Holidays

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu.

Never Grow Old

Garlow is a frontier town under the control of Preacher Pike (Danny Webb in full on fire and brimstone mode) and his debauchery hating iron fist. The townsfolk earn a living in the mud and their only respite is their Sunday hymn. Patrick Tate (Emil Hirsch, in real life a horrid little shit), an Irish immigrant, is the town undertaker and he wants more for his family than this life of misery. Then one day an outlaw by the name of Dutch Albert (John Cusack) rides into town and Patrick realises that things are about to be a lot worse.

My god, this was an astoundingly dark watch. Thousands of westerns have portrayed the hardship of life on the edge of civilisation but few of them as successfully as this. The sunny, dusty streets of Tombstone, Laredo and Cheyenne are nowhere to be seen here. What we get is sadness and mud and plenty of it. Menace abounds too. It was a violent, often short lived existence. In a land with no law, psychopaths prowled and pounced upon the unsuspecting and Never Grow Old depicts this with a sense of foreboding that starts with the opening title scene and doesn't let up until the end. It makes for gripping viewing but good jaysus it's exhausting.

The source of this menace is Dutch Albert. A terrifying, nearly demonic presence underplayed brilliantly by John Cusack who's as good here as he's been in years. Cusack, that hero of 80s and 90's cinema, seemed to have given up trying in the past decade (aside from the superb Love & Mercy) so it's nice to see him back in form, even if it is in one of the nastiest bad guy roles of recent memory. You'll shudder every time he opens his mouth and every time he appears the tension hanging in the air will fold you over. Emile Hirsch as Patrick pulls off a surprisingly well done Irish accent but Cusack is the one you'll remember here. Déborah François as Patrick's wife isn't the shrinking violet usually seen in westerns either. Her French Audrey Tate is a fiery soul who's well capable to dealing with what life throws at her.

One thing good westerns have always done is to take present day events and contextualise them into a genre setting. In 2019 we're in the darkest timeline and 1850's Garlow reflects that. Neither era was good to the women of its time. Both are plighted by bully boy religious tactics and terrifying leaders acting like wannabe demigods. Both have people grasping for little beacons of hope in the darkness, both seem to consist of never ending doom. Not much has changed in 170 years, bad men still prey on the weak, people are still gunned down in the streets. We just have WiFi and avocado toast now. Never Grow Old is the story of people who went to America in search of a better life, in search of that famous dream. Then they realised they'd been sold a dud. Sound familiar?

Irish director Ivan Kavanagh's first film in 5 years is a grand way to re-emerge on the scene. His love of the western genre is evident and the whole enterprise has a dark ring of truth to it that is sometimes missing in larger productions. It's darkness will be off-putting to a lot of viewers though. One subplot about a peripheral character is terribly distressing and comes to a climax in a scene that will make a lot of people tune out. But if you can stomach the despair there is a lot to appreciate here.

In selected cinemas now.

Angel Has Fallen

An appreciation of beer brought this film to us. A young Gerard Butler was training to be a lawyer in Edinburgh but he wanted to go on the lash more. This love of life made the 25 year old man realise he didn't want to be in a courtroom. He wanted to be famous. So he made it happen and in 2019 we are treated to the sight of him headshotting his way across the Mason-Dixon line.

Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) is crocked. Being the president's number one man has taken it's toll on him in a big way. Migraines, insomnia, back pain, all part and parcel of life in the Secret Service. His hard work has paid off though and the most powerful man in the world, President Trumbull (Morgan Freeman) trusts him with his life. Until a drone attack happens. Now Mike is running for his life and every law enforcement agent in the world is out to get him. Only one man can help him. But he has to find him first.

Who would have thought that the sight of Nick Nolte looking like Harry from Bigfoot And The Henderson's would be the catalyst for reigniting a flagging action franchise? Not I. But his appearance midway through Angel Has Fallen is one that livens up the film no end. The 'Fallen' franchise is a rare one these days, a series of R rated movies that don't shy from blood and profanity. In an age of Marvel family friendly blockbusters they feel like a breath of fresh air but the gleeful relishing of violence (the Melissa Leo scene comes to mind) in Olympus Has Fallen and the nasty strain of xenophobia running through London Has Fallen ("Go back to Fuckheadistan!") did leave a bitter aftertaste. Thankfully Angel Has Fallen has left that behind and as such it's a far more fun watch than it's predecessors and it's all down to a beardy forest dweller. You'll even keep smiling during the worst special effect of the decade. Trust me, you can't miss it.

Unlike Olympus and Angel, both more or less siege movies, this one is a chase movie and it's a welcome change of pace. Nothing gets boring as fast as the same scenario played out again and again. Then while zipping around the Southern states it manages to get in sly digs at the state of both modern day America and the country's relationship with firearms and then all of a sudden we get thrown into the middle of a treatise on how a life in the military can dehumanise a man. Who the hell expected such depth in a Gerard Butler action movie (™)?? An unexpected and most welcome surprise. There's nothing wrong with showing a bit of vulnerability in an action movie and that's something the target audience for this film could stand to hear.

But fear not explosion fans, the grit you'll expect is still here too. For every moment of depth we get a scene of Mike Banning headbutting a car full of spec ops into submission. For every bonding moment we get 30 men blown to bits by claymore explosions. For every scene with a dignified Morgan Freeman we get armpits being stabbed viciously. There's something for us all. It's not one bit subtle but it's definitely the most entertaining film of the franchise so far.

