11 films worth watching this week

Hercules   Sat   18/5   RTE2 @ 21.00

After completing his twelve famous labours, Hercules and his merry gang are tasked with a quest more dangerous than anything they've faced before. This knowing twist on an old fable is very amusing and far more satisfying than reviews would have you believe. Dwayne Johnson as Hercules does his usual thing but the supporting cast just rocks especially Ian McShane as a weary warrior who can't wait to die.

The Game   Sat   18/5   TCM @ 23.10

A birthday present from an estranged brother sends a rich banker on an adventure that's fun at first but soon turns his life upside down. David Fincher's twisty and turny and quite intriguing thriller from 1997 was ignored on release but it's a film that's well worth rediscovering. Solid turns from Michael Douglas, Sean Penn and Deborah Kara Unger all add to the appeal.

Two Mules For Sister Sara   Sun   19/5   TCM @ 18.45

A nun called Sara is on the run in the wild west and is saved from a fate worse than death by a mysterious soldier named Hogan. Before long their reasons for being in the desert become intertwined and they have to stick together to survive. This might be one of the lesser Clint Eastwood westerns but it's still an entertaining one due in no small part to the chemistry between him and a spirited Shirley MacClaine. 

Win Win   Mon   20/5   Film4 @ 01.30

A solicitor who makes extra money as a wrestling coach finds the sins of his past coming back to haunt him when he comes into contact with a client's grandchild. This Tom McCarthy directed film is a lovely, touching and painfully real film that for some reason is being shown at ridiculous o'clock. It's well worth recording. Paul Giamatti, Amy Ryan, Bobby Cannavale and Melanie Lynskey are all great.

Heaven & Earth   Mon   20/5   TG4 @ 21.30

The third film in Oliver Stone's loose Vietnam trilogy is mostly forgotten these days but it's a film that deserves re-evaluation. It's the story of Le-Ly, a young Vietnamese woman and her troubling experiences during and after the war. It's a tough and disturbing watch but one that's ultimately rewarding. Hiep Thi Le is an affecting lead and she gets fine support from Tommy Lee Jones and Joan Chen.

Night Of The Living Dead   Mon   20/5   TCM @ 22.50

The dead have started to come back to life and their appetites have taken a turn for the cannibalistic. Barbara and Ben and a handful of survivors finds themselves trapped in a farmhouse and must fight to survive. The film that made George A.Romero famous is a rough and ready masterpiece layered with meaning and metaphor. It might be over 50 years old but it still has the ability to shock. Duane Jones & Judith O'Dea do mighty work.

Graduation   Tues   21/5   Film4 @ 00.35

A woman's path to a bright and promising career comes crashing to a halt when she's attacked the day before her exams. Her father and her future become entangled in the aftermath. This Romanian drama from 2016 is a powerful look at corruption and the tough choices life presents you with. Maria Drăguș & Adrien Titieni both play their parts with fiery conviction.

Horns   Thur   23/5   CH4 @ 02.20

One morning a young man wakes up with horns growing from his head and the ability to get people to admit their darkest secrets. Daniel Radcliffe shakes off his Harry Potter persona to star in this gory and surreal tale that will upset you in places and make you snort laughing in others. A genuine oddity of a film but one thats both original and interesting. Juno Temple James Remar & Kathleen Quinlan all shine too.

Gold   Fri   24/5   Virgin Media One @ 22.00

Ray is back in town after a decade and looking to reconcile things with his estranged daughter. But life has moved on in his absence and he's trying too hard. Something is going to give. A charming Irish film set in Dublin about family, morality, ambition and reconnection. David Wilmot is a very amiable lead and gets nice back up from Kerry Condon, Maisie Williams and James Nesbitt.

Leave To Remain   Fri   24/5   BBC2 @ 22.45

Three teenage asylum seekers, Omar, Abdul and Zizidi, enter the UK to start their new life. But then find themselves caught up in the nightmare that is the UK home office. A grim, challenging and upsetting look at a process that should make life better for people but one that often fails them. A film that avoids cliche which is always good. The cast of unknown actors all do a fine job

Game Of Thrones S08E04 - The Last of the Starks

The battle for Winterfell is over. The Night's King is dead. The army of the dead is a pile of bones. Ser Jorah lies dead too on his funeral pyre. Theon Greyjoy and Dolorious Edd too alongside Lyanna Mormont and 1000's of others. The place is awash with grief as the pyres are lit and goodbyes are said.

That night there's a wake in the great hall. Jon and Daenerys are beside each other but too uncomfortable to speak. Gendry has his eye out for Arya and while he's looking Daenerys offers him the role of lord of Stormsend. As a man with a legitimate claim to the Throne she wants to keep him sweet. Gendry is now a lord and a happy one.

