Video nasty rewatch part 33 - Night Of The Bloody Apes

Video nasty number 33 is the first entry from Mexico and damn if I wish there weren't more Mexican films on the list because....... well it's not remotely good but it's much more entertaining than I remember. 

Apes though? Plural? That's false advertising.

The story of a desperate doctor's outlandish attempts to save his dying son was released in 1969 in a version a lot tamer than what would eventually become a nasty. To appease the more liberal American market it was laced with extra nudity and gore and little did producers know it assured it an infamy lasting way past the drive in cinemas it was aimed at.

Dr Krallman's son Julio is succumbing to luekaemia and he only has one solution, replace his heart and blood with that of an ape stolen from the local zoo. Why? Who knows. But he's sure it will work. In the same hospital lies a comatose woman, hospitalised after a wrestling accident fractured her skull. The woman who put her there is wrestler extraordinaire (luchadora - Spanish for woman wrestler) Lucy Osorio and the stress of her part in the accident is doing her in. Her boyfriend Arturo is a police lieutenant investigating the missing ape while trying to keep his relationship with Lucy running smoothly. Smooth becomes very bumpy when the transplant turns Julio into an apelike killer with a penchant for strangling women and gouging the eyes out of men. Julio and Arturo must now capture Julio before he kills again but the only person strong enough to take him on is Lucy.

You'd think.

Wrestling has always been huge in Mexico, but back in the day before Netflix and 1000's of TV channels they lived for it, with the luchadores wearing masks and capes and being depicted as superheroes in many films like the Santo series which saw him taking on werewolves, demons and even Dracula. You'd assume the same was going to happen here but sadly the wrestling subplot comes to naught with Lucy only existing to add a touch of gratuitous nudity to the film. This waste of an opportunity is one of the many many things wrong with this film but despite that there's something endearingly shoddy about the entire enterprise. It has the feel of cheap and sleazy AIP/Hammer films but, in the international version especially, it goes far beyond what they ever showed in terms of sex and violence. Heads are torn off, naked women are terrorised, throats and eyes are torn out and in the film's big gooey setpiece an ape heart is transplanted into a human chest. The special effects here are miles ahead of the rest of the film and then you realise, queasily, that's because real footage of a heart transplant was spliced into the film. It's a grim stand out in a rather camp film and it's the big reason this film became one of the banned 39.

It's first official release was a cinema one in 1974 where the BBFC relieved it of about a minutes worth of gore and nudity. The 80's rolled around and with it came the unregulated VHS market with an audience hungry for unedited horror. Night Of The Bloody Apes hit VHS in 1983 and during the course of the video nasty hysteria it's lurid video cover (see above) got it noticed and eventually prosecuted for obscenity. A decade later an uncut version was released by mistake but rapidly recalled leaving just a lucky few with their hands on an infamous horror. It then took another 19 years before the BBFC relalised that this laughably silly horror film was capable of doing no harm to anyone.

Well, the acting within might hurt you if you're sensitive to bad performances. It's truly terrible but it all adds to the fun. That and the dubbing. Oh jesus the dubbing.

Did Night Of The Bloody Apes deserve to be a video nasty? Not a hope. But that heart scene was always going to cause trouble during James Ferman's censorial reign.

Is it worth a watch? Oh yeah. It's a perfect film to drink beer and laugh at. It's sleazy in places but so much tamer than the rest of the nasties.

Next up -  The Night Of The Demon. The one where a yeti rips off a biker's cock. Never not funny.

A perfect pairing of Sound & Vision. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

Did you ever feel awkward as a teenager? Like you'd never fit in anywhere? No? Lucky you. Yes? Then the scene below might resonate. The moment things start to make sense. 

Charlie's at a dance and it's obvious he'd rather be anywhere else. School isn't working out for him after he lost his best friend to suicide and people are starting to look at him oddly too. But there's a glimmer of hope in the shape of Patrick and Sam, a quirky step brother/sister duo he's been getting to know. They march to the beat of their own drums and they don't give a fuck what others think of them. Charlie wants to know what it's like to be like that and now with Dexy's Midnight Runners providing the music he might just find out.

If he can take that first step that is.

Ah god, it's just great isn't it. You couldn't ask for a better pairing of sound and vision. That song, wild at first letting Patrick and Sam do their thing without a care in the world, then slowing right down, giving Charlie the perfect chance so step on in and change his life. He does and it does. One of the perks of being a wallflower is that glorious moment when you decide not to be anymore.

