16 films on TV this week that are worth your time

Black Death   Sat   30/1   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

England is in the grip of the first outbreak of the black death plague and in the midst of all this horror a young monk is sent out into the world to investigate reports of supernatural occurrences. A cold and bleak film but an intelligent watch filled with interesting themes, nasty violence and decent performances from an excellent cast that includes Eddie Redmayne, Carice Van Houten and Sean Bean. 

22 Jump Street   Sat   30/1   RTE2 @ 21.30

Detectives Schmidt and Jenko are back. This time they're undercover in a college trying to bust another drugs ring. What they learned from their previous adventure in high school doesn't apply in the big leagues. Crass, brash, profane, action packed fun bolstered by some wicked chemistry between it's leads Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill but once again it's Ice Cube as the angriest police captain in the world who steals the show. 

The Conversation   Sat   30/1   BBC2 @ 23.55

Harry's a surveillance expert and he's got a new job. But the work is getting to him and his paranoia is at an all time high due to past events. Francis Ford Coppola's 1974 thriller is a stunner. A post Watergate classic seeped in the pervading atmosphere of a broken country. Gene Hackman's spectacular as a man coming apart at the seams and the late John Cazale as his partner is as always brilliant. A nerve shredding watch.

The Goob   Sun   31/1   BBC1 @ 00.40

A teenage boy is struggling with life in the countryside of Norfolk. His mam's new fella wrecks his head and his hormones are starting to run riot when he catches sight of a new girl around town. A grim but compelling look at country life in a part of the world that we rarely see onscreen. A beautiful looking film too and one packed with atmosphere. Sienna Guillory, Liam Walpole & the always scary Sean Harris all do solid work.

Evolution   Sun   31/1   CH4 @ 14.30

An asteroid lands in Arizona and scientists and the army descend on it to investigate. This is no common or garden asteroid though. Of course it isn't. From Ivan Reitman, the man behind Ghostbusters, this is a sci-fi comedy that manages to be both clever and exceedingly silly, but it's one that's a fun way to pass away a couple of hours on a rainy Sunday. Julianne Moore, Orlando Jones and David Duchnovy all add to the zany mix.

Bridge To Terabithia   Sun   31/1   Sony Movies @ 15.15

Jesse and Leslie become fast friends when she moves in next door to him. Soon their childhood imaginations are running riot and the kingdom of Terabithia is created. Real life is sadly never far away though. This is a beautiful little movie, one full of important lessons about life, both the good and tragic sides of it. Anna Sophia Robb and Josh Hutcherson are great as the leads. Be warned, this will make you cry. 

The Homesman   Mon   1/2   BBC2 @ 00.30

Two people, a man and a woman, escort three women in need of help across the wild American countryside. A harsh and starkly realistic depiction of how life was for women during the pioneering days of the American west. This is a grim stuff, but thankfully shot through with a vein of darker comedy and carried by some powerful acting from Hilary Swank and Tommy Lee Jones ( who also directed it ). It's really worth a watch but make sure you are in the right mood for it.

Sicilian Ghost Story   Mon   1/2   Film4 @ 01.20

Guiseppe has gone missing and Luna, a young teenage girl with feelings for him, decides to look for him herself. The world she enters on her journey is a dark and unsettling place. Despite the troubling subject matter this is a beautiful looking and satisfying watch that will remind you of Guillermo Del Toro's adult fairytales. Julia Jedlikowska who plays Luna is a powerful lead.

Men & Chicken   Mon   1/2   CH4 @ 02.25

Ok, this one is rather odd but it's a genuinely entertaining bit of quirkiness about two brothers who find out some biological truths about themselves and suddenly everything they know is suspect. Mads Mikkelsen as one of the brothers plays his role completely straight which makes the madness going on around him even funnier. If you know little of the wacky world of Danish cinema then this is a super introduction to it.

Tully   Mon   1/2   TG4 @ 21.30

Marlo's struggling. Three kids are taking their toll on her and her marriage. A nanny is hired. An unusual nanny named Tully. A strange bond forms between the two women. This one comes from the pen of Diablo Cody so it's no surprise that it delves into aspects of womanhood rarely seen on screen and that paired with fine turns from Charlize Theron and Mackenzie Davis makes this really worth a watch. 

This Happy Breed   Tues   2/2   Film4 @ 12.50

From the pen of Noel Coward comes a story of an ordinary English family and how the events of history between World War One & Two had an effect on them. An agreeable little film which when you get used to it's episodic structure becomes an informative history lesson seen through the eyes of a screen family that feels like a genuine one. Robert Newton, Celia Johnson and John Mills do lovely work.

Under Siege   Wed   3/2   TCM @ 21.00

The USS Missouri battleship has been hijacked by terrorists and it's up to Navy Seal turned head chef Casey Ryback to put aside the Bouillabaisse and take care of business. This one is way better than you remember, a well paced and carnage packed slice of 90's action cinema. Steven Seagal does surprisingly good work as the lead but Tommy Lee Jones, a manic Gary Busey and Colm Meaney's amazing turtle neck are what will stay with you.

This Sporting Life   Wed   3/2   Talking Pictures TV @ 23.25

Frank is a god on the pitch. He's the rugby league star everyone is watching but off the field his life is empty and expressing the emotions caused by that in a time of restrain is always going to be frowned on. This kitchen sink drama from 1963 will still strike a chord with viewers 58 years later. That's always the sign of a classic and an immense showing from Richard Harris will nail you to your chair. 

Stalag 17   Fri   5/2   Film4 @ 13.40

American P.O.W.'s in a German war camp keep having their escape plans scuppered and one man finds himself being blamed for the leaks. Yes yes I know it sounds like an odd proposition for a comedy but director Billy Wilder somehow makes it work, turning in a very enjoyable film laced with dark humour and an Oscar winning performance from William Holden as the accused man brings it all together nicely.

Loving   Fri   5/2   RTE2 @ 21.35

A man and a woman living in Virginia in the 1960's aren't allowed to marry due to the different colours of their skin. They go ahead and do it anyway. As you can imagine, it causes trouble. An affecting look at the strength of love from director Jeff Nichols. It's upsetting as you can imagine but it needs to be watched. Mighty work from Ruth Negga and Joel Edgerton will keep you watching through the harder moments.