Jaime and Brienne are on the lash and enjoying themselves. Tyrion and Davos speak about the death of Melisandre and how Davos feels cheated that he didnt get to kill her himself. Tyrion then converses with Bran and realises that Bran is gone far beyond lordships and governing. 

Toasts are made. By Tormund to the Dragon queen. By Daenerys to Arya, the hero of Winterfell. Sansa catches a glimpse of a smile between Jon and Daenerys and walks away, worried about his allegiances. Her exit isn't missed by Daenerys.

Tyrion joins Jaime and Brienne for some drinking games as Tormund sings the praises of Jon Snow, his little dragon flying buddy. When Daenerys watches how Jon is loved by his men she realises she'll never be loved that way by the Northerners and she storms off. An uneasy Varys watches her exit.

During the drinking game Tyrion deduces that Brienne is a virgin. She's mortified and just as she's about to go she's interrupted by a very flirty Tormund who gets his heart broken when she leaves followed by Jaime. He finally knows what time it is.

Sansa decides to sit with The Hound. They haven't talked in a long long time. He mentions her rape by Ramsay Snow. She says it all turned her into the woman she is today. She's not the little bird he knew when she was King Joffrey's betrothed.

Gendry goes looking for Arya and finds her away from all the celebrations, off doing her own thing. He asks for her hand in marriage assuming that now he's a lord she'll agree but one thing Arya Stark was never going to be was a wife, a lady. Poor aul Gendry, on a hiding to nothing there buddy.

Jaime finds Brienne in her chamber readying for bed. They fall into each others arms in a moment that's been a long time coming. Hopefully he'll do right by her but at the end of the day he's Jaime Lannister and he is a scumbag rapist who threw a child out of a window. Don't lose sight of that.

Daenerys comes to Jon in his chamber. I've a feeling this won't end as well as the last bedroom scene. She asks him of his plans. He denies wanting to be king and he's telling the truth. She doesn't believe him and begs him not to tell his truth to his family. That's one secret he cannot keep.

Him not keeping his secret will tear him and Daenerys apart. But he's Jon Snow. He's a fool. He's always wrong and this is just going to be another in a long line of mistakes he's making.

In the war room the losses from the battle are tallied up as Vary informs them that Cersei's new hires, the Golden Company, are ready to protect King's Landing in the event of a war.  Daenerys wants to unequivocally destroy Cersei. Varys and Tyrion are disturbed by her tone and want to ensure King's Landing isn't collateral damage.

Daenerys takes this as yet another sign that her advisors aren't backing her plans. Tyrion and Jon beg Daenerys to not destroy everything. They want to surround the city and block supplies going in, in the hope that hunger will force the citizens of King's Landing to rebel against Cersei. She agrees. For now.

The plan is for Jon and Davos to ride to King's Landing with the surviving Dothraki and Unsullied and set up near King's Landing. Tyrion and Daenerys will sail south and fly the dragons with them. This goes against Sansa's plea to rest the soldiers but her and Arya share a look when Jon sides with Daenerys.

In the God's Wood Arya and Sansa tear into Jon for not siding with them. Arya is the one who killed the Night King and Jon is still choosing the Dragon Queen. Then Bran tells Jon it's time to tell Arya and Sansa his secret. His life changing "I'm really a Targaryen" secret.

Jaime has decided to stay in Winterfell. It's too dangerous for him to go south and Tyrion quizzes him on his relationship with Brienne. They're interrupted by Bronn who's wielding the crossbow Tyrion used to kill his father. He's here on Cersei's say so to kill them both. But Bronn's a mercenary. If they offer more they'll be safe.

He leaves the room with Highgarden in his pocket. The ancestral home of the Tyrell's is now owned by a vicious sellsword. Ser Bronn of the Blackwater has come long long way since we first met him. This may be the last we see of him and I, for one, am delighted he survived.

The next day the Hound leaves Winterfell to head South. There's only one thing on his mind. He wants to kill the Mountain, his big dead brother. He's joined by Arya. She has unfinished business there too. KILL CERSEI LANNISTER.

Daenerys goes to check on her dragons. Rhaegar survived the battle miraculously. She climbs onto Drogon and they take off South watched by Sansa. Sansa asks Tyrion why he's sided with the Dragon Queen and realises Tyrion is afraid of her. She does not trust her. Listen to your instincts Sansa, you're usually right.

Then, going against Jon's wishes she tells Tyrion about Jon. That he's not a Stark. That he's really Aegon Targaryen. That he's in line for the throne and has a temperament far more suited to it. Now Tyrion is really torn.