Previous pairings

Beautiful Girls

Breaking Bad

Ghost Ship

Southpark The Movie

28 Days Later

La Haine

The Skeleton Twins

Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid

Notting Hill

Summer Of Sam

Vamp

American Me

Beetlejuice

Rio Bravo

Hard Boiled
8 mile
Wheels On Meals
The Office (UK)
Do The Right Thing
Se7en
Mad Men
The Colour Of Money
Rules Of Attraction

Jackass II

Game Of Thrones 

Apocalypse Now

Blade

Big
Miller's Crossing

The Blues Brothers

Straight Outta Compton

The Princess Bride

American Honey

Snake In The Eagle's Shadow

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Untouchables

Airplane!

Dazed And Confused  

Kickboxer                                  

Grosse Point Blank

Mean Streets

Watership Down

Casablanca

Zodiac

Jackie Brown
The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
Deliverance
The Omen
Copland
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The Mission

Before Sunset

Carlito's Way
A Knight's Tale
Platoon
Before Sunrise
Rushmore
An American Werewolf In London
Dazed And Confused
Boogie Nights
Raging Bull
Almost Famous
Once Upon A Time In The West
Goodfellas

Last Of The Mohicans

Wildfire

G. 

L.

O.

R.

I.

G.L.O.R.I.A GLORIA! G.L.O.R.I.A GLORIA! Two women are dancing to Van Morrison in a quiet pub. To the men watching it looks aggressive, manic, almost violent. But looking closer you see it's feels practiced, choreographed, they intertwine, slink around each other, moving like one. It's been done 100 times before. The older men smell blood in the air, eyeing them like predators. Their offers of drinks don't go the way they expected. They've messed with the wrong sisters. In the past and now in the present.

Nika McGuigan passed away on the 23rd of July 2019, only months after filming finished on this film from writer/director Cathy Brady. It adds a fierce sense of sadness and what could have been to a film already laced with sorrow and despair, so much so that at times it all threatens to be too much to cope with. But McGuigan's fiery turn as Kelly is so good you'll keep going through the hurt. Add in a blistering performance from Nora-Jane Noone and you have a story that will stay with you for an age.

Kelly's just come home from across the pond after being missing for a year. Her sister Lauren (Nora-Jane Noon) is overcome with a mixture of relief she's safe and rage after being left wondering if she was even alive for so long. Lauren's husband Sean (Martin McCann) is trapped between a rock and a hard place as the push and pull of their relationship plays out around him. They've lived in the same place all their lives, right on the border between the North and the Republic of Ireland. Houses they lived in loom large. Paramilitary atrocity has shaped their lives and the lives of those around them. The men responsible drink freely in their eyeline after early release due to the Good Friday agreement. Everywhere are reminders of loss and when troubled Kelly dives into her mother's belongings Lauren begins to feel things she's long kept tamped down.

You won't finish this one in a particularly good mood but you'll be glad you stuck with it. A story about the way violence leaves an echo that affects everyone involved. Kelly and Lauren are scarred by it. One ran and one stayed. A ferocious, almost co-dependent closeness torn apart and now tough to fix. It feels odd at first as you don't quite know what's going on but as the story moves forward the layers are peeled back and we get a real sense of the ripple effects of bloodshed. The stories we in the ROI, especially in the places away from the border, grew up hearing in the news about the troubles were exactly that to us, stories. When the news finished we moved on to whatever show was on next. For the people affected it's a lifelong struggle, a limp that effects your work, passing by the site of a bombing every single day of your life, depression in the aftermath of horror. It's that big ol' traumatic scar on our national psyche brought right down to a human level. But it's a fixable one.

Wildfire is in cinemas now. It's very good but jesus it's tough going. Be nice to yourself afterwards.

Michael K. Williams R.I.P.

The immortal words of Omar Little, West Baltimore stick up man extraordinaire. He should have been a bastard, someone we wanted to see splattered across a wall but he was magnetic. His character in The Wire was only supposed to have been in a few episodes but Michael K. William's portrayal of a gay gunman who never swore and who only used his gun on those who deserved it struck a chord with the show makers and viewers alike. He stood out in the field. He became everyone's favourite.