Nightcrawler   Fri   5/2   BBC2 @ 23.20

Jake Gyllenhall gives a career best performance in this moody and intense tale of a desperate crime journalist willing to go outside the law to further his career prospects. This is gripping and compulsive viewing but Gyllenhall's character is so seedy and creepy that you'll need a shower afterwards. There's strong back up from Rene Russo and Riz Ahmed too. This film will put you off ever going to the sleaze pit that is Los Angeles.

As always a RT is appreciated. Thank you.

The oldies really are the best

Went for a classic western for tonight's watch.

The kind of movie that would make you remember why you love movies.

The opening scene where Charles Bronson guns down 3 familiar faces.

The buzzing, the creaking, the dripping.

That gorgeous Ennio Morricone score.

The zoom in on Henry Fonda's blue eyes and his murderer's glare.

Claudia Cardinale's beauty against the grizzled faces all around her.

The long slow silences and then the sudden violence.

The build up to those violent moments that are so much more interesting than the carnage that follows.

The sand blasted, sun hardened visages.

The harmonica belonging to Harmonica.

That final realisation of his thirst for vengeance.

This scene. One of the most beautiful scenes ever shot and one of the cruelest things you'll ever see.

The haunting music playing over it.

That well earned revenge. That really means nothing at all.

Absolute perfection.

Video Nasty Rewatch part 19 - Faces Of Death

A parachutist falls from the sky, descending rapidly towards the ground. His chute has clearly malfunctioned. We watch from a distance as he hits the ground at high speed and is killed instantly. A somber voiceover tells us this tragedy has occurred at an airshow in the west of the United States. Then the footage is played again. This time in slow motion that let's us see the skydiver struggling in his final moments. The footage is overlaid with wacky music. It's stunningly tasteless. This is Faces Of Death in a nutshell. 

Number 19 on the video nasties list is one of the more notorious films of the famous 39. One that proudly (and wrongfully) claims to have been banned in 46 countries. It's a documentary about the various ways people face death all over the world. Faces Of Death asks important questions about death but answers them in such a vile and exploitative manner that it's impossible to take anything it says seriously. It reaches for profundity and ends up putrid. I hate that I wasted 100 minutes watching this. It's trash.

Narrated by Doctor Francis B. Gross, an investigator intrigued by the sheer number of ways people can meet their maker, it purports to be a real documentary but it's one that makes This Is Spinal Tap feels authentic. Throughout it's padded out running time it's laced with scenes of carnage and mayhem that claim to be real but which are dreadfully staged. A tame bear attacks a tourist, a staged police shootout leads to to discovery of a death family covered in fake blood, a dead criminal visibly gulps after his electric chair execution, diners after the latest in haute cuisine bash a monkey and eats it's brains as a delicacy, a man is eaten by a crocodile. Out of context this list of scenes sounds hilarious when you know they are fake. But it's the footage inbetween that gives Faces Of Death it's infamy.

That scene mentioned in the first paragraph. Real footage of death presented as entertainment. Distressed people jumping from buildings, road accident victims, slaughterhouse footage with screaming animals spurting arterial blood from severed jugulars, dogfights filmed in close up with gleeful relish, cameras lingering on bodies waiting to be embalmed, robbing them of any bit of dignity in death. It's warped stuff. The first film on the list i watched in fast forward. The only throughline is pain and suffering. It's a collection of horror but nothing ties it together. It's designed to shock and 43 years later it still does. But that's all it does. Behind the shock value there's no substance but there's a surprising amount of pretension as it uses gore and pain to try to tie together the whole idea of life and death. We get insights into cults and seances that add nothing but cringe, filmed autopsies that feel horrifyingly voyeuristic and then the aftermaths of plane crashes. And it's supposed to make you feel what? Think about what? Anyone claiming to be moved by all this is either lying or psychotic.

As for it's place on the nasties list, there's no denying this must have caused ructions at the BBFC when it hit VHS in the 80's. It's litany of animal cruelty alone is enough to still cause it censorship troubles these days. It's legal to own this these days but the legal version is shorn of nearly 3 minutes of troubling footage. 

Don't watch this. It's awful. You'll feel terrible about yourself after it. I certainly do. Christ.

Fight For Your Life is next on the list. This one is better. Sort of. A little bit.

 

Another unsung hero of Film and TV - Kevin Corrigan

"Henry says don't let the sauce stick." "I'm stirring it!!" Two lines of dialogue that will forever be associated with Kevin Corrigan's most famous film. Imagine it, four films into your career and you get a memorable role in one of the all time greats. And let's not forget his first film was with not only Donald Sutherland but also Adam Horovitz from Beastie Boys. That's a hell of a way to start your onscreen story. With a career specialising in oddball sociopaths he's never quite become leading man material but he's an actor who always adds a bit of fun to whatever film he appears in. Always. He even elevates the bad stuff to watchable. That's a sign of someone special.

He's been an altar boy in the 2nd scariest film set in Washington DC. Carried a coffin opposite Ross Geller. Been gunned down in films written by Tarantino and killed by the Bad Boys on Miami Beach. He's popped up in the best of 90's indie cinema, being directed by Tamara Jenkins, Steve Buscemi, Nicole Holofcener and *gulp* Vincent Gallo. Auteurs have made him their muse and months later he's been in DTV fluff and still been brilliant. He's worked with both Scott Brothers and cameo'd in the best and most underrated TV show of this century. Kevin has been investigated by the Special victims Unit and protected by Ray Donovan. He's slept rough in Fort Washington and rocked out to Kiss in Detroit. He's done it all across 163 films and TV shows for the last 33 years. Except ride a horse. Check out his career here.

Greatest Hits

Goodfellas - Michael Hill. Brother of Henry. Tasked with caring for tomato sauce on the worst day of his brother's life.

Grounded For Life - Eddie Finnerty. The sleazy, dangerous uncle that started the show as a small part but grew into the best thing about it. 

Superbad - Mark. The party guy who can take an uppercut with style. His party is when our heroes realise just how far out of their comfort zone they are.

The Departed - Cousin Sean. The fuck up. A wannabe criminal born to fail. 

Pineapple Express - Budlofsky. The hitman who just wants to go home to eat. Hilariously vicious. The definition of hangry.

Big Fan - Sal. The second biggest New York Giants fan. A fun turn in a darkly funny comedy. 