As Jon leaves for King's Landing he says his final goodbyes to Tormund and ghost. They're both heading back beyond the wall and Ghost is far more suited to life there. He also says goodbye to Sam and Gilly and notices Gilly is carrying Sam's child. GWAN SAM. It's all actually quite sad. They all may never see each other again.

Near Dragonstone Missandei and Greyworm are delighted to have survived the madness as they sail along in Daenerys' fleet. Below deck Tyrion tells Varys of the Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryen gossip. Varys is all over it. He wants Daenerys gone and this information could be his chance to she her end.

In the skies above Daenerys is flying aboard Drogon when all of a sudden a scorpyon bolt rips through Rhaegar's guts and sends him crashing into the water below. Her second dragon is now gone too. Shit. The bolt came from Euron Greyjoy's fleet who ambushes the good guy's ships and rip them to shreds. Knowing she can't protect Drogon Daenerys flies away.

The survivors of the ambush swim ashore at Dragonstone. Varys, Tyrion and Grey Worm have survived but where is Missandei? Oh no. This won't end well.

Back at King's Landing a smug looking Cersei is loving the news of the dragon's death and keeps Euron sweet by claiming that she's pregnant with his child. He's over the moon. It's a lie though. Oh she's pregnant alright but it's her brother's child (I know, I know). Jesus she's a fair warped woman.

Cersei is also letting everyone come into King's Landing. The place is full of civilians. Her plan is that it might put Daenerys off razing the place to the ground. And if she does decide to burn the capital she'll gain an awful name for herself. As she leaves the room we see that Missandei is alive, but she's a prisoner in chains.

Enraged by the attack Daenerys has decided to full on attack King's Landing. Varys faces up to her, fully knowing he could die for his words, and tells her it's a terrible idea. 1000s of innocents will die in a full on assault. He begs her not to become her father, the Mad King, who once planned to blitz the capital.

Tyrion persuades her to at least have a parlay with Cersei, to ask her to abdicate the throne to avoid bloodshed. She agrees only because it will be 2 weeks before Jon and the armies marching on foot will get there. Plus it will make her look good and Cersei look bad if it all goes to shit.

In a clandestine meeting Varys tells Tyrion that he fears for Daenerys mental state and that Jon Snow would make a better ruler. Tyrion decides to stand by his queen. The two friends are at stalemate with regards to the horses they are backing. All Varys wants to do is do right by the innocent. He's in the right.

In Winterfell news of Cersei's latest deed has fitered through. He now knows Cersei is goosed. She's cant beat a dragon in battle He decides to head South. To be with the woman he's always loved. In doing so he breaks Brienne of Tarth's heart. The one handed fuckin bastard.

Outside King's Landing, Daenerys, Tyrion and a small squad of Unsullied have come to parlay with Cersei. She stands on the city walls above them, with Qyburn, the Mountain and a chained up Missandei. Tyrion pleads with Cersei and tries to appeal to hear maternal side, asking her to consider the unborn child inside her.

It doesn't work. Cersei asks Missandei has she any last words. She does. "Dracarys". The Mountain beheads her in front of a horrified Grey Worm and Daenerys. A beautiful friend and lover has been taken from them. The peace talks are over. The Dragon queen is enraged. There will be blood.

Good episode. The post battle wake/celebrations were great but then everything took a horribly dark turn. Daenerys has lost so much in the last few episodes. I genuinely fear for what she's going to do next. Whatever happens, it's going to be spectacular.

Next up - The Bells

Series 1 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 2 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 3 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 4 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 5 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 6 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 7 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7

Series 8 - 1  2  3

John Wick : Chapter 3 - Parabellum

About a quarter of an hour into John Wick 3 there's a knife fight in a Chinatown shop that's quite possibly the most gleefully violent thing you'll see in the cinema this year. It is bonkers. You'll laugh, you'll squirm and you'll cringe at a moment of ocular trauma that would have put this film on the infamous video nasties list had it been released in the 80's. In a couple of minutes the movie sets out it's stall in blistering fashion. It's bigger and badder than what's come before. But is it better?

John Wick is on the run. He's broken the rules of the assassin organisation that he's a member of, The High Table, by murdering another member on sacrosanct ground and now he's been declared excommunicado. They want him gone and have placed a $14 million dollar bounty on his head. Every assassin in New York City is gunning for him and now John has nowhere to go but back to where it all started.