Williams was phenomenal in the role. He made you care about a man who had no qualms in gunning down people in cold blood. His turns as Chalky White in Boardwalk Empire and Leonard in Hap And Leonard were great too but Omar's the one everyone will remember forever.

This scene especially.

He just dismantles drug lawyer Maurice Levy. Ruins his day. The jurors fall for him instantly. He has his ethics and he stands by them. He's the man in this courtroom. 

It's an amazing performance.

Rest in peace Michael.

Maxx

Here's to the best place in the world.

I went to the cinema twice this week. One was a dreadful film I walked out of after 45 minutes and the other was the most entertaining blockbuster I've seen in quite a while.

But TBH I just love going there no matter what's on. To use the modern parlance, it's my safe space. It's 2 hrs where the outside world doesn't matter a fuck. You don't have to worry about money, ill relations or scumbag viruses. You just switch off and concentrate on what's in front of you. My favourite part is when the trailers are over and the lights finally go down. The film hasn't started yet so it could go anyway. 

What's your favourite part of the cinema experience?

16 films on TV for you this week

The Wolf Of Wall Street   Sat   4/9   RTE2 @ 21.00

Jordan Belfort was a scumbag who ripped people off all over America in the 1980's and 90's selling ropey shares. Amazingly Martin Scorsese has managed to turn his story into an extremely funny and compulsively watchable tale about the dangers of capitalism and egotism. Leonardo DiCaprio is on fire in the lead role and gets great backing from Margot Robbie, Jonah Hill and John Bernthal. This is not for the easily offended. Seriously.

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day   Sat   4/9   TG4 @ 21.40

In post war London Miss Pettigrew has just lost her job as a governess and takes up a new position working for a famous American actress. Chalk and cheese is a term that comes to mind in a witty and bubbly take on the 83 year old novel of the same name. It nails it's period setting too but the film's real strength comes from the central pairing of Frances McDormand and Amy Adams with both actors fully displaying the skills that have made them famous.

The Running Man   Sat   4/9   Great! Movies Classic @ 23.15

The year is 2017. Criminals are butchered by professional killers for the entertainment of the masses and Ben Richards, framed for a crime he most certainly didn't commit isn't going to let his death earn a TV show ratings. An intelligent, humorous, brutal and prescient tale from the pen of Stephen King. Add in Arnold Schwarzeneggar, some memorable one liners and a fun turn from Richard Dawson as the villain of the piece and you have a grand ol' Saturday evening watch.

I Remember You   Sun   5/9   BBC2 @ 01.20

When an elderly woman is found murdered outside a church in Iceland a policewoman connects her death to an older case. Meanwhile a married couple have having an unusual time with their new business venture. Dual plotlines intertwine in a satisfying manner in a unique slice of neo noir/horror movie. There's plenty of cliche but you won't have a clue where the story is headed. Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson is a fine lead.

Three Identical Strangers   Sun   5/9   CH4 @ 23.00

Edward Galland, David Kellman, and Robert Shafran are triplets who were separated at birth and 19 years later Bobby and Edward met by pure chance in college. A meeting that Robert caught on a news report. This 2018 documentary that once again proves the maxim that truth is stranger than fiction. A surreal story about nature/nurture that's more enjoyable and surprising than you'd imagine.

Garage   Sun   5/9   RTE1 @ 23.15

Josie lives a slow and solitary life in a small village in Offaly. One day a chance of friendship rears it's head but it doesn't take long for things to go sideways. Pat Shortt is a revelation in Lenny Abrahamson's quietly devastating tale of rural isolation. It sounds grim but it's a painfully real film that deserves to be seen. Anne-Marie Duff plays one of Josie's few friends and offers some respite from the darkness.

Ministry Of Fear   Mon   6/9   Film4 @ 12.40   

England. WW2. A man has just been freed from an asylum and an innocent trip to a country fair to clear his head sees him on the run from nazi's and risking his life all because of a few pounds of flour, butter and sugar. Fritz Lang's novel adapted from a Graham Greene book is a strange one, the usual noir trappings are here but Lang embues it will a chilling, trippy quality too, making it all the more memorable. Ray Milland and Marjorie Reynolds work well together.

United 93   Mon   6/9   TG4 @ 21.30

On the 11th of September 2001 a plane left Newark international airport heading west for San Francisco. It didn't reach it's destination. Paul Greengrass's real time docudrama is a terrifying couple of hours, pieced together from evidence and phonecalls made by frightened passengers as the plane was taken over by terrorists. An upsetting but powerful story. Corey Johnson and Cheyenne Jackson stand out.