Previous Heroes

Kathy Baker

Tess Harper

Michael Berryman
Mike Starr
M.C. Gainey
Mare Winningham
Dale Dickey
Vondie Curtis-Hall
Harris Yulin
Pepe Serna
Udo Kier
Fairuza Balk
Ernie Hudson
Lin Shaye
James Remar
Cloris Leachman
James Hong
David Strathairn
Frankie Faison
Conchata Ferrell
Dick Miller
Veronica Cartwright
Edie McClurg
Barry Shabaka Henley           
Raymond Cruz                        
Reg E.Cathey                          
Elizabeth McGovern               
John Amos                              
Bruce Greenwood                  
Mary McDonnell                     
Gerald McSorley                       
John Rothman                        
Margo Martindale                   
Kurtwood Smith                     
Paula Malcolmson                 
Luis Guzman                          
David Morse                           
Linda Hunt                              
Keith David                             
Zeljko Ivanek
Fiona Shaw
Xander Berkeley
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
C.C.H Pounder
William Forsythe
Beth Grant
Sven-Ole Thorsen
Regina King
Ric Young
Mark Rolston
Illeana Douglas
Jeanette Goldstein
Al Leong
Allan Graf
Bill Nunn
Thomas Rosales Jr

15 films on TV this week that you might like

Straight Outta Compton   Sat   23/1   RTE2 @ 21.40

N.W.A. were the most notorious rap group of the 1980's and this film charts their meteoric rise from the mean streets of Compton to their spectacular and egotistical fall. A big, brash, profane film that skips over a lot of the more troubling aspects of the group but still manages to hit the spot. Great performances from Jason Mitchell, Corey Hawkins and O'Shea Jackson Jr ( as his Da Ice Cube) make it all work.

The Endless   Sat   23/1   Film4 @ 23.10

Aaron and Justin had a strange childhood and as adults they think they've escaped it until an odd message forces them to revisit their past and deal with it once and for all. From directors and lead actors Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead, this is a bizarre blend of drama, mystery and science fiction but it really works. It's a film that will change the way you look at religion, memory and family. Well worth your time.

Buried   Sun   24/1   CH4 @ 00.20

An American truck driver in Iraq is kidnapped and wakes up buried in a coffin. All he has is a cigarette lighter and a mobile phone. His air is running out fast. Can he escape in time? If you are anyway claustrophobic I'd advise you avoid this like the plague but if you think you'll be able for it, it's a suspenseful and quite terrifying little tale. Ryan Reynolds carries the entire film on his shoulders and does a first rate job.

Norfolk   Sun   24/1   BBC1 @ 00.30

Man and boy. Father and son. A nameless duo living a peaceful life in rural Norfolk. All is grand until Man gets called back to work. The work is dangerous and it leaves a lasting effect on boy.  This 2015 psychological thriller is an interesting but tough film that will leave you with a lot to unpack when its over. A super pair of performances from Barry Keoghan and Denis Ménochet will keep you watching.

Scar   Sun   24/1   The Horror Channel @ 23.15 

A woman returns to her home town for a family event. Years before she faced a terrifying ordeal but got through it. Now she's back and things are stirred up again. Might she get real closure on the events of the past? Warning - this one is harsh, it's a horror film that may offend you and one that will definitely disgust you. But, Angela Bettis as the lead puts in such a good showing that you'll be glued to it throughout.

Election   Sun   24/1   BBC1 @ Midnight

Tracy Flick is the perfect student. She can do no wrong. This gets under the skin of her teacher Mr McAllister something fierce. So much so that it starts to affect his life. Alexander Payne's 1999 comedy is a cracker. Reese Wetherspoon is fantastic as student you'll love to hate and Matthew Broderick does masterful work as a teacher who takes his work way too seriously. Chris Klein as dumb jock Paul is priceless.

A Taxi Driver   Mon   25/1   Film4 @ 01.10

1980. A violent time in Korea. A taxi driver is hired by a foreign reporter to drive him from Seoul into a warzone. A lot of money is offered for the trip. Too much money to turn down really. But will the cash outweigh the hassle? Led by a mighty turn from Kang-ho Song, star of last year's Parasite, this is a look at part of history unknown in the west and one that isn't afraid to let it's warmth and humanity shine through it's darker moments.

Atomic Blonde   Mon   25/1   TG4 @ 21.30

Lorraine Broughton is a British spy on a mission in Cold War Berlin. An SIS agent has been murdered and she must use her special set of skills to figure out who did the deed and why. The film itself is a little muddled and messy but Charlize Theron is on fire here and a couple of spectacularly violent and brilliantly put together action scenes will pin you to your chair. James McAvoy is fun as a fellow man at arms.

The Day Of The Locust   Mon   25/1   Talking Pictures TV @ 22.00

The film where Donald Sutherland plays Homer Simpson. Yup. The 1930's were a bad time in America and people flooded into Hollywood to find fame and fortune away from the Great depression. It worked out for some and not for others. A vicious and biting satire of the film industry. Flamboyant and extravangant in places, downright horrifying in others. It's excellent though and packed full of famous faces.

American Animals   Tues   26/1   Film4 @ 21.00

Warren, Chas, Spencer and Eric. 4 bright young college students. 4 young men who really should have known better than to plan a heist from their own university. A story about pretentious fools who think the world revolves around doesn't sound like fun but this is one really gripping film and one that mixes  in documentary footage to great effect. Nicely shot, wicked soundtrack and our own Barry Keoghan in the mix. How could you go wrong?

Eyes Of Laura Mars   Wed   27/1   Sony Movies @ 00.50

A fashion photographer develops psychic abilities that allow her to see through the eyes of a serial killer as he does his dodgy deeds. Somehow she has to figure out a way to use this skill against him. An unusual but well put together story and one filled with genuine suspense that also gives us an authentic look at New York in the 70's. Faye Dunaway nails the lead and Tommy Lee Jones is reliable as always. Nice supporting cast too with Brad Dourif and Raul Julia in tow.

Crimson Peak   Thur   28/1   CH4 @ 01.45

After a horrible tragedy, Edith finds herself living a new life in an old mansion with her new beau. Strange occurrences have followed Edith her whole life though. A gorgeous gothic tale from the mind of Guillermo Del Toro. Scary in places, gruesome in others and atmospheric as hell. Record it and keep it for a dark spooky night. Or just watch it at 1.45am! Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston and Charlie Hunnam all deliver the goods.