This was 130 minutes of chaotic madness and I loved it. It's the most beautiful looking action film you'll see this year. Sand dunes as far as the eye can see. A New York City that somehow looks glorious in all it's neon awfulness. Dark Casablanca alley ways and glass rooms filled to the bring with shiny detail. It's all stylish as hell and it's so far up it's own arse that it can see out of it's own gob but it all adds to the delight. And yes, the action is amazing. Clearly shot, lovingly choreographed, insanely crunchy. Honestly, there's things going on here I've never seen on screen before. Necks are shattered with library books. Samurai's on motorbikes are taken on in one shot takes. Dogs are used as weapons of mass destruction. The bad guys from The Raid 1 and 2 show up in a fight scene that will have you laughing as much as you're covering you're eyes. It's a feast for the eyes and thankfully there's a bit of substance behind it all too.

We care about John Wick. He's a character you can empathise with because his actions come from grieving. For his wife, for his dog, for his goddamn car. All the things that made him who he is ripped from him. His story is enlarged and contracted too. We find out where he came from and just how big the organisation he's involved with his. We find out it's why's and where's and when's. Each successive film has pulled back the curtain on The High Table a bit and every reveal adds to the absurdity. Yes, it's all absolutely absurd and that's part of the joy. These aren't films that you take seriously, they're well made fun. People are murdered in the middle of Grand Central station and no one bats an eyelid. It all adds a mystical edge to this league of assassins and that combined with the elaborate and dangerous universe wrapped around it all elevates it way above your usual action fare.

Reeves sells the hell out of the lead role once again. I'll be amazed if he says more than 200 words throughout the movie but his presence alone carries it along during the rare quieter stretches. There's no denying his action chops either. Shot in lovely long takes it's clear to see that it's Keanu doing his own fighting and stunts. Seeing him smack dab in the middle of the action gives it an edge. You really feel the danger and it makes him seem like a realistic opponent against the likes of real life martial artists like Tiger Chen and Yayan Ruhian. Mark Dacascos turns up as Zero, the story's big bad. He's best known for films like Crying Freeman and Brotherhood of the Wolf and it's great to see him back in a big budget production. He adds a muscular heft to proceedings and gives the film it's biggest laugh too in a couch set fanboy moment.

The film's only real weakness is a flabby sojourn in North Africa that doesn't really come to much but even then it's here that we meet Halle Berry's character, Sofia, an ex assassin and friend of John's. Her part is very much a placeholder for further franchise installments (there is deffo going to be more sequels, bring em on) but she has a ball in the part and gets to kick off one of the more inventive gunfights you'll ever see. I hope when she comes back she brings her dogs too. They play a great part. As does the horse that John turns into a weapon in the earlier part of the film. Yes, you read that right.

Go see this. Seeing the first 2 films will increase your enjoyment but even if you haven't you'll have a whale of a time. It's so much fun. Slicing, dicing, head exploding fun. Director Chad Stahelski, returning for a third time has created a slice of ultraviolent joy. This is the franchise others should be looking at in envy.

Game Of Thrones S08 E03 - The Long Night

The army of the dead has arrived at Winterfell. Everyone is at panic stations. The Unsullied, the Dothraki, the armies of the north are ready. Inside Winterfell everyone is terrified. The general feeling seems to be that they are all fucked. Outside the defence forces stretch as far as the eye can see.

On the hills above the battlefield an estranged Jon and Daenerys sit waiting with her 2 surviving dragons. Suddenly out of the darkness rides the Red Witch Melisandre. Using magic given to her by the Lord of Light she turns all the Dothraki swords into flaming weapons. It is an awesome sight seeing the fire sweep across the night.

Melisandre enters Winterfell and is confronted by Ser Davos. Last time he saw her he said he'd murder her for her part in Shireen Baratheon's death. She says there's no need because she'll be dead before the dawn anyway. She's fierce mysterious.

Led by Ser Jorah Mormont, the Dothraki ride towards the dead. The horde with flaming swords! Surely they'll wipe out the dead in moments. Nope. They get absolutely decimated. Of the 1000's riding out only a handful survive. And thankfully Jorah makes it back too. He's too sound to die. Yet.

Enraged by the death of her Horde Daenerys climbs onto Drogon and flies out into the night. The Unsullied and the Northern army ready for battle. It arrives suddenly and without mercy. It is chaotic, bloody, horrific and terrifying. And then the place erupts into fire as Drogon and Rhaegar's flames cut swathes through the undead.

Aboard their dragon's Jon & Daenerys catch sight of the Night King and close in but ice clouds surround him and they get lost in the mist. At the castle Sansa and Arya prepare for the dead. Sansa in the crypt and Arya with her dragon glass spear. In the God's wood Theon and his men stand watch over Bran, the Night King's target.

On the battlefield Edd is the first major casualty, as he is run through before a horrified Sam. In the crypt Sansa hides with Tyrion, Gilly, Varys and the others who can't fight. Her face speaks volumes as to the battle above. 

