in a problematic fashion. It's 2020. It's supposedly a more enlightened time. The days of able bodied actors playing people with disabilities should be in the past but Come As You Are is yet another example of it and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth despite how well everything else is done. If you can get past it there's plenty here to enjoy but if it's something that bothers you you may want to give this a miss.

Despite it's big issue it's still a charming watch. It's funny, it's upsetting, it's heartfelt, it never invites us to take pity on the 3 amigos, it just presents us with a scenario that wouldn't even be an issue to abled bodied folk and gives us an insight into an aspect of life for people with disabilities that's rarely if ever talked about onscreen. They are horny young men, they just happen to find it harder than most to do anything about it. It also sheds light on the hardship of being a carer, the unsung heroes, the worries they have and the sense of panic when normal routines get interrupted, by say a surprise sex trip. It manages to weave a touching and thoughtful tale while still packing in the laughs. An awful night-time drive, a first ever headbutt, a porn filled motel tv, a brilliant slo-mo strut and these laughs really work because, like all good comedies should do, it makes us give a damn about the people we're watching.

Scotty's a hard guy to like but it's understandable why he's the way he is and Grant Rosenmeyer makes him grow on you despite the fact that he's "the asshole of the group." Ravi Patel as Mo is brilliant in a part that isn't as fleshed out as the others and Hayden Szeto as Matt nails the reality of his situation. The 3 work well together, bouncing off each other like real friends would. Gabourey Sidibe gets the short straw in a part that feels like it was cut down in the editing room (one subplot involving her health pops up and vanishes) and you get the sense that more of her Sam would have only added to the film, especially in the quieter moments she shares with Mo. But thankfully, a little bit of tenderness goes a long way.

Come As You Are is out now on google movies to rent or buy. It's a nice film if you can get past it's one big problem.

A new way to pick what films to watch

This month I'm going by posters. The more lurid and garish the better. As you'll see with my first 5 choices below.

Day Of The Warrior looks like it will be a subtle, layered and considered slice of cinema.

This one is from the king of Spanish horror, Jesus Franco. So it's guaranteed to be awful, but in a hilarious way.

Giallo cinema is a must if you love a sleazy manky poster. This film has great artwork in fairness, it will no doubt be the best thing about the film.

I love this poster. I've never heard of this film but because of this poster I have to watch it. I cannot wait to be disappointed by this one.

"Filmed in the graveyards of England." Well now, that's just quality guaranteed. But that poster. It's kinda cool in an creepy eerie way.

Oh the nostalgia

Superman has always been my favourite superhero so getting the chance to see him on the big screen is always a treat. My local Omniplex is showing loads of old movies lately due to the lack of new product and the 1978 Superman film was the big classic on this week. It came out the year I was born (I know, I'm fucking ancient) so I'd never seen it anywhere other than TV.  Now was my chance.

It blew me away. 2 hours later I'm still buzzing.  Last Friday week we got to see The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, an amazing experience but this time i was just bowled over by a wave of nostalgia. The music, I'd forgotten just how good it was, triumphant, uplifting, heroic, perfect, a soundtrack you'd nearly stand up and cheer for. The moment that got me was when Superman took Lois Lane for a night time flight over Metropolis. It instantly brought me back to Christmas time as a young lad, watching with my parents and my brother, with my Nana and that feeling of just being awestruck. A man who could fly! Other memories came flying at me too, chief among them my first ever trip to the cinema, going to see Superman III with my Da. Its a 36 year old memory and it's hazy as hell but I still remember that combine harvester scene terrifying us until the Man Of Steel saved the day and I became an instant fan. Then watching Superman II as a child and being traumatised by the scene where Clark gives up his powers and then gets roundly beaten by a trucker in diner. Watching Superman IV in a cinema in London and then getting to sit in Lex Luthor's actual car in Hamley's toystore. There's picture evidence of this somewhere and I need to dig it out now. 

As the film played out I just sat there with the silliest grin on my face. It was badly needed.

God i love the cinema.

Originality isn't all that

1975. Jaws comes out and blockbuster cinema is invented. Cinema is derivative as hell and two years later we had Bond getting in on the act with a bad guy named Jaws taking on a shark in The Spy Who Loved Me. 