Searching   Thur   28/1   Film4 @ 21.00

When his daughter Margot goes missing, John is understandably freaked. The cops aren't finding anything so John gets to work himself and the first place he looks for clues is on her laptop. Searching takes an age old tale and puts a modern spin on it and the result is a wonderfully unique and twisty turny experience. It won't age the best but it's very of the now. John Cho does fine work in the lead role.

Joe   Fri   29/1   Sony Movies @ 21.00

Joe owns a tree felling company. A boy called Gary asks him for a job. The two get on well. Then everything goes to hell for both of them. This 2013 drama is a tough but compelling watch about the parts of America and the people living in them that tend to be forgotten about. You won't leave this one in a good mood but you'll be glad you watched it. Nicholas Cage and Tye Sheridan are good in their roles but unknown Gary Poulter who died just before this came out puts in a stunner of a shift.

Almost Famous   Fri   29/1   RTE1 @ 23.30

A young wannabe music journalist blags his way into a concert to write an article about a rock band and soon finds himself way out of his depth. This film rules. Ye are going to love it. Cameron Crowe's 70's set comedy drama is a glorious evocation of the period and it's filled with unreal music. It doesn't hide from the darker side of the times either. Patrick Fugit rocks the lead but Frances McDormand and Kate Hudson own this film.

As always a retweet is appreciated if you've found this helpful. Thanks.

Another month of lockdown

 

What else is there to say.....

Night of the Living Dead. Free and legal.

Here's Night Of The Living Dead. Free and because it's gone into the public domain it's perfectly legal to look at it online.

Watch it. It's a masterpiece. George A. Romero's look at the racial and social mores of Vietnam era 1960's America. But with zombies! 

Now to find other public domain classics to share.

One of the best special effects you'll ever see

Imagine it. It's 1937. The world is rumbling towards another world war. You go to the cinema for a bit of fun. There's a wacky looking comedy thriller on called Sh! The Octopus. You think to yourself "this will be a laugh." Little do you know there's a scene in it near the end so creepy and brilliantly put together that 84 years later nerds will still be writing about it.

Two detectives on the hunt for an infamous criminal called the Octopus find themselves trapped on a stormy night in a lighthouse with a group of people and would you believe it, there's a real octopus out to kill them too. As the story comes to a climax this happens.

My god it's effective isn't it. Really unsettling. A real How the fuck did they do that? special effect. How the fuck did they do it anyway? Actress Elspeth Dudgeon's face and teeth were made up with red make up first and then the scene was lit with red light as the camera rolled. On black and white film the red make up was rendered invisible by the red light making her character Nanny appear normal looking. Then with exquisite timing, just as her wig is wrenched off revealing the ragged hair beneath, the red lighting is quickly switched to blue and the make shows up on film. But not the blue light as it's not visible in B&W. A very simple but stunningly effective technique. Much more elegant than any crappy CGI. The effect was created by a cinematographer called Karl Strauss and turned up in the silent film versions of Ben-Hur and Doctor Jekyll & Mr Hyde too but it was never showcased better than here. Of course Elspeth Dudgeon's performance really sold it too. Nothing like a wicked cackle to give you the chills.

Nope. The stuff of nightmares.

Hunted

A woman and her son are sitting in the woods by the fire. She's telling him a medieval fairytale about a young woman lost in the woods with a gang of men. They're hungry and they are about to sacrifice her when nature hears her pleas and intervenes.

"The company of wolves is better than that of man." 

That's the truth. 

Ève (Lucie Debay) has had a crappy day. She needs a drink. A man at the bar starts to flirt with her and when she ignores him he gets aggressive. Another man (Arieh Worthalter) approaches and warns him off. He's warm and funny and in the bar with his brother (Ciaran O'Brien) to cheer him up and the woman immediately likes him. Later there's kissing and things get hotter in his car. Then his brother jumps in and drives off. So begins a couple of days Ève will never forget.

About two thirds of the way into Vincent Paronnaud's survival horror there's a moment involving a stun gun and an arrow and it's probably the most unexpected thing you'll see in a film this year. It's a scene involving characters we meet right at the start of the film and if you think back to their words you'll realise you've been watching a dark modern fairytale (look at Ève's coat) all along and from that moment on you'll become far more accepting of Hunted's many bizarre and surreal asides. Sometimes you just need a jolt to get you into the rhythm of a film and my god you'll get a hell of a one here.

It's not one for the faint hearted. These kinds of horror movies rarely are but Hunted really goes for the jugular with it's depiction of misogynistic men and the women they hate. It doesn't dwell on sexual violence like a lot of low budget horror tends to do but the spectre of what could happen to Eve at any minute looms large over proceedings making it an uneasy watch. Lucie Debay's turn as our heroine really sells it though. She starts out weary and ends primal and is believable on every step of her journey. By the end you'll be watching her through your fingers and holding your breath. 

Arieh Worthalter doesn't do as well. His character (who never gets a name) feels like he's been dropped in from a rather more fantastical story and the portion of the film about him as a result never quite gels with Eve's story, especially in the latter stages of the film. But to the film's credit it does spend a surprising amount of time with it's bad guys, they aren't just the usual one note monsters and the relationship interplay between them is quite unique. Let's just say trust is a hell of a thing. 

Hunted is streaming on Shudder right now. It's far from perfect but at least it tries to do something new with familiar material. 

Where in the world

 

I'm lying here looking up at a poster of the world on the wall and wanderlust is burning a hole through me. Thinking about when everyone is vaccinated and travel becomes safe again. Where will you go? An old reliable you know you'll love or will you head off to the that place you've always wanted to go to but never got around to.

I want to go to a small Greek island, where there's fuck all happening, where I can eat Moussaka and grilled lamb and sip a beer while watching the sun going down over the Mediterranean. Or maybe Tokyo and just get lost in the chaos. Or Seattle to go on a Kurt Cobain/Jimi Hendrix/Bruce Lee pilgrimage. Or maybe back to Barcelona and live off Calamari and Paella for a week. Or maybe just plain aul Clare and get lost in the Burren and then eat chowder and drink porter up in Ballyvaughan.

Anywhere but fucking here.

Bloody Hell

You know you're watching something warped when a leg stump being cleaned and dressed after an amputation is shot like a love scene. At this stage you're either all in or all out. 