In cinemas everywhere now.

11 films worth your time on TV this week

20th Century Women   Sat   24/8   BBC2 @ 22.45

Three generations of women living in late 70's California attempt to school a young man in the ways of life. He's a stubborn one. But they are too. Annette Bening is fantastic as the free spirited Dorothea and leads an excellent cast that includes Greta Gerwig, Elle Fanning and Billy Crudup in a well done story that will resonate with a lot of viewers.

A Walk In The Woods    Sat   24/8   RTE1 @ 23.10

Two men decide to hike the Appalachian trail. 2000 miles of wilderness. One is an aging writer and the other is a walking heart attack. Comedy ensues. Robert Redford's adaption of Bill Bryson's book of the same name is just a lovely film. If you like your comedy gentle but with a hint of a profanity then this is the film for you. Redford in the lead role is grand but Nick Nolte as his hiking partner Katz steals the show.

The Belko Experiment   Sun   25/8   Film4 @ 23.10

An American company based in South America finds out how truly vicious office politics can be when they find themselves trapped and forced to fight by an unknown group. A blisteringly violent, darkly funny and nicely subversive thriller that you will enjoy vicariously if you work in a similar job. John C. McGinley steals the show as a particularly highly strung fella.

Hamburger Hill   Mon   26/8   TG4 @ 21.30

American soldiers fight the ultimate battle of attrition in their attempts to take a strategic hill in the bloodiest era of the Vietnam war. This is one tough, grisly film that makes Platoon look like Bosco. It's a look at the pointlessness of war that lets us get to know it's wide eyed, baby faced soldiers before mincing them in front of us. Courtney B. Vance, Don Cheadle and Dylan McDermott stand out in a large ensemble cast.

The Angel's Share   Wed   28/8   Film4 @ 01.05

4 Glaswegian teenagers on a road to rock bottom decide to pull off a whiskey heist to get themselves the means to get away from a miserable future. Director Ken Loach has weaved a delightful tale here. One that will upset you in places and give you a full on belly laugh in others. A warm look at the lives of people who are usually ignored. Paul Brannigan as Robbie is a talent to keep an eye out for in the future.

The Producers   Wed   28/8   TCM @ 13.30

Producers Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom set out to make their money from a disaster. This Mel Brooks masterpiece is about a very different type of musical. A very different one indeed. It's an uproariously funny film and in places you won't believe what you're watching. Starring the late & much missed Gene Wilder and Zero Mostel. This one will keep you laughing til the very end.

Everest   Wed   28/8   RTE1 @ 21.35

In 1996 two expert mountain climbers led an ill advised expedition up Mount Everest while a massive storm front was bearing down on them. Things did not end happily. Jason Clarke, Emily Watson and Jake Gyllenhal lead a starry cast in a well made film that will both terrify you and piss you off. Rich stupid people and their death defying hobbies always makes for gripping viewing.

Flight Of The Navigator   Thur   29/8   Syfy @ 12.00

If you were an 80's kid you'll remember this one. A young boy goes into the woods and reappears 8 years later. Scientists then try to figure out what happened to him. It turns out quite a bit happened. A thoroughly entertaining and very charming sci-fi film that OK, looks a bit dated but its a great one to record and watch with the family. Joey Cramer makes for a fine lead.

The Fury   Fri   30/8   Film4 @ 01.15

When his son is kidnapped by scumbags intent on exploiting his psychic powers, a former CIA agent goes all out to get him back. Brian De Palma's 1978 sci-fi/horror is a bonkers affair. A vicious but very engaging watch that contains THE best ever bad guy death scene. Even 40 years later it will still take your breath away. Kirk Douglas is in full on tough guy mode and gets good back up from Amy Irving and John Cassavetes.

The Flag   Fri   30/8   RTE1 @ 21.35

When Harry finds out the flag his Da raised in the 1916 rising now resides in a barracks in London he sets out to get it and his friend Mouse comes along for the ride. A rip roaringly funny Irish film that, like the best Irish comedies, manages to be hilarious one minute and capable of making you cry the next. Pat Shortt, Moe Dunford, Ruth Bradley and Brian Gleeson all have a whale of a time here.

Run And Jump   Fri   30/8   RTE2 @ midnight

Vanetia is an Irish woman struggling to look after her family after her husband Conor has had a stroke. An American medical researcher comes to stay with them to study his behaviour and him and Vanetia become close. A solid little drama about family dynamics, dysfunction and understanding. Maxine Peake in the lead role is as always superb and Will Forte as the yank plays a nice part.

Crawl

People fleeing zombies hide out in a shopping centre.

A vampire comes to England

A woman is impregnated by the devil.

An American ambassador adopts the devil's son.

Psychics visit a haunted house.

Michael comes home.

Nothing beats a horror movie that can be summed up in one sentence. Here we get woman vs nature. Nice. Lean. Succinct. Just like Crawl itself.

Haley Keller is a Florida student heading into a category 5 hurricane in search of her father. Both the cops and the weather insist she turn back but stubbornness keeps her moving forward. Finding her old house in the early stages of flooding she ventures in and finds what she's looking for. She finds something else too courtesy of Florida's unique eco-system. Namely Alligators. A metric fuckton of Alligators.