Mickey And The Bear   Mon   6/9   Film4 @ 22.50

An 18 year old girl should be out living life to the fullest but instead she's caught taking care of her veteran father who's been hopelessly damaged by his experiences abroad and his addictions to drink and drugs. An opportunity comes along for her to get out but will she take it? A tough look at addiction, PTSD and the ties that bind us together. Superlative acting from James Badge Dale and Camila Marrone will get you through the story's darker moments.

The Fisher King   Wed   Great! Movies Classic @ 22.00

Jack, a former radio shock jock who fell from grace following a tragedy, is having a long, dark night of the soul when he meets Parry, a homeless man on a mythical mission. The two become fast friends. Terry Gilliam's 1991 comedy drama is a rare treat, odd at first but once you grasp it's rhythm's you'll be swept away with it all. Jeff Bridges, Robin Williams and an Oscar winning Mercedes Ruehl do affecting work.

I Am Not A Witch   Wed   8/9   Film4 @ 23.15

In a remote Zambian village a small girl called Shula is accused of witchcraft. The laws are strict and her young age doesn't matter. It's rare an African film appears on TV and this one is a strong introduction to African cinema & a culture mostly alien to western audiences. It's a harsh watch about female subjugation but also a very humane one and surprisingly in places it may even make you laugh. Little Maggie Mulubwa is wonderful in the lead role.

8 Mile   Wed   8/9   ITV4 @ 23.45

Detroit, 2002, a kip. There's only one way out of the misery and the soul crushing work; Jimmy Rabbit knows it, he has the words but will he have the guts to use them. Curtis Hanson's dark drama is brought to life by a surprising turn from Eminem and it's rap battle sequences will electrify you for days afterwards. The backing cast of Anthony Mackey, Kim Basinger, and the late Brittany Murphy do solid work also.

Been So Long   Thur   9/9   Film4 @ 01.20

Simone doesn't get out much these days. Her daughter is sick and she's a caring mother. But a rare night out with friends sounds promising and gets better when she meets Raymond. But might he be trouble? Michaela Cole who was amazing last year in I May Destroy You is a charming & well drawn lead in this likable London set musical drama. A subplot about a dangerous young man feels wedged in but the main story is so good you won't care.

The Bay   Thur   9/9   The Horror Channel @ 02.40

The citizens of a waterfront town on Chesapeake bay have come down with a mysterious illness and experts are worried that something microbial in the water is poisoning them. Little do they know there's something far scarier lurking below the surface. A rare found footage film that works, where the framing device doesn't feel gimmicky and for once adds to a story laced with tension and terror. Kether Donohue is a likable lead.

The Horror of Dracula   Fri   10/9   Talking Pictures TV @ 21.00

The Prince of Darkness has had his sanctuary disturbed and so sets out to prey on the loved ones of his attacker. Only one man, Dr Van Helsing, can stand up to him. Hammer Horror's 1958 take on the legend of Dracula is a magnificent film. Unsettling, sensual, beautiful looking and after 60 years, still startlingly scary in places. Two superlative performances from Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing seal the deal.

Jagged Edge   Fri   10/9   RTE1 @ 23.30

A woman is murdered and her husband finds himself the main suspect despite proclaiming himself innocent. A modern day film noir starring the always reliable Jeff Bridges and Glenn Close as the lawyer who defends him in court plus Robert Loggia who's very amusing in a supporting role. A scary, tense and twisty thriller that mightn't keep you guessing but you'll certainly be stuck to it. Perfect late night viewing.

Retweets are always appreciated. Go raibh míle maith agat. 

Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings

Grief can be a killer if it consumes you. Early in this latest Marvel film a character is told to move on from a loved one's death and a response tells us that moving on from a huge loss is a Western concept. People die in their thousands in comic book films but this one reminds you that just one death can cause all the pain in the world. For the big bad of Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings it's the power that fuels him and it's what gives us what may be the strongest Marvel bad guy yet. Move over Thanos, Wenwu is in town and one of the coolest actors on Earth is playing the part.