Then two years later George A. Romero made Dawn Of The Dead and it became the most profitable independent film ever (for a while) and later that year Italian cinema & Lucio Fulci got in on the zombie bandwagon with Zombie Flesh Eaters and thought why not, Bond already did it so let's throw a shark/human(ish) scrap into the mix here too. 

You have to love unoriginal thought. Without it we wouldn't have film scenes like these. No sharks were really eaten btw.

 Man, modern movies are so fucking boring.

Tenet go bye bye

Look at the mask. It's almost prophetic.

So......Tenet got delayed indefinitely. A troubling development. The film that was poised to save cinema from Covid-19. It was going to happen without a doubt but while it still had a release date you could hold onto the hope that going back to the cinema would become a normal thing again. Now that hope is gone and I'd safely say the amount of new films coming out in the next few months will dwindle to nothing. Film studio's aren't going to release films when there's no chance of recouping their money. It's sad for film fans but in the bigger scheme of things it's not a true worry. 

The upside is when things come back to normal we'll have a raft of new stuff to watch. My god 2021 could be film nirvana. 

That bastard list gets bigger

I do love a good film book. Especially when it's about my favourite genre. 

The upside of this book - I'll finish it with a couple of dozen films I've never seen to add to my list.

The downside of this book - I'll finish it with a couple of dozen films I've never seen to add to my list.

Being a film fan is such hard work. Woe is me haha.

14 films on TV pour vous this week

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri   Sat   18/7   CH4 @ 21.15

When the local police force fail to find to find her daughter's killers a mother sets out to shame them into action. Martin McDonagh's 2018 comedy drama will not be to everyone's tastes because it's a film painted in multiple shades of grey and one that offers no easy answers but it's a blisteringly well acted look at the darkness that lurks under serene surfaces. Francis McDormand, Woody Harrellson & Sam Rockwell do career best work here.

Silence   Sat   18/7   TG4 @ 22.00

Eoghan is returning to Ireland. It's been years since he was home. He's because he's after getting an unusual job offer. To record the sounds of a landscape free from man made noise. This is one of the more unusual Irish films you'll ever see. It's tough to get into at first but soon enough you'll be glued to the screen by it's beautiful blend of sound & vision. Director Pat Collins has made something very special here. 

Patrick's Day   Sat   18/7   RTE2 @ 23.25

The story of a young man in Dublin with schizophrenia who meets a suicidal woman and what happens next. Yes, it's sounds terribly upsetting and yes it is but there's a lot  more to it than that. Super performances all around but Moe Dunford brings the lead character of Patrick to life in a way that makes you genuinely care for him. It's a film that will kick you in the heart a few times but you'll be glad you watched it. .

Ginger Snaps   Sun   19/7   The Horror Channel @ 00.35

Brigitte and Ginger are two teenage sisters who share a morbid curiosity with death. This curiosity explodes when Ginger is bitten by a strange dog and starts acting...differently. This women led take on the old tale of lycanthropy is a very entertaining watch. Ya, it's packed full of gore and queasy moments but it's also laced with dark humour and metaphorical meaning. Emily Perkins and Katherine Isabelle are flawless as the main characters.

The Thief Of Baghdad   Sun   19/7   Virgin Media 1 @ 13.50

A young Iraqi Sultan is betrayed by a member of his own side and thrown into a dungeon. There he meets a thief who's destiny is to set wrongs to right. This feast for the eyes is 80 years old and still as full of wonder as it was when it was first released, if you can get by some of the dubious casting choices that is. Sabu as the titular character is good fun and Conrad Veidt as evil Jaffar is an effective scumbag.

Some Like It Hot   Sun   19/7   RTE1 @ 15.25

Joe and Jerry have just witnessed the the St. Valentine's Day massacre and now they're running for their lives. To get out off town they disguise themselves as women and join an all woman music troupe heading for Florida. This is a classic that truly lives up to the hype. It's a scream, hilarious in places and touching in others. Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis are all on fire. A quintessential sunday watch.

Hell Or High Water   Sun   19/7   Film4 @ 21.00

Two brothers traverse the state of Texas robbing banks. On their trail are two veteran Texas rangers. It's only a matter of time before their paths cross. This modern take on the western genre is a fantastic watch. Gripping, exciting, emotional and very topical in it's nods towards the state of modern day America. Chris Pine, Ben Foster, Jeff Bridges and Gil Bermingham as the leads put in flawless performances. The ending is.....oh it's just perfect.