Alexandre Aja has fine form when it comes to horror movies. High Tension (Switchblade Romance over here) was the vicious watch that put him on the map. His remake of Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes blew the original out of the water and his 2013 adaption of Horns was one of the most unique horror films to appear in a long time. This year he gives us Crawl. A movie that's far more mainstream than any of the above but one that's equally as entertaining. It's a love letter to the relationship between a father and a daughter while being as gritty and terrifying as we've come to expect from Aja. And brilliantly it all clocks in at a smidge under 90 minutes. Gotta love a bit of economy.

Using editing skills as sharp as a beastie's teeth (sorry) Aja cuts away everything not necessary and leaves us with a lean and very very mean look at just how dangerous mother nature can be when she's pissed off. Yeah it gets far fetched and yeah your eyes will roll right out of your head at a couple of points but you'll be never less than gripped by it all. People vs nature films are always entertaining and this one is as intimate as they get. In your own home. Your abode, your safe space. The place where you don't have to worry about a thing. Ha. Wrong. Despite being more or less set in the one building throughout Aja gets amazing mileage out of the place. Us Irish folk will never know the wonder of a basement/crawl space and after this I'm pretty glad of the fact.

The most effective horror movies work when we care about the characters onscreen. Here we get Haley and Dave and Kaya Scodelario and Barry Pepper (A genuinely interesting actor who should have been far bigger) who do well to make us give a shit about them. Both are a pair of regular joe's who've been affected by traumatic family events and we can relate with them. They aren't rich, they ain't superheroes, they're just people trying to go about their day until Floridian life pops up to say hello. This film will do for Gator's what Jaws did for sharks btw. These aren't just hungry animals looking for a spot of brunch. Oh no, these are big malevolent bastards who's eyes glint in the dark while they wait to quarter the occasionally unlucky looter or policeman.

It's a nice surprise when something this entertaining turns up in the cinematic dumping ground that is the arse end of August. It's gruelling in places but well rounded characters combined with an exciting script and some lovingly crafted shocks make for a grand way to pass and hour and a half in the pictures.

Harris Yulin - An unsung hero of Film & TV

Imagine starting your life in film playing a character as iconic as Wyatt Earp. What a blessing. What a curse. A blessing because you'd instantly get a name for yourself among genre fans but a curse because you're instantly thrown in at the deep end and it would be a constant struggle to live up to a studio movie debut like that. But if anyone could do it it would be Harris Yulin, a man with a career now spanning 5 decades and with over 130 credits to his name. Luckily for him he's not an actor tied to a certain role, he's one of those chameleons who can do it all. But the meat of his career has been playing men in positions of power.

He's been a judge in a very haunted courtroom. Had dealings with Cuban drug kingpins and Johnny Drama & Turtle. Been tortured by a good guy even though he was a good guy. Played Denzel Washington's buddy on more than one occasion and helped take back Entebbe from the bad guys. He's portrayed a pirate in one of the biggest box office turkey's of all time and been a patient of Doctor Frasier Crane. Been onboard Deep Space Nine and been opposite Mr Bean. He's acted in some of the most famous films of the 20th century and a lot of it's most iconic shows. He's a jack of all trades and it's a pity he never got to hit the big time because he was certainly talented enough for it. Check out his career here.

Greatest Hits

Scarface - Mel Bernstein. The scumbag cop who succeeded in making Tony Montana look somewhat principled.

Clear And Present Danger - James Cutter, the National Security advisor. Shifty as fuck. In other words a perfect portrayal of a politician.

24 - Roger Stanton, a member of President Palmer's admininstration. An odd fish. His scenes were rather controversial when people realised 24 was relishing it's torture scenes a bit too much.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Quentin Travers. The director of the Watchers council. Lords it over Buffy and gets taken down in one of THE most satisfying pieces of TV ever.

Previous Heroes

Pepe Serna
Udo Kier
Fairuza Balk
Ernie Hudson
Lin Shaye
James Remar
Cloris Leachman
James Hong
David Strathairn
Frankie Faison
Conchata Ferrell
Dick Miller
Veronica Cartwright
Edie McClurg
Barry Shabaka Henley           
Raymond Cruz                        
Reg E.Cathey                          
Elizabeth McGovern               
John Amos                              
Bruce Greenwood                  
Mary McDonnell                     
Gerald McSorley                       
John Rothman                        
Margo Martindale                   
Kurtwood Smith                     
Paula Malcolmson                 
Luis Guzman                          
David Morse                           
Linda Hunt                              
Keith David                             
Zeljko Ivanek
Fiona Shaw
Xander Berkeley
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
C.C.H Pounder
William Forsythe
Beth Grant
Sven-Ole Thorsen
Regina King
Ric Young
Mark Rolston
Illeana Douglas
Jeanette Goldstein
Al Leong
Allan Graf
Bill Nunn
Thomas Rosales Jr

The good aul times

Remember when you were young and you weren't worried all the time.

When you had no money so money was never an issue.

When every phone call wasn't a potential bombshell.

Before social media made you feel like a failure at everything.

When everything didn't cost a bomb and rent wasn't a fucking nightmare.

When your name on a bill was non existant.

When your parents were young and you weren't always stressing about them.

When everytime you looked at the news it didn't seem like the end of the world was rushing at you.

When you weren't fucked tired all the time.

Ahhh good times.

Good Boys

Ha. Kids swearing.

The Bean bag boys. That's funny.