Rex (Ben O'Toole) has been having a shitty time lately. 8 years ago he was caught up in a bank robbery and used his military experience to foil the bad guys but ended up going to jail for his actions. Reactions to his release are mixed, some are disgusted by his vigilantism and others see him as a hero. Whatever the case Rex is sick of the attention and decides to hide out in Finland (chosen by a very scientific process as you'll find out). The Finland he arrives in isn't the one he expected. There's no snowy bliss here. Not one bit.

My favourite thing about Bloody Hell was never knowing what would happen next. Seriously, you won't have a clue what will happen as the story unfurls, especially if you go in cold. So why are you still reading this then? If you don't mind a mild spoiler or two then by all means read ahead. Bloody Hell is great fun and it's all down to a winning performance from O'Toole in the dual roles of Rex and his conscience. It's a fun plot device as we see Rex hashing out every decision he makes throughout the film with, let's call him Rex 2. It deepens him, fleshes him out, lets him control the story instead of the usual way around. He's an interesting character, not a clean cut lead but there's enough of an edge there to let you know he'll be able to take care of himself come the requisite bloody climax.

Yeah, that's not really a spoiler is it. These types of comedy horror always end the same way, with lovingly crafted carnage designed to make you gag in between the laughs and Bloody Hell delivers in spades. Actually, it delivers throughout. It's a tight 90 minutes and it's lean as hell, just the way these Finnish baddies like it. I'll say no more about those. It nails that blend of comedy and horror just right, landing us in a nightmare scenario but never wallowing in it. There's gore but it's never dwelt on. There's one liners but they aren't forced and there's a great aside about one liners that feeds into a very satisfying Misery homage near the end. Unlike too way many recent horror films (Hunter Hunter, I'm looking at you) this is one you'll enjoy yourself with.

Bloody Hell is streaming online now. It's a fine way to spend an hour and a half. Don't let that dark opening scene put you off. You'll leave this one smiling.

15 films on TV this week that are worth a watch

Final Girls   Sat   16/1   The Horror Channel @ 22.45

A young woman brings her friends to see a tribute screening of her late mother's most famous horror movie. She's ashamed of her career but must get over it fast when they are all magically transported into what's happening onscreen. Yes it sounds silly but it's actually a really funny and affectionate spoof of 80's horror that laced with a surprising amount of heart. Taissa Farmiga, Alia Shawkat, Adam Devine and Thomas Middleditch all add to the fun.

Escape From New York   Sat   16/1   Film4 @ 23.05

Manhattan in the future is a walled off and scary place as Snake Plissken finds out when he's tasked to get in there and rescue the President who's plane has crashed. John Carpenter's cult thriller is a magnificent piece of escapism and while it may be dated ( the future is 2001) it's still excellent fun and has a wicked cast including Kurt Russell, Adrienne Barbeau, Donald Pleasance and Lee Van Cleef who are all on form.

Foxcatcher   Sun   17/1   BBC1 @ 00.30

Two brothers readying for the 1988 Seoul Olympics find themselves sponsored by an eccentric millionaire and move into his estate to train. Things get strange. A stunning film, unsettling in places, haunting and cringe-worthy in others and full of amazing acting. Steve Carell wows with a superb performance as a extremely troubled man but Channing Tatum really surprises too. This film shows a very different side to him.

Pillow Talk   Sun   17/1   RTE1 @ 15.40

Sunday afternoon. Time for a bit of old fashioned romantic fun from the 50's. Brad and Jan. New York neighbours who share a party line. Well, share is an exaggeration. Brad uses it all the time for his liaisons and Jan ain't happy about it. Doris Day and Rock Hudson work perfectly together in this charming snapshot of a time before zoom and whatsapp. Thelma Ritter in support steals the show from the stars.

Entebbe   Sun   17/1   RTE2 @ 21.00

Summer. 1976. A flight from France to Israel is hijacked by terrorists and forced to land in Entebbe. The Israeli hostages onboard are threatened to make the Israeli government free Palestinian prisoners. Things don't go to plan. An interesting watch about a fiery time in world politics. The middle section bogs things down but a fine start and ending are worth your time as are nice turns from Rosamund Pike and Daniel Brühl.

Sweet Sixteen   Sun   17/1   Film4 @ 23.45

Life is tough for Liam. He's a 15 year old in a dead end Scottish town, his mam is in jail, he's growing up in poverty and about to fall into a life of violent crime. Martin Compston is astounding in his film debut. A fiery ball of rage but inside a boy just wanting to be loved. His turn carries this 2002 Ken Loach film into the sky. It's as grim and bleak as you'd expect but you just won't be able to stop watching it. Film of the week.

All The President's Men   Mon   18/1   BBC1 @ 00.05

An investigative reporter working for the Washington Post is working on a piece about a break in at the Democratic party headquarters in the run up to the presidential election. What him and his workmate uncover shakes America to it's core. A classic look into the corrupt heart at the centre of seats of power and a fitting watch for the week that's in it. Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman. Jason Robards and Hal Holbrook do amazing work in a real masterpiece.

Mr Brooks   Mon   18/1   Sony Movies @ 01.10

Earl Brooks is loved by all. He's a respected businessman. He gets his city's person of the year award. He's married. He has kids. Oh and he's a serial killer. A particularly successful one at that. This is the film where Kevin Costner played the bad guy and he does it brilliantly. The parallel plot line with Demi Moore playing the cop searching for him doesn't work as well but there's a lot of dark glee to be found here in seeing clean cut Costner cutting (Alliteration!!) loose.

Hard Times   Mon   18/1   Talking Pictures TV @ Midnight

The depression was a tough time in the US and it led to people doing all manner of things to survive. A drifter called Chaney ends up in New Orleans and puts his skills with his fists to work fast. Walter Hill's 1975 drama is drenched in atmosphere, sweat and blood and carried along by a powerhouse performance from Charles Bronson. Fantastically shot, stunningly scored, a sleazy James Coburn, what more could you want?

Sing Street   Tues   19/1   Film4 @ 00.50

A teenage boy in 1980's Dublin struggling with both growing up and his relationship with his family, finds an escape when he forms a band with his schoolmates. The 80's were a tough time to be different though. A lovely film, entertaining as hell and bursting with heart and energy. If you don't like this one you are probably dead. A packed Irish cast lead by Ferdia Walsh-Peelo & Lucy Boynton is the icing on the cake.