The Truman Show   Mon   20/7   TG4 @ 21.30

Truman is starting to notice weird things in his everyday life, recurring patterns and strange behaviour from his friends and family. One day someone he used to know confronts him in the street and turns his life upside down. Jim Carrey has never been better than he is here, a brilliant film about the artificiality of our lives and how we choose to spend our time. It's a mindblowing watch and if you haven't seen it I'm very jealous.

Crimson Tide   Mon   20/7   ITV4 @ 21.00

An interrupted transmission to a submarine leads to confusion and eventually onboard civil war when the crew find themselves in a moral quandry that could affect the future of life on earth. Tony Scott's 1995 thriller is a claustrophobic & sweaty watch that still has the power to wrack your nerves even if you know how it ends. Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman are both on fire and get great support from George Dzundza, Viggo Mortensen and the late James Gandolfini.

I Am Not A Witch   Tues   21/7   Film4 @ 23.40

In a remote Zambian village a small girl called Shula is accused of witchcraft. The laws are strict and her young age doesn't matter. It's rare an African film appears on TV and this one is a fine introduction to African cinema & a culture mostly alien to western audiences. It's a harsh watch about female subjugation but also a very humane one and surprisingly in places it may even make you laugh. Little Maggie Mulubwa is wonderful in the lead role.

Tale Of Tales   Thur   23/7   CH4 @ 01.55

Three interweaving fairytales that tell the stories of an angry queen, some rather strange siblings and royal obsessions. This is quite a bit removed from the fairy stories we heard growing up but it's easily as fascinating, disturbing, compelling and horrifying as the best of them. Oh and it's definitely not for kids. Salma Hayek, Vincent Cassel and John C.Reilly head a well acted and beautiful looking movie.

The Curse Of Frankenstein   Thur   23/7   The Horror Channel @ 23.10

We all know the story here. A mad scientist tries to build life from death and in the process creates a monster with a damaged brain who....well... goes out and kills. This is the film that made Hammer Horror a force to reckon with and 63 years later it's still a cracker. It's effects may have aged but it's effect hasn't (sorry). A dark, scary and affecting tale. First pairing of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee and still one of the best.

The Shining   Fri   24/7   BBC1 @ 22.30

The Overlook Hotel in Colorado is a strange place and the unsuspecting Torrance family are about to spend a very memorable winter up there. Stanley Kubrick's adaption of Stephen King's novel is an excellent horror film. Darkly funny, unnervingly eerie (even the opening credits) and eventually downright terrifying. And yes, it's better than the book. Jack Nicholson, Shelley Long and little Danny Lloyd do mighty work. 

For A Few Dollars More   Fri   24/7   BBC2 @ 23.20

A bounty hunter by the name of Manco is chasing a gang lead by El Indio, a vicious bandit. He teams up with another hunter called Mortimer. Manco's out for money but Mortimer has his own reasons. The second film in Sergio Leone's Man With No Name trilogy is a masterpiece. A quirky, darkly humorous and surprisingly vicious spaghetti western. Clint Eastwood does his laconic thing well while Lee Van Cleef creates something iconic.

Why did I watch that before bed?

I just watched The Haunting (1963 version) and now I'm in bed regretting watching The Haunting. Every creak in the house sounds like a gunshot. Shadows in the corner of the room look like faces and I'm just waiting for a cat in heat outside the house to start screaming which will probably make me jump through the ceiling.

It's a horribly effective film, one where you don't see anything but you feel everything and ahahahahaha I'm going to be awake at the witching hour with it all running through my head. God I'm a fool. Why didn't I watch the shitty 1999 version instead.

Palm Springs

A man burns to death in a pool full of petrol. A woman deliberately steps in front of a truck. A man in a bin takes a close range arrow to the chest. A woman ruins her sister's life. These actions don't sound funny do they? Out of context they sound down right horrifying tbh but when they happen in Palm Springs they will make you hoot like an eejit. It´s a film you´re better off watching cold....which begs the question...why are you still reading this?