Hey, that's the young lad from Room. Jaysus he's fair small.

This reminds me of Superbad.

Wanking jokes. LoL.

Hey Will Forte, i like him. Hopefully we'll see a lot of hi.....Oh he's gone.

That kid is called Thor. Bad name. Jesus.

Hmmm. More swearing. I hope ths film isn't too reliant on that.

A nymphomaniac. So called because they like sex on land and sea. First clanger of the film.

The lad from Room has a crush. Yup, this is like Superbad.

School bullies are picking on them. This is really like Superbad.

They get invited to a party they aren't cool enough to be at. Fuck me. This is Superbad.

Jesus that kid Thor is annoying. I really hope he gets punched at some point.

Grim sex doll joke. I feel queasy. How did the kids parents let them do this?

Oh drugs. Like every other American comedy.

Yeah I don't like these children.

Hey!! yer man from Veep. Hopefully he's in it a lo.....oh he's gone.

Good christ those voices are squeaky.

Oh look, a very creepy Stephen Merchant. And kids with sex toys. And a fucking gimp mask. CRINGE. Oooh this is edgy....

Did that child just sniff a set of anal beads???

They have to cross a busy road. Is it bad that i want at least one of them to die?

They didn't die.

The 90 second long trailer for Zombieland 2 shown before this was better than all of this put together.

Drug humour. The worst humour.

Oh wow, slo mo, yes that worked so well in Tag last year. NOT.

Thor got punched. Sweet.

I wonder when they'll do the Superbad thing and have the friends have a falling out?

Yup, yup, there it is. Right on cue.

Life lesson.

Life lesson.

Montage set to a cheesy retro tune.

Life lesson.

Fucking christ, another life lesson.

Done.

Wait, the bloke who wrote for the American Office made this? For shame Gene. For shame.


I hated that film.

Don't be fooled. It's try hard shite.

Go see anything else.

10 films on TV this week that are worth your time

A Lonely Place To Die   Sat   17/8   The Horror Channel @ 21.00

A group of mountaineers climbing in the Scottish highlands get more than they bargained for when they discover a young woman being held captive in the middle of nowhere. An exciting mish mash of genres that starts off amiably enough before heading off somewhere vicious and unpredictable. A fine cast lead by Melissa George and Alec Newman helps keep proceedings grounded.

Quartet   Sat   17/8    BBC2 @ 23.00

A lovely comedy drama set in a rest home for retired musicians. The residents are preparing their yearly show when a new arrival shakes up the status quo and brings unrest to their routine. The always brilliant Maggie Smith takes the lead in this very amusing and poignant film with fantastic turns from Billy Connolly, Tom Courtenay and Pauline Collins. TBH I expected to hate this at first but fell for it big time

Duck Soup   Sun   18/8   TCM @ 03.25

The republic of Freedonia is having money woes and to find a way out it appoints a new president. The neighbouring republic of Sylvania realises now it the time for a hostile takeover. This 1933 farce from the Marx Brothers is a joy. Hilarious, highly quotable and so influential that you'll recognise stuff from here even if you haven't seen it. Harpo, Groucho and Chico as always are priceless and for once even Zepoo gets in on the action.

Alone In Berlin   Mon   19/8   RTE2 @ 21.00

A family tragedy during World War 2 brings home to a pair of grieving parents the fact that the political ideology they have given themselves over to doesn't give two shits about them. If you can get past the sight of Ireland's favourite actor (™) Brendan Gleeson playing a nazi sympathiser you'll find plenty to get your teeth into here. Emma Thompson and Daniel Brühl do well in a sadly still topical watch.

American Ultra   Tues   20/8   Film4 @

A permanently stoned store clerk finds himself the target of numerous assassination attempts and he has to clear his head to try and figure out why. A job easier said than done. Jesse Eisenberg is good value as the clerk in question and far less annoying than usual. A funny and in places pretty vicious bit of silliness that will keep you entertained for 100 minutes. Kirsten Stewart, Connie Britton and Walton Goggins are solid too.

Tucker And Dale Vs Evil   Tues   20/8   The Horror Channel @ 22.50

Bloody hijinx ensue when holidaying hillbillies find themselves staying near a bunch of partying students in the woods. This takes the tropes of 80's slasher films and turns them on their heads in hilariously gooey ways. Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk are perfect as a pair of seemingly gormless fools who then turn out to be anything but. You'll get the most out of this if you've seen Friday The 13th etc but its still mighty craic if you haven't.

Suite Francaise   Wed   21/8   RTE1 @ 21.35

France. 1940. A woman awaits news of a loved one who is missing in action but when German soldiers pour into the town the spectre of forbidden love raises its head. A slightly soap opera-ish storyline maybe but this is a well made watch in an old fashioned style and buoyed by excellent acting from the always reliable Michelle Williams and Matthias Schoenaerts.

True Grit   Wed   21/8   Film4 @ 22.50

A young woman hires a briary old U.S. marshal to hunt the men who killed her father. The Coen Brother's fiercely entertaining remake of the classic John Wayne western is a rare beast - a remake that surpasses the original. A droll, quirky and in places quite touching story. The cast is top notch too with Hailee Steinfeld superb in her debut acting role but the film belongs to Jeff Bridges as Rooster Cogburn. He's just flawless in the part.