Patchwork   Wed   20/1   The Horror Channel @ 02.45

3 friends go out on the absolute lash one night and find themselves in a very sticky situation the next day. A situation inspired by one of the most famous horror stories ever told. Ok, if you are in possession of a weak constitution walk away now. If not and you fancy some dark and disgusting comedy then this will hit the spot for you. Tory Stolper, Tracey Fairaway and Maria Blasucci shine in a cast full of unknown faces.

Robin And Marian   Thur  21/1   CH4 @ 02.10

A different but enjoyable take on the legend of Robin Hood. Set a few decades after the original story, Robin has returned from another Middle Eastern crusade to renew his relationship with Maid Marian but things are just never easy are they. Sean Connery & Audrey Hepburn are great and lead a first rate cast including Richard Harris and Robert Shaw. The aul romantics among ye will adore this story about a pair of lions in winter.

Strangers On A Train   Thur   21/1   TCM @ 18.35

Two men meet on a train, talk ensues and one disturbed party takes the conversation a lot more seriously than the other. One of Alfred Hitchcock's most gleefully delightful movies. You get the sense he had a whale of a time making this. The tension is electric and Robert Walker as Bruno is a villain for the ages. Fairley Granger ain't too bad either. The tennis club scene will stay with you and watch out of course for the customary director cameo.

Wind River   Fri   22/1   Film4 @ 21.00

While tracking a mountain lion in the Wind River reservation a wildlife service agent finds a young woman's body and evidence of a far more dangerous predator. Taylor Sheridan's 2017 drama is a good but tough watch, a stark and violent look at the way America treats it's own indigenous people. The usually plankish Jeremy Renner does nice work here and gets solid back up from Elizabeth Olsen and Graham Greene.

Some Mother's Son   Fri   22/1   RTE1 @ 23.30

Kathleen and Annie were two women caught up in the Northern Ireland conflict when their sons took part in the 1981 hunger strike led by Bobby Sands. Seeing their sons suffering stirs something inside them both. You mightn't agree with the political convictions of the characters but you'll be hard pressed not to be moved by this emotive and in places hard to watch film. Helen Mirren and Fionnula Flanagan as the mammies both do superlative work.

If you've found this any bit useful or discovered something new a retweet is always appreciated. Go raibh míle maith agat.

Outside The Wire

Ok, the first big action film of the year has hit Netflix. This is just what we need right now, a dose of adrenaline and carnage to rile us up, to slap us about the head and shake us awake. Futuristic fun headlined by an Avenger and one of England's brightest new talents. Sure you couldn't go wrong. Could you?  

The year is 2036. The yanks are at war. Again. This time in Eastern Europe. The place is decimated, one big humanitarian crisis. Alongside the human soldiers are robotic warrior know as Gumps and above them are missile carrying drones ready to fire at a minute's notice. Piloting one of these drones is Lieutenant Thomas Harp (Damson Idris) and one faithful night a decision he makes in the heat of battle gets him thrown from his cushy office number out to the frontline. Here he has to team up with Leo (Anthony Mackie), an android soldier who knows the lay of the land outside the wire, for a secret mission.

One meme worthy moment involving a flagpole aside you won't remember much about Outside The Wire when its over. It's a dull, drab war porn with a side order of techno fetishism. There's an anti war message in there somewhere but as with all war films that try to be anti war the message is blunted by a succession of action scenes that do nothing but glamourise gunplay. Watch as Leo uses his flashy moves to take down an atrium full of faceless bad guys, headshotting his merry way along, try to figure out what's going on as robots on opposing sides blast each other apart in oddly tidy looking European streets, glare as Leo goes to work again in a courtyard full of scum and villainy deploying techniques John Woo and Chow Yun Fat decried as old hat 29 years ago. 

I hate being hard on films but jesus Netflix isn't even trying lately. There's nothing original here at all. It's Training Day by way of Call Of Duty : Advanced Warfare with a spoonful of the Terminator swirled through. It's action scenes are marred by CGI explosions and CGI blood splatter, it's dialogue is trite and cliched, the bad guy (Pilou Asbæk) makes no impact whatsoever and worst of all, you'll see the ending coming from a mile away as our good guys learn life lessons and realise what's really important to them. Ok, credit where credit it due it does try to impart wisdom concerning humanity vs technology, painfully bluntly in places, but any meaning is lost eventually in clouds of computer generated smoke and dust. 

Mackie and Idris deserve better than this. How often, outside of the Bad Boys franchise, do you get to see two black actors headlining a big action film? Shamefully it's a very rare occurrence. 25 years in the future their skin colour isn't an issue. It's a pity Hollywood can't be like that now.

Outside The Wire is showing on Netflix from today. 

Sex And The Not So Shitty

I've been very bored lately. So bored I've started going back and watching old shows I avoided when they were on originally. Sex And The City was one such show. It looked too girly I thought as I devoured episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. 24 years later I'm watching it and breaking my heart laughing at it. I get it now. They're all a pack of bastards. Now I can enjoy it. Now I'll have to stop calling it Sex And The Shitty.

Plus I'm pleased by the fact that even at 42 years of age a picture of a cock drawn on a bus poster can make me laugh like a fool.

Synchronic

There's been a million and one films about the dangers of drug abuse. There's been a bucketload of films about the dangers of time travel. But has there ever been a film that combined the two? I'd be telling a lie if I knew but now's your chance to find out what happens when legal highs and hitting the past are combined. Hint - it's not good.

Steve (Anthony Mackie) and Dennis (Jamie Dornan). Lifelong friends. Working together as parademics in a crime ridden New Orleans. Dennis is unhappy in his marriage and Steve has just received some grim medical news. Life isn't fun for either and things get worse when a new drug called Synchronic (heh) causes it's users to drop like flies. But these aren't normal overdoses. Bodies are found smashed to bits, burnt to a crisp, bitten by creatures they can't possibly have been bitten by. It seems Synchronic's trippy effects aren't just psychological, it's actually moving it's users through space and time and when Dennis's teenage daughter Brianna (Ally Ioannides) takes some and goes missing it's up to Steve to get her back.

This one took a while to get going but when it did it turned into one of the most interesting and enjoyable new releases in quite a while. It's built on well thought out and well released ideas and buoyed by a game turn from Anthony Mackie as a man trying to turn a wasted life into something meaningful. With his last few years (and the next few to come) being dominated by the all consuming Marvel machine you'd forget that's he's an actor capable of turning in affecting performances and he does very well here, turning what could have been a one note cypher into someone you'll give a shit about. Especially in that scene when.....you'll know it when it happens. Jamie Dornan as Dennis doesn't get much to do apart from moan but between them there's a friendship that feels genuine, with the love and barbs that always play part and parcel.