Think about a shitty day you had. Have you got it? Are you cringing yet? Remember the relief when you got into bed and it was all over? Nice wasn't it. Now imagine doing it over and over and over again? Would you just keep doing the same thing again, hoping for a different outcome? Or would you say fuck it and throw all caution to the wind? Just to see what you could salvage from the day? I know what one I'd go for.

It´s the 9th of November. Nyles (Adam Samberg) is in Palm Springs for a friend's wedding. Sarah (Cristin Milioti) is there too to be maid of honour for her sister. She´s totally unprepared, her speech is going to be a disaster and then Nyles saves the day with lines that just seem perfect...........too perfect. He´s smooth as hell and him and Sarah hit it off and head into the desert night for a bit of naughtiness. Then an arrow flies out of the air and everything goes pear shaped until Sarah wakes up. On the 9th of November again. Just what is going on?

Palm Springs is a joy. It's a film that knows it's audience is going to be film savvy, that we've seen Groundhog Day, Edge Of Tomorrow and that one really good episode of Supernatural, it knows it doesn't have to waste time on cod mythology, crappy scientific explanations or backstory and so it dumps us right into the middle of Nyles's journey. He seems off at first, miserable in a situation that should bring happiness, then all of a sudden he's a different man altogether when he sets his sights on Sarah, things don't make sense and just when your eyes are on the verge of rolling the film lets us know what's up and from then on it's just a joyous freefall of carnage & hilarity brought together beautifully by a central pairing that just works.

Samberg, an actor with a tendency to be loud and annoying is excellent here, each day he relives stripping away another layer of armour repetition has created. Milioti nails the 'lost and clearly troubled by something' look and then has a whale of a time diving headfirst and with gusto into her new normal. Palm Springs is 90 minutes long but or once I'd have happily watched another 30 minutes of Nyles and Sarah's metaphysical adventures in other dimensions. It's just so much fun watching two people bonding right in front of your eyes, something that began in wary disbelief up to the point where both our heroes wake each day with a smile, knowing they'll get to be together again within moments.

I loved this film. It's easily going to slot into my top 10 of 2020. And we haven't even mentioned J.K. Simmons yet. Simmons is the icing on the cake here. But I'll leave ye to discover how he fits into the mix. Palm Springs is streaming on Hulu now. It rocks. Watch it.

I May Destroy You

Just finished this.

A modern masterpiece of TV from Michaela Coel. 

My shitty words won't do it justice.

Just watch it.

Relic

One of the scariest things in life is watching the people you love age and weaken. It's true horror. One you can do nothing about. No crucifix, incantations, holy water or silver bullets will help you here. The slow inexorable march to the grave that we must all take is a horrible thing to witness but if we're lucky we'll find some way to make peace with it. The only way to deal with what scares you is to lie down with it.

Edna's (Robyn Nevin) gone missing and her daughter Kay (Emily Mortimer) and granddaughter Sam (Bella Heathcote) are worried. They search the house and find it's condition disturbing and when Edna does finally turn up she's bruised but ok physically although psychologically it's another matter. Kay feels Edna's at the stage where assisted living is needed but the independent Edna doesn't see it that way. Slowly but surely the mother and grandmother they once knew is changing before their eyes.

This was a troubling watch. There's little on this earth worse than watching those you love when they're afflicted by an illness and Relic goes all in with the darkness of the situation. It does it right too, in a creeping dread kind of way that really gets under your skin. There's nothing exploitative here, there's no cheap jump scares only a familiar tale that turns to abject terror by degrees. It's a film that starts as a family drama and ends like a fever fuelled nightmare. It nails the sense of dread, that gut clenching feeling when you know things aren't going to be the same again. The fear of the real unknown. One small moment really got to me. Kay and her mother are sitting at a table and Kay notices her mother staring at her like she's a stranger, a stare that turns to pure malevolence. It's genuinely unsettling and proof that horror movies never need to rely on gore splashed around or crappy shrieking jump scares. All they need to do is make the fear relatable and they've succeeded.

Like with most horror movies the scares do ramp up as the climax is built towards and you might find yourself rolling your eyes considering the subtle way the scares play out in the early half of the film but just keep saying to yourself "this is all a metaphor, this is all a metaphor" and you'll get through it. Part of the reason it works so well are the characters created by Emily Mortimer, Bella Heathcote and Robyn Nevin. They feel real and their relationships feel lived in. The shorthand between them, animosity between Kay and Edna hinting at a troubled past, love between Edna and Sam feeling genuine and causing friction between Kay and Sam as a result. We all know people like these, we've all experienced familial relationships like this and so we're in their shoes, praying to whatever you believe in that we never have to deal with anything like this. It's why Relic works, because it really makes us feel something.