Quadrophenia   Fri   23/8   Film4 @ 23.20

Jimmy hates his life and is only happy when he's on his scooter and surrounded by his mod friends. One day they take a faithful trip to the South coast of England and his life changes forever. A true classic from an age when youth subcultures were a thing. A look at life's high peaks and deep deep valleys lead by a blazingly angry and raw performance from Phil Daniels. Sting as Ace Face is great as disappointment personified.

Love & Mercy   Fri   23/8   RTE2 @ Midnight

Brian Wilson, the brains and the heart behind 1960's supergroup The Beach Boys was the very definition of a troubled genius. This unique biopic is a look at his life in both the 1960's and the 1980's and the woman who could save him from the bad influences around him. Paul Dano (who I usually hate) & John Cusack put in stunning performances as Wilson with Elizabeth Banks and Paul Giamatti offering nice support.

Perfection

I had something rare today.

Something that many people spend a lifetime seeking out but never finding.

That elusive beast.

The perfect pint of porter.

How's that for alliteration.

When I get the train home I always have a pint before hand. The train is always at 16.55 so the pint is always mid afternoon. Unfortunately this means that if I go into a quiet pub there's a good chance the porter will have been sitting in a line all night meaning it will have a bitter taste.

Not today though. Today I got 568 millimetres of absolute cream. Purists may moan that the head on the above pint is slightly larger than usual and yes, there's no denying it was but good jaysus it tasted divine. The kind of pint you'll remember when you're old and decrepit. The kind of pint you'll dream about. The kind of pint that tastes like another. Like a warm cuddle in a glass. It was just divine and vanished it 6 glorious mouthfuls.

The bag of tayto is your only man too. A combo that can't be beaten. In a perfect world the crisps would last as long as the pint does but they always vanish by the second mouthful. It can't be helped.

FFS I'm easily pleased.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

On August 8th 1969, under the direction of cult leader Charles Manson, Tex Watson, Susan Atkins and Patricia Krenwinkel broke into 10050 Cielo Drive in Los Angeles and murdered it's inhabitants including the very pregnant actor Sharon Tate. The cult leader was angered at Terry Melcher, a music producer who had previously owned the house and wanted revenge. Sadly that revenge was taken against whoever happened to be in the house at the time. Well that's one version of the story anyway......

February 1969. Fading actor Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) is having an existential crisis. Work is drying up and his only shot at redemption is to leave Hollywood and make spaghetti westerns in Italy. He's distraught but his driver/stunt double/only friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) sees it as a fresh start. As Rick's star is falling his next door neighbour's, Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), is on the rise. Sharon, a fresh faced ingénue is having the time of her life as the doors to all Hollywood has to offer open before her. Both of them have other neighbours too, the residents of the Spahn ranch in the Hollywood hills, a group of young cult members with bad things on their minds.

There's no denying this is a Tarantino film. A ridiculous running time, cameos left, right and centre, bare feet literally everywhere and the violence, when it eventually comes is both gratuitously OTT and hideous. It has a terribly baggy midsection where Tarantino lets loose with his worst directorial impulses and he makes absolutely no concession for younger viewers who may not know much about this particularly dark period in movieland history. But when Once Upon A Time In Hollywood hits it's mark it does so in a way that will make you forget about all the things it has done wrong. The first appearance of a cinematic legend who died way too young is magnificent because it's a moment that both humanizes a legend while puncturing the myth around him and it gives us one of the biggest belly laughs of the year. Al Pacino turns up in rare and lovable form and reminds us all why we've all enjoyed him for so long. An ethereal Margot Robbie brings Sharon Tate to life in such a glorious way that it makes her every appearance throb with impending doom. Then we get the star pairing that's going to make this a hit. DiCaprio and Pitt. 2 A-list megastars. They go together like a Royale with cheese and chips.

In 1993 Brad Pitt stole the show in True Romance as a very very stoned young man lying on a couch in True Romance. 26 years later and in his 3rd collaboration with Quentin Tarantino he does it again and this time he's an actor who's far more comfortable in his own skin. As good as DiCaprio is it's Pitt that gets all the fun stuff. The backlot sparring session that shows us what he's made of, a visit to a desert home that turns sinister very quickly and a drug trip that changes the course of history. He has a ball in the part but he's no nice guy. Like most of Tarantino's characters he's all sorts of shades of grey. Pitt gets the fun stuff but DiCaprio gets the meat of the story as a man who knows his best work is behind him (QT commenting on himself?). He's superb as always but it's his plotline where the film stutters. The wider world is forgotten as the film lays back to watch him work. It's fun but it gets flabby fast and you get the sense that this is Tarantino's overlong love letter to the TV age he grew up with. He's having fun with it but we certainly aren't.

A lot has been made of Margot Robbie's lack of dialogue as Sharon Tate. It's true, there's no denying she doesn't get much to do but her presence hangs heavy over everything and a scene of her in a cinema and her smile lighting up the screen is one of the most lovely and heartfelt moments in all of QT's movies. Going into this film knowing her story makes you fearful for her everytime she appears and Robbie, with only a few lines does a mighty job of making her seem like the girl next door even though she's on the edge of stardom. Everyone is on form in fairness. Bruce Dern's pathetic turn as George Spahn. An almost unrecognisable Dakota Fanning as the infamous Squeaky Fromme. Mike Moh's uncanny Bruce Lee (at least until he takes off his glasses) and numerous other familiar faces from QT's back catalogue turn up to give this universe a lived in feel.