Shaun (Simu Liu, a very likable hero) isn't living his best life. He's a parking valet in San Francisico with his best friend Katy (Awkwafina) and he's capable of so much more. As a teen he ran away from his father Wenwu (the mighty Tony Leung Chiu-wai), one of the world's biggest crime lords for over a millenium (yes that's 1000 years) using the power of his ten mystical rings that have turned him into an invincible lord of destruction. Shaun, then called Shang-Chi, trained under him to become a great fighter but skipped town when he realised the life of crime wasn't for him. Now after 10 years his father has found him and his Macau based sister Xialing (Meng’er Zhang) and wants to use them to enter a mystical realm in the hope of righting a tragedy from their shared past.

For a film consumed in grief and loss Shang-Chi is surprisingly entertaining. Like Black Panther and Captain Marvel it gets to do it's own thing away from the MCU (aside from a cameo or two) and the results are very pleasing. That beautiful early fight scene between Wenwu and a warrior woman called Jiang Li (Fala Chen) is a genuine highlight of the entire Marvel franchise and will bring you back twenty years to a time when Asian action/arthouse cinema like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero and The House of Flying Daggers were all the rage. It's a gorgeously drawn and choreographed moment, so much so that not even CGI augmentation can't take away from it. Director Destin Daniel Cretton's skill with fight scenes continues into the grittier, more bruising encounters too with a crunching bus scrap and a scaffold fight between Shang-Chi and Wenwu's henchman Death Dealer being the standouts. Fans of Asian action will recognise all manner of influences here, with fight co-ordinator Andy Cheng drawing on early Jackie Chan slapstick all the way to Donnie Yen's more refined and technical action. A Kung Fu Hustle poster on Shang-Chi's wall nods towards what you can expect too and speaking of that keep an eye out for Yuen Wah in a small role as well, a famous face in Asian cinema for almost 5 decades now, a man who's been decimated by Jackie, Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and brilliantly in his film debut by Bruce Lee. Nods like this will always make the movie nerds in the audience smile.

Plenty of humour will keep everyone else smiling too. Most of it courtesy of Awkwafina playing Katy, the civilian dragged into the whole mess. She's a joy, and her platonic chemistry with her best friend Shang-Chi delivers some wicked laughs. But the film's biggest giggle comes courtesy of a face from an earlier MCU film, a scouse accent, some wild hair and the world's oddest looking pet. This review won't spoil who it is but it's a crowdpleaser. And speaking of crowdpleasers the film's strongest performance comes from Tony Leung Chiu-wai, that Hong Kong acting legend who's barely aged a day since John Woo's Bullet In The Head introduced him to Western audiences 29 years ago. Always effortlessly cool onscreen, here he creates a bad guy with a real grievance, one most people can recognise but he actually has the power to do something about it. His plan is a selfish one that will rip apart what's left of his family and it gives the film a real personal edge. But it also leads to the inevitable BIG CGI CLIMAX ™.

When you watch a Marvel film it's always at the back of your mind that it's coming. That moment when special effects overwhelm everything else and it's at the 100 minute mark when it really kicks off. The setting this time isn't a crumbling city or a disintegrating bad guy lair in the sky but a small lakeside village. Within minutes the screen is covered with zappy beams and all manner of winged nastiness but at least this time it's visually interesting, set during the day which is always a plus and liberally laced with famous symbols of Chinese mythology. It's certainly not a film that can be accused of forgetting it's roots. 

As an introduction to the latest members of the Marvel family Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings is a real success. It's lovely to be excited about Superhero movies again after the bland overkill of the last few years.

In cinemas now everywhere.

Why not?

 

One of my most anticipated films of the year is coming out at the end of the month. The long delayed film prequel to The Sopranos. The story of the glory days of the New Jersey mob in the 60's and 70's with characters who'd died before the show started taking centre stage like Tony's father Johnny Boy Soprano and Christopher's pop Dickie Moltisanti (Many Saints in Italian). The show itself finished 14 years(!!!) ago and it's as good as excuse as any to rewatch it and remind ourselves of just how good it used to be.

There's only a month though. 86 episodes. 

Is it possible? It is of course but only if you don't care about your eyes or sleeping.

Will I give it a go? Fuck yes.

Our Ladies

About 30 minutes into Our Ladies you might find yourself thinking that the heroines of Michael Caton-Jones's new film are pretty horrible people that you'd have no problem crossing the road to avoid. An hour or so later as the credits roll you might also find yourself thinking about them with a lump in your throat wondering how you got from there to here.