Relic is a hell of a feature length directorial debut from Natalie Erika James. I can't wait to see what she does next. And I kind of dread it too. Relic is available to stream online now. Just make sure your head is in a good place before you watch it because that final shot.......oh it lingers.

Greyhound

The Pit. An area in the North Atlantic Ocean that couldn't be surveilled by fighter planes during World War II. Fighter planes used to provide aerial support to ships crossing towards Europe carrying much needed supplies to help aid the allied war effort. The only line of defense for these convoys of supply ships were the battleships & destroyers that led the way. One such destroyer was called the USS Keeling and it's Captain was a man named Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks), a career Naval Officer who's first command of a destroyer coincided with the Battle Of The Atlantic. His job, to lead and protect the ships behind his from the wolfpack of relentless U-Boats hunting for them.

90 minutes. A magical number. The perfect length for the vast majority of movies. When a film is 90 minutes long it means there's no need for unnecessary padding and it ensures a film will cut right to the chase. 90 minutes headlined by a acting stalwart like Tom Hanks is a no brainer right. You can do wrong with Greyhound. It's a lean and economical war movie that doesn't feel the urge to be an epic or a state of the union address. It has a story to tell and it does it in an unshowy fashion without the need for silly action or unnecessary pyrotechnics (ok there's some). It's not a film you'll remember in years to come (for reasons I'll get to) but if you're craving a short sharp blast then here you go.

I've a gra for movies that show well trained people carrying out their work efficiently and exactly. Onboard the Keeling there's no room for mavericks, no one goes off book, people even apologise after they say "fuck". They follow their captain's commands to the letter and things work out. Sure if you had a boss like Tom Hanks why wouldn't you do what you're told. The man's been a steady hand on our screens for 35+ years now and you just feel safe with him around. Greyhound knows this and plays to his strengths and our expectations of him. Jesus I'm making this sounds fierce boring altogether aren't I. It's not, I assure you. Within 5 minutes everything's kicking off and because, for once, it's a war film about fictional characters so we don't have the safety net of googling the outcome to fall back on when things start looking dark.

Imagine it. Night time in the North Atlantic, shattered tired, starving, feet bloody with blisters, a Kraut U-Boat captain (Thomas Kretschmann, unseen but effective) taunting you, telling you today's the day you're going to die. Wouldn't you just shit yourself. Greyhound gives us a little taste of what that kind of fear must be like. The ever present spectre of death looming over you like the Northern Lights atop a sea full of carnage in one memorable shot. It nails that horrible claustrophobia of battle. Claustrophobia in the middle of an Ocean. It's a strange one ain't it. It's a film that makes little concession to the viewers either. Naval jargon is shouted left and right and director Aaron Schneider thankfully doesn't feel the need to stop and explain it to us. It all adds to the feeling of confusion when you're trying to figure out a term while deck canons and depth charges explode all around you.

I praised that 90 minute runtime earlier but it does have it's downsides. The brilliant Stephen Graham is wasted as Cole, Krause's second in command and recognisable faces like Manuel Garcia-Rulfo and Rob Morgan get little more to do than and follow commands and serve coffee. Oh and don't mention Elisabeth Shue who I'm guessing was able to film her part between breakfast and lunch of the same day. Had a tiny bit more time been spent with the supporting cast and away from the star then Greyhound might have had a touch of much needed humanity to make it memorable.

Greyhound is available now to stream from Apple TV. Like all Apple products it's solid & well made  but lacking all warmth.

13 films on TV this week you should get into your eyes

Take This Waltz   Sat   11/7   TG4 @ 22.05

Margot meets Daniel on a plane. Their attraction is instant and obvious. However Daniel not only turns out to be Margot's neighbour but Margot is also married to a man called Lou. Sarah Polley's 2011 drama is a frank and mature look at the highs and lows of living and loving. Michelle Williams as always is splendid and a surprisingly restrained turn from Seth Rogen will make you wish he'd lay off the fart and drug jokes he's known for more often.