It's a film that could quite easily lose half an hour but the good here way outweighs the bad. The cheeky slotting of Dalton into one of cinema's most loved movies. A chekhov's gun that pays off in an extremely satisfying way. That tin of dog food. Kurt Russell's withering look of disappointment. Those fantastically soundtracked drives through LA that will make you want to visit the place straight away. The film's immaculately portrayed look at 1969 Hollywood. The year it all went to fuck. The year the dark underbelly of La-La Land pushed through to the surface.

Go see it. But do a little research first. It will make your viewing experience so much better.

Apocalypse Now cinema re-release

I watched Apocalypse Now : Final Cut in the cinema last night and it was just fantastic. A film I've seen a lot but never on the big screen. It blew me away.

The first time I ever saw it was a long time ago in college. I'd heard about it, I'd read about it but now was my chance to see it. It was on CH4 in a pan & scan version and riddled with ads but it melted my head. It was a war film but it wasn't. It was an anti war film but had a scene that made war look exhilarating. It had the president from the West Wing looking very young and Kal-El from Superman looking very different indeed. I sat down expecting Platoon and got something very very unusual.

Last night we got something different again. The story stayed the same as 2001's redux edition apart from a few excisions (the second Playboy bunny scene got the chop thankfully. Seriously it's bad) but seeing it on a huge screen with surround sound and an appreciative audience made it all fresh again. You'd forgot how darkly funny some of it could be, Kilgore and the water canteen, Lance's descent into madness, Willard's grumpiness. How brutal it could be. The water buffalo. The river junk. Mr Clean dying as his mother's words poured out over his body. Or how scary it could be, the tiger and the head scene being two moments any horror movie would be proud to claim as their own. The Flight Of The Valkyrie scene of course had the audience buzzing. If ever a moment had to be seen on the biggest screen possible it's that one. Watching it all play out just blew my mind. The work that went into making it all happen. The realisation that everything onscreen, everything, had to be done practically, no cgi here.

Coppola was really fucking with the audience when he planned that scene. What is essentially an aerial attack on a civilian village is turned into an absolute spectacle, a scene of sheer amazement. You want to whoop and then you remember just what exactly it is you're watching and you feel like a scumbag. When this was being filmed back in the mid to late 70's Vietnam was still a fresh scar in the American psyche. Francis Ford must have known the reaction the public would have to this. 40 years later it's still having the same effect.

There's no point in saying anything else. The film has been talked into the ground, analysed to death. It's amazing. Getting to see it in the cinema was just magic. Getting to introduce a friend to it was excellent. Getting to see an audience fall in love with it once again just rocked.

Apocalypse Wow.

Animals

Remember years ago when you be sitting down in front of the TV watching RTE2 at 8.30pm on a monday evening wondering how exactly Monica and Rachel could afford that fantastic apartment and all those cups of coffee despite both of them being in low paid work? Prepare for 109 minutes of that same feeling during Animals except this time you'll flat out hate the people onscreen because this Dublin based drama is the story of a pair of unapologetic gobshites.

Laura (Holliday Grainger) and Tyler (Alia Shawkat) are two intensely close friends living it up in Dublin. Both work in dead end jobs and both live to piss their money away on white wine and class A's. Tyler is blitzing the tail end of her 20's in a whirlwind of alcohol & Laura's been working on her novel for a decade and the news that her sister is pregnant knocks her into an existential crisis that sees her meet and become rapidly engaged to a pianist called Jim (Fra Fee). Her and Tyler's toxic relationship rapidly becomes strained as she spends more and more time with her new fella and her head gets even more muddled when a poet called Marty (Dermot Murphy) worms his way into her emotions too.

Looking at your phone to check the time during a movie is never a good sign is it. If you're enjoying a film you'll never find yourself doing it as you'll be wrapped up in whats happening in front of you. Numerous times during Animals I found myself checking the time and not because the film was bad, but because I hated the people I found myself watching. Entitled, spoiled little shites who'll happily trample over everyone and everything in the pursuit of some fun. Not once did Animals ever feel like the story of genuine people, more a jumble of cliches in the shape of people, doing this and that because it's what the story commanded. Letting the plot define the characters is never a good thing. It's impossible to empathise with them and it's hard to care about what they get up to.

It's annoying because it's a well made and very well acted film. Halliday (septic aside accent aside) and Shawkat are excellent in their parts. Fra Fee as Jim, looking uncannily like Jon Snow, is a fresh new Irish face to keep an eye out for and Dermot Murphy's Marty is the personification of an art scene Louis CK sleaze. It's just a pity their talents couldn't have been applied to characters more worthy of them. We don't want our leads to be perfect but jesus throw us some kind of bone, give us some hook to keep us interested. Emma Jane Unsworth's book on which this is based had the same character's but their story ended up in a far more believable place than here. Had this film had the courage to stick to the book we would have had a more satisfying and believable watch

Others will no doubt get more out of this than I did. Some of hits the spot, a pubic mishap in a busy pub, both Laura's scenes with her new niece, the always reliable Pat Shortt, but it's just not enough.

The downside of bingewatching.

Glow Season 3 is back. Woohoo. One of Netflix's really good shows. They pump out a lot of stuff but barely any of it is as entertaining as this. The Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling. An hilarious drama packed full of heart and people getting their faces smushed off turnbuckles. The cast is second to none too and it's a show I couldn't wait to catch up on.