In the skies above Daenerys and Jon search the ground and the skies for the Night King and his ice dragon Viserion. Inside Winterfell little Lyanna Mormont leads the defences against the inevitable influx of dead soldiers. Outside the Unsullied are ripped apart in their 100's.

Then things start looking so bad that everyone starts to retreat inside the castle walls. Winterfell is surrounded on all sides by the Night's king army. Tormund leads the northern armies as Arya saves the Hound's life with a well placed arrow.

The only chance Winterfell has left is to set fire to the trench dug around the castle walls. Of course the dead induced clouds makes this impossible for the dragons to do and Melisandre is once again called on to use her magic. Between this and her Dothraki trick she looks wrecked and used up. As does a terrified looking Hound.

In the crypt Tyrion wonders would his brilliant mind make a difference if he was up in the midst of battle. Varys and Sansa scoff. Tyrion and Sansa reminisce about their marriage. It couldn't have worked. Tyrion's loyalties would have been split between Sansa and Daenerys.

In the God's Wood Theon apologies to Bran for all he did to Bran and Winterfell. Bran says everything happened for a reason. It all brought them right to here. Then Bran wargs into a pack of crows and spies on the battle from above seeing the dragons causing chaos and then the Night King atop his dragon waiting for his chance.

Outside the castle walls the dead straight to sacrifice themselves to smother the trench flames and they rush the walls. Above Jon sees the Nights King and gives chase. Soon the walls are swamped and the dead rush into the castle and the courtyard. The place fills with blood and the screams of the living.

We finally get to see the full range of skills Arya learned in Braavos as she unleashes hell on the dead with her spear. Meanwhile the Hound is gripped with terror and ignoring the desperate cries of help from Beric Dondarrion. It isn't until he sees Arya in action that he shakes himself out of it.

A dead giant bursts through the main gate and grievously harms Lyanna Mormont and her troops. She picks her up and crushes her torso as he lifts he towards his mouth to eat her. With her last breath she drives her dragon glass knife into his eye and both fall dead. What a death scene. The smallest soldier taking out the biggest one.

Above it all Jon and Daenerys finally face off against the Viserion and his rider. In the castle below Arya sneaks through rooms full of the undead showing off some serious ninja level sneaking skills on her way to the crypt. Until she gets caught rotten and the chase begins.

It's a petrifying moment. The best character in Westeros on the verge of death. In the crypt below the sounds of the undead are starting to filter down and everyone is scared stiff. Meanwhile the Hound and Beric stalk the halls of Winterfell in search of Arya. Soon enough Beric's flaming sword and the Hound's axe save her life.

Then Beric gives his life to block the path for her escape. His debt to the Lord of Light has now been paid. He won't be resurrected again. They find a hiding place in the great hall and watch as the life ebbs from his eyes. Melisandre then steps out of the shadows and her and Arya reunite after a long long time.

She once told Arya she'd become a great killer. That came true. She told her that she'd kill brown eyes (Walder Frey), green eyes (?) and......blue eyes (!!!). Armed with the strength from the Red Witch's words Arya heads up to pay a debt to the God of Death.

Back in the God's Wood Theon and his lads ready themselves for battle and it comes on them rapidly. In the skies overhead Jon and Daenerys manage to knock the Night's King off his dragon but in doing so Jon also takes a hopper off the ground. Ser Jorah hears the dragon distress and rushes to see if he can help find his queen.

She's in prime position above an unarmed Night King. Her dragon breathes his flames all over him. Surely it's all over now. NOPE. He's unharmed, not a scratch on the frosted bastard. From a distance Jon watches as the King grins an icy grin back up at the Dragon Queen.

Jon, the idiot, decides to take him on himself, but the King catches him and rises all those who died fighting to delay Jon. 100's of Unsullied and Northern soldiers revive themselves and the fight inside and outside the castle starts afresh. The King now heads towards Bran followed by his elite White Walkers.

The crypts are breached by the dead and the living scatter into the depths to hide. Theon and his men are still defending Bran in the God's wood. Daenery's dragon fire saves an outnumbered Jon. Her dragon is overrun by the dead and she's knocked to the ground but Jorah rocks up to fight by her side.

Jon fights his way through the castle to find Bran but his path is blocked by soldiers on both sides. The Iron Islanders in the God's Wood are eventually beaten and the only survivor is Theon and Bran. Bran, the useless fucker. Jorah and Daenerys fight side by side.

In the crypt Sansa and Tyrion hide together and have made peace with their imminent death. It's a nice, touching moment amidst all the blood and gore. Jon meanwhile only has a zombified dragon between him and Bran. A dragon intent on ripping both him and Winterfell apart.