The girls of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour are heading south from the Highlands for a singing competition in Edinburgh but unlike the prim and proper nun, Sister Condon (Kate Dickie), supervising them, their thoughts are anything but pure. Orla (Tallulah Greive, superb), recovering from cancer, needs to lose her virginity now. Manda (Sally Messham) and Chell (Rona Morison) want drink, men and trouble. Kylah (Marli Siu) wants to sow the seeds of a musical career that will get her away from her smalltown existence and Fionnula (Abigail Lawrie) wants to explore all the options the city will offer her. It's a day none of them will ever forget.

Set in 1996 the comparisions with Channel 4's Derry Girls are undeniable but this tale, funny and upsetting in equal measure, adapted from a novel by Alan Warner called The Sopranos, existed long before Lisa McGee's hit show was even a twinkle in it's creators eye. It's a story that could be set anywhere, one of teens desperate to escape a life that already has it's claws buried deep in them. A life that has turned some into dreamers, embued a couple with a deep bitterness and others with a resignation that this is as good as it's going to get before pregnancy ties them to a place they hate. It's this bitterness and resignation that gives the earlier scenes a mean tone and a characters a nasty, unforgiving edge, especially when they encounter Kay (Eve Austin), the head girl who wants to be part of their group but who's family status will give her a chance at a better future than they'll ever have. A bus scene lays out their relationship with her, Fionnula and Manda putting her in her place instantly. It's tough to watch, you'll have your mind made up about people straight away and then....

Edinburgh. They split into groups to get a sense of the place and it's here we get a better sense of them. It's all bravado, all their talk of drinking and shagging vanishes when the chat is one to one, their fears laid out for all to witness, insecurities and chips on shoulders explain earlier behaviour letting us see horrible people in a wholly different light. We start to understand them, empathise with them, recognise ourselves in them. For people who were teenagers in the 90's some of it really strikes a chord, the music, the clothes, that constant sense of disappointment when plans fall through and the boredom laced throughout. The way you held onto anything enjoyable for dear life, even dying friendships, especially when you were from a place with nothing going for it. 

It's back in that place where everything comes to a head, some plot strands ending rather anti climatically (rosary beads!), others in a life affirming fashion and one with absolute inevitability. One film long conflict is ironed out way too easily but it's forgivable because it's what happened when you were a teenager. Hangovers cleared and friendships rolled on and the performances between our ladies make those friendships feel real. They create a real group chemistry that floats the film past it's weaker moments (stolen uniforms and wedding videos) and sails into the ones that will stick with you involving fireworks, kisses on quiet dancefloors and mornings after in rickety cafes.

Our Ladies is showing in cinemas now. It's worth your while.

The Toll

Revolvers are cocked. Shotguns are racked and Winchester rifles are primed. Eyes squint and scan. The night sky is lit up by gunfire. Blood splatters. A machete spins across the sky and impales itself in someone's mouth. The wild west is a bloody, venal, seedy place where no one is safe. No one. The wild west of Wales that is.

The English come to die in Pembrokeshire. The graffiti says so. One such Englishman passing through Wales on his way to a ferry to Ireland does anyway. Soon after he recognises Toll Booth (Michael Smiley), so called because it's been his job for the past 29 years. It's quiet work, no one bothers you, you can look the other way and Toll does so often and because of him crime is thriving in the small village nearby. Catrin's (Annes Elwy) the only cop in town who cares about what's happening in the locale. It's a year after her father's death and she's channeled her grief into her work. Now strange things are happening and she needs to figure out why. And it all starts with the robbery of Toll Booth's watch, £1.20 and a ham sandwich. Why £1.20 you ask? The toll is 40p and that's a whole day's takings. STAKES ARE HIGH.

Yep, it's a quirky one. Can you tell? But it's not self consciously so. Every wacky plotline benefits the story. Every odd new character adds to the stew. The Asian/American Elvis impersonator and her vocally impaired girlfriend, the murderous triplets who vote on every crime, the ambulance medic to whom the Hippocratic oath is non existent or the blind Shawshank Redemption fan who knows everything happening in town. None are set dressing, all interact believably with each other and each one plays a part and you'll feel the grin crawl across your face as you realise how. Even the fractured narrative, a plot device done to death at this stage is fun, leaving you guessing and second guessing just what it exactly going on here.