Only I could barely remember what happened in the last series. The recap at the start was alien. I recognised the characters but hardly any of the storyline. What the actual fuck is going on?

Oh yes. Like a lemon I watched all 8 episodes of it last year in one go. One solid lump on a weekend where the manflu had me in it's grip. Spoiler culture online has gotten so bad that the only way to avoid them is to watch the show before anyone can ruin it for you but doing it like this ruins it for you in another way.

When shows are on once a week you get to really love then. You spend the time in between ruminating on what you watched. You really fall for the characters. Cliffhanger endings actually mean something. Would shows like The Wire, Friends, ER and The Sopranos be as well loved if we hadn't been talking about them all week in work? I don't think so. Glow is good enough to survive the binge watch but most other Netflix shows aren't.

From now on I'm going to parcel out my watching. Really take my time and savour the goodness. At least that way i'll remember what I watched come season 4. Well hopefully. If this doesn't work I'm just going senile and this is all a moo point. Moo.

Blinded By The Light

The screen door slams, Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch as the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey, that's me, and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling, you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but, hey, you're alright
Oh, and that's alright with me

Who'd have thought a song written in 1975 would turn out to be the basis for one of the most joyous cinematic moments of 2019. A market stall singalong that will make you smile like a goofy eejit even if you don't want to.

Javed (Viveik Kalra in a star making turn) is a teenager from a Pakistani family in 1980's Luton. It's a town full of losers and he needs to pull out of there to win. He hates his life, he's trapped by his own culture and tradition and the racism of Margaret Thatcher's England is weighing heavily on his shoulders. On his first day in 6th form college he discovers the music of Bruce Springsteen and he's instantly obsessed when he realises this New Jersey singer's lyrics are speaking directly to him. His life starts to change for the better but his father Malik (Kulvinder Ghir) doesn't like what he sees one little bit. He's a man who believes sons should be brought up to do just like their daddy's done (sorry).

Blinded By The Light is an absolute joy. A big cheesy joy but one tinged with necessary darkness (at the edge of town). It perfectly captures that feeling of discovery, when you find something that you fall for instantly but cuts it with a damning look at what life for minorities was like in the 80's and still sadly is like in Brexit era UK. The clothes and music might be different now but being a teenager and all the pain and fun that comes along with it is universal, just like the lyrics of the songs that pull Javed out of the murk he's in.

Director Gurinder Chadha (Bend It Like Beckham) doesn't just point her camera and her blame outward though. The patriarchal values of the Pakistani community come under her scrutiny too and when they are juxtaposed with words from songs like The River and Dancing In The Dark, it helps us outsiders get a taste of what life is like in an insular community and gives us a new appreciation of songs we've heard a million times. It's an inspired use of music but it's when the Boss's words are used in a happy manner that the film truly and brilliantly springs to life

A literal reaction to Born To Run and a singalong to Thunder Road will have you bouncing in your chair, fighting the urge to sing along (fuck it, sing along, I did) and the fun Viveik Kalra has with the music is infectious because he's created a character you empathise with. Awkward, gangly, confused, he's all of us and it's brilliant watching him bloom but then it's crushing when his dreams are dashed. Kulvinder Ghir as his father Malik is just as good in the part of a man you'll initially dislike but as you come to understand him and the culture he grew up in he'll start to grow on you like that magnificent moustache he rocks so well.

At nearly 2 hrs it does overstay it's welcome especially in the latter stages as it loses some focus and the story starts being painted in very broad strokes but it's a film for everyone and in it's clash of cultures you may even learn something. If you're a Bruce fan you'll have a ball but even if you ain't there's a lot here to enjoy.

11 films on TV this week worth your time

The Blues Brothers   Sat   10/8   RTE1 @ 23.40

Jake and Elwood Blues are on a mission from god. To raise money to save their old orphanage they need to get their band back together. A task easier said than done. This 1980 comedy from John Landis is pure distilled cinematic joy and a film with something for everyone with it's hilarity, action, music and highly quotable dialogue. Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi rock it.

Clouds Of Sil Maria   Sat   10/8   BBC2 @ 23.55

An actress revisits the play that made her career 20 years ago. But this time she's taking an older role and it forces her to re-evaluate things. Juliette Binoche is an actress that just makes it all look effortless and is sublime in the lead role here with some fantastic back up from Kirsten Stewart and Chloe Grace Moretz. A proper grown up, emotional psychological drama.

Field Of Dreams   Sun   11/8   RTE2 @ 12.30

A man hears a voice in his Iowa cornfield and he feels compelled to do what it says. A beautiful film about risks, standing up for yourself, regrets and getting a rare second chance at doing things right. Baseball is lost on me but i love this film. It's funny, sad, poignant and touching and full of excellent acting. Costner is deadly as always and Amy Madigan, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster and James Earl Jones all add class.

The Man Who Would Be King   Sun   11/8   RTE1 @ 15.15

Daniel and Peachy are two English soldiers in India. They've had enough of having nothing and decide to set off in search of riches. This adaption of a Rudyard Kipling novel is very entertaining indeed. It's old fashioned stuff but it's pure & utter escapism. A perfect watch for a rainy sunday afternoon. Sean Connery and Michael Caine have great fun as the leads. Christopher Plummer pops up as Kipling himself too.