The Lodgers   Sat   11/7   RTE2 @ 23.20

A pair of twins live in a creepy house in 1920's Ireland. They live their lives strictly and follow three rules every day. Until one day Rachel breaks one of the rules. Things get creepy. Shot on location at Wexford's notorious Loftus Hall, this is a hefty, oppressive and very atmospheric horror that will get under your skin. Charlotte Vega and Bill Milner do well as the twins and get fine support from Deirdre O'Kane and Moe Dunford.

Papillon   Sat   11/7   RTE1 @ 23.55

A seasoned criminal wrongly accused of murder finds himself on a supposedly inescapable island prison and sets out to get his life back. Will he find the resolve to deal with life on the island while planning his escape? Steve McQueen is on fire in this harsh, grim but thoroughly exciting film. It's a long one but the time flies by and Dustin Hoffman is as usual, tremendous in a supporting role as McQueen's fellow convict.

X+Y   Sun   12/7   BBC1 @ 00.05

A young autistic man finds his closed in world opening up when he takes part in an international mathematics competition. A lovely film that will upset you and make you smile. Not exactly a comprehensive look at the condition but it gives us an idea of what people with it and their families go through. Great acting from Asa Butterfield and Sally Hawkins as son & mother and Rafe Spall & Eddie Marsan are always a pleasure to see onscreen.

The Big Sleep   Sun   12/7   RTE1 @ 15.25

Private eye Philip Marlowe has been hired to deal with the youngest daughter of a rich family and he asks the help of the eldest daughter to do so. Things get complex. Do you like hard boiled dialogue, blistering chemistry and intriguing plotlines? If so this is the film for you. A classic that truly lives up to the name. Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall are brilliant as the leads. A perfect Sunday watch.

Rams   Mon   13/7   Film4 @ 01.45

Iceland. A strange place that does strange things to people. Two brothers, Gummi and Kiddi, are neighbours, share land, and do the same job. Oh and they haven't spoken in forty years. Until a something threatens their way of life. This is a fierce entertaining watch, funny and upsetting in equal measures and laced with a sense of humour that could only be created from living in darkness half the year. Sigurður Sigurjónsson & Theodór Júlíusson work well together as the brothers.

Macbeth   Mon   13/7   Film4 @ 23.10

It has been foretold Macbeth will be King Of Scotland, and trusting this supernatural news he sets off to make it so, with the hand of his wife guiding him on his bloody path. Now I know Shakespeare isn't for everyone but Justin Kurzel's take on the four hundred year old tale is a vivid, visceral and beautiful looking film that might make you a fan. Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard make for a vicious central pairing.

Bound   Tues   14/7   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Violet and her girlfriend Corky have a plan. A plan that involves two million dollars worth of mafia money and a patsy to pin it's theft on. Lana and Lilly Wachowski's debut film is still a cracker. One that's clever, dark, violent, amusing, sexy and genuinely thrilling. Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon are both superb as the leads and get good back up from Joe Pantoliano and Christopher Meloni. BTW, the fact that the Horror Channel is showing this is baffling.

Sicilian Ghost Story   Wed   15/7   Film4 @ 01.00

Guiseppe has gone missing and Luna, a young teenage girl with feelings for him decides to look for him herself. The world she enters on her journey is a dark and unsettling place. Despite the troubling subject matter this is a beautiful looking and satisfying watch that will remind you of Guillermo Del Toro's adult fairytales. Julia Jedlikowska who plays Luna is a powerful lead

Molly's Game   Wed   15/7   RTE1 @ 21.35

Everything Molly Bloom puts her mind to works out swimmingly and when she starts an illegal high stakes poker game in Los Angeles she's soon the talk of the town. The law even starts to take notice. Carried by a powerhouse turn from Jessica Chastain this is a comeplling if kind of overlong watch that delves into the underground of tinseltown and that makes it tick. Idris Elba and Kevin Costner all add to the goodness.

Logan Lucky   Thur   16/7   ITV4 @ 21.00

Nascar. Hundreds of cars going around in a circle for hours. Huge money spinner. Jimmy, Mellie and Clyde Logan are about to rob it all. They are missing only one ingredient. A man called Joe Bang. Steven Soderbergh's 2017 comedy is loads of fun. Belly laughs, tension, loads of heart and plenty of suspence equals a film you'll enjoy. Channing Tatum, Riley Keough, Adam Driver and a wild Daniel Craig all have a whale of a time here.