The Night King enters the God's wood. The only thing between him and Bran is a wounded Theon. Jaime, Brienne, Tormund and Pod fight tooth and claw in courtyard as Jorah is grievously wounded protecting the woman he loves. Sansa and Tyrion finally find a safe place to hide with Varys and Gilly.

Bran tells Theon it's ok, that he's a good man, he did his best. Theon Greyjoy has finally found redemption. His final act is to take on the Night King and he runs at him with his spear. He of course gets killed instantly. Bye bye to a great character.

Jon is totally frustrated. He can't get to Bran, he can't save the boy he grew up with. There's a big blue hooer of a dragon in the way and it's intent on barbecuing his face.

The Night King walks towards Bran. Surely it's lights out for him. Jon has had enough and stands out in the open to face Viserion. The Dragon rears up above him to fry him. The Night King reaches for Bran.

WHEN OUT OF THE DARKNESS JUMPS ARYA STARK - SUPER NINJA. She buries her dragon glass knife in his stomach and he disintegrates. His white walkers disintegrate. The army of the dead they created collapse. The ice dragon about to kill Jon Snow collapses. She's done it. She's saved the day. Aboy the kid.

Winterfell has survived but the losses are staggering. Edd, Theon, Beric, Lyanna and Ser Jorah Mormont have died. As Daenerys grieves over the body of her best man Melisandre decides she's had enough. In front of Ser Davos she wades out into the snow, takes off her necklace, ages 100's of years and drops dead.

Magnificent television. Epic. All our heroes in the one place and all of them fighting for the greater good. And how fitting is it that Arya gets to be the hero. She's been training for this for 7 years. She has the skills and now she saves the day. Brilliant.

Next up - The Last of the Starks

Series 1 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 2 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 3 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 4 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 5 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 6 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 7 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7

Series 8 - 1  2

The Hustle

Remakes. The cinematic landscape of 2019 is riddled with them. Recently we've had Pet Semetary, Hellboy, Cold Pursuit & Dumbo. Coming soon we have Aladdin, The Lion King and a new Godzilla film. Of the ones released so far one thing they all have in common is they are lesser movies than the originals. It's the nature of the beast. Remakes are cynical cash grabbing exercises that rarely if ever add anything new to proceedings. It seems to just be easier to take what's already there, polish it up, throw in a couple of popular actors and watch the cash roll in. The latest film to do this is the Hustle, a remake of the 1987 comedy Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Does it live up to the Steve Martin/Michael Caine classic? Could it be the film to break the mould? No.

Penny Rust (Rebel Wilson) is a con artist on the run from the States after her latest scam hit the wall. She finds herself in the French Riveria where her latest attempt to nab some cash is overheard by a rather more refined trickster called Josephine Chesterfield. Josephine uses her police connections to try to get Penny booted out of town to stop her zoning in on Josephine's marks but they eventually end up working together to make a mint. Will their clashing styles and personalities work?

If you've seen Dirty Rotten Scoundrel's you've seen this. It's the same movie with the gender balance flipped. Two female con artists, one crude and one dashing, working together and bouncing off each other, torturing each other and competing against one another to take down a male rube. Every beat of Scoundrels (which itself was a remake of 1964's Bedtime Story) is replayed with less charm and less humour, right down to the now reprehensible mining of humour from psychological and physical disabilities. What might have came off as funny in a film of the 80's now feels cringeworthy and cheap.

It's annoying because it could have been great fun. Watching rich yanks being parted from their cash is something that never gets old. Rebel Wilson is an immensely talented comedian with a gift for the pratfall and someone who isn't afraid to make a muppet of herself. But here she's dealt a shitty hand with a script that takes nonstop mean spirited & cheap potshots at her looks and her weight. She deserves better than that. Anne Hathaway, who stole the show in Ocean's Eight does slightly better in a posh, notions filled role but her character Josephine is a paper thin one, noticeably more than Penny. It feels like there should be more of her there but it was snipped away to give the film a cinema friendly 90 minute running time. Between the writing and the short shrift given it's hard to give a damn about either Penny or Josephine and for a comedy to work you have to empathise with the characters onscreen.

There's a couple of laughs in here but they're few and far between. A training montage to get Penny prepared for her interactions with the elite of Beaumont-sur-Mer will make you giggle in a couple of places. Also the very unsavoury techniques (shotguns & rapidly closed doors) used by Josephine when she's in full on con mode will make you smile but that's about it. A handful of fun in an hour and a half does not a good comedy make. The switching of genders adds nothing either. There was room here for some sly & pointed nods at the different ways society judges men and women for doing the same thing but it's a wasted opportunity instead. Blah.