It packs a lot in in it's 82 minutes. Maybe too much. One much feared character gets short shrift when he finally arrives but the brevity of his appearance will make you giggle too. It's just another unpredictable turn The Toll takes. Casting Michael Smiley in the lead is a fine move. That hangdog, dead behind the eyes look as Toll, used so well by Ben Wheatley and Edgar Wright, you never know what's he's thinking, what he'll do next. A horrific past is hinted at but never made clear, he's a walking talking macguffin of a man. Catrin's his exact opposite. Open, inquisitive, making time for everyone, respected by the villagers but not above a joke either when questions in a packed pub turns into a film themed pisstake of epic proportions. It's her story you'll cling to and where you'll get an ending that ties everything together in a satisfying fashion.

"What's that book you're reading.........oh I've read that. Nothing happens.... it's brilliant." The final line of the film is a big ol' wink at the camera but the nothing happens part couldn't be less accurate. What starts as gloomy British drama ends up in the Wild West helped along by belly laughs and brutality and a couple of digs at the English, who are, would you believe it, never not at it.

The Toll is out now to watch on Google Movies and it's well worth your couple of quid.

Candyman

Ya, it's grand. The original was better. You know yourself shur.

17 films on TV this week that you might enjoy

1984   Sat   28/8   TG4 @ 21.20

The Ministry of truth. A ropey place to work, everyday spent rewriting history to suit the whims of those in charge. One man is sick of his job and his place in a totalitarian regime so decides to rebel with his greatest weapon. His heart. John Hurt does amazing work in a brutally bleak yet oddly beautiful adaption of George Orwell's prescient novel. Not a fun watch but an important watch. Suzanna Hamilton and Richard Burton (in his last film) do very first rate work.

Come To Daddy   Sat   28/8   Film4 @ 23.15

Life is tough for Norvel Greenwood. Adulthood has not turned out the way he thought it would and when he takes a trip into the wilderness to reconnect with his long estranged father things really go off the rails. Once a week in this list there'll be a film that will offend some and here's this week's. But those who stick with it will be rewarded with a darkly effective and blackly comic look at life's stranger relationships. Elijah Wood rocks the main role.

Postcards From The Edge   Sat   28/8   RTE1 @ 23.45

Meryl Streep is on top form as a film star called Suzanne Vale who's trying to rebuild both her career and her relationship with her mother after a cocaine overdose nearly kills her. The late and sorely missed Carrie Fisher wrote this funny and moving film from her own novel which was kinda sorta based on her own life. There's a superb cast too including Shirley Maclaine, Gene Hackman & Richard Dreyfuss amongst others.

Schizo   Sun   29/8   The Horror Channel @ 02.30

Something strange is happening to Samantha. Newly married life isn't really enjoyable when you're being stalked by a face from your past and when no one believes you it feels even worse. The decidedly un-pc title of Peter Walker's 1976 horror film may date it but it's still a genuinely effective slice of schlock horror who's influence is still being felt in movies today. Lynne Frederick puts in a barnstormer of a lead performance.

Jason And The Argonauts   Sun   29/8   Film4 @ 14.45

An ancient prophecy has told Jason he'll one day take the throne of Greece but first he must set out on an adventure to find a mythical golden fleece. Will it be an easy journey? HAH! Ray Harryhausen's special effects gave children nightmares when it was released 58 years ago and they still look splendid now, buoying a fun filled fantasy film that still holds it's own in a time of CGI overload. Todd Armstrong's Jason is a hero for all the family.

Witness For The Prosecution   Sun   29/8   BBC2 @ 16.05

Wilfred Robarts, a barrister, has just taken on a hell of a case. Leonard Vole has been accused of murder and the case against him is strong, especially when his wife is called into the witness stand against him. Billy Wilder's take on Agatha Christie's story is a cracker with Wilder's directorial skill removing the staginess from the story and turning it into a vital, tense and witty watch. Marlene Dietrich, Charles Laughton and Tyrone Power all hit their marks wonderfully.

A Man Called Horse   Sun   29/8   Great! Movies Action (formerly Sony Movies Action) @ 22.00

When he wanders into Sioux territory John Morgan is in big trouble. But he's spared by Chief Yellow Hand when his physical characteristics catch the eye of the tribe. One of the first American westerns to show Native Americans as real people and not just cannon fodder. It's not a total success but it's an interesting first insight into a culture rarely seen onscreen. It's brutally violent in parts too so be wary. Richard Harris and Manu Topou are strong here.