The Evil Dead   Fri   17/7   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Five teenagers go to a cabin in the woods and inadvertently unleash hell when they read from an ancient book. Sam Raimi's 1981 debut is a brutal, primal beast of a film. The special effects may make you laugh now but there's no mistaking Raimi's intent here, he wants to scare you and scare you he will. But you'll laugh too. Uproariously at times. Bruce Campbell is an excellent lead and creates a character that is enduring to this day.

20th Century Women   Fri   17/7   BBC2 @ 23.20

Three generations of women living in late 70's California attempt to school a young man in the ways of life. He's a stubborn one. But they are too, in a way that puts him to shame. Annette Bening is fantastic as the free spirited Dorothea and leads a stunner of a cast that includes Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning and Billy Crudup in a well done and quietly affecting story that will resonate with a lot of viewers.

Rialto

Rialto debuted online last night as part of the Galway Film Fleadh because all physical screenings had been cancelled due to the ongoing Covid-19 crisis. The film opens with a middle aged man walking between cargo containers and noisy heavy machinery to his office in Dublin's docklands. In there his phone rings but you can't hear his voice or the voice of his colleague while everything else is still audible. Is this a film making choice? Is this film going to be a commentary on Irish men feeling like they are voiceless in this modern age? Nope, it's a sound error. Ok. 90 minutes later the fault had been fixed and Rialto was ready to go again. Was it worth the wait? It was indeed.

Two men face each other in a bathroom stall. One, Colm (Tom Vaughn-Lawlor) a closeted married man is scared and hyperventilating. The other, Jay (Tom Glynn-Carney), a young hustler is demanding cash for a sexual encounter organised over a hook up app. The encounter goes wrong and life becomes even more stressful for Colm, a father of two with the twin spectres of redundancy and his father's recent death hanging over his head. His existence is starting to crumble and his wife Claire (Monica Dolan, quietly devastating) is beginning to notice it too.

Rialto isn't a fun watch. Not one bit. It's a stressful account of a life in free fall, a story of threatened and toxic masculinity, a look at what happens when you don't deal with the things inside your head. The film gets it's title from where Colm's mother lives, the place where all his problems started. He can't cope with her grieving over the loss of her partner, he's openly hostile towards her in places, she's going through the worst time of her life and he doesn't care. Yet you can't bring yourself to hate him for it. He's clearly troubled, a bag of cans on a park bench being his form of self care. Visits to a younger male prostitute being his therapy. Colm's broken and he just wants to be whole again. His journey and rebirth is not an easy watch but it's a compelling one.

We all know Tom Vaughn-Lawlor from Love/Hate. His Nidge, the bastard you couldn't help but enjoy. Here every single bit of the character who made him famous is gone. He plays Colm as a shell of a man, hollow, growing more and more ragged as the movie plays out. As Springsteen once said "In the end what you don't surrender, well the world just strips away." It's a mighty performance, one that never feels like acting. A man alone in the world, while surrounded by his family. Grasping the small bit of intimacy he can get with both hands. The man he's grasping at is played by Tom Glynn-Carney. His Jay comes across initially as a vicious little scrote, but then you realise his actions, just like Colm's, are driven by need. It's a nicely layered turn by Glynn Carney, who by the way is English but who absolutely nails his Dublin accent.

Note the crucifix. Old Ireland's idealisms still haunt us

There's a small moment about halfway through Rialto where Colm is standing on top of a loader in the docks, looking down at the place he's devoted his life to. From a distance he looks like a dot, insignificant in the midst of all this metal devoted to loading and unloading cargo. He looks alone in the world, pathetic and tiny. It's a shot that encapsulates life for a lot of men in this modern age. Men who feel alone and confused by how their lives have turned out. Colm's issues stem from his past, a past barely hinted at and one of my favourite things about this film. The stuff left unsaid and summed up in a tiny part played by Ger Ryan. You have to like a film that lets you read between the lines.  Director Peter Mackie Burns and writer Mark O'Halloran have created a bit of a stunner that doesn't insult it's audience's intelligence.

Rialto is available to rent here at the moment and should be getting a cinema release later in the year. It's really worth watching.