Don't bother with this. You'll miss nothing. Catch it on netflix when it turns up. The small screen might be more forgiving to it's shortcomings.

Doris Day

Doris Day passed away today at the grand old age of 97. Seeing the news reminded me of something funny from my film viewing past.

When I was young we lived near my granny and used to visit her regularly or I'd stay with her when my parents were off gallivanting. We often watched films together and one night there was an old one on called Pillow Talk. It starred Doris Day and Rock Hudson as two people who lived in the same apartment block who initially disliked each other before coming to fall in love. The usual, a simple aul romantic comedy.

There was one scene in a bedroom with a couple who slept in two separate beds. I was confused and asked why they did that? My granny, looking for a way out of a potentially awkward conversation, told me that's what couples did back then, in olden times no one even slept together. Me, being an easily led fool assumed she was telling the truth and went back to enjoying the movie and my Turkish Delight bar.

For years I thought it was the truth until one day I was watching a documentary on film censorship and the subject of the Hays Code came up. It was a collection of standards America films had to uphold from 1934 until the late 60's. Profanity was banned, overt violence, drugs, nudity and sex were all no-no's. The last one was so frowned upon that men and women couldn't even be seen in bed together and so it was just easier to have 2 single beds in bedroom scenes than a double. It was like a lightbulb popped on over my head. Ok, this all makes sen..........wait a minute, my granny lied to me all those years ago!!"

So thanks Doris Day for making me realise that all grown ups were liars.

And for all the films of course.

Game Of Thrones S08 E02 - A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Jaime Lannister has arrived in Winterfell and is immediately brought before Daenerys. There's a lot of folk in the room pissed off with him. He's a Lannister, the family that killed Ned Stark and he's the one who killed Daenerys' father, The Mad King. He's in a spot of bother.

She's always mightily pissed off as she's realised Cersei has lied about sending her army north. All she has now is a one handed traitor. Sansa wants his head too out of revenge. But Jaime has allies in the room. His brother Tyrion for one. And strangely Bran who hasn't told everyone Jaime crippled him.

Brienne of Tarth stands for him too. He saved her life more than once and lost his hand for her. Plus she looooves him. This is good enough for Sansa. She decides to let Jaime live and stay. Daenerys is raging and even more annoyed when Jon agrees with Sansa. Meanwhile poor Jon still looks haunted by the fact he's been nailing his aunt.

Daenerys takes her anger out on Tyrion and warns him if he goes against her again he'll be gone. There's no anger between Arya and Gendry though. He's in the foundry and she's watching him with a dirty glint in her eye. The flirting is going 90. I think i can see where this is going.

She knows he's seen the dead up close and wants to know more. He tries to dissuade her from fighting but it's like King Canute trying to back up the tide. Then she shows off some dragon glass knife skill. There's no denying it. Arya Stark is one ice cool motherfucker. 

Jaime finds Bran in the God's wood and apologises to him for crippling him. Bran doesn't care about any of that anymore. He's the Three Eyed Raven and wouldn't be if he hadn't come across Jaime. It's all very profound.

The Stark men are busy building defences for the appearance of the dead. In the midst of it all Jaime and Tyrion meet up for a wee reunion.It's been a while since they were alone with each other. Jaime wants to get a sense of Daenerys and realises Tyrion trusts her absolutely. Plus Jaime confirms Cersei's pregnancy.

Brienne is still overseeing Pod's sword training and he's became a damn fine swordsman because of her. Ahh she's pure proud of her protege. Jaime thanks Brienne for her earlier words and tells her he's happy to serve under her when the battle time arrives. He's learned humility.

Jorah approaches Daenerys in an attempt to quell her rage with regard to Tyrion. He also advises her to make peace with Sansa, an act that will be good for both houses. Based on their mutual love of Jon Snow they slowly make peace and things are looking good.

Until Daenerys tells Sansa of her plans to rule all of Westeros. Sansa is having none of that. The North is the North. The North will rule itself. Daenerys' silence speaks volumes.

Their stalemate is broken by the return of Theon and his handful of loyal Iron Islanders. Sansa is overjoyed to see him. They both saved each other from the hands of Ramsay Bolton in this very place and it's given them an unshakable bond. Theon is back to fight the dead. He's a Stark in all but name and wants to defend his home.

Outside Ser Davos is helping to feed the crowds. His calm demeanour helps to relax the crowds. Gilly is doing the same. They work together to persuade a little girl that the safest place for herself and her family is down in the crypts of Winterfell. Oh man the collateral damage is going to be brutal isn't it.