Jamie Dornan might get top billing too but the real supporting actor in this is New Orleans itself. This is a story that couldn't really have played out anywhere else, a city still burned by recent (Katrina) and distant (Ku Klux Klan, Conquistadors, slavery) trauma and we get to see how Steve interacts with all of it. Directing duo Justin Benson and Aaron Moorehead sneak in a telling commentary on race relations in America here too. A black man going into the past is never going to have a good time. Time travel is only easy if you look like Marty McFly it seems. It's well worked in and adds another layer to an already intelligent take on time travel stories.

Time travel is the main draw here and the process is depicted cleverly with no burning tire tracks, no blink and you're there jump cuts, just a slow dissolve in and out, an organic feeling trip into the past that's actually quite beautiful in places.......before it gets terrifying that is. But there's plenty of fun to be had seeing Steve working out the kinks and his profane reactions to it all add a sense of humour to a heavy going story that gets quite intense at times.  

Synchronic is streaming online now. If a blend of Bringing Out The Dead and Back To The Future sounds like your cup of tea you'll have a good time sipping this one. Sorry.

Video Nasty Rewatch part 18 - Exposé

Here we are, 18 films into the list and finally we come across an English one. And a surprisingly decent one at that. I love a film that can creep you out despite being set 90% in daylight. Plus any film starring Udo Kier is always going to be unsettling. 

Paul Martin (Kier) has rented out a cottage in the middle of nowhere to get work done on his second novel. He's suffering from writer's block and the bloody nightmares he's plagued with aren't helping matters. His inability to write causes him to break up with his missus Suzanne (Fiona Richmond) and now he thinks hiring a secretary to type his words will help him concentrate on his ideas. Linda (Linda Hayden) arrives and straight away captures the attention of a pair of teenage scumbags. She captures Paul's attention too and before long has wormed her way into the household. While wanking. A lot.  Then an encounter with the two scumbags really shows us what she's made of and before long we're headed towards a bloody climax. 

This was way better than I remembered it to be. It's atmospheric as hell, has a surprisingly clever plot line (ok it's not that clever but by nasty terms just making sense is a plus) and it's beautifully bucolic setting makes it really stand out. Paul's in a house surrounded by rolling meadows but he's trapped, he's suffocating and we feel it too. All that rural beauty is crushing and it's fun seeing Udo Kier being squeezed. It's odd to see him onscreen with a dubbed voice though. Maybe that weird eurotrash accent of his didn't feel right in the middle of that English countryside but his performance and all those odd mannerisms of his still shine. Plus if you've ever wanted to see Udo going all Bruce Lee on a couple of teens, here's your chance. Those teens btw aren't just nobodies. One is played by Karl Howman, the star of Brush Strokes and the other is none other than Vic Armstrong, stuntman extraordinaire who's been in everything from Raiders  Of The Lost Ark to Gangs Of New York to Thor. What they get up to is one of the main reasons this 47 year old film is still a contentious watch.

Unlike the vast majority of the films on the DPP 39 list of Video nasties, Exposé isn't a horror film but watching it now I can understand how and why it ended up on that famous list. From the off it indulges in a graphic juxtaposition of sex and violence of the type that has always set off alarm bells in the BBFC offices. Paul's nightmarish visions that hit while he's in bed with his lover Suzanne, the Hitchcock aping bathroom murder near the end of the film and the infamous rape scene where Linda turns the tables on her attackers. It's telling that this film still hasn't ever been released uncut in the UK. I'd be surprised if it ever does. 

Next up - Faces Of Death. I'm dreading this one.  

Fucking cunts

Fuck the Catholic church.

Fuck those hypocritical cunt priests who preached abstinence and piety and then raped kids behind closed doors.

Fuck those cunt nuns who tortured women and children in mother and baby homes.

Fuck the people who paid money to adopt children from these homes knowing a baby would be taken from it's mother for ever.

I hope what they did haunts them. I hope they died slowly and roaring.

Fucking cunts.

Fuck this government for passing the buck, for not placing blame where it's deserved, for not compensating those who's lives the church ruined.

Fuck past governments for knowing what was happening and ignoring it, for kowtowing to rapists in robes.

Fuck the people who say "ah sure it was a different time".

Fuck the people who'll defend the church.

Fucking cunts.

Medicating through movies

9am. It's too cold to get out to bed. Netflix is the answer. Oh Parenthood, Steve Martin was fun in that one. 2 hrs later, that was enjoyable. What a cast. I forgot he was called Leaf Phoenix at one stage. Hmmm. I'm hungry. Do i get up? Nope its still too cold. Oh there's that Hitchcock boxset I've been meaning to open since Christmas Day. Why not sure. The Saboteur? Never seen it. Why not now? 2 hrs later. That was really good. Hitch was the man. FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!! 5 hrs later. Ok, I'm frozen and briary. What will I do? Ahh I know. I'll watch a movie. That always works. Moonstruck? Never seen it but film twitter was bigging it up lately. 2 hrs later. That was fun. Nice to see Cher before she turned herself into a waxwork. And Nicholas Cage was always bonkers? Fair enough. Hmmm. It's too early to go to bed. Another film you say? Ok, but my eyes are starting to melt. Get Over It? No, that's the name of the film. Why not sure. Jesus that's a hell of a cast. The baba heads on everyone. Hmmmm I've a headache. Ignore it you wuss. This film is shite but I may as well finish it. 2 hrs later. That sucked and I've got a bastard behind the eyes. Films cured and fucked me up today. Sound.

16 films to help you forget about real life for a while

Skyscraper   Sat   9/1   CH4 @ 21.00

Will's just got a job as a safety assessor in the tallest building in the world and you wouldn't believe what's about to happen him and his family on their first night there. Dwayne Johnson is the perfect headliner for this ludicrous slice of high concept action. Lie back, crack open a beer and let the fun wash over you, oh and don't even attempt to take it seriously. Neve Campbell plays his wife Sarah and thankfully gets to do more than just wait to be rescued.