To Catch A Thief   Mon   30/8   BBC2 @ 15.40

A retired cat burglar living a quiet life on the French Riviera is being framed for crimes he didn't commit and wants to find out who is doing so and why. Alfred Hitchcock's 1955 comedy thriller is a perfect lazy afternoon watch. A funny, playful, tense and glorious looking film. The French scenery is almost as pretty as star Grace Kelly and the chemistry between her and Cary Grant is spot on.

On The Basis Of Sex   Mon   30/8   BBC2 @ 22.30

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg passed away last year and here's her story set out over 37 years of her life from her first day in Harvard law up to the moment she made history in the early 90's. Felicity Jones does fine work in a story not many people will know about outside the United States. As with most biopics it treads the usual steps but those steps are expertly taken. Justin Theroux and Kathy Bates are ace in support.

Alien Nation   Mon   30/8   Talking Pictures TV @ 22.50

1988. Aliens land on earth. 1991. They're getting jobs as cops. The integration isn't smooth. Human cop Sykes is partnered with alien cop Sam and he's not happy about it at all. On the surface a buddy cop film but this one is far deeper and better than you'll initially think as it's necessarily blunt metaphors bleed into the narrative. James Caan and a very likable Mandy Patakin work well together (eventually!)

Terror By Night   Tues   31/8   TCM @ 15.25

A priceless artifact is nabbed on a train bound for Edinburgh from London and it's owner meets his maker too. Luckily Sherlock Holmes is onboard and he's about to put his world famous detecting prowess to work. Basil Rathbone's thirteenth film as Holmes is a well put together mystery, and as atmospheric and entertaining as you'd expect from the series. Nigel Bruce and Dennis Hoey add to the fun as Dr Watson and Inspector Lestrade.

Vice   Wed   1/9   RTE1 @ 21.35

There once was a bad man called Dick Cheney who wormed his way up through the US government and found himself seated at the right hand of the most powerful man on earth. A man who listened to Dick way too much. Adam McKay's 2018 drama is messy and overlong but it's also a scathing and excellently acted look at the absolute state of American politics. Christian Bale is great in a cast too packed with famous faces to name.

Gloria Bell   Wed   1/9   BBC2 @ 23.15

Gloria lives to dance and free from her marriage is living life to the max. At a club she meets Arnold and takes a chance on a new direction in life. Being with him comes with obstacles, and baggage. Gloria is a bittersweet look at life after 50 that while upsetting and painfully honest in places is ultimately an uplifting watch and one that's carried along by a fantastic leading performance from Julianne Moore.

Detour   Thur   2/9   Talking Pictures TV @ 03.40

Al's hitching from New York to Los Angeles to see his dame but his plans take a swerve when the man driving him dies and fearing he'll take the fall for it Al decides to cover up the crime and become the dead man. A simple but really effective slice of film noir that, despite it's visual shoddiness, will get under your skin due to it's unnerving story telling and off kilter feel. Tom Neal and Ann Savage play off each other nicely.

Force Majeure   Fri   3/9   Film4 @ 01.35

A Swedish family in the Alps find themselves in a very confusing situation after an unexpected reaction during an avalanche. A wry and knowing look at masculinity and what can go wrong with it. Darkly humorous, upsetting and mortifying at times, it's hard to watch but you won't be able to look away. Top notch acting too with two stellar performances from Johannes Kuhnke & Lisa Loven Kongsli. A mature, original film.

Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist   Fri   3/9   Great! Movies (fomerly Sony movies) @ 16.35

Nick's ex is at his concert with her new beau. To look like he's not bothered he asks a random girl in the crowd to pretend to be his new girlfriend and to his surprise Norah agrees. Thus begins a memorable night. Sweet, charming, warm, funny are 4 words you can happily use to describe this lovely romantic comedy. Wait that's 5 words. Michael Cera and Kat Dennings play the titular characters and the chemistry between them is wicked.

Anna   Fri   3/9   Virgin Media One @ 22.00

Desperate to escape a miserable existence, a Russian woman takes the KGB up on an offer to be trained as an assassin. Turns out she's rather good at it. Other international enforcement agencies have noticed the fact too. Blisteringly silly and chock full of cliche Anna might be but it's also slickly made, stylish as hell, packed with bruising action and carried by decent turns from Sasha Luss, Helen Mirren and Cillian Murphy.

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