We Are The Best!   Mon   12/8   Film4 @ 01.25

2 teenage girls in early 80's Stockholm refuse to believe that punk is dead and set out to start their own band. Their extreme lack of musical ability isn't going to hold them back. One of Lukas Moodysson's more accessible movies and one that will bring a big smile to your face but one that isn't without it's share of darkness either. Mira Grosin and Liv LeMoyne do fine work as the leads.

A Dangerous Method   Mon   12/8   TG4 @ 21.30

David Cronenberg steps away from the body horror he built his career on with this story of a woman who finds herself hospitalised and under the care of not just Sigmund Freud but also Carl Jung. An intriguing and well acted (ok in places its quite OTT) film that gives us some insight into the birth of psychoanalysis. Keira Knightley, Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortensen all do solid work as the leads.

Double Indemnity   Mon   12/8   TCM @ 13.30

A classic slice of film noir from master director Billy Wilder. An affair between a salesman and a married woman takes a murderous turn all in the pursuit of money. Barbara Stanwyck & Fred MacMurray are at the top of their game in this one but Edward G. Robinson robs the film out from underneath them as a man who won't let things go. A classic that truly lives up to the hype.

The Evil Dead   Wed   14/8   The Horror Channel @ 23.05

5 teenagers go to a cabin in the woods and inadvertently unleash hell when they read from an ancient book. Sam Raimi's 1981 debut is a brutal, primal beast of a film. The special effects may make you laugh now but there's no mistaking Raimi's intent here, he wants to scare you and scare you he will. But you'll laugh too. Uproariously at times. Bruce Campbell as Ash is an brilliant lead.

First Blood   Fri   16/8   ITV @ 22.45

John Rambo is a Vietnam vet who turns up in a small town to visit a friend and he soon finds out that his kind are not welcome. The 1st entry in this franchise is a lowkey masterpiece and a rare action thriller that will make you think about your own prejudices while delivering the action too. Sylvester Stallone gives a lovely subdued performance and Brian Dennehy is a very effective bastard.

Selma   Fri   16/8   RTE1 @ 21.35

A look at 3 months in the life of Dr Martin Luther King as he took part in an effort to secure equal voting rights for African Americans in 1965. A tough and quite upsetting look at a period of American history that people do their best to ignore these days. Directed by Ava DuVernay and carried by a superlative performance from David Oyelowo as King this a history lesson that everyone should watch.

In The Heat Of The Night   Fri   16/8   BBC2 @ 23.35

Mr Corbett has been killed. Mr Tibbs arrives to investigate his murder. Mr Corbett died in the deep south. Mr Tibbs is black. The deep south doesn't like Mr Tibbs. This is a first rate watch. Draped in a sweltering atmosphere this crime drama will hook you from the off with 2 stunning performances from Sidney Poitier and Rod Steiger. Sadly this is still a very topical watch that will enrage you as much as it entertains you.

Otherhood

Felicity Huffman. Angela Bassett. Patricia Arquette. 3 fantastic actresses. Putting them together in a film is a sure fire recipe for success ain't it...........ain't it? You'd think so wouldn't you. An academy award winner and two academy award nominees, how could you go wrong like? Well, sticking them with a hoary old script full of deeply unlikable characters is one way to go about it.

Carol (Bassett), Gillian (Arquette) and Helen (Huffman) are three mammies from Poughkeepsie who became friendly when their sons schooled together and stayed friendly as their sons became men. Terrible men, the type of men who forget Mother's day. This year the three of them have had enough and they roadtrip to New York City in an attempt to reconnect with the miserable little shits they gave the best years of their lives to.

This isn't good. It has its moments but they are lost in a mire of cringeworthy plotlines, hateful people (Helen in particular is a toxic piece of shit anyone in their right mind would run screaming from) and mawkish sentiment. Netflix loves these New York City set stories about the problems of the middle class but I can't see this one appealing to anyone. It's dull, it's terribly predictable and it's terminally unfunny for a film daring to call itself a comedy drama. It probably will attract an audience based on it's cast but they'll soon realise they've been sold yet another Netflix dud.

It's a shame because films with leading women over the age of 50 are as rare as hen's teeth. Hollywood's problem with middle aged leading ladies is endemic and this could have been a rare shining light had any bit of thought or effort put into the script. There's nothing here that hasn't been done a million times before. Raking over old ground isn't necessarily a bad thing but jesus give us something to hold out for, a decent character to root for at least. Angela Bassett's Carol is the one person here that resembles a genuine human being. Had the film's focus been narrowed to her and her estranged relationship with her son Matt (Sinqua Walls) we might have had something to work with but sadly the story keeps cutting back to Gillian and Helen and their horribly dysfunctional relationships with their fuckwit offspring.

It's not all bad I must say. Jake Hoffman as Carol's son Daniel looks uncannily like his father Dustin and plays the part of a clinically depressed Jewish New Yorker (His father's bread and butter as a young man) to a tee. Expect him to turn up in any number of Noah Baumbach films over the next few years. Those two will go together like thunder and lightning. The film's one other highpoint is Angela Bassett playing drunk. She's a rare performer who can do it both convincingly and in a funny way. For something most of us do regularly it's surprising how few actors can portray it believably.

That's it. 100 minutes long and we get two performances that won't make you grit your teeth in pain and one funny drunken moment. It's not half enough. Don't bother. You'll end up disappointed.