The Lives Of Others   Sat   9/1   TG4 @ 23.00

East Berlin. 1984. The Stasi are in power and wield that power strictly. Hauptmann Weisler is spying on a rival of the state and slowly becomes intertwined with his life and that of his family. Then he slowly starts to care. This 2007 German drama is just fantastic, a deeply humane watch about a strange time in European history. The acting from Ulrich Mühe, Sebastian Koch and Martina Gedeck is second to none.

Dead Man's Shoes   Sat   9/1   Film4 @ 23.05

A man returns to his hometown to get revenge on the people who tormented his brother. Yes I know it sounds cliched as hell but this is film from Shane Meadows packs a serious wallop. Imagine if Emmerdale was crossed with a slasher film and then stained with a dollop of very black humour and some horribly realistic carnage. Paddy Considine is immense in this tense, nauseating, gripping and comical (in places) film.

Bonnie And Clyde   Sat   9/1   RTE1 @ 23.35

Bonnie's a waitress who gets whisked off her feet by a criminal called Clyde. Before long their exploits have them at the attention of police everywhere. Arthur Penn's crime classic may be 51 years old this year but it still has the power to shock in places. It's a blistering watch with career defining performances from Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty. Watch it to see the point old Hollywood gave way to the new.

The Seventh Veil   Sun   10/1   Talking Pictures TV @ 22.00

A woman, once famed for her piano skills has seen her life take a tragic turn and now while suffering from amnesia has began to work with a psychiatrist to figure out the puzzle that is her past. This slowburn but rather compelling slice of English film noir is a well put together mystery that benefits from a trio of powerful turns from Ann Todd, Herbert Lom and a nasty James Mason.

The Dressmaker   Sun   10/1   CH4 @ 23.40

To finish the weekend here's a different kind of revenge thriller. The strange, upsetting, surreal, funny and one of a kind tale of a woman returning to the small Australian town that spurned her and getting her own back. Kate Winslet is superb in the title role and pulls off an Oz accent that's pretty damn believable. Judy Davis as her mam is brilliant and Liam Hemsworth and Hugo Weaving do well in support.

Flying Blind   Mon   11/1   BBC1 @ 00.10

No one messes with Frankie. She loves her job and doesn't suffer fools gladly. Her entire outlook on life changes when she meets Khalil. They fall for each other fast but his background and her job really do not mix. An interesting and well acted drama that will remind you of the erotic thrillers of the early 90's but with more intelligence and less...well you know. Helen McCrory does mighty work as the lead role & in a way that will help you get past the sillier sides of the story.

Blue Valentine   Mon   11/1   TG4 @ 21.30

A non linear tale about the birth and death of a relationship. Grim and upsetting viewing sprinkled with moments of levity and performances so real that you'll be totally absorbed. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams play the couple. Gosling is solid but Williams is stunning. As with nearly everything she acts in these days she's the best thing onscreen. You just can't take your eyes off her. A highly recommended downer of a watch.

Johnny Guitar   Tues   12/1   TCM @ 09.05

Vienna owns the town saloon & maintains a love/hate relationship with the ranchers and railroad workers that frequent it. One day a false accusation brings all manner of trouble to her doorstep. A unique western, one of the first headlined by a woman and one that's kind of unusual and oddly poetic while still hitting all the beats you'd expect. Joan Crawford is an amazing lead and watch out for all those craggy genre faces like Ward Bond and Royal Dano in the background.

Destry Rides Again   Tues   12/1   Film4 @ 14.30

The cattle town of Bottleneck is a shifty spot and big man around town, Kent, thinks he runs the show. He didn't prepare for Tom Destry though. No one ever does. This is a gloriously entertaining slice of western escapism. James Stewart, as always, does master work but Marlene Dietrich as Frenchie the singer steals the show big time. If you like Blazing Saddles her character will seem very very familiar.

A Most Violent Year   Wed   13/1   Sony Movies @ 00.45 

The year is 1981. The New York City murder rate is through the roof. Abel Morales is a business owner trying and failing to protect his fuel company from theft. Something has got to give. This 2014 drama is a lot more low key than it's name suggests but it's a gripping watch that wears it's 70's cinema influences on it's sleeve with pride. Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain both do stellar work here.

The Exorcist III   Wed   13/1   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

Washington DC is being terrorised by a series of unsolved murders that are similar to the work of a dead man. An obsessed cop is on the trail and the clues are leading him to a psychiatric hospital where a strange patient is waiting. The 2nd sequel to the 1973 classic is a messy affair but it's a genuinely scary and unsettling watch too. Plus it has THE best jump scare of all time. George C. Scott and Brad Dourif are a wicked pair of leads.

Dog Day Afternoon   Thur   14/1   TCM @ 01.35

On a blisteringly hot day in Brooklyn a man called Sonny holds up a bank with the intention of using the stolen money for his partner's gender re-assignment surgery. His actions turn him into a bit of a star. Sidney Lumet's 1975 drama is still a stunner, a vital watch about a post war America grasping for any bit of optimism it could get. Al Pacino is a mindblowing lead and John Cazale's turn as his robber pal Sal is brilliantly tragic.

The Two Faces Of January   Fri   15/1   CH4 @ 01.50

An experienced con artist working the streets of Athens finds himself up to his neck in hot water when he encounters a glamorous American couple seeing the sights. This 60's set but modern day take on Hitchcock is a diverting and sun drenched slice of intrigue and mystery. It mightn't live up to his standards but the willing cast of Oscar Isaac, Kirsten Dunst and Viggo Mortensen do good work.

Pacific Heights   Fri   15/1   The Horror Channel @ 22.55

A couple buy a big beautiful house in San Francisco and struggle to pay for it so take in a lodger. It's the worst mistake they will ever make. 30 years later I still twitch when I see Michael Keaton onscreen because of this. It's a nerve-wracking warning about always vetting the people you let into the places you feel the safest. Matthew Modine and Melanie Griffith do well as the home owners but this film is Keaton's by a mile.

Young Adult   Fri   15/1   BBC1 @ 23.30

Mavis hasn't been home in a long long time but when her life goes awry she decides to go back to where it all started to see some old acquaintances. Mavis is a bit of a melt though. A strongly acted feel bad comedy drama about life's disappointments. It won't be for everyone but if you can stick with it there's plenty to enjoy. Charlize Theron is pitch perfect as the lead and Patton Oswalt and Patrick Wilson are solid back up.

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