Tormund, Beric, Edd and the remaining Night's watchmen return safely to Winterfell. Tormund smothers Jon with a bearhug before telling him some horrible news. The Umber's have been butchered and the army of the dead is far closer than they think. They have until sunrise to prepare. 

Everyone who can fight is equipped with dragon glass and valyrian steel. The plan is to get to the Night King and kill him. If he falls so does the army of the dead. Err....easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Bran knows he, as a respository of all Westeros's knowledge, is the target of the Night King. He'll be the bait to draw the king out. He'll wait in the God's Wood and Theon and his gang will wait with him. Theon may as well be putting on a bullseye now. #Redemption It's there they will have a chance to end it all. Jon still avoids Daenerys.

Grey Worm and Missandei are feeling very alone in Winterfell. The colour of their skin is scaring the northerners. They decide that when it's all over they'll go somewhere where they can relax. Hmmm. This means one or both of them are goners. I've seen enough similar moments in films and shows to spot a sign like this straightaway :(

Sam asks Jon if he's told Daenerys his news yet. He hasn't. Knowing you've been sleeping with your aunt while being the next in line to the throne she covets is always going to take a bit of time to process let alone telling her. Edd and Jon try to talk Sam into staying in the crypt but he wants to fight like a man of the Night's Watch.

Jaime and Tyrion are having a drink before the war. I love the quiet moments between them. Things were so different for them the first time they came to Winterfell. Their melancholy is interrupted by Brienne and Pod who are looking for a place to kip. It's about to turn into a session.

Then Davos turns up and gets roped in. Then Tormund rocks up and things kick off big style. Tormund and his horn of ale. Tyrion and a load of wine. He's not a fan of Jaime and tells them all a warped tale of how he got his name. Suckling at the teat of a female giant. Everyone looks disturbed. It's a rare moment of hilarity.

Arya finds the Hound in the battlements by himself. They decide to be alone together. He's still ticked off with her for leaving him to die but he can't hide his respect for how much she's grown. Then Beric Dondarrion comes along and she decides to leave the two Brotherhood Without Banner's chaps. She has something better to do.

Gendry that is. She turns up and collects the weapon he's made for her. Then she starts her charm offensive. He's caught unawares but jumps at the chance of some affection. Arya sees it as a chance to experience sex before she potentially dies. It's good to see she's not always an unstoppable killing machine.

Meanwhile the others are still around the fire. Things have gotten maudlin. They all know they're goosed. Except Tyrion. He's optimistic. This makes the others laugh. They survived a lot of battles between them. During his talk he makes the mistake of referring to Brienne as a knight, something she's not. 

Tormund wonders why that is? They all do. Then Jaime does something excellent. He, as a knight, has the power to make another and there and then decides to make a real Knight of Brienne. She assumes its going to be another joke at her expense but it's the real thing.

Oh man it's so brilliant to see her smile for once. A genuine unguarded moment of happiness for one of the best supporting characters in the show. Everyone is delighted for her. I've a feeling its the last smile we'll see from anyone in this show for a while.

Sam is looking for Ser Jorah and finds him trying to persuade little Lyanna Mormont, his cousin, not to fight. Not a hope is she going to listen so all he can do is wish her good luck. Then Sam presents him with the Tarley family sword.

It's Valyrian steel and Jorah will do far more with it than Sam could. He does it out of respect for Jorah's father Jeor, the man who trained Sam at the wall and who let him become the man he is today. Jorah gratefully accepts the gift. He'll use it to protect his queen until he can't.

The gang beside the fire are tired and have ran out of wine. To finish the get together Pod sings a sad song and during it we see Sansa and Theon enjoying each other's company, a troubled looking Arya lying with Gendry and Greyworm & Missandei saying goodbye as he prepares for battle.

In the crypt of Winterfell Jon is approached by Daenerys who know's something is bothering him. He's seeking comfort at the statue of Lyanna Stark, the woman she thinks is his aunt. Oh sweet summer child, you are about to have a rude awakening.

Jon spills everything. His parentage, that they are related, that he's a Targaryen. Daenerys ignores the fact that she's been riding her nephew and zeroes in on the fact that Jon is next in line for the Iron Throne. The throne she's been gunning for. She doesn't want to believe it but she knows it's true.

Her growing despair is shattered by the blare of horns outside. The dead have arrived. The second battle of Winterfell is about to begin. FUCK.

Brilliant. Quieter than I expected but how cool was it to spend some proper time with these characters we've grown to love. Of course when they all start dying next week it will now be even harder to take. 

Next up - The Long Night

Series 1 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 2 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 3 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 4 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 5 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 6 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Series 7 - 1  2  3  4  5  6  7

Series 8 - 1